I will love you until my heart breaks
by sekangel88
Summary: After an incident Roy is stuck with Ed. They actually begin to find things they have in common and without meaning to, Roy starts to fall, but doesn't want to get hurt again. Ed doesn't believe in love but wants to help him. PAST MPREG.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Rating may change later during future chapters. Please review and let me know how it is.

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><p><em>Fugue State: a state in which the patient denies memory of activities for a period of hours to weeks. <em>

** *~Chapter One~***

"Get right back over here young missy, you are supposed to be in your room!"

Blinking, Roy bit back a groan feeling a headache come on. It was cold and he couldn't seem to remember being in a place where there were white walls with multiple corridors. He felt like he had been in a damn hospital. Never again he thought. He let out a surprised yelp seeing a little kid in a gown wondering what the hell she was doing here. Calm down Roy, he told himself. You're going to wake up and find that you are in your office sleeping again. Hawkeye is going to be so mad because even with picking up rank, you still hate doing your paperwork.

Shaking off the previous thought he watched her look at him with more curiosity than he felt was extremely healthy. She tilted her head sideways, her little brown locks falling down around the nape of her neck. He surmised that she was at least three and seeing as how she was in the hospital he wondered what was wrong with her. He stayed away from these words as much as he could and seeing her here, he didn't want to think about the kids that didn't make it out of here.

"Mr It snowing," Her giggling was not what caused his eyes to widen. It had better damn well not be snowing, he scowled. If it was snowing than he minus well start writing up his will since Hawkeye would kill him.

"Oh mister, I'm glad you're okay. You acted like you were lost and seemed to like playing with all the children in the ward." He just eyed the nurse as she talked with relish of what he supposedly did. He looked down and noticed that he was already wearing a jacket and that he had a scarf securely wrapped around his neck. His gloves, it appeared, were stuck in the pocket of his jacket for later use.

"I did huh? Did I seem different?"

The nurse laughed and seemed to nod after a moment of thought. Roy didn't know what to think of it but glancing out of the window he could only gape. It was snowing and he didn't know how it got to be this month. Please tell me I'm still in Central at least, he thought with exasperation. He turned to her as she looked at him thoughtfully before nodding her head a couple of times.

"Yes I remember now. You weren't as serious as you are now. In fact you were pretty goofy. And the kids loved you as well. What am I forgetting?" She tapped some papers rolled up on her head as though she was trying to delve into the memory that was only an arm's length away. Suddenly she snapped her fingers ignoring the little girl's cries to play outside in order to tell him. "You were wandering around and we decided to just let you stay here. You of course went away for periods of times. We figured you just went to sleep. Of course you always came back to the kids but what struck me as odd was that you couldn't tell me your name."

"Great, I'm going to be yelled at. I think I'm even going to get yelled at by the president." His shoulders were slumped just thinking about the bitching he was going to get at by those two alone. Thank God Fullmetal was benefitting from his retirement from the army. He didn't need to get it from him as well. He would obliterate him far worse than he had done when it came to the short jokes. "Where is here exactly?"

"East Bend hospital where else would it be? You know the hospital just about twenty minutes east of East city." She had added thinking he was truly lost again.

Instead Roy seemed distressed further. Never mind hurting or even killing him. He knew Hawkeye was going to annihilate him. He didn't notice the people gathering around at the sight of the "strange man" on the floor. He stood up and dusted himself off and instead turned to the nurse that had been nice enough to provide him the amount of information that she had.

"Can I borrow a phone?" The nurse nodded and explained that there were phone booths outside just five minutes from the front exit. They were on the fourth floor but she was sure that he would be able to handle going alone. He paused long enough with a small frown forming on his lips. "Before I go, what type of ward is this?"

The nurse sighed.

"It's the pediatrics trauma ward. Kids from one year old all the way up to eighteen come here for near drowning incidents, assault, abuse, and all sorts than I could ever possibly imagine. I've worked here for fifteen years and the one that got me the most was the little girl that was brought in about five to six years ago. Bless the little angel's heart; she couldn't survive long enough to even turn three. Her birthday was the very next day and she was gone. I couldn't imagine being that little girl's parents-"

Roy didn't know why he wanted to avoid hearing more about the child but quickly nodded before waving and heading off. The nurse just smiled and shouted back to him.

"If you ever find yourself here again then you could ask for Nurse Carolina Dunn. I will most certainly be interested in talking to you again."

He didn't show that he heard although he knew the woman wasn't an idiot and probably knew herself. He gulped thinking instead on what Hawkeye would say when she found out where he was in the middle of winter no less. He could have sworn that it was still autumn though. The last thing he remembered was going home from another tedious day at work. Scar had said that the building of Ishbal was going great over the phone. He gulped wondering if that man would put his two cents in. He had since forgiven the alchemists for their involvement in the Ishbal rebellion but he knew that he would still be mad if he missed anything important. He didn't have his calendar with him to see the dates at the moment.

He dialled the number to the office, quickly double checking the time to make sure it was really only two thirty in the afternoon. He never remembered blanking out like this that was for sure. He couldn't have blanked out for so long either. He shook his head not understanding how something like that could happen. Shaking his head, he was happy when it wasn't Hawkeye that answered the phone.

"This is Havoc, your friendly neighbourhood lieutenant."

On second thought, he hoped that Hawkeye put him out of his misery right now because that was just disturbing.

"What the hell Havoc, I'm gone for I don't know how many days and you're already tying the lines to flirt at work!"

He heard the distinct gasp and Havoc was back on the phone after a minute's pause although he sounded as if he was relieved.

"Good to hear from you sir. Do you have to scare us by randomly disappearing for two full months? Hawkeye almost went insane and do you even know how worried she's been? Well I know it's increased since Hughes's death because it sent you into brief insanity and all but-"

"Havoc I don't have the time to entertain all of your thoughts. I need to get back there before I end up in a heap of my own blood and I know Hawkeye would love to practice with her gun on me."

He could tell that Havoc was fighting not to laugh on the phone.

"Of course Chief although I don't think she would do so this time around. She sounded rather worried."

"Worried? Are we talking about the same Hawkeye? She's the one that shoots at me nearly every day when I don't get paperwork done and nearly banged my head when I went on and on about how Brosh should stop going on and on about his wife being five months pregnant. She would be about seven months now though right? Well I'm glad I missed that. I wouldn't want to be near him when he is a daddy-"

"Sir Hawkeye is asking who it is, what should I say?" Roy froze knowing what was coming but chose to try to delay for at least a few hours.

"Tell her it's the President wanting to discuss your inept ways of dating."

"Like she'd believe-HEY WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY DATING IS INEPT!"

"Give me the phone lieutenant. I believe I have a score to settle with our brigadier general." Havoc nodded and Roy hesitantly accepted his fate. He should have known that he wouldn't be able to trick the newly appointed captain for long. Sighing, he tried to remain cool but as soon as he went to open his mouth, she started in.

"SIR WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU! DON'T YOU CARE THAT WE HAVE BEEN WORRIED FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS? WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU WERE SENT TO THE HOSPITAL FOR FROST BITE OR SOMETHING!"

Roy pulled the phone away from his ears until she was finished and even though he complained about how overbearing she often was, he was silently touched. He knew that she didn't mean to sound off or even mean, she was just worried about his wellbeing. Not many were and most only had it in to get promoted in the long run. Not his people though and that was why he kept them for so long, they were devoted and loyal, especially Hawkeye.

"Start explaining sir."

So Roy did.

He told her about the suddenly coming aware of in a hospital after only just remembering going home from work two months back. He had no recollection of how he got here. He had everything on him and didn't lose anything important or at least he didn't think so. He was now panicking slightly since he had never once remembered an instance of this happening before. It took Hawkeye shouting to shut him up though.

"SIR, YOU ARE GOING TO BE THIRTY FOUR SO GET A GRIP OF YOURSELF AND SHUT UP!"

As harsh as that was, Roy needed that. He was happy thinking about how his Captain cared this much in order to make sure he wasn't suffering a major breakdown. He heard her sigh and couldn't really blame her. He wondered when the next train would come. He knew he had enough to get back but bringing that up, she quickly shot that idea down. Raising an eyebrow, he listened as she told him that she and Havoc would come and get him. She explained how she didn't want to risk him having another attack and then not being able to locate him for another two additional months. The first two made them stress enough. She even called Ed and asked if he had seen their wayward brigadier general. Roy wasn't too happy about that one but Hawkeye didn't seem to care.

"You don't want certain people to know, then don't go missing for more than five hours." Roy gritted his teeth at that.

"It's not like I told myself one day to lose my mind and go away for two whole months! Hawkeye! You think you're the only one worried here? Why is this happening Hawkeye? I never had this happen before but suddenly it happened on the anniversary of Hughes's death and I can't tell if it was related to that or because my best friend isn't here anymore. Please tell me I'm not going crazy! I don't want to be considered that-"

"Sir, you aren't crazy. Please stay there and wait. You said South Bend right? We'll be there soon."

After they hung up though the only thing Hawkeye could think was;

Hughes you are such a fool.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Please review and let me know how it is.

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><p><em>I choose not to remember you. Remembering implies i forgot you<em>

***~Chapter Two~***

"Why do I have to see the doctor again?"

Hawkeye ignored him much to the man's annoyance. Roy sighed wondering exactly why they had to be here. He was missing two months' worth of time but beyond that, he didn't really think it was anything a doctor would be able to fix. Glaring over at her, he noticed that Havoc had been quiet since they got here. Seeing that he was trying to become as small as possible to stay out of the fight, Roy gave him a look. Wimp, he thought. He turned back around to face the front.

"Listen sir, you may not deem it important but sometimes there's underlying conditions that could cause that to happen." She didn't specify any more though, leaving Roy wondering what the hell she was getting on about.

"Well are you saying you know what it was?" he asked curiously.

Hawkeye gave him a look as though he was an idiot before nodding. He chose after that to stop questioning her since she looked like she was stressed enough. He really didn't mean to up and disappear like that. Paperwork aside, he doubted anybody would do that just to get out of work unless they were a complete psycho. He began thinking though that maybe Hawkeye thought he was one. It was possible because the past hadn't been so kind to him but did that make him crazy? He shook his head thinking that maybe there was some type of illness that caused him to do this. Maybe but he still didn't know why he wasn't seeing a psychologist. Their specialty was the mind and this doctor he bet was a quack.

"Sir, they called your name. Quit spacing out alright?" Roy ignored her. He hated the doctor's office and here he was being forced to go after they got him back from all the way east.

The captain didn't seem angry on the train ride back although most of the time he hadn't been paying attention and had fallen asleep a few times even. He had been more tired than he had realized and was nudged awake when they got to their stop by Havoc who seemed tired himself. But Hawkeye hadn't said a thing during the time he was conscious and chose to gaze out the window. Maybe she was sleeping at times but he didn't know and he just wanted her to forgive him.

The doctor, Dr. Eric Martin, wasn't a quack but didn't explain anything at the start. First he chose to examine him by checking his ears, throat, and mouth. He did several neurological checks, like having him follow his finger with his eyes and checking the pupils. He then checked his pulse, motor, and sensation by having him push on his hands, squeeze them, and then pull on them. He repeated the same with his feet making sure he had an equal normal pulse. He didn't get what he was doing and whilst Dr. Martin recorded it in a chart, the nurse got his vitals which as far as he could see, were normal too. He wasn't a complete dunce when it came to this and only because he recognized what was good and what was bad in Ishbal.

"I don't care what you tell me but tell me something!" Roy demanded, not liking that he wasn't getting any answers. He pulled at his hair in frustration. "This hasn't happened before and I want it to never happen again."

"Brigadier general are you saying that you don't remember?"

Roy looked over in surprise but the doctor had already started to record the vital signs that the nurse had gotten. He paused, tapping his pen several times but Roy was already trying to think when it had happened in the past if it had. He drew a blank and wondered why the doctor didn't just say so from the beginning. His subordinates could have even said that he was experiencing something that had happened before. Why couldn't he remember it though?

"It is called fugue state. It happens when someone is often in a distressing amount of stress or suffers a traumatic event. Do you remember what you were doing before you came to again later?"

Roy gave him a curious look before nodding.

"I just got out of work; I believe it had been five maybe six o'clock. I don't know much of what happened between then and when everything went white but I remember almost getting hit by a car before I lost the time. I know I didn't get hit though because I totally lost all recollection once I was back on the side of the road."

The doctor nodded before continuing where he left off with his explanation.

"I don't believe that you have epilepsy because you don't have a history of it. Your mom is still alive and even though your dad has been dead for years, your grandparents are still around. Any other medical history I should need to know about?"

Roy shook his head and the doctor nodded although he seemed to find whatever had happened particularly alarming. He didn't have to be in the medicine field to tell him that. The man wasn't looking concerned though. He massaged his forehead feeling the upcoming headache and he could tell that the doctor saw even though he had wanted to be conspicuous about it. He didn't have many anyways.

"How many headaches do you have a month would you say brigadier general?"

Roy gave him a look wondering what the hell he was getting at. It couldn't have been any more important than saying he had an upset stomach as well. He didn't but that was beside the point. He glared hoping the doctor would divulge the information before he got too impatient. Especially if something like this had happened before, he added mentally as he grit his teeth.

"About three to five a month. Not that much to worry about and after I take Tylenol, it goes away."

"Okay don't be mad," the doctor put his hands up as though surrendering so that it kept his patient from getting more irritated than he already was.

"I lost two months' time and you're telling me not to get mad? I'm furious and you seem to know something about it. Hell even my subordinates know more about it than I do! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?"

The doctor just gave him a look as though he was a parent staring down his child in disappointment. Roy didn't care. He wanted to know what was happening to him. He shook his head to clear it and laid down feeling the room spin temporarily. 

"Wha-"Dr. Martin just smiled as though reassuring him.

"I'm giving you something to help with the headache. As for the first time something like this happened, it was only for about five hours and I guess you could explain it as 'the lights on but nobodies home' type thing. It didn't last this long though and even though you have no history of seizures, we're going to rule them out okay?"

Everything grew fuzzy and he heard the doctor's voice as though it was miles away. What the hell he thought. He shook his head trying to get rid of the feeling but it only intensified. Taking a deep breath, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes open anymore. His eyelids began to grow heavy and he closed them even though he could tell through the fuzz that the doctor must have been talking to him still.

He was out and this sure he hoped it didn't end up with him being in this fugue state. He didn't want to admit it but that scared him.

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><p>"I don't understand why you called me down here; I'm no longer part of the fucking army." Ed didn't mind seeing Hawkeye again but the fact that it seemed to concern business made it all the more worse.<p>

Hawkeye sighed but didn't do anything else. She was used to Ed's tactics by now. She knew since he was so similar to another certain whiner who she was worried about. Greatly. She hoped Ed would come and wouldn't be as dramatic as he had always been but now she was seeing that he wasn't who he was without the drama.

"Listen Edward, I called you here for a reason so just calm down and enjoy your pie." Ed glared at her but did dig into the food in question. It was really good pie so who was he to pass it up. "Edward, have you been in contact with the brigadier general lately?"

That question threw him off especially since he was happy to admit that he nothing to do with the man any more now that he was out of service. He got pleasure in telling anyone that would listen, which was mostly Al and Winry, that he didn't have to listen to the man anymore. He didn't have to take his unreasonable orders or go on any more boring missions. It usually ended in him and Winry fighting or Al telling him to get the colonel into a room and take out his frustration with the man. He didn't quite get what he meant at first but when he did, Al hid from him for days and Ed was really angry. Winry finally ended it by hitting him on the head with her wrench and taking his attention off of Al by saying if he really had the hots for the man, he should go jump him, leaving everyone in the house alone.

"No I haven't been in contact as you say," Ed told her with a smug face. "I've been enjoying not having to take orders from him anymore and it was really great realizing that he can't tell me I'm small. I can't be forced either to go do something that he saw two steps ahead would make him look good since the Fullmetal alchemist would do this and not that." He seemed really happy now that he wasn't in the military and Hawkeye was happy for him. She was but she still thought that he should have kept in touch with the man since he may not have looked it but he did a lot for the brat. She wouldn't tell him that though.

"The brigadier general has been having some problems lately…" She trailed off not knowing if she should really let him know the extent of what that was. Ed was known to take things out of proportion and while she could say that he certainly didn't hate the man, she couldn't say he liked him very much either.

Like she predicted, Ed grinned and said, "Is it the paperwork that's gotten him down? If he did it, he wouldn't have so much to do at the last minute. Or maybe it's a dating issue? Date too many girls and soon they begin talking. No girl wants to be thought of as sloppy seconds; did you let him know that?"

He stopped seeing Hawkeye's serious expression and truly wondered what was wrong with the damned man. He wasn't supposed to make Hawkeye worried, not when she liked him the way he thought she did. It wasn't like the blasted man could hide it though because no matter how Ed looked at it, he knew they were so close. He along with everyone else he talked to were waiting for the inevitable. It didn't seem to happen yet which confused Ed to no end. Shouldn't Hawkeye just tell him her feelings? Shit faced colonel wasn't gonna do it so she should take the prerogative.

"What happened? Does it have anything to do with the phone call a month ago? You seemed too worried about the bastard when everyone knows that he is indeed fine-"

"He was in this thing called a fugue state. The doctor was worried because it happened before but wasn't anything like this time. The first time he was in it, I wouldn't lie about the amount of stress he was under. It ended up being a good thing that he forgot about it though. That's a good thing despite what the doctor had told me. Hughes and I were hoping he would never remember but now something happened and it took two months for him to leave that state. What's next, a year or never. Some people could take twenty years and find out that they've led a completely new life. I don't want that happening to him though."

"What was it that you and the lieu-I mean brigadier general wanted him to forget?" He was curious since while he knew that paperwork caused some stress, he never saw the man lose it. The revenge against Envy didn't count in this situation because then he was dealing with wanting to get rid of the pain and anger he refused to get out. It wasn't any one else's fault but his own that he bottled it up until it was at the breaking point. Should he really not count that though? Seeing Hawkeye, he knew it was serious.

"That doesn't matter because hopefully it won't come up again. Remembering that time period was a lot of pain to all of us. I don't want to pretend that it was easy for either of us but Hughes had it the worse because he tried to get the man to get help but how could you stop that type of pain? It's better if you don't know Ed. I don't want you thinking about the man you know differently. I just need your help."

"Why me?" Ed blinked back frustrated tears. "What could I do? If he goes into another state like you say, nothing I would do will change that!"

"Well that's not exactly true at all. While you may not have the best of a relationship, you two respect each other from afar. He's never had problems when you were around so I figured-"

"Forget it! No, I'm not doing it!"

He paused to think though. He definitely had nothing to do. Hell he no longer had alchemy and he gave that up in order to save Al. Whilst he loved having his brother back, he missed it with his whole being. It wasn't fair that everyone else that did alchemy before could still do it but Ed couldn't, but he understood the nature of the sacrifice. In order to save his brother he had to give in order to gain. He didn't regret it no matter how much he missed it sometimes. Besides, what could come out of babysitting the man? He would be getting a place to stay at that wasn't the dorms nor was it near prying ears. He would be getting fed and he doubted that they would make him pay to stay there.

"Please, I know this isn't something you would like doing but it takes a lot usually to get that man down and I don't know how long Havoc could take his whining-"

"Why would he be whining?" Ed was confused. Why would Havoc have to deal with it?

"He was put on bed rest and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want the pain medication for his headaches either. He has been having an increased amount this month and I think they are mostly the tension headaches that he only gets when he is really stressed out. I know he hates the situation but he needs to get a grip and Havoc can't stand it anymore. Seizures were ruled out and he was told that the lost time is most likely psychiatric. Meaning that there would be an underlying mental condition causing this. We'll find the root no problem and then hopefully he would get treatment."

"Sounds like him to whine about having to stay in bed. I bet he was hoping there would be a beautiful woman there with him," he mumbled before looking at Hawkeye. She was coming to him for help and who was he to disappoint her?

"I'll do it but don't expect a miracle."

That was all she had wanted. She nodded and although he suppressed showing it, he was really happy to be able see the brigadier general again.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Please review and let me know how it is.

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><p><em>And I'm still here, waiting here, to catch you if you fall. I don't know why I care so much when I shouldn't care at all<em>

** *~Chapter Three~***

Roy squeezed his eyes shut, silently cursing the brightness outside his window. It just increased the level of pain he was experiencing and didn't think he could handle it for any longer. He knew the alternative and he didn't want that. God he didn't want those injections. They were good for pain but they knocked him out right afterwards and he hated having to rely on people when he got them. They probably were making excuses to have him admitted into a psychiatric ward. That had to be it but no matter what he thought, he still hated those injections and they had better go.

Hearing the heavy footsteps, he knew that Havoc must be coming back. He cursed the captain for thinking he needed a babysitter. He was absolutely fine and yet she couldn't see it. She forced Havoc to stay and now he was irritated as hell by that man. True, he supposed he owed the man for almost getting him killed those so many months ago so he bitterly listened to some of the things he said but as for the shots, he refused outright no matter how many times the man told him to shut up and take it. He poked his head outside of the blanket when he heard the heavy foot fall of another. He knew Hawkeye was most likely there now but didn't want to hear her ordering him to take his medicine and be quiet. She was probably happy whenever he was knocked out anyways.

The door opened before he could hide back under the comfort of his blankets and he finally got to see who was there with them. Ed didn't look like he changed much in appearance except for the fact that he grew older. He was taller too he admitted. He looked away and held his head hoping that someone could get enough sense in them to close the blinds. Ed didn't even say a greeting although Hawkeye looked at him disapprovingly. He knew that Havoc told on him then and he turned to glare at the man through his pain induced haze. He hated it when people told on him but what was he going to do? When he even tried leaving, Hawkeye cuffed his right wrist to the headboard as though challenging him to try to get out again.

"Well aren't you a sight for poor eyes," Roy finally said breaking the silence. It was too awkward for him anyways.

Ed chuckled and he could tell that Hawkeye seemed to recover from the last time she came over here. She had been very pissed off that she had Havoc hold him down so that she could administer the medicine. It ended with a sore shoulder and Havoc getting a bite mark on his upper arm and countless bruises. Roy refused to apologize although the medicine did make him sleep for eight hours after that and he was angry about that too.

"I think you are the one that is making my eyes sore. Why the hell did you have to worry everybody? Didn't you know how scared they were-"

"I got this speech already Fullmetal, I don't really want one from you too. In fact, what I want is to get a form of medication that doesn't make me pass out. I can't do anything the way I am."

Hawkeye sighed holding the bridge of her nose and for a second thinking about whipping out her gun. No matter how childish he acted, he always listened when she had the cool metal pressed against his face.

"With all due respect sir but the doctor wants you to get well rested. He thinks you're getting worse by the fact that you had this episode for the second time in your life and it was a much longer time span. But of course if you want to act like an itty bitty baby, we'll treat you like one. You hate the injections, then we could force you to swallow the syrup every six to eight hours. You'll eat, sleep, whine, and go to the bathroom. How's that sir or do you want to whine some more?"

"Hawkeye, I understand but I just want something that doesn't make me so drowsy!"

She sighed before turning to Ed before pulling Havoc away. She didn't really have to do that since Havoc was glad to leave the stuffy room. Ed saw them go and sighed, making his way over to the edge of the bed. Roy did look well rested although he could also tell that he needed relief from the pain. Didn't he understand that they were trying to eliminate all sources of his stress? He didn't realize how much everyone worried about him. Ed believed that even though the man was still a bastard, he'd miss him in a sense if he were to leave.

"Can't you just take it? Is it that wrong to admit when you need help?"

Roy held the pillow to his head trying to keep from whimpering from the pain. He didn't care how bad it was; in the end he supposed he wanted a clearer head too. That was one episode anyways and the way they had been talking, it happened years ago so it had to be an isolated incident. Ed sighed thinking he wasn't going to answer him and went to get up when to his surprise, Roy finally mumbled although he could tell it was laced with pain.

"That would be admitting I'm weak Fullmetal and nobody, not even you likes that right?" He waited until he found a position where he experienced the least amount of pain before continuing. "Isn't that why you got automail despite the pain?"

"Okay first stop calling me Fullmetal because I'm not in the army anymore Colonel Shit!" He ignored Roy correcting him by saying, "Actually I'm brigadier general now." Clearing his throat he left off as though he hadn't heard the man speak at all. "Number two, I may have my pride but when I need help I know that I could ask for it. Isn't that why I joined the army in the first place? I received help from you throughout the whole time I was searching for the stone. Look what happened thanks to everything I went through. Al lost a greater part of his childhood and I lost the use of my alchemy. I guess we deserved that for after what we did but can't you at least act like you care that we worry for once?"

Roy finally nodded after a moment and sat up holding his head in his hands. He was sure if it weren't for the handcuffs keeping him here; he wouldn't have listened to Hawkeye's forced recommendation to listen to whatever the doctor said. The tension headaches were a sure indicator that he was under a lot of stress and even with him just getting out of a fugue state around five to seven days ago, he was still under the risk of doing it again if stress became too much. Hawkeye even warned him how delicate the situation was.

"Fine." Ed had almost didn't catch that, Roy's voice was so low. "The injections are over there."

He pointed to the desk and Ed gulped realizing that he was expected to administer it to him. Roy didn't seem too cocky at the moment and Ed was glad that he wasn't forced to pretend that he wasn't worried about possibly hurting the man. He hated shots. He made his way over though and picked it up, knowing that even though it wasn't meant for him that he didn't want to give it himself any more than he wanted to be on the receiving end. Come on Ed, on the off side that you do hurt him, he would be knocked out and you could fix it before he wakes up.

"The route of the medication is IM right as in, in the arm?" Roy looked up from his hand and Ed knew that he was only agreeing to this because he couldn't handle the pain anymore.

"Subcutaneous injection," he got straight to the point and Ed could see that he should too. He drew it up well enough, making sure that there were no bubbles in the syringe before making his way over. He had capped the needle again and placed it on the night stand before cleaning the area that Roy pointed to with a finger.

Closing his eyes, Ed went to delve the needle into him when Roy caught his arm. He looked over in surprise and Roy quickly turned away. It wasn't that he didn't trust Ed but he wasn't going to let him do so without looking at what he was doing. Pointing at the spot again, he turned away and bit his lip at the throbbing pain echoing throughout his skull. Ed had pushed the needle into his skin slowly and he hissed snapping his eyes shut tightly. He bit his lip so he couldn't begin to yell at Fullmetal about the idea of doing it quickly so that it would be as painless as possible. When he finally injected all the fluid and pulled the needle out, Roy was thinking about how he never was going to let him do that again. It hurt like a bitch and he had to keep his emotions at bay when he had done it.

"Fullmetal?"

"I told you Colonel Shit, I'm not Fullmetal anymore. Can't you understand that? I'm also only staying to repay you for all the things you have done for me in the past. After I get done whatever I came to do then you can consider me gone. I won't become your best friend, I won't love you, and I won't stay with you after this is over. You got it? Good I'm glad we had this conversation-"Whilst Roy hadn't minded the nickname he still called him, he frowned seeing that Ed was already putting his military days behind him. He no longer had to worry about going on missions and dealing with superior officers. He didn't even have his alchemy anymore but it wasn't like Roy could help him with it anyways. No matter how much he would like to.

"Yeah I know Edward. I'm not trying to get you to stay for a long period of time. You stay as long as you like. You don't know me enough to be my best friend, and as for a loving you, not gonna happen. Okay, the room is getting really fuzzy." He cut himself off to lay his head against the pillow. He couldn't help the fact that he liked the good buzz he was feeling. He knew he would hate it when he woke up again because he couldn't have the control he liked when he was under its sedating effects.

"Edward, no matter what you say I won't listen to you," he told him knowing he was going to be in a deep sleep soon and felt he had to get this out as soon as possible and sooner rather than later. "You could move, change your name, and hell, you could change your appearance but you will always be Fullmetal to me. Fullmetal, hero to the people and even though you don't have alchemy anymore, you could always make magic happen. It's why I trusted you so much back then. Y-y-you made magic ha-hap-happen."

All hopes of talking to the bastard went out the window when the man fell into a light doze. Ed sighed and stretched before finding that he himself was tired. He was handcuffed thanks to Hawkeye's intervention so he doubted that he would have to worry about Roy unless he was truly screaming.

Tiptoeing from the bedroom, he made his way down the hall ignoring the other doors in favor of searching for a room to sleep in. In the end, he ended up going back and finding a room right beside Roy's. I'm just making sure that if he makes any noises or needs anything, then I would help out that downright bastard he thought savagely.

"Makes magic happen, huh?" he told himself out loud. When had I ever done that, he thought. Collapsing onto the mattress, he got under the comforter before his thoughts returned to the last statement. So Roy had trusted him enough to send him on those missions without telling him for years. He even complained about collateral damage. Was it really true that he had believed in him all those years though?

His expression turned into that of a smug one just thinking of that. "I do indeed make the magic happen Colonel Shit. I can't help it, even the unsuspecting fall for my magic in the end."

Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to fall asleep with a smile on his face rerunning the last part of the conversation in his head.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Memories are what you have, when you've lost everything else. Dreams are what you have, when you forget the memories. And bliss is what you have when you give up both.<em>

***~Chapter Four~***

Scar was doing well with the restoration.

Roy sighed into his pillow relieved that he hadn't missed anything. The man did visit once, his crimson eyes lingering for a moment before admitting he wasn't used to seeing the flame alchemist stuck on bed rest often. Even though Roy didn't tell him otherwise, he frowned wondering where he got to thinking that this hadn't been the first time. Trying to drag that memory to the surface only left him with a mild headache and not wanting it to get worse; he quickly surrendered it to the depths of his subconscious.

"So, do you know if they are going to let you up anytime soon?"

Roy had no such idea though and frowned wondering when he would be. He was going to be more stressed if they made him rest anymore. Ed wasn't anywhere near them at the moment but he knew that he was making an 'important' phone call. He nearly rolled his eyes when Ed asked where the phone was and then yelled at him to shut up when Roy just gave him a look.

"I guess whenever the handcuffs come off-HEY IT ISN'T FUNNY! YOU TRY WORKING WITH THAT SLAVE DRIVER!"

"I sure hope you aren't talking about me sir." Roy nearly squawked and quickly shook his head vigorously as to deny everything he ever said that she ended up hearing anyways.

She wasn't stupid. She knew what he thought of her on most days and was okay with it. It was just the brigadier general whining and being a pain in the ass. If he did his paperwork and listened, then he wouldn't be suffering. Even Scar seemed to agree that the bed rest had been important when Roy let him know where he was in case he was angrily looking for him. It was sort of important after all with him being the ambassador representing the whole of Amestris. He sometimes wished that the President gouged his eyes out with a hot poker when he first went back to Ishbal though. It was hot and the place reminded him of what he did there all those years ago.

"So how is life treating you Miss Hawkeye?"

"Riza is fine Scar. If not then Hawkeye will do. Of course I'm fine though. I'd be even better if this baby quit whining every time we gave him something to help." Scar seemed sympathetic with her and it got on Roy's nerves.

He should have never called the president a dumb shit head in the Ishbalan language. They had been in the stage of choosing a representative who could make them look good especially after the fact that they weren't that high up when it came to respect. Not after all the things King Bradley had done when he was in power anyways. An Ishbalan heard that and seemed shocked to learn that Roy knew quite a good amount of the language so it was decided that he would be the liaison in charged despite all of his excuses.

"If you didn't want to be an ambassador to Amestris, you shouldn't have called me a dumb shit head in their language," the President had said with much enthusiasm at seeing him suffer.

Seeing now that they were less sympathetic to Roy now than in the past didn't faze the man. What fazed him now was that he was in bed for almost a week now and Ed mercilessly gave him the injections sometimes just to knock him out. It was cruel and unfair and it turned out that complaining to the woman often led to glares as she threatened to take out her gun. She also told him that whilst Ed shouldn't be misusing the medication like that, they would find a strong sleeping agent if he didn't 'calm the fuck down' and get the rest he needed instead of bitching at every little thing.

"Oh nice one Hawkeye, I think you should reevaluate the system of how you think because I'm getting more stressed out by just being here all day and night!" Hawkeye seemed resigned but Roy didn't want to hear that, he wanted them to allow him back in work. He wanted to get out of this dreary house and do something that didn't involve sleeping. "Please Hawkeye, I have things to do."

Hawkeye sighed and Scar had thought it best to leave since the ambassador seemed to be under a great deal of stress and something that they wanted to avoid at all points of time at the moment. Even though he had nowhere to go, going back into a fugue state would be bad. The doctor had said that there must be quite a few memories he had repressed for that to happen and by the sound of it; he wasn't hesitant to explain that it had to do with children. Whilst Roy claimed it was a load of shit because he was an only child, was never abused, and even though his own mother ended up abandoning him, he had lived with his grandparents who loved him enough.

It really wasn't surprising that he would want to read up on it but he did more than that. He knew that it meant some memories were indeed repressed and that some huge amount of stress caused him to wander around in such a state for two months because of it. He knew what the stress was though. It was the anniversary to Hughes's death that day and that always caused him enough emotion without the complications.

Hawkeye was quiet and he didn't hesitate to complain that he wanted out and he wanted his damn gloves back. That was the first thing they had taken when he was put on bed rest seeing as how an irritated flame alchemist with his gloves in possession wouldn't be a good thing. He wanted to leave the house now though and she wasn't going to leave without some type of promise that he would eventually get off.

Ed came back in with a sigh but Hawkeye eyed them before nodding and clearing her throat.

"We knew that you wouldn't be able to stay knowing the amount of work you do sir. It can't be helped even though we want you to be less stressed." Roy quirked his brow at this and even Ed looked confused. "You are going back onto active duty and Ed here will continue to watch you okay? How does that sound? I know that you would hate it but you have to-"

"Fine as long as these damn handcuffs are off and I can get out of the house. I haven't gotten fresh air since I left the hospital."

Ed wasn't as happy and groaned at hearing that he was expecting to watch him even though they were going to lift the bed rest order. Why couldn't they pick anybody else? Fuery would definitely be better at this than him. He knew he would end up screwing up in the long run and what would happen if Roy went back into that state of mind or worse, what if he broke? He couldn't risk that by being in charged. He still blamed himself for what he did to his brother and he didn't want another thing to happen under his watch.

"Listen Edward, I know that you hate that but you really need to watch him. And that doesn't mean you get to go along on one of his dates either. From this point forward, until the brigadier general has a clean bill of health physically and emotionally, then he won't be seeing another date."

"Hawkeye! Why can't I? We can go on a double date and he can keep me in his sight at all times."

Hawkeye just sighed.

"Really sir it is up to Edward and I don't think he would find it fun to take you all over town just because you want to date someone." Ed quickly nodded much to his dismay but Roy covered it up.

"Fine instead then I expect you to let me go wherever I want. I'll treat you of course but you have to let me go-"

"No way! It's too much like a date," Ed quickly shot. Roy just smirked before Ed could continue.

"Perfect, you'll finally get to know the advantage of dating the flame alchemist." Ed quickly looked away although he did shake his head vigorously. He didn't want to date the man ever! Roy didn't seem too worried about that though.

"I know we could get some ice cream. Maybe not because it has milk in it and you don't-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL BECAUSE HE REFUSES TO DRINK MILK!"

"That's not what I/he said Edward," both Roy and Hawkeye automatically told him.

Ed glared at them, ignoring what they had said. He hated when both of them acted that way. He didn't want any ice cream anyways and not because of the milk because he could handle ice cream just fine. Just like he ate chocolates as well, he hated plain ice cream though.

Hawkeye looked between them before sighing again.

"Edward, don't do anything that lands him in a hospital, he has to work still okay? We can't afford to fall even more behind than we are now and that's only because the brigadier general still hates his paperwork."

Roy glared but he was just too happy to be able to get out. He didn't know when he would find out the exact problem was but something told him that his coworkers were walking on egg shells around him. He wanted to find the cause behind the incident very much but something also told him it would be some time. Glancing at Hawkeye though, he knew that she had known something at least. Sighing, he realized that they probably wouldn't allow him to get out until tomorrow morning. That's fine, he thought. I hate that you guys would think that though. I will be fine in the end and you guys wouldn't have to worry so much. He would be okay, right?

He hoped so.

* * *

><p><em>Roy found it odd that his stomach was rounded. This had to have been a real crazy dream he thought and could only hope that he woke up soon. He found it even weirder that he was in front of a mirror seemingly observing it. Lifting up his shirt, he knew it wasn't just something shoved up there to make it look like he had gained something there. He wondered vaguely what it was and was sure if he had known before that Hawkeye or the others would have told him. Suddenly a thought came into his mind as he settled his hand on the rock hard abdomen. People had had dreams of other people but often they would put themselves in the person's role because faces were often contorted so it must have been the mind's way of making up for the lost data.<em>

_"You know you don't have to stand there for hours like that. For God's sake you aren't fat at all and you alone should know that." Roy froze however seeing that the person that was talking to him was long dead. I've put him to another face in my mind because I've longed to see my best friend again Roy told himself. This wasn't a memory because if it was, he would have remembered, right?_

_"Hmmm. I know I'm not fat, it's just that I can't believe I gained all this weight. I keep thinking it's a dream and then I wake up and this is still here. Keeps me up at night with all the movement as well." He found himself automatically saying that however like he had said that before and to his shock, Hughes started laughing._

_"You're pregnant, that's why. When Gracia felt Elysia in her belly, it was much like this and you KNOW that is the case so I don't know why you would be gazing at it like that. You know you aren't fat and I wish you would keep feeling so conscientious about it. You'll be just fine once that kid comes out and you won't have the weight anymore-"_

_"Damn it that's not the point! Just look at this! How could this miracle happen? I can't believe I'm like this and you'd think that after five months I would grasp the concept and shut my mouth about it so much-"_

_The Hughes look alike just stepped forward. Placing his hand on his face, Roy was surprised that he wanted that touch more than anything else in the world. Why would he dream about this and why would Hughes be here? He knew for a fact that men couldn't get pregnant so was this the dream of something that ironically was something that Hughes had told him. He did know that he had a sister that died in child birth and the baby died as well. When was that though, he couldn't remember._

_"Just be careful okay? I know someone who died of childbirth and it wasn't pretty. Soon you're gonna hate me more though since not only are you carrying that little thing but I heard that you are being forced to go on bed rest soon."_

_"HELL NO! THEY COULD ALL GO TO HELL!"_

_"You don't have to be so rude." Hughes adjusted his glasses and Roy internally was even more confused than before. It was like he was just the spectator but he was doing everything from this body the way it happened it seemed. He could feel tears well up in his own eyes not understanding why it would evoke this emotion from him although the other was unchanged. In fact, the other man seemed to try to be calming him down._

_"Always so feisty-"_

_"You try throwing up three to five times a day and having to take vitamins that only a woman would take. Oh and while I'm at it, you try to rationalize why I should listen to you anymore."_

_"Not my fault. You agreed-"_

"WAKE UP YOU DUMB ASS!"

Roy jumped out of bed noticing it was the first time he had been out of the handcuffs. He landed at a heap in the middle of the floor idly wondered how he ended up there. Slightly dazed he looked up towards Ed though, the kid didn't seem angry and looking over, he noticed it had to have been three thirty in the morning. He groaned before giving him a look but Ed was now avoiding him completely.

"What did I do?" He saw that Ed was still in his pajamas but had his hair down. Roy mused he must have slept that way and it was definitely bed head hair. Shaking his head he wanted to get to the bottom of this. "What happened?"

"You can't go to sleep right now. I think you rubbed your wrist raw from the handcuff so I took them off. That didn't scare me as much as the fact that you weren't even responding to my voice. I was getting scared because you would be awake but you wouldn't be it seemed like. That really frightened me."

Roy was fearful too but for a different reason.

"Did Hughes ever mention a baby other than Elysia?" He suddenly brought up. That couldn't have been his sister's baby and he knew something happened to it. He had a feeling something bad may have happened to cause that baby to die and maybe, just maybe it had happened before he had met Gracia. But then he mentioned an eight month old Elysia so he didn't get it.

Ed gave him a look of confusion.

"There was never another baby. Only Elysia. I called my brother earlier and told him that I was watching you. You know what he says? He says don't kill him. You may not be working for him anymore but he's still an officer and he needs the respect of one. HA! It's not like you do anything to purposely deserve it and besides you already have gained my respect. Despite becoming Brigadier general I've never seen you use your rank to make yourself a bigger person. You still act like the colonel bastard I know you are. I don't think you would ever change-"He seemed to notice that blood was still slipping down his arm and quickly decided to take care of it.

He found some gauze in the bathroom and wrapped it around his arm, the first layer having bacitracin on it so that it wouldn't get infected. Once he had it tied off, he tested to make sure it wouldn't fall off during the night. They still had a few hours to sleep and looking up, he noticed that Roy was still deep in thought. He didn't know what it was about but decided he had to keep him from his thoughts as much as possible. It was scary, really really scary. He shivered remembering telling him to wake up and he just stared past him like he saw something but there was nothing there. He didn't want to see that again. Did that happen the two months he had been missing? Now he knew why everyone had been worried about him.

"You know so much about me; tell me about your mom. I think I remember telling you some about her-"

"Not much really but from the way you tried to bring her back to life, I knew she was a good one at least. You and Al must be happy to have the time you could with her."

Ed nodded.

"Of course, my mom was everything even though my dad left-"

Roy nodded and Ed was happy he didn't have to explain the man's absence from his life. In the end he helped them a great deal but Ed couldn't do alchemy anymore. He didn't mind on most days but sometimes it was useful to have it.

"My dad died when I was three years old so I kind of know how you feel. Not as much though." Ed looked at him in shock. To have a dad that died when he was young and could barely remember, he felt Roy's pain. "He was a real asshole though as far as I could remember and I didn't miss him as much as I should have."

Ed fell realizing that he had spoken too soon.

"Nice to know that you didn't really miss him. I thought everyone wished that their fathers were a bigger part of their lives."

"Edward, I didn't really mean it that way. Of course I wished it could have been different but the fact was, he was an asshole. My mom never really wanted children and when I was five, I began to live with my grandparents. My mom is alive but I've never actually seen her. My grandparents are still alive though and my grandmother is extremely kind. You should see her sometime maybe. I'm sure you wouldn't mind."

Ed just nodded.

He didn't really know anything about this man that was his superior for so long. He wondered how he could go years without knowing him and Roy seemed to know all about him. Before long, he led him back to the bedroom and stood there knowing there was no way he'd be placing the handcuffs back on. It was just too risky to keep him in a room by himself. He blushed, coming to his conclusion.

"I minus well stay in the same room. We don't need a repeat of that. Give me some blankets and I could sleep on the floor or I could quickly go get some-"

"Nonsense the bed is big enough for two." At Ed's look Roy quickly added, "I'll stay on my side and you on yours besides my bed is clean. Nobody but me has slept here so you have nothing to worry about although you didn't in the beginning. I mean."

He sighed before raking a hand through his hair and Ed found it amusing that the cool and collected man was having problems just saying what was on his mind. He realized that even though he was calm, collected, and three steps ahead most of the time, he was still human and that was why they often made the wrong assumptions about him. He really did owe this man a lot for everything he did though and even though he fought, ironically he found the conversation anything but their usual arguments.

Adjusting into the bed comfortably, he turned to face him making sure that he would be able to do something in case it were to happen again. Roy was already asleep and Ed knew that hopefully he would stay asleep for the rest of the hours until they had to get to sleep.

"Good night."

With that he closed his eyes with a big smile on his face.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>I want to be able to smile again but even the thought of a smile makes me think about yours and that's what really hurts<em>

***~Chapter Five~***

Ed groaned feeling chilly and woke with a start rubbing his eyes and shielding them from the light peeking in through the window. He glared at the source of his problems and mumbled blanket hog before getting up and stretching. Glancing at the clock, he noticed that it was eight thirty. He quickly went over and shook him awake, only leaving to get ready himself when the man was more alert. Once he was and dashed back to the room, he glared seeing that he was once again asleep. Stupid, he thought angrily. You were alert and talking to me when I left you. Don't tell me you were only half asleep.

"GET UP YOU DAMNED COLONEL!"

Roy placed the pillow over his head but mumbled brigadier general under his breath making Ed furious. If he could still correct him about his rank, he should be getting up was Ed's thought. He quickly sat him up and tried to brush the wreck he called his hair. This man wasn't a child and yet he found himself placing the upper half of his uniform on before throwing his pants at him. There was a certain extent that he would not go and that was one of them. He blushed and turned his back on him as he sleepily pulled them on.

"I don't get why you are so tired, you got the same amount of sleep I did and yet you are still about to fall asleep." He glared as though thinking he was faking it but the man just slumped over until Ed pulled his arm and tried to pull him up.

"Fine, I'm going," he mumbled and Ed just glared again stopping long enough to let Havoc in all the while apologizing for being late. Havoc understood although there was no telling how Hawkeye would take it.

"It's okay, is the chief getting enough sleep? I mean he had been put on bed rest and yet he is sleeping on the porch leaning over the door." At seeing that, Ed cursed and pulled him into the car, slamming it shut and joining Havoc in the front seat.

"He'll be fine, he just had another episode at three in the morning and I think that they make him really tired the next day. I don't know how the mind works but it was scary. How did you guys really feel when he went missing like that? I mean, I would have freaked out terribly!"

Havoc nodded and Ed found himself again happy that he was a part of such a good team even if it was only for a while. Even if he wanted to continue, he wouldn't be useful as an alchemist anymore and would they really want him back after all the problems he had caused them? All the hassle?

Roy was still in the back and asleep. He wondered what it was he was dreaming of because every once in a while he would mumble stuff incoherently and once he heard the name Hughes, he stopped trying to listen. It was just too depressing still and the fact that this incident happened during the anniversary of his best friend's death all the more worse. Roy must secretly hate him. He was the reason that Roy had lost Hughes. He just wished that someday he would bring it in his heart to forgive him.

* * *

><p><em>"Experiment? Why would you want to use alchemy when you aren't even an alchemist?"<em>

_Roy found himself back into the strange dream but he seemed to be just watching as his and Hughes's look alike talked about some experiments that he was sure he would have never done. He didn't trust Hughes enough no matter how much of a best friend he was. It wasn't anything bad but the man wasn't an experienced alchemist like he was after all. He listened when the man that looked like his best friend continued._

_"Pretty please, don't you want to see if it would work? It would be so awesome and you would get the joy of experiencing it-"_

_"You have an eight month old. Do you really want the risk of another child by a stupid experiment that is SUPPOSED to make a male pregnant?"_

_Hughes just adjusted his glasses before giving him a smile and a thumb up. It wasn't like Roy would be able to say no for much longer but he knew that it challenged Hughes as the investigations manipulator he was. Why not test him for a bit more, he thought._

_"Please Roy. If it works you could even use it for your assessment and who would deny it when you have the proof in your stomach if it does work that is. I mean it might not even work and the worst that could happen is nothing-"_

_"YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I REALLY WANT TO GET KNOCKED UP!"_

_"Be happy that you would only have to use a few symbols. Do you know how a baby usually gets there?"_

_Roy's face turned beat red and he turned away but not before Hughes saw that and smirked knowing he got him at a subject he was still sketchy on. It wasn't that he hated that but Roy was a virgin in that area and had never even been with a man. He had been with plenty of women though and was very popular with the ladies._

_"See this could be a fun project and it wouldn't hurt to put it there. Not like the other experiments that were done in the past-"_

_"How would the baby come out after it's done being a parasite then?"_

_Hughes laughed._

_"It would come out like a normal baby silly-"_

_WHAM!_

_"HELL NO! I'VE ACTUALLY HAD TO ASSIST IN HELPING ELYSIA COME INTO THE WORLD AND I'M NOT GOING TO BE GOING THROUGH THAT!" The book really hurt when it came in contact with his head, but he didn't say anything._

_Hughes mused that his friend was overly excited today but just chalked it up to the idea of doing something that Roy hadn't tried before. He knew that Roy didn't have a family because he felt undeserving of one. If it did work, he would have a child and Hughes wondered what his wife would say because it would be partly Hughes's kid as well. Oh well, he knew that it wouldn't work since so many people experimented throughout the years. It took decades to even be able to do in-vitro for women._

_"Fine I'll help you." Hughes beamed and flung an arm around him. It only ended up in him being flipped into the ground and he wondered briefly how the man could do that when he was intensely angry about something but when he was defending himself, he never thought about it. Oh well he thought, flinching at the fact that his shoulder was now sore._

_"I told you not to do that dumbass. Ishbal has made me paranoid."_

_Hughes just smiled._

_"I'm okay. At least now we'll see how this turns out and if nothing happens it won't change our friendship. If something does, well you could always keep it-or not. You could adopt it to an unfortunate couple that can't have kids of their own!"_

_"Whatever."_

"COLONEL SHIT WAKE UP!"

"I'm up!" He looked around and realized they were here and he was shivering. He quickly grabbed the coat that Ed tossed him, yawning but for some reason feeling much more awake than he had had in the beginning. He wasn't any farther from learning about why he was having these dreams but now assumed them to be wishes.

Like he could really toss Hughes like that when he was being paranoid. He paused making Ed stop but Roy gave him a look showing that he was fine before pulling out the object he felt in his coat pocket. It was a small chain necklace and there was a locket on the inside. He furrowed his eyebrows together wondering why he would have something like this in his pocket. Why the hell-He felt a sharp pain in his head all of a sudden and slowed down his pace, falling behind them. His headache intensified until he was squatting down with his head between his knees and trying not to cry. This had to have been the worst headache that he had ever experienced and OH GOD IT HURT!

"Colonel shit-FUCK ARE YOU OKAY?"

Havoc quickly joined him and they saw that he was leaning forward onto his knees holding his head. Ed sighed and quickly slapped his hands away to massage the place he felt probably hurt him the most. Roy let out a pathetic moan and Havoc smiled a small smile seeing as how Ed was actually helping him out. His expression froze seeing the locket that he was holding. He didn't know whether to cry or just stand there staring at it like he was. He gulped and took the object that had so many memories for not only Roy but for the rest of his subordinates. Shaking his head, he noticed both of them looking at him weird.

"What are you doing holding something like this? It looks like a children's trinket you know-"

"Havoc give that back. It was in my pocket not yours." Roy snatched it back before Havoc could even reply.

He was pleased to see Roy placing it back within the depths of his pocket and that the headache at least seemed to go down to a dull throb. No matter how scared Havoc was about his Chief's pain, the locket evoked such an emotion that he never knew he had. Had it really been years since he had saw it? That any of them had seen it? Not Ed though and Hawkeye didn't want him to know anything. It was just like how Hughes didn't want Roy to know and even after his death they were keeping the man's wish but how much longer would they be able to do it when it was obvious that there were some signs of it coming back to the brigadier general.

Looking over at Ed, he just hoped that the man had people around him when that did happen because of the first time. He paused not wanting to recall the earlier days. There was so much pain and then the fear that they would lose him over that. They didn't want that to happen and so he seemed to be the only person other than Hawkeye that understood the reason for not wanting it to be recalled.

It just hurt too much.

* * *

><p>"There you are sir."<p>

Roy groaned seeing Lieutenant Brosh. He was talking to some unfortunate person and he could have sworn that she had been glad to get away. Did he have to be so much like Hughes in that aspect? He didn't want to see the baby scans of Brosh's very first baby! He had to get to work. He was already late and he knew that Hawkeye was going to slaughter him.

"I haven't got the time to look at photos of your unborn baby Brosh. I'm very happy that you are enthused about being a daddy but I don't want to hear you talk about it every time you see me."

Brosh seemed a little disappointed but nodded. He didn't seem mad though at the brigadier general's sudden outburst but then he had heard about his disappearance. Like Ed, he had no idea why this would be happening now of all times. He knew that brigadier general Hughes had meant a lot to the man but like the other's he knew that that wasn't enough to cause somebody to start missing time. He just smiled and shook his head before finally speaking up.

"I was just going to ask you what you thought of its name we picked out. Ross may not be part of the military anymore because I thankfully talked her out of reenlisting but the military is still part of our family as it always had been. See it's going to be a girl."

Roy eyed the scan wondering why he didn't want to see it. Was it because of his dreams? He knew it was only wishful thinking because he didn't have a kid at all. He must have been given more than just the loss of eye sight when he had seen the gate, he realized. Maybe he had been given the ability to see into a different dimension. He sure as hell didn't have these memories and if they were in fact his then why the hell did he forget them? He was sure if he had a kid, he would know where the kid was. Where was this kid? He didn't have one! He wished that these things would stay out of his mind and leave him in peace. They had to shut up and leave him alone!

_SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!_

"What was that you said sir?" Roy looked at him at shock and quickly removed his hands from his ears. He didn't know when he had done that but Ed was quickly moving in between them to ensure that a fight wouldn't break out even though he was sure they wouldn't.

"Oh hey Ed. Ross is having a girl. We are going to name her Rebecca Elizabeth. I was telling him that when he suddenly told me to shut up and leave him alone." He looked over but the man was now turned away trying to avoid all conversations.

He sighed.

"He's still under the weather. I don't know what it is but we'll find out about it soon."

"I hope you feel better brigadier general sir. Ross is going to bring her to the office when she is born and I hope you could see how cute she is then. See you guys later."

Ed waited until he was down far enough that he couldn't hear them before pinching Roy on the arm. Roy gasped and moved his arm away but Ed wasn't finished. He glared at him even though he knew that the man didn't mean it that had been cruel. Why the hell would he do something like that? He had better explain it, he thought. Brosh was just excited about the prospect of being a daddy and he shouldn't go around shooting him down just because someone else was happy.

"I should have apologized shouldn't I?" No duh shithead, Ed thought but seeing as how Roy was really feeling bad about it, he didn't hold that against him. I'll give you this one because you really didn't mean to, but the next time, I will slam your head against a wall until you get it into your thick skull.

"Let's get to your office. You think so much by the way." At Roy's raised eyebrow, he continued. "I don't even know what it is that you think about half the time but it's like your mind is wandering. I think you shouldn't be doing that anymore since we all know that at any time you could-"

"Please don't go there right now. I'm behind in paperwork as it is." Ed wondered why he didn't want him to mention the fugue states but decided that he should leave it well enough alone until he was sure that the man was in a better mood.

When that would be, he no longer had any idea.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Tears are words the heart can't express<em>

***~Chapter Six~***

_"Can you say papa?" Roy looked down at an infant that looked less than a year old. He wasn't sure on the exact age, but it seemed that she was learning how to talk. _

_She was a pretty baby though, curious green eyes and dark brown hair tied up by a pink bow. Seeing her seemed to be causing his heart pain and he didn't know why. If he had this child then where was she? Why wasn't she here with him? There was pain in his head at seeing this and he wondered why. _

_"Baba."_

_"No papa."_

_She didn't seem to get it though and he sighed. He bounced her onto his knee seeing as how she liked that. She giggled before grabbing onto his arm. She gazed up at him with her cute little smile, a smile that Roy felt was oddly familiar. His head was starting to hurt at seeing this darling baby girl but this dream had a mind of his own and he found the words coming out as though it had a mind of its own. _

_"Kelsey say papa."_

_Havoc seemed to be in the back of his mind lately so he claimed that that had to be the reason why he was in his mind and not because it was a memory. He didn't have children and if he did, well they would have told him. A kid was an important part of life and where would the child be if he didn't have her anymore._

_"Sir, she's not going to say it just because you want her to. She probably thinks you're really silly wanting her to say papa as her first word." He looked thoughtful before turning back to the darling baby girl in her blue sleeper. The stars were pretty and Kelsey seemed to agree._

_"Bapa." She pointed at the stars and Roy sighed. Close enough he thought but Havoc only laughed as though it was something very funny._

_"What? You were the one trying to get her to mingle words. Aren't you glad she was born and you didn't even have to go through the pain although if you did, for this little angel I don't think you'd mind-"_

_"Shut up Havoc, God I was hoping to get some peace tonight and instead you show up."_

_Havoc only laughed._

_"Well sir since your agreement with Major Hughes, we thought it best to make sure you're alright. Can't have you going crazy from being a single parent…"_

_Roy waved him off._

_"Dada." That single exclamation got Roy to smile and Havoc himself ruffled the man's hair only stopping when the man raised his gloved fingers in warning. He quickly backed off but not before explaining that he would have been dead if he touched Kelsey's. Roy just rolled his eyes._

_"I'm dada now. I kind of like that. Do you think she would pass as a daddy's girl?"_

_"He- I mean Heck ya sir. She is already you're little angel. One of these days she'll be a grown lady but whatever happens in the future she would still be your baby."_

_Roy nodded._

_"She always will be. My Kelsey."_

"My Kelsey."

Ed looked at him in confusion and Roy shook off the last traces of sleep before seeing Hawkeye giving him a stunned look. Ed laughed thinking he was talking about one of his dates in his sleep but quickly shook it off realizing that Hawkeye wasn't and that she looked upset if anything else. Why the hell would she react to a name like that he thought.

"Hawkeye I finished the first stack, can you get the other," he said effectively changing the subject. She nodded and went to get it but Ed could tell that she wasn't acting the same.

"Am I missing something here? Why the hell are you depressed over that? Bastard colonel has a lot of lady friends in his life so I don't see why-"

Hawkeye quickly snatched his collar and led him away after making sure that Roy had the paperwork that he needed. She didn't stop until she had the door closed behind her and they were in the other room where the other subordinates were mingling around not working as usual. Usually she would be onto them about it by now but she didn't feel like in a particular mood to do that today.

"Just drop it Edward. I already told you that I wasn't going to explain it to you. Just do as I ask and don't let him break down in the next week. He will definitely be prone on the Friday coming up."

Ed blinked curiously.

"What is on Friday?"

"A birthday, that's what!"

She stomped out and Ed turned to the others who didn't seem to obligate themselves to explain as well. He was confused and pissed off wondering why the hell they wouldn't explain something like that to him. He glared at Havoc especially since he knew as well but he was avoiding any and all looks towards him.

"Why would a birthday be particularly bad? Al's birthday is coming up in two months and you don't see me dreading it-"

He was cut off when Havoc threw down his pen and grabbed Ed by the lapel of his jacket, further dragging him away. Havoc knew he shouldn't do this but everyone was mad and depressed over hearing that the brigadier general could be getting his memory back. It had definitely been bad the first time around and he didn't think that Roy could handle it the second time around either. He would most likely die.

"Where are you taking me Havoc?"

Havoc finally let him go and looking around, Ed realized they were in a storage closet. He wondered briefly what the man was going to tell him about but knew from the look on his face that it wasn't pretty. Why would they not want him to know though when he was looking after the man, he thought frustrated. Didn't they care that he wanted to know?

"We didn't want to tell you in the beginning but it's like this. Kelsey was his daughter." Ed looked up in shock.

"Why wouldn't he remember her though and why the hell would a birthday be so bad?" Havoc just sighed.

"There's no point in me not telling you some now. Kelsey is dead and the reason he doesn't remember is because it was a tragedy. We all missed her when she died but not as much as he did. It's ironic in a way since at first he claimed that he was going to give her up for adoption but she came to be the best and worst that has ever happened to him. The best was the day she was born and the worst being when she had to leave him. Promise me Ed that you do not tell Mustang. He may be suffering some patches of lost memory but it doesn't compare to what happened before. Promise me."

Ed nodded not being able to form words. He was shocked that Roy had such pain and couldn't even place it. Maybe sometimes he'd feel a pang in his heart but he wouldn't remember why. He'd sleep and probably dream of her but he couldn't place who she was and even if he knew from the dream who she had been, he wouldn't be able to place a memory of her because his was totally blank. To him it was like she didn't even exist. It made him sad since even though he had a short time with his mom, he knew that there was nothing compared to losing a child.

"How old was she?"

Havoc gave him a look before sighing.

"Almost three. The very next day she would've been but she died before she had her birthday. Don't ask any more questions okay Ed. I don't want to seem rude or anything but it's better off that you don't know a whole lot evolving around her. It would make you depressed even hearing about it."

"Does Lieutenant Brosh know? If he did would he have-"

"He doesn't and that is the exact reason why we didn't tell him. Did you know that Ross liked the name Kelsey? What would have happened if she chooses to name her baby that? She probably would've felt guilty if she knew that Mustang's dead girl shared that name."

Ed glared at him.

"But you think it's any better to not tell her and let him suffer a pain he can't explain at hearing that name. How could you decide what is best for him when you don't know half of his pain-"

"Yes, it was his baby girl and she was closest to him but you forget that we worked for him back then as well. He got to individually pick who he had wanted as soon as he got back from Ishbal and he trusted us with a bunch of shit that would make your head spin. I know very well that we don't know the extent of his suffering but that didn't change the fact that we saw that girl as well. Seeing her die like that made us sad as well. You think Hawkeye wants to keep it from you to be mean? She can't stand telling anyone because that little girl was close to her as well as well as any one of us. She called Hawkeye 'Ri-Ri' even. You try to get Breda to tell and he wouldn't be able to as well. Fuery would cry at the very thought of her and Falman won't say a word. Out of all of us with the exception of Mustang though, Hawkeye took it the worst because she babysat her a lot!"

"But he's getting his memory back. That means he should be able to remember her now right?" Havoc just sat down next to him and there was an awkward pause.

"Ed, have you ever seen someone go catatonic?" Ed looked over in surprise. He hadn't and he shook his head. He hadn't even heard of it though either and it took a second to realize just how serious it might be. "Ed don't assume things until you've seen someone actually go into mental shock. You think he may be ready but the rest of us are thinking what happened right afterwards. He was not okay at all and he may never be but by golly Ed if he remembers a second time, the mental shock would be a lot worse-"

"His doctor said it was bad though that he wasn't getting his memory back," Ed quickly interrupted. "The doctor must know something is going on because he knows why he had lost two months' time of memory-"

"Don't you know where he even was during the two months he WAS missing?" Ed shook his head and Havoc seemed to be regretting telling him this.

"Ed he was at the hospital where she died. I'm not going to tell you anymore so just watch him and make sure he doesn't hurt anymore. Just don't say a word alright?" Ed nodded in agreement.

Even though Havoc left, it took a few minutes before Ed could pull himself together. He was taken aback when he found out that Mustang hadn't been as much as a bastard as he had thought. He was of course lying to himself when he said that the man only cared about himself. Hell he lost his two year old daughter. He wiped at the tears that gathered at his eyes just thinking about it. That girl who would always be two years old and never three because when she should have been able to turn, she lost her life. How she did he wouldn't know. Havoc didn't want to tell him that saying it had been bad enough that he knew now. Not because he shouldn't have but because of how much it took the others just telling him about the girl that seemed to have shed light on their lives just by coming about.

Why did children have to die, he thought? He dried his eyes again before finally opening the door. He saw Brosh again and smiled a little. He didn't feel happy after hearing that. Children deserved to outlive their parents not the other way around. He wished he hadn't been so adamant to learn about this one thing. It tore his heart knowing that he hadn't even known the child and his heart broke for this Kelsey.

"Hey Ed. I hope Brigadier General Mustang is better. I didn't mean to make him angry." You have no idea how much luckier you are than he is, he thought before turning around and holding up a thumb.

"It's okay Brosh. How's Ross? I know she isn't in the military anymore much like me. Is she happy that she's not working anymore?"

Brosh smiled but Ed could tell that he was still bothered by this morning. He chose not to pay attention to that and instead tried to keep his mind off of Kelsey. He didn't even know the girl anyways so why should he be bothered by her? She was just someone that he was told existed in the past. She wasn't a part of his past nor was she the future. But try as he might just thinking about Brosh's baby coming made him feel for Mustang all the more. He didn't want to ponder on it more although he knew it must have been torture.

"She's doing well Ed. She is at home selling home baked goods so she isn't really not working but she loves it as well as misses it." He frowned though and turned as if checking to see if anyone was around. "When she has the baby she's visiting. Just tell the brigadier general that I'm sorry okay? I really didn't mean to make him angry like I told you. I think he's under enough stress. It's weird though. The way he acts when I have the photos is like a woman who had miscarried her child. Guess he misses Brigadier General Hughes."

Ed gulped before nodding quickly. He shot away entering the office and saw that every eye was upon him. He didn't blame them for being mad and saw that Hawkeye was busily handing out paperwork. She worked even when the others wouldn't. He kind of felt bad for her.

_"She can't stand telling anyone because that little girl was close to her as well as well as any one of us. She called Hawkeye 'Ri-Ri' even."_

To have a girl that close that even the hardened Hawkeye was fond of the girl must have made it really hard on them. What would he have done if he had a child and they died? Would he have been relieved because they had no longer been in pain? What was it that killed that little girl? The only thing he could think of was that it had to have been unexpected because the way Havoc sounded; they expected her to be around for a while. How was she born was the question.

He pushed past the room and entered Mustang's office seeing the man himself working on some documents and froze. He imagined that she would probably look a lot like Mustang and be a daddy's girl. Havoc claimed that they had babysat the girl often so she must've been raised mostly by Mustang himself. He felt himself tear up before he could stop himself.

"Fullmetal are you alright?"

He turned away so that Roy wouldn't catch him doing what he thought, quickly drying his eyes before nodding. He knew Mustang didn't believe him because he leant forward, paperwork forgotten. Ed quickly adverted his gaze, not being able to look him in the eyes. It was hard to believe that this man had ever been in mental pain because seeing him; he didn't look like he had been in pain at all. But looks were deceiving and he himself had proven that.

"I'm just glad you're okay." Mustang mustn't have expected that answer because he looked taken aback for a moment before letting a genuine smile grace his lips. Ed was in awe never having seen his smile before. Before Roy could wrap his mind around what was happening though, Ed had his arms around him in a hug and the man stiffened cuing to Ed he hadn't been hugged like this in what must be years.

"I'm sorry. I'm just glad that you are okay. Don't leave and don't go anywhere okay." He paused and Roy rubbed his back soothingly allowing Ed to calm down a bit. Finally he looked up into his gaze and saw for himself that this man didn't seem to be in any mental agony. Havoc said it himself that it was because he had to give up memories of his daughter because of that. How sad was that that he had to give up his daughter so that he could be fine?

Roy pulled him into a hug again and Ed clung onto him glad that he was his superior for the time he had been. He wouldn't have hesitated to be under his command come he had the choice even without knowing that Kelsey existed. Of course he knew that she helped him come to that realization without knowing it. He held tighter when he felt the arms about to withdraw and heard a sigh.

"I'm fine Edward. I promise I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me. If it helps I try not to go into a fugue state again. I can't make a promise because I don't know what causes them but-don't cry it's nothing. I told you I'm fine." He didn't have to do this for Ed and Ed knew that. He knew that Roy himself probably knew. Why did he always have to make those sacrifices just to make others happy? Why didn't he realize how selfless he was in the beginning? Everything he did he did for others and that was the reason his subordinates had respected him so much.

"Okay as long as you promise you're okay…" Roy nodded and released him to go back to doing his paperwork. He eyed him several times before sighing and putting his paperwork down.

"I know you Ed. You could tell me what's bothering you. I won't judge you even though I do tease you a lot. I only do that because I know in the past that you always worried about things. It brought your worry down you know? You may have been steaming coming out from the office but I don't think you noticed the difference. Now are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Ed knew there was no way in hell he could tell him the truth. He decided that he would tell him a little white lie even though he didn't think it was fair. He couldn't have the man going back into mental anguish though. So he did the first thing that popped into his head.

"WINRY'S PREGNANT WITH AL'S KID!" A little lie but he assumed that both deserved it for telling him to go to Central and jump the man in front of him in the first place. Roy laughed a little before going back to his paperwork.

"Nice, tell them my congratulations. Babies are hard work." He seemed confused about the last statement but Ed ignored it knowing full well how he got that statement.

He was going to be okay he told himself. He just hoped that Al and Winry didn't discover that he lied. He would be dead if that were to happen and not only because of the fearful wrench. Realizing just how much she would use her wrench on him, he blanched. Al was as harmless as a kitten but Winry was a force to be reckoned with.

Why did life have to be so complicated?


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone<em>

***~Chapter Seven~***

_"Auntie Ri-Ri!_

_Hawkeye turned to the little girl with a small stern smile on her face but it didn't deter the girl from running to up her and jumping into her arms. Riza almost fell over but quickly regained her balance although Kelsey seemed to think it was funny. She laughed and Riza smiled a real smile finally making Kelsey beam._

_"I wuv ou Ri-Ri." She smiled; her little face was so adorable especially when she looked clueless. Her eyes were wide with childlike wonder and Hawkeye found it hard that she was related to Mustang. Whilst he had once been an innocent child much like Kelsey, this girl didn't think about herself at all it seemed until everyone around her were happy. Or maybe she was much more like Mustang than she thought._

_"I love you too Kay Kay."_

_She beamed at her nickname turning back to see Roy with an interesting smirk playing on his lips. Kelsey held out her arms and quickly clambered back to him. He held onto her until she was adjusted and then she threw her arms around his neck and placed a kiss on his lips._

_"I kiss dada."_

_"Yes you did. How old are you Kelsey?"_

_She looked up with her little eyebrows scrunched together before smiling and holding up one finger and half of a second one. _

_"I one and half year old." _

_Hawkeye handed Kelsey her sipper cup and Kelsey was set down on the floor. She smiled before going over to the couch and sitting there to drink her juice. The woman then turned to Mustang with a courteous smile seeing as how Kelsey was now entertained for a little bit before she would go back to what she did best._

_"You sure seem busier now that Kelsey has been talking more. Remember when she kept you up at night?"_

_"Yeah but that was when the only thing she could do was wail to let me know that she needed something. Don't get me wrong, she was a good baby."_

_Hawkeye just rolled her eyes._

_"You act like she has me wrapped around her little finger-"_

_"She does sir. You just don't know it yet."_

_He just smiled. _

_"You act like she doesn't have you nor the others wrapped around her little finger as well."_

_Hawkeye shook her head but didn't deny it. Kelsey was able to somehow get her to do things she didn't think she would be doing. Looking over, she saw that Kelsey had put the sipper cup on the coffee table and was now laughing and pointing at the puppy outside._

_"Doggy. I want."_

_Hawkeye smiled._

_"Maybe someday your dada could get you a dog."_

_Roy just groaned before finally seeming to see the time for the first time. He really had to go now. Stupid collaterals, he thought before leaning in to give her another kiss._

_"Bye bye baby, I love you."_

_"Bye, I wuv ou too."_

_Hawkeye smiled at the genuine happiness a little girl had for her own daddy. It made her wish that her own dad had been like that whilst she was growing up. Roy was lucky to have her in his life but she was lucky to him in hers. Not every girl had a father that would love her like Roy had._

_She just didn't like it whenever he had to leave for short periods of time._

Hawkeye didn't see the need in remembering stuff from way back then because it always left her sad. She was a silly, mischievous little girl with a good father that loved her to death and Hawkeye had grown up with a father that had pushed her away because of the death of her mother. In the end, it was Kelsey that suffered because she wasn't here anymore. Hawkeye would never see that mischievous smile when she did something and then smiled that smile knowing they wouldn't notice right away. She never did anything bad though. Nor would she hear the fond way she said "Auntie Ri-Ri".

She knew that the others had a few choice memories and the thing was that they always popped up around the anniversary of her death and her birthday. Kelsey represented what they had found when she had come along and this void came to represent what was now missing. She would never come back and it was unfair that she had to die. She wanted to help Mustang but she knew that they were hurt by her death as well. She was almost happy Ed was here although she knew that it wouldn't stop Mustang from breaking down if he remembered this. They were living the best they could when she was no longer a part of their life, whilst Mustang couldn't cope. He hadn't coped well at all. He didn't eat, sleep, nor would he move. That's when they found out about the mental shock.

She supposed that Ed should know but she didn't want the kid to feel like he had to just to owe the man. What would he do? He wouldn't act normal around him either anymore. She knew that Havoc told him a small portion of what went on and found herself partially upset. Of course he was just as upset as well. Everyone who remembered her was. Uncles "Fu" "Bway" "Far" and "Ha Ha" were her favorite uncles. She often would say when they tried to ask her though that she loved saying Ha Ha the best cause it was funny. But when they asked her who her favorite person in the world would be, she would tell them that it was her dada because she loved him and he loved her. She was a smart girl for her age and would say that dada had her when he didn't have to and she loved him until her little heart would break.

She wondered idly, was Kelsey happy in heaven? For the first time she wondered idly if she should pray for the little girl to come back but shook her head realizing that they had had her for the time they had and just hoped she was happy wherever she was.

Kelsey you brightened our darkest days from Ishbal, we are really sad that you had to go. Be happy please. She lastly wished that she was in a place better than the state she had been in when she had died.

She had to be because she was in a place where love would never end.

* * *

><p>Ed quickly pushed him onto the bed before removing his shoes much to Roy's astonishment. He laughed and Ed couldn't really see what was so funny. He glared and Roy stopped long enough to remove his jacket before he was flung backwards onto the bed. He finally had enough of Ed doing that. He was acting weird all day long.<p>

"What the hell! You need to calm the fuck down Ed and stop trying to do things for me!"

Ed sighed and lay on the other side of the bed. Roy quickly jumped at the fact that he would do that still. He didn't need someone to sleep with him, especially when Ed just complained that he was a blanket hog.

"Ed you don't need to-"

"Go to sleep Colonel Bastard, we have work in the morning." Ed seemed in a bad mood so Roy refrained from telling him that he didn't actually work. Besides he actually felt warm knowing that he wasn't alone. He decided to chance it and snuggled his body next to Ed. Ed seemed to stiffen but didn't fight it so Roy placed his head on his shoulder seeing if he would get a reaction. "What happened to us being on opposite sides Roy?"

So he was Roy again, he mused. He didn't know why he wanted to be so close to him but mused that he felt lonely for a while and didn't realize it until Ed came over here. Sure there had been the girls but he never felt like this. He thought at first it was because he didn't find the right person but he knew it wasn't that now. There was a void that he couldn't explain.

"I will love you until my heart breaks." Ed seemed to jump at that and turned, bumping his nose on his shoulder, looking up to glare at him.

"What the fuck are you going on about?"

"I heard that phrase before. I don't remember where but I can't seem to recall it. Oddly enough I know that it must be important."

Ed listened feeling his own heart beat begin to pick up. He didn't know a thing about Kelsey but he knew that she must've meant a lot to the man. Ed meant a lot to his mother and she didn't even tell her kids that she was sick because she didn't want to worry them. She did everything thinking of them and he could only wonder, did he do the same with Kelsey?

Hesitantly, he just responded by pulling Roy to him and let him rest his head on his shoulder. He seemed surprised but Ed had already adjusted so that he wasn't uncomfortable by this position. Roy wondered if he honestly was going to let him lay this way all night. He knew that questioning the irate blonde wouldn't be wise so he just closed his eyes planning on drifting off. He was fine and there was nothing to worry about. He told himself that so why did he not feel it?

_"Kelsey is tired right?"_

_The little girl shook her head, holding her hand up to put a finger to her lips before pointing to her doll which was under her baby blanket._

_"Beebee sweeping."_

_He smiled._

_"What do you want for your birthday little girl?" She looked thoughtful for a second before her eyes lit up. She went over and gave him a hug and pecked him on the lips. He laughed hoping that was not all she wanted because she needed to be a little more selfish. He would look bad if not._

_"I wanta wuv ou ontil me heart bweaks." Whatever Roy was hoping to hear it hadn't been that. He paused seeing that she looked serious while pulling at her bed head golden brown hair. Her pajamas were rumpled from hours of sleep but she seemed more serious than ever._

_"Baby I know that you will love me until your heart breaks. You don't need to have that for your birthday, think you're gonna be two. What about a dog?"_

_She just leant forward, holding tightly onto him until he stopped questioning her._

_"I wanta wuv ou ontil me heart bweaks," she repeated._

_He finally nodded. He didn't know why she would want that but smiling, he placed a kiss on her forehead seeing as how she was truly amazing. Her big green eyes were alit with happiness when he said that it was okay. She got up and got her dolly before coming back and laying into him, her thumb in her mouth. He doubted he would have the heart to tell her not to suck her thumb but she hardly did a selfish thing. Maybe she would grow out of it on her own though._

_"Kelsey, I love you too." When she looked over he added, "I love you until my heart breaks."_

_She nodded and laid her head onto his shoulder before slowly closing her eyes. He smiled and lifted her up to his bedroom and laid her onto his bed. She remained asleep and checking his watch, he knew that he didn't have to be at work tomorrow since he had taken off for her birthday; he decided to take a nap as well. _

_"I'll love you until my heart breaks baby. That's a promise."_

_With that he closed his eyes with a tiny smile knowing she would be there right where she was when he woke up._

Roy woke up in confusion hoping to see the little girl but noticed it was Edward. Scooting back, he let out a loud painful scream before falling back against the headboard and holding his head in his hands. He drew his knees up and let out another painful groan as his headache started to get worse than ever before. Ed woke up in panic and seeing Roy, he tried to talk to him.

"Come on and get back to bed, you're okay."

He mumbled the first thing that came to his mind and Ed was shocked.

"Kelsey."

Ed ran to the phone and decided the best bet would be to call Havoc since he seemed to know what was going on. He quickly explained what was going on all the while hoping that Mustang would snap out of it. To his dismay, Havoc told him to stay there with him and he would be there soon.

"Kelsey." He whispered again, wincing as he felt his body tremble.

Why did such a name bring him so much pain? He couldn't stand it. He started pulling at his hair and rocked back and forth in an effort to get rid of the pain in both his head and chest. What the hell was going on with him? Kelsey was an enigma that he couldn't solve. He had dreams about this little girl and even sometimes he woke up as if expecting her to be right there. Was she supposed to be? He whimpered again feeling that yes, Kelsey should be here. She should be in here and she was not. Maybe she was missing. Kids went missing and he needed to find her. He needed that little girl because she seemed to be the only key to why this kept happening.

"Kelsey."

Ed was happy when Havoc finally knocked and opened the door. To his dismay, Hawkeye was there as well but decided that she knew what was happening too so maybe it was best. He moved to the side and Havoc entered the room. He didn't say anything differently although Ed was shaken up. The man said a few choice words and tried to get him to get out of what he was under. Sighing, he finally turned to Ed.

"I'm giving him something to relax and I want you on the other side so that we could slide him down alright?"

Ed nodded and waited with bated breath while Havoc emptied an injection into the other man's arm. Ed helped once the drug began taking affect to lay the man back, his head against the pillow. Havoc threw the blanket over him before gesturing for the blonde to follow him out of the room. Ed gulped but followed, taking a seat on the couch and wondering if that would happen again. It scared him more than he could possibly say.

"Well there you go. It's the reason I told you he doesn't need to remember her."

Ed surveyed him in shock, nodding in agreement at seeing that.

"But why did he just do that-"

"That was a mild attack Ed. Trust me it gets a lot worse than that." Seeing Ed looking the way he did, Havoc sighed. "That was a tranquilizer left over from a little ways back. It's okay because he should sleep for a little while. I don't think he should work tomorrow though."

Hawkeye nodded in agreement before turning to Ed.

"You didn't tell him anything or leave hints about his daughter, did you?"

Ed shook his head vigorously and she just nodded in understanding. Ed looked over and saw that she wasn't getting enough sleep. Was it because of this little girl? He knew that she died a day before her birthday and Havoc had told him that. It was Thursday according to Hawkeye though. He felt bad for different reasons though. Roy's birthday was fourteen days after his daughter's birthday and ten days after her birthday was Christmas. It had to have been even worse around that time. What more would hurt knowing that she died eleven days before her third Christmas?

"I understand now why he mustn't remember but why hadn't he gotten this way before now? I mean, he was stressed during the whole Homunculi thing and yet he didn't seem to have this problem before-"

"We don't know Ed. During the whole thing with the country, he probably didn't think too much and only wanted the revenge for his friend. When you have something in your mind occupying your thoughts, you don't tend to think about anything else. Of course the fact that he is getting some of his memory back a whole year almost two past the homunculi isn't cause for concern. No the concern is that he is getting something back that caused all types of harm."

"It must have been bad for you guys." Ed looked ahead thinking of how it would be if someone got to forget but he had to remember the face of someone that had been in their lives. It really was bad for Roy but he didn't have to remember her, his mind forced him to forget. These people that had worked for him remembered her every single day and they had memories of her. "I know Mustang is bad but he doesn't remember and you guys do."

Havoc nodded.

"You know she would be turning six had she not died." Ed snapped his attention to the man who for some reason decided to share that little detail. Nothing could trump that. That was sad especially since she was never going to be three let alone the fact that she should have been able to turn six. "You're right in a way Ed. We do have the memories of her whilst Chief can't remember but I think you are wrong about one thing. His mind forced him to forget her because she's not here anymore and he couldn't cope with that. He won't remember the happier times like we could. You really should've met her. She was so funny."

Ed was surprised when Hawkeye was contributing to the conversation.

"Her favorite color was red and when asked why, she said it was the same color as the magic her dada made happen. She had an extensive vocabulary for her age and a lot like Mustang she thought of others without thinking of what she would get out of it. She really was an angel and the sad thing is none of us really wanted her to go."

"Yeah. The day she died we were at work. Kind of hard to see that we couldn't see back then what we knew now. If we could turn back time, we'd change it. She could have lived, she should've. I could tell you everyone's reactions that day but to this day I think I didn't react enough possibly because it was a shock."

Hawkeye picked up where he left off again.

"Breda dropped whatever he was holding that day when they got the call she was in the hospital. Fuery hid his face but we knew that he was crying even without knowing what was going on. Falman was just plain shocked and chose to turn to seeing how Mustang was so that he wouldn't pay attention to his own feelings. After the initial shock warn off, Havoc took him to the hospital but it was too extensive so they had to transfer her to South Bend Hospital. She died five minutes after she arrived. It wouldn't have made a difference if she had been there earlier either. Mustang at first acted like you just saw a few moments ago but it steadily got worse. He didn't want to go to her funeral claiming that his baby was alright but we knew he was just trying to trick his own mind to believe that. He felt guilty too. He felt it was his fault that his little girl was no longer here. I honestly think it was the best thing that happened when he lost his memory despite the fact that it feels so damn bad."

Ed couldn't believe it. He knew it was bad but the way everyone acted, he knew that it was worse than he could ever imagine. Havoc disposed his cigarette into the ashtray that was handy there and quickly pulled a photo from his pocket. Handing it to Ed, he paused just long enough to light another one. Ed saw the little girl and was in shock at the features. She didn't just look like Mustang; she looked like Hughes as well. How could he explain that? He looked over to Havoc who didn't seem surprised. She was pretty though. Green eyes full of light and golden brown hair pulled up into a bow. What got to him was the big childlike smile. That was Mustang's smile. She looked really cute too. This photo looked like it was done in someone's backyard since she was surrounded by rose bushes, all of which were taller than her.

"That was taken two days before she died. The last photo in fact. I'm sorry we're telling you all of this now because you don't need to feel like you owe him anything-"

"You'd think that I would feel that way knowing that? I don't do pity Havoc and you should know that. If it was purely for pity, I wouldn't be helping you guys. I'm helping him with the fugue state problem because he helped me without asking for anything back. God, a two year old! How could a two year old die from an unknown cause? It had to have been a shock-"

"Trust me, we know what it was that killed her and it's not as unknown as you think. That's for another time though. We need to be going and you wouldn't be able to sleep if you knew." He gave him a sad smile before ruffling his hair. "If we let you know, it would just be cruel. Give Al our congratulations on his baby though okay?"

Ed glared knowing that he was kidding. He knew that Ed made that up and couldn't help but glare. Hawkeye sighed before pulling Havoc with her towards the door, giving a small smile before adding in her own words.

"I know that I haven't been the best lately but after-"

"Say no more Hawkeye. I can understand this. Be okay you guys and don't worry about us. I will make sure Mustang is safe."

Hawkeye nodded, leaving with Havoc not too far behind. Ed was happy that he knew them but for some reason, he knew that they were leaving a key component out on purpose. The little girl had died and it wasn't a shock but they never expected it to happen. What more could cause that? He shook his head before deciding it was best to forget that for now. They were right. He probably wouldn't be able to take the information well if they told him tonight. Not after seeing her picture. He realized then that Havoc had forgot it and sighed, telling himself that he would give it to him tomorrow.

Heading back to the bed, he knew what they saw though when they said all those things. She must've been such a mischievous girl, but she also was so innocent. His one thought before drifting off next to Mustang was, how could she have died if she hadn't been meant to?


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>I'm scared to open my eyes and know that this is a dream, I'm scared to close my eyes because then you might disappear<em>

***~Chapter Eight~***

_"You gained some weight boss and you're still throwing up. Care to explain what's going on?" Roy glared and instead leant forward as he upchucked once again in the porcelain bowl with a groan. _

_Hawkeye rolled her eyes seeing that he was causing himself this misery just by not addressing it. It didn't take a genius to know that he was sick but the man refused to admit it and went to great lengths to prove it. It got the paperwork done at least._

_"Sir, you're going to start bringing up blood if you're throwing up all of your food-"_

_"I started that five retches ago," he moaned and Hawkeye slapped a hand to her forehead. Seriously was he that much of an idiot? She didn't want to answer that and instead glared at the newly promoted lieutenant colonel. "What are you doing in the men's restroom anyways? Women aren't allowed!"_

_She ignored him although she did mutter, "So you actually know that I'm in fact a woman." It just proved to drive him mad. "Sir, go to the doctor's office and find out what's wrong."_

_"I know what's wrong and I'm going to kill him. He said that it wouldn't work!" He stood up and swayed; almost hitting his head on the door of the stall but Havoc caught him before he busted it at the last minute._

_"Clumsy much?" Roy glared and pulled his arm away._

_"I have a Major to kill, get out of the way!" he yelled._

_Both sighed._

_"Sir if you start yelling that in the hallway, you will be demoted!"_

_He ignored them and they sighed before following after the man. It became apparent though that he wasn't going to really do what he threatened. Hell he couldn't even stand straight without support. They decided it wasn't best to leave him alone when he was still shaky on his feet and instead followed him down the endless corridors until he made his way to Hughes's office._

_"I'm gonna kill you you son of a bitch!" _

_Instead of going through with his promise, he collapsed on the couch, closing his eyes momentarily while Hughes just blinked. He knew it was weird that Roy would act this way but then again, he wasn't budging up from where he was at the moment either. He gave the others a look and smiled slightly as though to motion that he would like to talk to the man alone. Hawkeye didn't budge and neither did Havoc._

_"We're just concerned about him sir. For two whole weeks he's had problems keeping his food down and almost fainted at least a dozen times by now."_

_Havoc chuckled adding, "On the way here, he almost fell into the brigadier general Basque Gran and we KNOW how much he hates Mustang. He seemed almost happy that he's sick-"_

_"It better not have worked Maes or else you're dead!"_

_Both looked at Hughes in question to which the man only sighed and explained the project idea. He exclaimed that it seemed like a good idea at the time and that the bozo didn't seem to mind since it wouldn't evolve *that*. Roy coughed into his hands at the mention of what Hughes hinted at making the other man smirk. It only got Hawkeye sighing before pulling out her gun and cocking it in irritation._

_"ARE YOU MEN COMPLETE IDIOTS! YOU, MAJOR, HAVE A YOUNG DAUGHTER, ONE THAT MUSTANG HELPED TO BRING INTO THE WORLD, REMEMBER THAT SIR? DO YOU WANT TO END UP LIKE THAT?"_

_"Of course not." He sat up; glaring at the man but it seemed to have lost its edge seeing as how his hair was mussed in every direction and he didn't look like the fearless flame alchemist just now. He looked sick. "Besides Hughes better hope it doesn't because then HE would be stuck with another baby. What would Gracia think, huh?"_

_Hughes seemed to think about that but after a moment, looked at both Hawkeye and Havoc, begging silently with his eyes for them to let him talk with Mustang alone. Hawkeye sighed and dropped her gun back into her holster before following Havoc out. Hughes sniggered and Roy frowned although it was subdued greatly by the fatigue as well._

_"Roy I know we didn't plan for anything to happen but if it did, are you sure we would have to tell Gracia? You said in the beginning that you are going to get it adopted anyways. Why would you have to reveal anything knowing that much?"_

_Roy nodded stopping when he felt the room spin a couple of times. He groaned. Pregnancy wasn't a miracle, it was a sickness. Hughes helped him back onto his feet until he was able to stand on his own two feet without assistance. Smiling, he bent down and kissed Roy on the forehead causing goose bumps where his lips touched him. Roy felt like it had burned but he knew that wasn't the case. He always had hidden feelings for his best friend but he was with Gracia and had Elysia as well. Closing his eyes momentarily, he gulped to get himself under control._

_"You okay Roy?"_

_He nodded without hesitation, abruptly stopping unless he wanted to take a nose dive for concrete. He brushed off Hughes's concerns making his way out of the room. Havoc and Hawkeye joined him, walking two steps behind and even though he didn't need them to do that, it somehow made him a little happy that his subordinates would go to that extent out of worry._

_"Sir you really are going to have a baby right?"_

_Roy nodded._

_"Abortion isn't an option for me either. My grandmother doesn't believe in it and really if you think about it, it's not this kid's fault that I was dumb enough to go through with the little experiment. I guess I'm going to have the baby and give it up for adoption. I don't think I'd be able to provide for this kid like they should be provided for."_

_Hawkeye nodded not believing a word he had said. Just wait she thought. Take one look at that baby sir and you would be stuck for life._

Ed woke up and the first thing he noticed was raven dark hair. He stayed calm knowing that sometime during the night, Roy had grabbed onto him for means of security. Hugging him tightly to his chest, he knew that if he went through tomorrow, he would be fine. Tomorrow would be the hardest point in every one of Roy's coworker's lives as well as Roy himself. Sighing, he rubbed the back of Roy's shoulder in a circular motion noticing that the man groaned before grabbing him closer.

"Ed?"

The blonde in question just hugged him even more closer knowing soon he would be up and wanting to leave. He really didn't want any of the questions that soon would follow his little episode last night. It was already nine in the morning and yet he knew that he didn't want to budge yet. Would Roy be angry if he wanted them to stay like that for a little while more?

"Yes Roy?"

He giggled a bit and Ed raised his eyebrow in annoyance. He didn't see what was so funny but that was probably because the man had had a nervous breakdown last night, albeit a mild one. He did not want to witness a real attack knowing that it would be ten times worse than the first one. Why did he lose his memory of his precious baby if he loved her so much though? He knew that if Roy loved her as much as everyone said, he wouldn't have forgotten her so easily. He refrained from asking that out loud knowing that in the end, Hawkeye would just take her pistol out on him.

"I'm sorry, you don't usually call me by my name very much and when you do, well it's just funny to me." Ed gave him a look and Roy decided to get straight to the point. "I'm sorry I scared you last night, I had a bad headache again. I can't get rid of those-"

"You don't say," Ed quipped before he could stop himself. Roy nodded as though he understood though.

"I suspect we have the day off because Hawkeye told you right?"

Ed was suspicious by nature and he didn't want to know what the hell was going on in his mind. He pointedly poked Roy in the nose as though to tell him no they weren't going to do what he had had planned. Roy just laughed and Ed covered a sighed. He really needed to hear his superior laugh more. He suspected that the last time he truly expressed his emotions was before Kelsey had died.

"You need to tell me what you have on your mind you douchebag."

Roy nodded and Ed waited crossing his arms.

"I should take leave so that Hawkeye could sleep easier at night. She has had enough being worried about me though. Every year she is so depressed that I don't think I could stand coming in tomorrow."

"You never thought to ask her why?" Ed couldn't understand why he wouldn't be even the slightest bit curious of the changes around this time of year. He cared a lot about his daughter and even if he was forced to forget, his subconscious should still have those memories. He should be able to feel her as well.

"I never thought about doing that because she was always okay afterwards. I never did like this time of year either though. I feel different but I don't know why." He turned to Ed, deep in thought for a moment, before shaking it away and sighing before snuggling back into him. "I know you hate excuses but maybe it was because I don't want to know. If I knew, I'd think I'd be more upset than she is. I don't know why but I truly would be. I'm happy because last year we had that battle assessment and everyone's mind was taken away from that."

Ed smiled a little remembering that. Looking over, he wondered how long they were going to keep this up. Would they end it when Roy ended up remembering everything and prove to them he was still okay. Not the same person that he was before, but still able to stay alive without wanting to die. He flinched thinking of the worst thing that Roy could possibly do after learning about his daughter's death. He wouldn't be going to the same place if he took his own life and Ed hoped he knew that. Besides, he thought. Hughes was watching her now.

"Ed, if I were to visit my grandma, would you come with me? You'd love her, she's sweet." He took Ed's look of astonishment as a yes and continued. "She's my father's mother although she doesn't have a mean bone in her body like he had. She loves me to death you know. I could say that she was like my own mom since that woman never paid heed to whatever I did."

Ed nodded and gulped.

Parents was always a tough subject to bring up for him since he had loved his mom a lot. It made him realize how much he missed her though when Roy started talking about the grandmother that raised the man like a son rather than her own son's child. He was lucky growing up, he could say that much. Hell Ed was lucky he had Auntie Pinako even though he didn't tell her enough how much he appreciated her. His thoughts were almost back to Kelsey now wondering if she were happy where she was. What would she do if she knew how much pain her daddy was in? He wished he could tell Roy how much missing Kelsey just meant that he loved her more than anyone could ever know. He couldn't remember and he didn't know how his memory just went away.

"Maybe we could visit her this Christmas," Ed finally agreed. "But right now you're on strict bed rest from Hawkeye and you aren't going to disappoint her either, are ya?"

Roy just answered by burrowing further in the blankets mumbling something along the lines of not sleeping enough and wishing he got more days off. Ed nodded not finding it odd at the moment that he wanted to get out of work. Roy grabbed onto his arm, finally laying his head there and Ed was happy that he was listening to reason.

"Go to bed punk."

It was the last words that Roy had said that made Ed almost cry out.

"Good bye baby, daddy will go to the meeting and then he'll be right back. I promise."

* * *

><p>Ed couldn't sleep well that night. Not since hearing Roy say that. It made his heart break knowing that he was starting to talk to the girl in a subconscious state. It did make him think more about the last time that they had last seen Kelsey. It was bad because it often led to the fact that if her death was 100% preventable, why did she have to die? He eyed the photo in his hands, the little girl's smile looking back at him from it. She was so cute. He knew he should have given the photo back to Havoc but he decided that he should hold onto it longer. Besides Havoc probably had plenty and had the luck of getting to know the precious child. He did notice it hitting four though and that in two hours, he'd have to get Mustang up from the couch.<p>

He heard the phone rang, and while cautiously placing the photo back into his jacket, he answered it before the other got impatient and gave up. Who knows, maybe it could be important as well.

"Mustang residence, I'm sorry but it's almost four in the fucking morning and-"

"ED!"

"What the hell Al? You shouldn't scream at your big brother like that-"

He would've went on more but Al let out an exasperated sigh before trying to get his attention again. Ed wasn't going for it and quickly let him know that he wasn't going to put up with his *shit* anymore. Al got tired finally and whistled into the phone. That seemed to have shut Ed up for the time being anyways.

"I'm coming over there Ed. Winry is bringing her wrench for telling people that she was going to have my baby which is certainly not true!"

"Al, I lied but it was only to keep the situation at bay, you know any other time else I wouldn't lie to you-"

"You're a bad liar Ed and Winry's going to be happy to let you know it too."

There was a click and Al had hung up abruptly.

"Stupid Al," Ed mumbled throwing the phone down on the hook. He sighed seeing Mustang drool on the couch. He decided it was better than the alternative and praised a miracle that he finally had agreed to rest if he got out of the bedroom. He was really tired even though he didn't want to admit it but there were meetings today and even though it was the day that he came to dread, he knew that Roy had to go.

"You're going to be okay Brigadier General," he told him softly. "You are because the only times I was able to make the magic you spoke so much of happen was because I knew you believed in me. Can you believe it, I told you I wouldn't fall in love with you at all….But I think I've fallen so hard for you and I can't stop thinking about how the others are going to think it is pity so I'm going to let that love for you go….Not because I have stopped but because I love you way too much and as long as you're happy, then I will always be even if I'm not with you."

He turned and got another blanket, deciding that the man could go a couple more hours of undisturbed sleep. He ignored the mumbles, knowing that it would only pull at his heart more. It wasn't fair though. The one time he found out that he loved someone and he couldn't act on it. He raked his hand through the hair he secretly admired from a distance. Why didn't he realize this sooner, he thought idly. Like Mustang would believe him anyways if he told him now. He told him in the beginning that he wasn't his best friend, he wasn't going to stay with him, and he wouldn't love him ever.

"Why couldn't I see what Al obviously saw? Now it's too late to let you know that I love you. You have Hawkeye though and she's been a mother figure but then again, you've always loved her didn't you colonel shit! Sorry I revert back to that whenever I think back to the days. You helped me so much and I can't even tell you how I feel. I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I love you and I'm sorry I can't show you. But I want what's best for you and for that; you need to get better as well. You need to be with someone who wouldn't put you down so often no matter how much you seemed to think it was funny. You need someone who understands what you're going through and for that, even though it pains my heart, I'll let you go."

In the end he could only do what's best and not be selfish no matter how much he wanted to be.

_"BED REST, BED REST AND MORE BED REST! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"_

_Hawkeye ignored him casually going through his bag of what he would bring to the hospital when it was time. Telling the Fuhrer all those months back had seemed like a bad idea at first because the man seemed to want the data and research. He seemed way too interested in the ideas that a male could get pregnant but it turned out not being that big a deal. There had been another incident where a man had had a baby boy and he lived to be in his early teens but died of heart problems. The child was very sick since birth though so the thought that Mustang's would live a long healthy life would be doubtful._

_"Sir, will you calm down, it's bad for the baby and you don't want to bring a four pounder into the world anyways."_

_He glared trying to move into a comfortable spot knowing that he was going to have to suffer through this for the last few weeks. He was thirty weeks and four days. The most a male pregnancy had gone was full term and the least amount had been four weeks, the first hadn't wanted a baby and quickly aborted it nullifying the research after the partner had left. Roy knew he wouldn't have been able to do that to something that it wasn't at fault so here he was carrying the thing in his belly. He couldn't say he regretted it but he could also do with the late night bathroom runs and the heaviness of the belly caused him to work harder to breath. He mostly lost his appetite thinking how much he gained in the last month alone making various co-workers think he was a fat chubby scoundrel who was too lazy to work out. They had to work on their insults that was for sure._

_"Now are you sure you will be okay? And you will call Hughes if you get contractions? Stay here sir and we won't bring out the handcuffs again! You want your baby to at least live half a decent life then stop putting it at more of a risk!"_

_"Isn't that why you all agreed I should have the baby put up for adoption in the first place right? Well I am so don't fret. I'll be fine and when the baby kicks the bucket, I won't know because I won't be raising it."_

_"Sir you haven't even found someone to adopt it yet. You are just waiting until the last minute so that you don't have to do it yourself. Good thing Hughes thinks he found a couple."_

_Roy felt his heart stop._

_"A couple? Tell him no, I can find one myself."_

_Hawkeye sighed before patting him on the shoulder. It wasn't her fault that he was acting like this. He should really think hard of whose idea it was and who went along with it before taking it out on people who had nothing to do with the incident. Of course, he had been very hormonal these past weeks and even demanded the weirdest foods. Foods that Hawkeye couldn't go get before gagging and wanting to throw up. It honestly made her reconsider getting pregnant herself especially after watching Mustang go through it._

_"Just find one sir."_

_Roy sighed and decided that he didn't need to hear that right now. He waited until he heard the door close and decided he needed a warm bath to relieve some of the aches and pains. He didn't mind the fact that he was the one carrying the child but the back pain was starting to kill him amongst other things and he didn't know if he would be able to handle it anymore!_

_Sighing, he wondered why Hughes was working so hard on finding a couple. He kept this tiny little secret from the rest but what if he had a healthy baby? What if the child grew up to have a healthy life and died at an old age with plenty of children and grandchildren? He couldn't answer any of those yet but he didn't want to give other people hope that they probably won't end up keeping. He didn't know, did he want the baby or did he not? Or could he even stand the idea of abandonement before the baby was even a day old? His mom dropped him off at his grandparents house when he was three and he cried every day for his mother up until he was six. It still stung but at least he had memories of her no matter what she had done. This baby wouldn't. Could he stand for adopting it?_

_That was the one hundred sens question but feeling a jab after feeling his muscles relax under the warm water, he rubbed it thinking how hard it would be to live without knowing how the child was. His frown turned into a small smile feeling the tiny flutters and kicks that signaled the baby was moving. The baby was moving inside him and it was his baby. It wasn't Hughes's anymore for all he cared. All he had done was donated the stuff to make the child possible. He didn't really want to let someone else raise his child but really, he didn't think he would be able to do it._

_Should he really do as Hughes had asked and give it up when his heart was telling him not to?_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Even the strongest person can be drawn to tears or heart break from a simple 'Goodbye'<em>

***~Chapter Nine~***

_Roy was finally glad to be out of the house although he knew he was breaking the bed rest orders that had been placed there to make sure he wouldn't go into early labor. The reason he went out in the first place wasn't anything that Hawkeye would be able to kill him for later though. He was sure the lower stomach cramps weren't normal but he also knew that Hughes was busy doing something with the family and didn't want to bother him. It's his family anyways, Roy thought. I don't need him to be a part of my family. I have my own._

_It was snowing terribly since this morning, little flakes coming down in torrents causing his coat to be damp only fifteen minutes into his walk. Damn, he thought. Baby is going to be a heavy thing and he knew it. Seeing the hospital up ahead, he readjusted his scarf to keep himself warm. He would have snapped his fingers but the doctor advised that they didn't know what making an alchemical reaction would do to the unborn baby. When Roy had fought it, the doctor had stated that the baby boy who was so sick was around alchemical reactions all the time. That shut him up and even though he kept the gloves close by, he knew he wouldn't use it until after his gut didn't look like a giant hard balloon. _

_He saw the lady at the front desk, her name read Sally, was already talking to someone so he attempted to wait calmly until they were done. The lady that was talking to the Sally person, something about her child being poisoned, took one look at him and gave a look of disgust. He didn't react getting used to the reactions by now. Yes, he was a scoundrel who didn't know enough to hit the gym and allowed himself to get fat. His thought halted when he felt a very strong kick in his upper abdomen as well as a great big pressure that made him gasp. He sunk down holding his middle and that got one of the nurses as well as Sally that was previously occupied over._

_"What's wrong hun? How long have you had the pain?"_

_He tried to tell them when he let out a moan of pain as another wave of the same pressure hit. It was definitely different. The nurse went over to the doctor who was trying to talk the previous patient that had given Roy the dirty look into calming down. He was reassuring her that her kid was fine when the nurse interrupted and pointed his way although he barely acknowledged that. The doctor rose an eyebrow before looking over in amusement._

_"Aren't you supposed to be on bed rest Mr. Mustang? I believe the last time you were here we had to have someone here with you to make sure you didn't sneak out." He frowned. "Why the hell were you out there in this weather?"_

_Mustang did look to be in mild pain and that was a lot coming from the man. He didn't tend to let pain show but when he even let a little bit, it was perhaps a bit too much. His cheeks were also pink, anyone's guess would be because of the snow and he was sweating. He was going to get sick one of these days and Dr. Edwards was sure it wouldn't be blamed on him because he already warned the patient on the hazards of coming in during bad weather like this without proper clothing and without an escort._

_"DAMN IT DOC! I CAME BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO SEE YOU FOR ANY AND ALL PAIN!" As the pain ebbed away again, he calmed down. "My friend had family matters and I didn't want to bug anybody else-"_

_"K, let's check alright. You remember how we did that check last time?" _

_He did although he wished he'd forget. Dr. Edwards had been his doctor since the Fuhrer wouldn't accept him going through the pregnancy without any care. It also helped the research along to see what they could do to prevent complications from any other pregnancies that may happen. People still tried to experiment it and other males still became pregnant._

_The nurse was assisting the man but Roy didn't care at the moment. The doctor had him remove the bottom half of his clothes from under a sheet and lay on the exam table with his legs spread. The doctor donned his sterile gloves before going right ahead with the examination. Roy flinched when two lubed fingers pushed in the opening that had appeared as soon as he was five months pregnant. He winced wanting it to go away but the doctor had him make a fist and stick it behind his back. Roy desperately wanted this part of the exam to end but the doctor stuck in a third causing a painful moan to erupt from his throat. What seemed like forever, he removed them before talking to the nurse who then left to do whatever the man had told her._

_"Lieutenant Colonel Mustang? You are dilated about four to five centimeters but that's not what we're worried about at the moment. I'm going to do a quick ultra sound but did anyone tell you that your baby was in the breech position?"_

_Roy shook his head and Dr. Edwards did the scan frowning at not only seeing the feet down where the head should be but whatever it was, it caused a great bit of concern for the doctor and Roy himself wondered what it was. He didn't like seeing scans if there hadn't been a reason for it since he knew that the baby wasn't going to stay with him. He took a big shuddering breath feeling the pressure like pain again hoping that it wouldn't last long this time._

_"This is troublesome. Did I ever tell you that you were the most difficult patient that I had ever had to deal with? Are you keeping the baby or do you have someone that is going to adopt the baby? Sorry off topic but not only is the feet down making the position dangerous but the placenta is over the opening, partially but it may be what's keeping the baby from turning. You're going to be getting a C-section as soon as we get the room. You're not allowed to give birth naturally-"_

_"Will it hurt?" He didn't do well with a tremendous amount of pain and this was already getting to the limit. Dr. Edwards just smiled before putting the ultrasound away. The nurse was back with a couple of techs he hadn't recognized before._

_The doctor was back explaining that unless he had objections, he was going to be awake and that they were going to numb the area so that he wouldn't be in pain. Seeing the needle though, he almost wanted to pass out. He knew that that was going to hurt like a bitch. Compared to the contraction that ripped through his body at that minute however, that needle was heaven. In the ten minutes it took for him to regain his breath from a needle like that, he could finally feel the effect. The nurse laid him back and taking his arm, he saw that there was another needle that was going to be involved. He wanted to scream that he hadn't wanted anymore needles but kept his mouth shut. _

_The procedure began not too long after they were in the room. It was prepped well and although Roy had once been interested in knowing just how far they had to go to get a baby out during this type of delivery, he tried to look anything but. It felt weird, a tug here and there, a pressure but no pain at all. The nurse seemed to know what he was thinking for she smiled kindly to which Roy just returned a shaky one although it froze by the time he heard the tiny cry. The cry got louder and he was sure that he never heard a baby scream louder than this one._

_"Congratulations, it's a baby girl. Would you like to hold your daughter?" He knew he shouldn't since she wasn't going to stay with him long but seeing her big green eyes well up in tears, the first thought was hell no! He accepted her in his arms though and readjusted her slightly so she would not fall._

_She stopped once he started to rub her forehead, her wide green eyes looking around the room curiously before coming to a stop at his face. He smiled just thinking about how her smile seemed so big at seeing him. She had such a shock of dark hair that he was surprised. What a baby, he thought. This was the one inside him that made him dizzy and caused him to throw up several times a day. She caused the heavy feeling in his chest and the strange food cravings but looking at her, he knew he had his mind made up._

_"Hi Kelsey. How are you doing?" He paused, leaving his finger on her nose before stroking her cheek. She was so cute and so small, how was he able to make this miracle happen again?_

_Soon enough he was forced to give the baby up so that she could be taken to the nursery. Supposedly a lot of things had to happen before he could see her again but the nurse reassured her it would be later in the day and he wouldn't have to miss her long. He smiled at the reassuring tone that the nurse used wondering where he pulled that name out only after he was in the recovery room. He never really thought about a name and if he had, it was a boy's name he had on his mind. He hated to admit it but she wasn't even an hour old and he knew there was a tiny invisible string that tied them together. He couldn't let her go, he couldn't adopt her. She was healthy anyways and no matter how much Maes would hate that he kept the baby, he wouldn't tell Gracia. Hell, as far as he saw it, Kelsey would only have him and the family members that he chose to be close to her. Maes wouldn't be stopped from seeing her but Maes wasn't going to force him to give her up. He couldn't._

_"So am I right in thinking that you changed your mind about adoption in the end?" Roy nodded and Dr. Edwards grinned._

_"You're not very different from a lot of parents then. Hell, even my wife and I had thought about adoption when we were eighteen and our first was on the way. The mistake would be seeing the little thing for the first time don't you think?"_

_Roy nodded. Seeing her, he wasn't ever gonna let her go, he loved her way too much._

_It would be a bond that would be strong throughout time and space. One that could never be broken, even in death._

The seven thirty meeting had been boring, something about some stupid maintenance. Roy hated the president. She talked on and on, making fine points on why he was chosen to be the ambassador and others were not. It ended with several cuss words under his breath muttered quietly in the Xing language. Luckily nobody else knew so he was safe for now. It was when he was outside the door in a hurry to get away that he saw them. He tried to turn around spotting Ross and Brosh there but once they saw him, they made their way over and he froze. The baby she was holding was pretty small but not as small like a lot of babies could be. The baby had a soft patch of blonde hair but he couldn't see her eyes yet. Something went off in his mind just then thanking the impossible that the hair wasn't a tuft of dark raven hair. Ross smiled though not noticing the change in the superior officer.

"Sir I was just going to see the rest, we'll walk with you."

He nodded wondering why of all times that she had to come in today. His headaches were increasing again, lasting longer, and caused him to cry out in pain when they came on. The dreams were still coming and if he didn't know better, he'd think that it was nothing more but. How could it be a dream though when it was too real? The latest dream was the birth of Kelsey and Roy knew that if he had been there, he wouldn't have given up the girl as well. She looked too precious.

"-so how are you doing sir?"

"What?" He had been deep in thought that he hadn't heard what she was trying to say.

"Are you okay sir? Did you lose your dog? You act like you lost something or somebody."

He didn't know what she meant but looking down, he realized that his hands were shaking. He tried to get them to stop only stopping to drop them by his sides when they wouldn't obey. His palms were sweaty as well but at least it got them to stop. Once they got to the office, Hawkeye saw the baby and smiled a small smile despite knowing what today was. Why act so sad in front of a new life just because a life had been lost six years ago? Kelsey would've wanted them to be happy and was sad whenever someone wasn't. She was really a good girl.

"Hey Ross, she's cute."

"Thank you. We named her Lilly seeing as how you're friends with a Rebecca. We almost forgotten but we wanted a name that isn't used around here often. Her name is Lillian Maree although at first we wanted to name her Kelsey."

Feeling the sudden tension in the room, Ross looked confused but Roy interrupted her.

"Why didn't you go with Kelsey?"

She smiled.

"There was a little girl already named Kelsey. Yeah, she was born in Central Hospital almost six years ago. I heard that she is indeed a beauty."

Roy nodded with a smile although he couldn't stop the feeling that people were keeping something from him. He decided he was going to get to the bottom of this once and for all. He beckoned to the baby and Ross handed her over, seeing as how Roy was finally showing interest in a child. She had never known him to be this way and smiled. The rest of his subordinates frowned.

"I love kids. They are really joyous and leave an impression like no other. I bet your bond is going to be so great that not even death could break it, hm?"

Ed only sighed but Hawkeye took a step forward and seemed like she was going to say something. But Roy didn't give her the chance to. He repeated the question and Ross looked at him anxiously wondering what was going on when she had already answered it. It was partially true but she liked the name Lilly better in the end. She told him that and he beamed at the answer before turning seeing that the baby's eyes were indeed Ross's. He felt relief before giving her back.

"She's a pretty baby Ross. Thank you for bringing her in." He smiled but his subordinates knew it was fake. He turned around, rearranging the paperwork when he felt white hot pain in his head all of a sudden. The intensity of it made him gasp out loud and before either one could effectively find out what was wrong with him; he had taken a nose dive for the floor, head hitting the corner of his desk.

Hawkeye immediately went to see if he was okay, trying to move her superior's hands from where he had hit the desk pretty hard. She knew by the resounding crack that it wasn't something they should take lightly and fought him in order to be able to see it. However wasn't expecting to see how bad it really was and quickly tore off her jacket, placing it over the gashing cut and tried to keep pressure. Getting annoyed with the way he kept trying to hinder her when she was trying to help, she slapped his hands away again. Havoc helped out as well. Breda and Fuery went to get help and Hawkeye let them knowing that they didn't deal with blood really well. Falman lifted his legs up and placed the pillows from the couch underneath Roy's feet.

Roy moaned in pain trying to fight the hands off again but Hawkeye wouldn't let him. Havoc slapped his cheeks trying to get a response out of him. He was already trembling and the gash wouldn't clot. Roy started breathing more heavily making Ed freak out more although Ross was doing a good job about it as well.

_"A baby? A real live baby? You have got to be kidding me! I don't really care much to know my grandchild and you are best to give that little parasite up or better yet an abortion!"_

_"Roy? Kelsey's sleeping so I thought we should talk-"_

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HER UP? I LOVE HER MAES!"_

_"Daddy, I wuv ou."_

Roy moaned.

Why wouldn't these voices leave his head? He knew that they were the same voices he heard in his dreams but the only difference was that he couldn't place the face to them. The first sounded like the mom that had abandoned him and the rest he heard every single time he closed his eyes. Kelsey had to have been real. There was no doubt in his mind anymore. He attempted to open his eyes but the room was too bright making him squeeze his eyes closed once again to keep the sudden intense headache from getting worse. He idly wondered what the commotion was about. He just had a headache.

_"Daddy, I wuv ou. You wuv me?"_

_"I wanta wuv ou ontil me heart bweaks."_

_"Baby I will love you forever. I loved you then, I love you still, and I love you always. Don't forget that k, Kay Kay?"_

_"Don't scream baby. The water's not going to kill ya. See?"_

_"Kelsey, Miss Bridgett said that she wants to do some fun stuff with you so please stop hiding behind my leg. She isn't going to bite."_

_"Sir, she is going to have blonde hair by the time she's three years old, how is it possible with both parents having black hair?"_

_"I will love you forever and always. Past space and time. I will love you until my heart breaks completely and I cannot breathe. Until the world has ended and my heart shatters into a billion pieces, I will always have a place for you in my heart."_

That was the last voice he heard until he found himself fading away. The voices grew fainter and his breathing was getting harder. Kelsey, he thought and realized with sudden horror that he forgot her. How could he forget Kelsey? The two year old was hard to forget. He began to panic when everything became black and then everything faded into nothingness.

_"Roy I thought you said you were giving her up for adoption?"_

_Roy turned and saw that Maes was standing there with an annoyed expression on his face. He tried to smile to show that he thought his acting was real funny but knew that he meant business. He shook his head and turned to the small girl, a small real smile making its way on his face. He knew that Maes was upset so he chose not to delay the response._

_"I love her Maes. I thought it was obvious. I know you have a family and that you love them to death but that doesn't mean you get to decide on this matter. True without you there wouldn't have been Kelsey but you don't have to be in her life for her to stay with me. You could still see her; I won't take that right away from you but if you don't want to see her, then that is up to you."_

_Maes nodded but he didn't seem to agree. For one, babies were hard to raise even with two people. Mustang wouldn't be able to do so without any help being a single parent. He didn't have any siblings and he didn't really hold Elysia much either. He did seem to be better at it since the last time he saw him though and Kelsey was making weight which was normal for a small infant her age. He wished that Roy would have taken the initiative and called him when he was going to the hospital though. He almost came down with pneumonia and if that wasn't bad enough, he heard Kelsey suffered from colic. Mustang would go insane soon if he chose to raise her himself._

_"Why did you decide to keep her?" Maes frowned. There had to be a reason because he didn't want kids in the beginning. Why would he want one now?_

_"I wanted to." He sighed thought and continued seeing as how Maes really wasn't in the mood. "Well, at first I just kept putting off finding a family that would. I thought, no one I knew would be able to love her half as much but then I realized that I didn't even know how much I loved her. Barring the fact that I knew it was a her. Then right after she was born and I saw her, I knew I wasn't going to. That's the way it is Maes and I can't just adopt her now. I'm too close to her. Kelsey loves me and I love her."_

_"Are you sure you would be able to do it so much on your own? You are basically a single parent and Kelsey is a handful if it's true that she has problems with colic. What if she dies from that illness as well? You never took death well and if you get too attached and she dies-"_

_"I'm already too attached to her now." He frowned. "I know what would be coming though so I'd be happy with the time I have. As long as it's only the illness. I know she has a little colic but she's not that bad Maes. I will love her with all my heart. And right now she is really healthy. She may have your eyes but she has my hair. I could just tell the people that don't know that her mom had such pretty emerald eyes. Don't you agree?"_

_Maes just frowned. That was petty. People died these days unexpectedly and he knew that Mustang was bluffing. Half the things he said was only because he took to loving the child too much but he didn't expect any less. He did carry the kid in his belly for that long. He had to hand it to him though. He was trying to the best of his abilities to do the child good so he wouldn't deny him that._

_He just hoped that in the end, Roy didn't get his heart broken._


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>We promised each other we would never say goodbye... what happened?<em>

***~Chapter Ten~***

_"Daddy, what r ou doin?"_

_Roy turned around and saw that Kelsey was awake. He didn't really want to go to the meeting; he really didn't want to leave his daughter home sick. He loved her so much, how could he simply leave her though? The simple answer was the stupid Fuhrer of the stupid head of the military and the country that was who. Kelsey quickly ran over to him and tucked herself into his military jacket. She was still warm and he frowned seeing that her fever was starting to come back up. She was going to be three tomorrow so he didn't want her to strain herself so much._

_"Baby, daddy has work he has to do. I will be back after that is done-"_

_"I wan ou to stay daddy. Stay wit me. Pwease…" She pouted her lower lip and put her hands together silently begging. God, Roy couldn't take that look and she knew it too. Especially when her little green eyes lit up like that. _

_"Baby I need to go to that very important meeting and you have a fever. I can't very much take you-"_

_"Pwease daddy! I don wan to stay wit Miss Bwidgett!"_

_Roy sighed and quickly picked her up and took her out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. It was still a little early so he didn't have to worry about anything at the moment let alone a stupid fucking meeting. He took her temperature and saw with relief that it was below a hundred and two. It was slowly getting there though and he quickly had her take some Tylenol before giving her a small kiss on the cheek._

_"Why don't you like Miss Bridgett baby?" He rocked her back and forth, patting her back so that she felt comfortable._

_"Cus I wan ou daddy. I wan ou. I don wike Miss Bwidgett. Can ou stay home?"_

_Roy gave her a tiny smile before making himself look like he was thinking it through. She looked up with hope in her eyes and he found himself wanting to stay home the entire time and not leave her for a single second. He couldn't think of a single person who would want to see her like this. Hell Maes was here yesterday and told her that a picture of Elysia had always cheered him up. She took it so she didn't hurt his feelings and even told him her own little thank you. Roy wondered if Kelsey even knew that he was her other parent. He knew it was likely that she had not but she was close to the others as well. Just not as close as she was with her daddy._

_"How about I go to the meeting and then come right home?" She looked a little down at that idea but he quickly tried to put a stop to that quickly. "The meeting is two hours and then I'll come home. Nothing would ever ever keep me from you baby."_

_"Kay daddy. Ou come home aftor that?" He quickly nodded running a hand through her hair which had lightened considerably since she became one. Now it was a golden light brown. He was sure it was going to be all the way blonde by the time she reached four. He knew it didn't matter it just meant that it wasn't Gracia's genes alone that caused Elysia to be a blonde._

_"I will baby. I promise on my life."_

_She gave him a kiss on the cheek, wrapping her arms around his neck and trying to keep him close for as much as possible. He waited until he noticed it was a fifteen after six and that Bridgett had quietly entered his apartment. She seemed real happy to see Kelsey but frowned when she realized that she was sick._

_"How are you doing baby. You want me to read you those adventure books you like so much?" She nodded before giving Roy another kiss on the cheek. He smiled, kissing her on the top of her head before handing her to Bridgett._

_"Good bye baby, daddy will go to the meeting and then he'll be right back. I promise."_

_She nodded wearily, waving a little bit before laying her head onto Bridgett's head._

_It would be the last time he saw her alive._

"Can you hear me Brigadier General Mustang?" He blinked noticing that the overhead lights were really bright but thankful that his headache was gone for the time being. He looked over to the voice and noticed the man in a white coat. Was he at the doctor's again? He didn't know.

The one thing on his mind though was a certain girl and he didn't want them to tell him she wasn't here. He had a baby girl, she was two years old, and her name was Kelsey Ann Mustang. She was his baby, she had to be.

"I can hear you," he said instead.

"What do you remember?" When Roy frowned he prodded. "You got three stitches on your head, do you remember why?"

Roy shook his head.

"Do you know what you remember?"

"Yeah. I remember my age. I'm thirty three. I have a daughter named Kelsey and she's two years old."

The man seemed amused whilst Hawkeye and Havoc seemed surprised. Lieutenant Brosh didn't seem to understand. The brigadier general has a daughter? He shared a look with Ross who seemed just as confused. They knew of a Kelsey but she would be six tomorrow.

"You have a two year old daughter? Is she as mischievous as my two year old? Can't keep anything from that boy without something happening."

Roy smiled at that.

"No she's a good girl. She's smart too. She's gonna be three soon as well." He frowned at that statement before continuing. "She has the biggest smile that you could imagine but she wouldn't harm a fly. She's like Alphonse with those cats only she loves any and all animals. A very happy warm hearted girl. Where is she?"

He didn't see her anywhere and she didn't like being separated for a long period of time. Fuery ran out of the room and Ed suspected he was crying. He couldn't blame him though. Who would bother telling him that his daughter was dead? That she had been for three years now? He knew he wouldn't be able to and Breda quickly joined Fuery although he just made an excuse about needing something before tearing off after the other. Havoc stayed behind although Ed knew they didn't want Mustang to know. Damn it why was this happening?

"Do you know what year it is?" Roy frowned again as though thinking these questions were stupid.

"It's 1918, I know that." He froze suddenly remembering the reason that the doctor was prodding him like this. His daughter was born in 1912 so she would six year old. Why did he still think she was two years old then? Most of all, why had he forgotten this?

"So my daughter would be six years old tomorrow," he voiced aloud. "That still doesn't explain where she is."

Hawkeye was about to tell him but Havoc decided to be the one to do it. It would hurt far more if Hawkeye told him than it would be for Havoc, he told himself. Even if it did make him wish that they didn't have to say anything. Why would he have to suffer like this a second time when the first was just as bad. He knew Mustang would feel the same thing, as though he lost his daughter for the first time.

"She's not here sir." Havoc saw his confused expression turn into a look of surprise. But Havoc didn't give him time to interrupt. "She's not here because she died."

Brosh suddenly realized why the man had been the way he had when he had shown him all those baby scans and why he suddenly 'acted like one of those women who miscarried'. Holding a hand over his mouth, he felt bad that he hadn't realized it. The little baby was dead and she was going to be six. What happened to the little baby? Ross didn't feel any differently wondering why nobody told her so she could have spared his feelings.

Roy took it differently. He was calm and wasn't hysterical at all which is what Havoc suspected would happen when he found out the truth. Instead he seemed to be in disbelief that what Havoc told him was true. Please sir, he thought. Don't be in denial because you won't like what else we would have to tell you, he thought. He finally noticed Brosh and Ross and waved for them to leave. They did and he was happy for that small miracle. They already knew Mustang's kid was dead; they didn't need to know how she died in case he demanded it. This seemed to be the case right now.

"I don't understand Havoc. If she is dead, then how did she?"

Havoc closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath but Hawkeye beat him to it. She knew it was hard but he had to understand. His baby was dead and gone. Sure it hadn't been from the homunculi that killed Hughes but it was much worse.

"The babysitter's boyfriend sir. Remember him? The seventeen years old that was dating Bridgett at the time. You do remember what he had done to her right?" Roy shook his head and Havoc groaned although Hawkeye didn't do anything. They didn't want to spell it out for him.

Havoc slammed his hand on the table making Ed jump. He didn't understand what the seventeen year old had done to Mustang's girl but he was sure he was going to find out.

"Sir the guy beat a sick and defenseless two year old to death. She didn't even survive five minutes to the hospital. The reason for death was a fatal punch in the stomach. You didn't want to believe it then either. You wanted to tell yourself that she was only sleeping and that she would wake up but she hasn't been alive for three years sir. She hasn't-"

Roy didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't know, god he didn't hear but then he suddenly remembered a meeting that he had to attend to and how he had left his girl in the hands of the babysitter. Why hadn't she just come with him? Why hadn't he taken it seriously when she wanted to stay with him? It was his fault that she was dead not anybody else's. She had a fever and it was going to go down with Tylenol but he was a fool to think a teenager could be trusted with a sick toddler no matter how much he knew them.

He turned away as his heart picked up. Why didn't he know this? His mind made him forget all this but why? Why when he didn't want to forget Kelsey? He loved her little voice and her mischievous smile. There was so much to Kelsey than the bad moment at the end. He promised that he loved her but he would never forget. Why, oh why then did he?

He finally felt the tears begin to fall against their will. He attempted to wipe them as more fell. He didn't want to cry for her because Kelsey would feel sad. He hadn't cried for ages and he was sure he hadn't felt the sting of tears since then.

The tears he hadn't shed since the day that Kelsey had died.

_"Mustang before you go into the meeting?" _

_Roy looked over and saw Angie just wanted to give a message. Stupid meeting had been postponed for thirty minutes. Another thirty minutes he could have had to be with his girl. Fullmetal was in Lior so he didn't have much to worry about. He was always carrying out missions and making messes out of things he was trying to fix. He sighed and went to see what she had wanted._

_"There's a call from the Central hospital. They say they need you to go to South Bend Hospital and to be there for your little girl. Kelsey I think it was. She's really sick."_

_Hearing the same exact words from the doctor confirmed his fear. Didn't the other kid born die from an illness and he was about to go to a stupid meeting! He slammed the phone down, feeling tremors from the fear of what was happening to his daughter. He quickly turned to Havoc and asked for a ride to the south to get there before something serious happened to his baby. Fuery was crying, Breda was picking up a bunch of papers from the floor, Falman tried to keep Roy from tripping over himself or worse falling over in shock, and Hawkeye was white as a sheet from the news. Havoc nodded quickly helping Falman lead him to the car._

_He swore it took thirty minutes although it seemed like forever, but they got there. Havoc knew that the others would explain why the colonel wasn't there and instead concentrated on keeping an eye on the colonel. He entered and quickly asked the first nurse he saw where his baby was. She led him to the ER and the doctor explained the injuries which got Roy shocked._

_"What? I thought she was sick. She had a small fever this morning and-"_

_"That's not why she's here. She has bleeding in her stomach, torn intestines, ragged breathing, a ripped pierced left ear, and a tear to the pelvic wall. If I didn't know better I'd say the fever was an indication of abuse!"_

_"What no! She was okay when I left her this morning. She had a hundred temperature and I gave her Tylenol. She even waved when I left her to Bridgett. But I didn't harm a hair on her head…What abuse!"_

_The doctor sighed._

_"I think you should realize that she has an uncontrollable bleed. She hasn't been able to breathe since she got here and she coded twice. Things are going bad and I don't think you are going to like what you hear."_

_"But you have to save her. Save my baby! She's gonna turn three tomorrow!" The doctor only shook his head before Roy fell to his knees. Havoc and Hawkeye tried to help him back up but he made it known that he didn't want to move until he heard more. He wanted to know that his baby was okay. He left her this morning and she wasn't exactly in excellent health but she was fine. Why was she in this condition why?_

_The surgeon shook his head and the doctor talked to him for a good five minutes before relaying to Roy what he was told. Kelsey, the little two years old that had only been here for five minutes was dead. She was already in critical condition when she got here. She had no pulse, she was getting oxygen from the bag valve mask and there was a bleed that could not be controlled. She bled to death in her stomach cavity. Cause of death? She was punched or kicked so hard in the abdomen that it killed her. Other injuries that they mentioned? Somebody yanked out an earring and had sexually assaulted her hence the torn pelvic wall. Roy was trying to keep from crying because he had left her with the babysitter that they had trusted for so long. Bridgett had loved Kelsey and didn't harm a hair on his girl's head for so long that he trusted her today. He hadn't thought to tell her no boyfriends around Kelsey though because she had understood and knew from the beginning when he had told her the first twenty times._

_"Can I see her?" He whispered it so low that the doctor almost didn't catch that. He nodded and Roy snakingly made his way into the room._

_There laid Kelsey with tubes still in her and machines were unhooked. She wasn't the little girl he had seen this morning. She wasn't wearing what she had been wearing just this morning. She had on one of Roy's white tee shirts this morning but now it was her black shirt. She was wearing underwear this morning as well and only now was she wearing a diaper. She was potty trained and didn't need one. Her little left ear was missing an earring and it had indeed looked like it had been torn from her ear. _

_"Kelsey?" he whispered._

_She didn't answer. Not that she was going to. She was-He tried to ignore that. Muffling his sob, he picked her up into his arms and held onto her tightly. Her face was too pale for his liking and she wasn't breathing like she should be. What set him off was the fact that she wasn't smiling anymore. She wasn't smiling her beautiful smile that stole hearts of all that knew her and several that didn't. _

_"You're only sleeping," he continued. "You're sleeping and you're going to wake up soon. I can't handle it if you aren't because you weren't supposed to die this way Kelsey. If it was to an illness it would be different because we knew it could be possible but never this. Hell, Kelsey just open those pretty green eyes baby! Open them for daddy! You love to trick me and then make me feel better at the end. Kelsey please. Please open those eyes for your daddy. I love you Kelsey! I love you so much!"_

_He buried his head into her and tried not to cry. But a moment without Kelsey was a darker world than he wanted to imagine. Without her, his life was dull and normal. He didn't know what he had until Kelsey had come into it and without her he suddenly realized he couldn't think that. He finally broke down into harsh sobs with one thought in mind._

_Kelsey couldn't be dead and this had to be a nightmare._


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.<em>

***~Chapter Eleven~***

_"Daddy why we here?"_

_Roy looked down at the hand he was holding with a frown. He knew that the Elric brothers were busy in the south so it was only smart that he would send someone down there too. Roy's grandmother had sent him up here with a secret agenda though and he smiled a little when thinking about it. This northern village may have some Ishbalans but he doubted they would harm his little girl if they ever considered hurting him. Besides he didn't have his gloves out in the open and he wouldn't ever think about it. _

_The night was peaceful and he remembered that Kelsey had wanted ice cream off of the money that her Uncle Maes had given her before they had left to visit her great grandma. She had asked earlier although she made it sound like he DIDN'T have to. She never wanted to come off as selfish and that was why Roy decided it was time to do something for her finally seeing an opportunity where he could. There weren't many things that she admitted that she wanted which was why it was so hard in the beginning. He turned and saw that she was looking at the stars. She was beaming and pointing to it, she exclaimed, "Daddy, wook Heaven."_

_Roy smile widened._

_"Baby I doubt you could see Heaven in the sky." He wouldn't tell her he stopped believing in heaven when he was six. He didn't believe in a being that allowed bad things happen to good people._

_"Not star, people that we wuv. They wen 'way to heaven and star is them." She said it so proudly Roy wondered if this was really his precious two year old. She sometimes said things far beyond her years._

_"What does that make you then? My borrowed angel?" She smiled and nodded. Roy didn't like the idea of her being a borrowed angel because they were only around for a short time and then they went away again. He remembered vaguely how his grandmother tried telling him that his mother had a good reason for leaving him. It was idiotic._

_Of course so was he for making Hughes agree that he wouldn't tell Kelsey who he was in relations to the little girl. Hughes had grown close to her since almost throwing their friendship away for keeping Kelsey. Now though, Hughes was definitely happy that Roy had made the decision. Maybe he would allow him to reveal himself to her soon. Hughes was willing to tell Gracia soon and a birth certificate was a stupid piece of paper. It didn't hold any love for a child except for that of a memory. A memory that went in her photo album along with five hundred plus photos._

_"Just be my angel okay baby. I don't want you to be borrowed because then they will take you away from me." Kelsey nodded and noticed a statue in the water fountain near the church._

_"Wat's that?" Roy looked over and wondered what he should tell her. He didn't want her to know everything but seeing her curious green eyes, he knew he was going to tell her something. In his mind he knew that the girl would be able to handle it because Kelsey was a smart girl. A smart selfless girl who thought about everybody._

_"Those are the babies that their mommies didn't want to have, Kels." She looked back sadly._

_"But ou had me."_

_Roy smiled. _

_"Yes I did."_

_She smiled and hugged him tightly around the legs. Roy scooped her up and held onto her tightly, tickling her and making her giggle before placing a kiss on her cheek. She beamed before hugging him around the neck._

_"Thank ou daddy for hafing me."_

_She then got down and placed the money that Hughes had given her into the fountain and bowed her head much to Roy's surprise. He didn't even take her to church so the fact that she did this without much coercion was surprising at the least. She was his baby though and he knew how soft hearted she was. He used to be that way before time and pain made him more experienced. She returned and took his hand in hers, looking around._

_"Daddy, is my ofer pawent in heaven?" He didn't want to answer that so he just adjusted the crème colored scarf she had wrapped around her neck, making sure it wasn't too tight. "Ou tell me some day?"_

_He nodded and she held onto his hand all the more tighter._

_"Ou don regwet hafing me?"_

_Roy shook his head quickly._

_"Never a day in my life does a day go by that I could think of you without me. Don't leave me okay? Stay my baby forever." He finally noticed that she had thrown the money in the fountain that she was going to use for ice cream. She seemed to catch on too for she just smiled._

_"Let us go home."_

_He tugged her hand and she looked up in confusion._

_"Wat daddy?"_

_"You're my baby and you do good things. You never get in trouble and never make me yell at you so I think you deserve ice cream. Can you let your daddy treat you once in a while?"_

_She tipped her head sideways in confusion before nodding. One thing was for sure, Roy thought, as he picked her up so that she could see what kind of ice cream she wanted. He always wanted her to stay his baby._

_She would never live to be three years old. In retrospect, she would be a baby forever._

Roy wasn't taking it so well and Ed hated to say that they had told him so. He knew why it had been a blessing in the end now why he had lost those memories. It wasn't fair for him to lose so much. He had lost his best friend and his baby daughter. Whilst Ed got back most of what he lost, he knew that losing a parent wasn't the same as losing a child. There was a whole different emotion behind that. It was the worst kind of pain imaginable he realized. For there were names for spouses who lost the other one and a child who lost their parents but there was nothing called for one that lost their child. It could only attest to how awful that loss is.

"Roy, you want to eat?" Ed tried to rouse him from where he had been for a couple hours after hearing the news. In turn he knew that it was really hard to stomach but that didn't mean that Roy should shut them out. He needed help to see that he could look back on the good without having to see the bad. Some people didn't even have that and they went through life without knowing what they could have had. Roy had an angel pure and innocent if only for a little while.

"No I'm good." Ed had to smile a little though. He was talking and that was something. He sat to the side, trying to discern how he really was. The fact that he wasn't breaking down yet didn't mean anything. If he refused to eat another meal though, Hawkeye was told that they were going to threaten a feeding tube.

"If you want to talk-"

"I don't," Roy quickly cut him off. Ed watched him run a hand through his hair before sighing. "I didn't truly expect this at all. She was supposed to live a full and happy life. If anything, it should have been me. Kelsey was innocent. Who goes around and beats an innocent two year old that hasn't done anything to them? She was my baby."

Ed watched as he mumbled this, his heart sinking for the brigadier general. He knew that it had to have been hard the first time around never mind finding out again. It had to be a big punch in the gut just hearing that. Ed himself was disgusted that a teenager would pull out a two year olds's earrings let alone sexually assault one. What could a two year old satisfy that his own girlfriend couldn't?

"Mustang it may not have been a life time but shouldn't you treasure the fact that you got to know her at all. Some people look for something like that for a lifetime and never find it. You found something great if only for a little while. And to think, she isn't truly gone. We don't know what happens after death but we do know that we will see our loved ones again. Just think, you're really sad that she's gone but do you know what she would think to know that you're sad over her?"

Roy frowned before starting to see what he meant.

"She never liked it when anybody was sad. One time her Auntie Ri-Ri was really sad after hearing that her Aunt was in the hospital. She gave her a hug and begged her not to cry. It turned into laughing while she was crying promising for her that she would try not to be sad. Her aunt died but Kelsey told her all she had to do was look for the stars and she would see her again."

"You raised a smart daughter." Ed knew that Roy missed her to death but talking about her would help lessen the anguish if only a bit. That's why people who were sad over the deaths but couldn't handle it saw someone to talk about it.

"You couldn't imagine how smart she was. She was two but sometimes I felt like my daughter was much much older. She was innocent though, I found it sometimes hard to give her something because all she wanted was to be loved. She never knew her other parent. She saw him and loved him but she thought he was her uncle. She never knew that she was made because of an alchemical experiment. It was Hughes idea in the beginning. I was going to tell her…"

"Hughes? No wonder she looks like him too." Ed sighed dropping into the seat beside the bed. Roy looked at him for a moment with a frown. He knew he had no right to be happy when his baby was no longer here. She deserved so much. She gave everything and asked for very little in return. How could somebody take such a precious life away like that?

"It's been a while since I actually looked at the stars." When Ed looked at him he explained. "Kelsey once told me that stars weren't what they appeared but were the loved ones that we have lost. The star that shines the brightest are the ones that we lost. Kelsey said all that believe it or not." He paused.

Ed nodded wondering when they got so pathetic that they were reduced to talking like this. Sure all Roy had left were the memories of yesterday but he knew they were all good. Except for the day that Kelsey had died.

"That man that had taken her away. He took her life and your hope but he didn't take one thing." Roy looked in confusion but Ed just smiled. "He never did take away yesterday and the memories that you have of her. If you ever feel down, you should call me and if you ever feel that you want to cry, don't hold it in. Grief is ten times worse when you don't let yourself fall. You hold it in and it grows. Don't be afraid to cry because it's okay to be sad. She'll understand why you would have to cry for her just once."

Roy nodded.

"You think the next time I go to visit her, that maybe you could come along? I'm not saying you have to or that it's an order but maybe-"

"Admit that you don't want to be there alone already. Did you see her grave?" Roy shook his head and they both fell into silence. Looking over he knew that it would take some time. Roy never allowed himself to grieve before so this time, it was multiplied by the fact that he went three years forgetting that the small girl even existed.

"I'd love to go."

He was serious. He didn't know why he loved the man so much sometimes but even though he had wanted to tell him, he knew it was risky. It was all about getting him through tomorrow first, and then they would see.

_"Roy? What the hell are you doing?"_

_Yanking him away from what he had been doing, Hughes felt disgusted to see the same circles that had adorned his walls before Kelsey had even been thought of. What an idiot. He stopped going to work since Kelsey's death. He didn't even go to her funeral claiming that his baby wasn't dead, only asleep, and now he was turning to human transmutation again._

_"Stop Hughes I need to see her again. I don't care how, I want my baby back."_

_Hughes just held him down and tried to keep him firmly against him. Didn't Roy understand that they were worried when he hadn't shown up? The Fuhrer himself had stated that Kelsey's law would make it hard for another child to be harmed. They were tightening security around the babysitters that watched others' kids and even did background checks on their spouses and significant others. This could have been prevented. It should have been because Bridgett should've known or should've told Mustang that she was letting her boyfriend come over. If she had, then Kelsey wouldn't have-Kelsey would still be here. He understood how Mustang felt because Kelsey had been his daughter too but Mustang had known her best. Mustang knew his little girl more than anybody and it was killing Hughes that he thought of bringing her back._

_"Why would you do that Mustang?"_

_"I want my baby Hughes. I can't live without her! Please bring her back. I could've sworn that she was only sleeping!"_

_Hughes sighed._

_"Punk, she's in a better place now. If you wished her back, she wouldn't be here very long because she would still have the pain! Do you want her to hurt? She is in a place where she is away from pain. She is somewhere better. Why would you want to bring her back knowing that-"_

_"SHUT UP! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS HEAVEN HUGHES! IF THERE WAS A SUCH THING THEY WOULDN'T TAKE HER AWAY! THEY WOULDN'T LET HER BE TAKEN AWAY LIKE THAT! DON'T TELL ME THERE IS EITHER BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T DESERVE THAT!" He fell to the floor and Hughes knew he wasn't getting enough sleep by just looking at him. He wasn't eating, he wasn't sleeping. God Roy what have you been getting into these days? Have you been trying to kill yourself?_

_"Remember Ed and Al? What they did by trying the same thing would only leave you in more pain and you will only be worse than you are now. Kelsey was in pain when she was at the hospital. She was fighting just to be able to breathe Roy. She lost the fight but she made it so if another little girl like Kelsey comes along-"_

_"I don't want to hear it Maes. I want to hear that it was a nightmare and that she's okay. I want to hear that she's only sleeping and that it was a joke, a cruel one at that but that I can handle. I just want Kelsey here, Maes, bring her back." _

_Maes just held him close hoping he would cry. If he cried then he would feel so much better in a way. He trapped everything inside though and hasn't dealt with anything since the day he cried over his dead girl's body. They had to pry her away and even then he was hysterical. Maes knew it would be hard to lose her to an illness but he never counted on losing the girl to this. That man was sick. He read the reports too and the sexual assault was enough to cause his stomach to turn. _

_"Roy you said she was wearing your t-shirt and a pair of undies in the morning that day right." He gulped when Roy just nodded from where he was._

_They wanted to cover it up and make it seem like an accident. They even put her in a diaper missing the fact that she hadn't worn one since she had turned two. She was early in everything she did. The fact was though that Bridgett was being investigated on the fact that she should have known that her boyfriend was doing something to the little girl she was watching. She should've kept a better eye. Their thought was that she freaked out when she found out what the man had done and tried to hide it, saying that she was sick knowing full well that she was indeed sick. They even tried to pin it on Roy a few times but he hadn't seen his daughter after six fifteen that morning. The time frame just didn't fit for Roy to be the perpetrator. The time frame was between seven and seven fifteen and when he had gotten the call at seven thirty, she was already in critical condition turning blue as she was transported to the bigger medical facility that handled such traumas._

_"It's going to be alright Roy-maybe not right away. Not today or even tomorrow but someday you will realize how much your love for your little girl will never go away. You never stop loving-"_

_"I don't want to forget her Maes. I don't but today I woke up and I forgot what had happened. I woke right up and expected her to be lying right next to me like she always was. She got a brand new bed three months ago and even though she loved it, she would sneak in with me knowing that I wouldn't have the heart to kick her out. I miss that Hughes. I don't want to go to sleep and dream that I'm putting Kelsey down for a nap and that this is all a nightmare. I wake myself up because of that wishing that it were true but when I do, I realize I was dreaming and that she isn't really here, she's gone."_

_Maes just pulled him in tighter, putting his arms around the other man. What could he do? Roy was already hurting and nobody could stop the pain. He wished that Roy gave her up for adoption in the beginning after all because no matter how much he came to love that little girl, her little smiling face was now haunting Roy in his sleep._


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>A heart of gold stopped beating, two smiling eyes, he closed to rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us, he only takes the best.<em>

***~Chapter Twelve~***

_Havoc sighed._

_This was turning out to be a really royal pain in the butt. They needed the colonel back in work so they could keep better watch on him. If he thought they were going to stop checking him since the day Hughes had caught him trying to bring the little girl back, he had to be kidding. You're stuck with us chief, he thought savagely. Even if we have to tie you to the bed and send Fullmetal back from his mission just so you don't do something stupid._

_He knocked on the door. There was nothing so he rapped his knuckle against the door a couple more times before quickly pushing it open, realizing with a sudden fright that it was unlocked. Good one Chief, when did you decide to become dumb? He knew his superior wouldn't leave the front door open under normal occasions but ever since Kelsey had been murdered a lot of things changed. He sighed wishing it weren't true. There was nothing he wouldn't give in order to hear her little voice again, even just for a little while. He never actually smoked in front of her knowing how much Roy would toast him but she seemed to find that putting something in your mouth like that was hilarious. She'd go, "Hay Hay can I hafe somefing to put in my mouf? I wanna do fat too." He didn't let another unlit cigarette dangle from his mouth for a while afterwards._

_"Chief, we are taking you to work so…" he paused seeing how in disarray it was. His fear made him take out his pistol as he looked around trying to find his colonel. Man, he couldn't believe that the man was somewhere in midst of all this mess._

_He finally saw him face down in the bed and tried shaking him awake. He didn't rouse at all. Sighing, he shook him harder and turned him to the side finally noticing the vomit. In alarm, he finally noticed the empty bottle of scotch lying on its side on the side table and the bottle of sleeping pills he had been prescribed to help him sleep. Please tell me that that is all that you had taken. He found several other bottles too though. Namely the man's antidepressants and a bottle of aspirin. Shit, he quickly grabbed the phone, making sure Roy stayed on his side. It was good that he vomited a little right? He really hoped that he didn't manage to succeed in killing himself. There was bound to be several people wanting to kick his ass._

_"Chief, you are definitely not staying home alone anymore." He muttered._

_He didn't want to sound like a thoughtless jerk but he didn't want to lose him after they had already lost someone. He put in the call to the dispatcher hoping they didn't take their sweet time getting here. He checked his boss's pulse and noticed it was slow and he was barely breathing. He was going for letting himself die in his sleep. What was he thinking? Colonel this isn't the way to go, you won't be with Kelsey if you take a bottle of pills and wash them out with alcohol._

_He was glad that the others didn't see this though. They had enough to deal with and Hughes. He had saw the spiral and knew his friend wasn't coping so it only stood to believe that he would turn to this sometime but he didn't call his friends first. Havoc knew that in the end, things were going to be getting a lot harder._

_Who could forget a sweet innocent life that ended way too short?_

"Where's my brother?"

Al seemed annoyed until he saw the blood on the floor. Now he was worried. Winry didn't seem as mad anymore either only staring with a gaping expression on her pretty face. Hawkeye saw them and sighed. She knew that the brigadier general was in good hands but no news was good news until Edward called in and told them himself. Until then, they were at the office and would willingly give any and all support that was needed.

"Hello Alphonse," Havoc said although Winry saw that they all looked rather distracted.

Before they could say anything however, Breda spoke up.

"Our brigadier general took a tumble; don't worry about him at the moment. He's fine. Ed's with him so we know he's alright."

Winry knew that she felt bad thinking that Mustang deserved it because that was the man that had killed her parents. She felt absolutely horrible but she also wanted him to show her that he was sorry. He only did it on orders, she knew that but why the hell would not just talk to her about it? Try to make her feel better about the guy?

"How is the brigadier general?" Al asked breaking her out of her reverie.

"He'll be okay. He won't get over the cause quite so quickly, hell it has been three years and he hasn't been able to. I think he is secretly punishing himself-"

"Falman, they don't need to know. Ed already does and you saw his face as we retold Mustang what happened to the child."

"Well who wouldn't be? Kelsey didn't deserve that and Bridgett should've told him or at least asked and we wouldn't have lost Kelsey at all." Breda put in already forgetting who was here.

"You guys seem to forget that she may have covered it up but the one who murdered her got only five years in prison. You think that's fair? They sympathized with the young man because he had never been in trouble before and let him only get away with five. She wasn't even allowed to turn three and he is going to be out by his twenty second birthday."

"What are you talking about?" Winry asked.

A kid died was all she got from that and the fact that it was preventable. Why the hell would they talk about it though? Havoc was chewing on his cigarette, unlit and sighed before sharing a look with Hawkeye. Finally she nodded and he stood up and went to them quickly walking out. He didn't want the others to have to be there for it, they had enough to worry about. Each and every one of them had cared for the kid too and they were sad to see her go. Even more than the fact that they had to go through that pain was the fact that she didn't get the justice she deserved. Not like it was going to change anything anyways, she was gone.

He took them into another room and quickly ushered them in before getting right to the point.

"Kelsey, as you may have heard, died three years ago today from child abuse. Tomorrow she would have been six years old had some sick pervert hadn't punched her so hard in the stomach that it killed her."

Al looked up at him sadly wondering what was wrong with the world but Winry didn't know what to think. Her mother and father loved her dearly up to the time that they were murdered. She had always wanted her parents back but she couldn't manage to think of the reverse. To have a child so young die and then to hope that they weren't dead. She couldn't imagine the pain of having to live everyday with that memory alone.

"So Ed is helping the brigadier general because he still haven't gotten over his daughter Kelsey who died three years ago at the age of two, am I right?" Al who was just as sharp as Ed should be an investigator. Havoc nodded replacing the old cigarette with another although like the previous one, he didn't light it.

"You're saying Mustang had a kid?" Winry asked in surprise.

"Yeah and you can bet Hawkeye was upset about it at first. He tried an experiment and as luck had always been on his side, he ended knocked up and he first thought of adoption. He changed his mind when he saw the little green eyes though. She was so funny and can you imagine, she wanted to be a soldier just like him. Mustang didn't like that very much but assumed that he would have enough time to get her to change her mind. Now though…"

The words didn't need to be said. They heard what they had already needed. Mustang had a cute little baby that got beat up and she didn't even get the justice for it. Her life coming to an end too soon was worth five years in prison. Havoc sighed and pulled out a photo and handed it to them to look at. Winry gasped at what she saw. It showed a picture of a little girl she could only assume was Kelsey, her head beside her daddies laying on the opposite side it looked like. Her little fist that wasn't holding his was over her heart as was the same for Mustang. What got her was that smile. She had the smile of an angel and if she didn't know any better, if she had known the little girl, she wouldn't have been able to say no to her often. She couldn't understand why someone could spank her let alone beat her to death like that.

"She's so innocent! Why would someone beat a little child like that who didn't do anything to them?"

Havoc sighed, throwing the cigarette in the trash before answering them. He didn't hurry to do so but at the same time Winry realized that that little girl had touched their lives so much in the short time that she had lived. In that short amount of time, she left an impression like Hughes had left on her only while the man had left behind a family knowing there was a possibility of him dying for a cause, nobody expected this little girl to die. She was supposed to grow up and be what she wanted to be. According to them, she had wanted to be a soldier just like her daddy.

"She must have been close to the brigadier general," Al mused aloud. Havoc nodded.

"It was really scary after she died, you know? I mean we all knew that he would have trouble coping, she was his baby. If anything, he believes that it should have been him. He said often that he committed sins and deserved to die but Kelsey loved everybody and didn't know how to be selfish. Why the then seventeen year old punched her and did all those unimaginable things to her? We will never know because he refuses to say that he did all that. He just says he was frustrated because she wouldn't stop crying and punched her. He points the rest on the babysitter who claims that it was him. We won't ever know who delivered the final blow but in the end, they're both guilty whether they meant to or not."

"They will have to live with it though. They know what they did to her and they will silently carry that guilt to their grave and even then I think they will get what they deserve. They say what goes around comes around. I believe it's true." Havoc only sighed.

"I wish. Mustang didn't take his baby dying too well. For one they had to pry her away from him at the hospital. He tried to bring her back or would've if Hughes hadn't caught him. Then he tried to kill himself. We weren't stupid. He was trying to find a way to go back to his baby."

Winry was shocked.

She knew she missed her parents but never in a million years would she want to kill herself just to be with them. She knew they wouldn't want that just like she bet that under all that pain and suffering, she knew that Mustang realized that too. He knew she didn't want him going down that path but he seemed to have lost it after realizing his baby was dead and the people who watched his baby were the ones to do it.

"The thing was, he trusted Bridgett. She had been his daughter's babysitter for two good years and then the day before she turned three, she suddenly decided that she didn't have to ask to bring in her boyfriend. Mustang did say that she didn't want to stay with the woman and had said that she didn't like her so who knows what she did behind his back. The only person that would tell us isn't here anymore. Maybe she panicked realizing that she was talking more and would be able to spill what happened. Who knows but one thing is for certain, we won't ever forget her. She was so innocent."

Winry bowed her head. Mustang lost his innocence long ago but he had an innocent daughter who didn't think of anyone as bad and kept loving with all her heart. She was a good example to follow. She remembered how her mom often talked about when her and Ed were two years old. They were able to turn three though. They got the chance to become bigger. Glancing at the photo, she never knew that Mustang could smile like that. But it seemed that if there was a bond that couldn't be broken, it was the one that a father and daughter shared. And Kelsey was definitely a daddy's girl.

"I can't believe someone would do that to her. If I had a daughter like her, I'd love her as well. How did he have a daughter and Ed and Al not know about it?"

Havoc grinned at that part.

"She didn't come to the office, that's why. Whenever she did, as luck would have it, the boys were always on a mission. They were definitely on a long mission not to have noticed when Mustang was carrying her-"

"Wait, I think I remember seeing a little belly there and asking Ed if the then colonel was getting fat."

"Shame that she had to go so soon though. I would have liked another day just to be able to at least say good bye to her. I think that's one we'd all agreed to. It was such a shock that no one got to tell her good bye and to be happy wherever she was going."

"They don't grant those wishes though," Al quickly quipped. "If they did that, they would lose them because then nobody would ever want to let go of them. It's like the saying goes. God breaks our hearts to prove that he only takes the best. It hurts so bad to see them go without the chance to say goodbye but every passing day remember, it's another day gone by until we get to say hello again."

Havoc didn't seem to want to hear that but didn't say anything otherwise. Instead, he took the unlit cigarette he had had hanging in his mouth and trashed it.

"I know that it's wishful thinking but the last time I saw her she was at my apartment. We were coloring something silly although I can't honestly remember that part. What stuck to me the most about that day was she asked what it meant to be an angel. I told her that she was the definition but she didn't beam nor did she smile at that. She only had a confused look on her face. Instead she told me that she knew that because she was going to go away soon. I didn't pay attention to it because you know she would say the darnest things. But when I asked her about it she said that she didn't want to make daddy cry but she was going to have to leave him and she didn't want to be an angel. Then two days-two days later she was gone."

Both knew that he was trying not to cry so they diverted their eyes when he finally did knowing that he didn't want to seem like a cry baby. This was the man that was staying strong for Mustang during the time that Mustang had just wanted to be with his baby. They doubted that he nor Hawkeye for that matter ever expressed how they felt about the death of Kelsey. Finally not being able to handle it, he put his arms around the man, lending his shoulder for support. Havoc released three years worse of agony and the guilt of knowing he should have told Mustang about what Kelsey had said that day. The thing was, both Al and Winry knew there were so many what ifs. What if Havoc told him that? What if Kelsey said something herself? What if Mustang actually caved and stayed home or brought her to work with him? They couldn't blame one person because the one at fault was the one who ultimately took her life.

_"Colonel Mustang sir, you were foolish to try to kill yourself!"_

_Roy looked at her confusedly and sat up, not seeming to notice a difference. Hughes was there and he blinked before going forward and hugging him hoping that Mustang wouldn't take offense to it. The man was very closed off when it came to emotions and only learned through Kelsey that it was okay to accept hugs once in a while. They weren't going to bring up memory lane at the moment because that was painful enough. Fuery was still on leave time with his parents, he just couldn't fathom that something as harsh as that could happen to a little girl. _

_"What are you talking about Hughes? Why am I here?"_

_Hughes stopped realizing that he didn't even remember why he was in the hospital. The man was a big idiot! First he tries very hard to be with his baby and now he doesn't even remember how he got here. Hughes kept himself calm, he had to. He told Gracia that he had to help his friend because he wasn't coping very well and that his daughter meant the world to him. He couldn't stand to tell Gracia about Kelsey being his anymore. It was too painful. That little girl played with his other little girl and they were going to wait until Kelsey was two years older for her very first sleepover. Hughes was actually looking forward to it. That bastard took away all the things he wanted to do with his daughter. He killed the girl and caused Roy mental anguish that would still affect him five years down the road. _

_"What's the last thing you remember?" He was afraid to ask that but he was willing to bet that he would try to play it off as being nothing. Roy was like that and didn't want others worrying about him. But looking more closely, he saw a different look to him. He didn't seem like he had earlier. _

_Then he answered._

_"You wanted to try that experiment. We didn't try it yet right? I mean if it worked I wouldn't know right? Come on Hughes stop acting so weird!"_

_Hughes suddenly realized the implications of what trying to take his life caused. All memories of Kelsey were erased. It was like the little girl hadn't even existed. He didn't know whether to feel upset or relieved about it but the fact was, he was no longer in danger of killing himself. He didn't experience a catatonic state and need to take antidepressants and a strong dose at that. He was fine for the time being. He knew he would one day remember but maybe then he would take it better. Until then though-_

_"You hit your head buddy. I think you'll be okay. "_

_He quickly left ushering the rest out and demanding that Roy definitely needed his rest after head trauma like that. Once he was outside though, he saw that they weren't liking the fact that they had to lie to him. Hughes knew it was bad but he didn't want to lose his best friend too. He already lost his second born daughter and the chance of Gracia ever having another child was hopeless, it was a miracle having Elysia so in reality, he lost a lot more when he lost Kelsey but he didn't know her like Mustang did so it was way worse for him. Which made his next point a lot more credible. He couldn't remember right now._

_If he did, he worried that Mustang would deteriorate mentally and it would not be pretty._


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>I don't really want to say goodbye<em>

_I don't really want to leave you_

_But now I have to go away_

_Stay away from you forever_

***~Chapter Thirteen~***

_"Why people die daddy?"_

_Roy was stunned by that question. He never thought his two year old would ask him this question. He decided to throw that in that very long list of questions I haven't expected my daughter to ask yet. She was very unpredictable but like any other time, he answered her the way he thought would make the most sense and won't reveal too much._

_"Sometimes baby, God needs angels pure and good so the only way that he could get them is by cutting a life short. He doesn't mean to make the family cry but he only takes the best. You understand that Kels?"_

_She looked up and tipped her head sideways before nodding. She motioned to be picked up and he did without hesitation. They were walking a pretty long way and they still had some time to go before they made it to the train station. Smiling, she laid her head on his shoulder with a small smile._

_"Daddy am I a angel?"_

_Roy laughed._

_"You're my angel baby but don't go away too soon, I don't think I'd be able to let you go, I'm too selfish when it comes to you."_

_She gave him a look._

_"Daddy I said Havoc, 'I gonna be a angel'." Roy gave her a look before shaking his head._

_"Don't say things like that baby. You aren't going anywhere. Besides you are already daddy's little angel. Why would you think a thing like that?"_

_He was scared that she was saying stuff like this. He knew Havoc was probably scared too and he didn't blame him for not saying anything. The important matter was that Kelsey told him this. He smiled the small smile that Kelsey loved so much and gave her a kiss on her temple._

_"I can' say."_

_Roy smiled._

_"Are you sure? I wanna know who would tell you that. I don't think they should be telling you something like that. When are you going to be an angel?"_

_He made it seem like no big deal but he didn't want to let her know how scared he was. She just smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek and seemed to change the subject. Knowing his stubborn daughter, she wasn't going to say anything at all and frowned before letting himself be happy that he had her here. He could think of that after they got home and then she would tell him who had done it and he could keep them away from his daughter._

_"Let's get some hot cocoa before we head back to the train baby." She nodded in agreement._

_A day later it was too late to find out. A little angel had received her wings that day and Roy felt guilty because he couldn't get her to tell him earlier. He felt that he was ultimately responsible in the ending._

_It didn't matter though._

_Kelsey was still gone and never coming back._

The coffee mug shattered and Hawkeye quickly went to pick it up. The fact that Ed was here with Winry, Al, and Havoc made no difference. It was what Havoc told her about poor little Kelsey. She really had felt that Kelsey was like family. A little niece that she would have otherwise never had since her mom died when she was real little. She never had any siblings either although both Hughes and Roy made quite impressive brothers. Her hands were shaky and she was still in shock by the fact of what Kelsey had told Havoc. Kelsey had told her the same thing the week before when she was fixing her teddy bear one afternoon and Mustang had caught the hand, feet, and mouth disease for some reason last Sunday so he was out until Monday and was almost allowed to go back to work.

_"You do realize that teddy can only be fixed up so much right Kay kay?" Kelsey smiled and nodded. Like always, her hair was bound in a ponytail, only this time it was pulled back with a pink scrunchie. She had a red, pink, and white horizontal striped shirt and burgundy capris. Her shoes were by the door and her lighter than brown hair was slowly turning blonde every single day. _

_"I a angel right Ri-Ri?"_

_Hawkeye smiled._

_"Of course little one. You have always been a little angel. You will grow up being that way too right?"_

_Kelsey nodded and accepted the teddy bear back. Hawkeye knew she still wasn't herself for some odd reason. Her little arm had been broken weeks ago and they were finally able to take the cast off but seeing as how Kelsey didn't act like she was clumsy, Hawkeye knew that Roy didn't know how she really had that incident. He himself even told her that she never had an incident like that before but she was with so many people that he himself had limited the amount that would be allowed to see her until he was sure it wouldn't happen again. Only his main subordinates and the baby sitter were allowed until further notice. Not the woman in the grocer's shop or the lady with twins that loved playing with Kelsey. They couldn't be too sure what was happening either._

_She took her sipper cup and stretched out on the edge of the couch, her slipper clad feet was on the edge of the coffee table for leverage. _

_"I wuv daddy Ri-Ri does he wuv me?"_

_Hawkeye had to smile. She didn't know anything else in the world that could compare to Kelsey when it came to love and Roy. He loved her like no tomorrow and with all his heart._

_"He loves you so much Kay Kay. He would be lost without you."_

_She looked saddened by that sentence although Hawkeye didn't know why. She knew that the girl loved her daddy so terribly and both thought about the other without much thought of themselves. She smiled softly thinking about that big goof. To think they would have to do damage control after Ishbal. Kelsey had helped taken care of that exact problem._

_"I wuv him much too. He no cwy when I go way. He can' be sad Ri-Ri. I can' stay. I wanna but can'." Her eyes welled up with tears at this and Hawkeye gathered her into her arms and rocked her back and forth as she tried to keep herself from crying._

_"It's okay to cry Kelsey. Everybody cries even daddy," she added seeing as how Kelsey was still holding back. She felt the shuddering breaths of the little body she was holding. She didn't know why she would say that but assumed it was because she thought about what would happen if she were leave them behind. Still she was going to ask. _

_"I can' stay Auntie Ri-Ri. Will ou cwy when I go too? Don' cwy cause I go 'way. Be happy cause I lifed. K? I wuv ou and I know ou wuv me. When I gone, help daddy. I don' wan him to cwy. It hurt me."_

_Hawkeye just held her tighter wondering what she was talking about._

_"Did someone say they were going to take you away sweetie? I don't want you to go either so please stay longer. I know that your uncles would hate for you to leave as well. Please stay for us if you have to, just don't go. It's true we love that you have life but if you go, it'll break our hearts to lose you."_

_She held onto her aunt's face, cupping them with her small hands. Hawkeye saw small tears in the corner of her eyes but otherwise she hadn't shed a tear. She wiped them away for her seeing as how Kelsey seemed to be deep in thought._

_"Can ou watch him for me? Can ou Auntie Ri-Ri? Can ou help daddy be happy 'gain?" Hawkeye nodded although she still wasn't sure what she was talking about._

_Kelsey beamed then and let go of her face to put her arms around her neck. Laying her head on Hawkeye's shoulder, she seemed more calm as though she was waiting for Riza to tell her that her daddy would be taken care of if she couldn't stay. Why would the little girl worry about something like that? She didn't know but Kelsey was falling asleep and she didn't want to interrupt that. Her daddy was going to be fine because he had a sweet innocent baby that didn't care about herself. Even when there was the prospect that she would go somewhere, she only worried about how her daddy was going to be. Maybe she was worried because she broke her arm and the doctor probably talked about the complications when she was in the room, Hawkeye thought. That had to be it. She wanted to make sure her daddy was taken care of if that had ever happened._

_She held onto Kelsey tighter thinking about this. Why must the little girl act so grown up already? She should remain a little girl and not have to worry about this. Seeing as how Kelsey was now asleep, she laid her onto the couch, spreading the girl's blanket on her and adjusting the teddy bear so that the girl wouldn't drop it. She had those two since her birth and they were really important to her. Just like anything else her daddy gave her, she found that it was a treasure that she would keep until the end of time. That and the necklace that everyone had pitched in and got her. At her request though, she had her daddy seal it closed. When asked why, she said her love for her daddy would always be sealed in her heart. Love couldn't be seen when a person felt it from the heart but they could feel it and the fact that Kelsey knew that made it very special indeed. They wouldn't be able to see it but it would be there and it would help keep water out when she took a bath because she never took the thing off._

_She loved the bathwater but hated the large bodies of water. She remembered when they had gone to the beach and how she screamed every time she got near the water. She loved the sand though and played in it for hours. It was nice to see Roy trying to coax her to stand in the water with him. She hated it but he was able to get her to stand in it for a total of thirty seconds with him before lifting her up. He wasn't cruel but he did go a little bit farther in so that she could see the water wasn't that bad. She still hated it and he did take her to the shore and allowed her to build a sand castle, helping her when Kelsey had asked him too. Hawkeye had been secretly smiling seeing as how tough Mustang acted, all it took was one look from Kelsey and he was putty in his daughter's hands, willing to do anything for her at the drop of a hat. She already had him wrapped around her little pinky and he didn't even know it._

As Hawkeye tried to gain control and pick up the glass remains of the shattered coffee mug off the floor. She told them what had happened that day, fighting the will to cry. Everyone else cried, even Gracia, especially when she found out the manner of death. The worst part was when they found welts, bruises and sexual abuse that was just hours old. The broken arm wasn't abuse although they would never know how she got that as well. It very much could have been but the lawyer that defended the man had said any number of things could have caused her arm to break.

It was just like how he said they didn't know if it was him anyways stating that the babysitter baby sat her and could've done it to pin it on him for breaking up with her. The lawyer made big bucks and even though he got five years, it was not justice. How could it be when the little girl only got to live to be two years, eleven months, and twenty seven days whilst the other was going to be enjoying life again at twenty two? It was unfair but the court systems didn't care. To them it was another statistic, another dead child with a broken life that the world would put behind them. It was real though and those close could never forget so easily.

"That lousy excuse for a human only got five years?" Ed asked astounded.

Hawkeye nodded not trusting herself to speak yet. It was quiet yet again as they each were lost in their own thoughts. She knew that everybody was secretly tormented about it but she wasn't sure. Roy hated the law that they had named after her though only because they thought that her law would help prevent other children from dying when they failed her first. They failed to list all the crimes someone committed including any misdemeanor. He wouldn't have let her babysit Kelsey if he knew she had a habit of inviting boys over when she babysat and having sex with them when the child was taking a nap. Even though Bridget only had community service for her part in the death of a toddler, she had had a previous record of failing to a small infant which a previous boyfriend had beaten into a coma. The child never woke up again and she only got a thirty day jail sentence whilst the boyfriend got two years of probation.

"She had a previous boyfriend that beat an infant. The child was practically brain dead and the family hated that they trusted the teenager so much. They said that she was so good with kids but she was there when the baby had been beaten so there was no way she couldn't have prevented that. She invited the man in the home. The problem was, they didn't record her jail time and put it off the record. My guess was they hadn't wanted to ruin her future but it didn't help Kelsey in the end. Sure she got to live longer but Bridgett didn't babysit her most of the time and when she did, she didn't seem capable of that, we didn't know so there was nothing to go on except what we saw."

She finally sat back in her seat, depositing the shards in the trash. She sighed and continued.

"She got thirty days in jail the first time and community service for her part in Kelsey's death. The boyfriend that beat the infant only got two years of probation. He got free to do what he wanted afterwards. I heard recently that he became a daddy and that some woman beat his twelve month old and that it wouldn't ever be the same. Last I heard of it though, he is spending another two years of jail time for suffocating his child even though he called it mercy killing and they called it murder."

"So two more years and that son of a bitch is off free as a bird," Ed mumbled. Out loud he added, "Not like it would make a difference. Jail time doesn't make them any less sorry or make them think more of what they did. They stay by their one and only thought. In the end it doesn't bring Kelsey back and it sure as hell doesn't make it easier. Roy is doing okay at the moment though. He's sleeping finally after eating half a bagel maybe. I'd say it was only the mild concussion that caused the small lack of appetite but now that he remembers, I think he is back to blaming himself. It wasn't his fault though and it isn't any of yours either. How the hell would you had known what she would be talking about when there was no sign that her life would have been taken from her?"

"I know she gave us messages. I never said that we blame ourselves for that alone though. She only wanted to make sure her daddy wouldn't be sad because she knew how much he loved her. He will always love her of course. I'm glad you are helping him though Edward. He is much better because you are there. It also helps that you didn't know her personally so you could help him fully without having the guilt and pain that he rest of us has."

Ed only smiled.

"Hawkeye he'll get better. It takes time and he won't ever be the same as he was before but he will be able to move forward, it's getting him to finally letting her go that would hurt."

"Letting her go?"

Ed nodded.

"She's in a better place now. Not necessarily heaven but she's not hurting. He needs to let her go though it would probably be the hardest thing he's ever had to do. And with that thought alone, I know he's not going to want to do it. It would hurt him like hell. I know that but everyone has to let someone go at one point and move on. If he keeps holding onto her like he is, he will never truly heal either."

Hawkeye only shook her head though.

"I never thought of it that way. I guess we ourselves agree that that is the hardest thing one ever has to do especially when the one he would have to let go is his two year old daughter. It is just as difficult though holding on to someone he knows won't be coming back."

Havoc bent his head down.

"Well, knowing the relationship and how well he raised her, letting go isn't easy but it takes a strong person to let go of something like that. I'm not saying he is weak but he more than likely will keep holding on if he keeps himself in denial. He used to do that by the dreams he had." At the Elrics' and Rockbell's confused look, he explained. "He used to dream that Kelsey was alive and he would put her down for a nap like he used to do. Whenever he had that dream he would try to wake himself up believing that her dying had to be a nightmare but when he did and Kelsey wasn't there, he would be even more hurt than before. He woke himself up constantly wanting to believe that his daughter would be there too just once. It never happened of course but I could see why he never let her go."

Ed nodded in understanding.

"I'm going to help him though. If anything, he would eventually be able to."

And hopefully he would lose the self-blame he had felt all these years too. Hawkeye secretly smiled seeing as how Mustang couldn't fool her in the past and now she found that Ed possibly harbored secret feelings for the man himself. Well she approved, she could only hope that Ed didn't break Roy's heart in the end. He already had it shattered and while Ed was doing a good job at picking up the pieces and slowly putting them together, one break would ensure in destroying the man permanetly.

_A wave of water washed up on shore making Kelsey scream as she ran from the edge to avoid getting wet. Fuery smiled from where he was at whilst Havoc and Breda shared a look. She loved the pool and the bath but who knew that she would hate the beach? It was amusing finding out that she still surprised them. Roy however rolled his eyes, already having been in the water for fifteen minutes now. She showed that she wanted to join him but she didn't want to be anywhere near the water._

_"Come on baby."_

_She screamed again seeing the water wash up on the shore and Hawkeye gave Roy an amused grin. He tried to remember why he was talked into coming to the beach and remembered that it was a vacation to keep him from snapping at Fullmetal in the future. He did give him a good lead and he did find Marco as the kid planned but he admitted to himself now that the vacation was refreshing._

_He finally got her to hold his hand and let her feel the water on her toes. She really didn't seem to like it although she didn't say anything. As long as she was with her father apparently she wouldn't admit being scared of anything. He lifted her up and took her a little farther in the water, noticing how she held tightly around his neck although she was going to slip away. He pointed to the little fishes and even showed her a tadpole that went by making her scream once again. He took the hint and went back to shore so that she wouldn't be scared anymore. He should have never showed her that picture book that had sharks in it because she thought the ocean had sharks everywhere now. He tried to reassure her but her imagination was huge and she couldn't be deterred from her thinking. Once she was back in the sand, she found that sand stuck to her toes._

_"Sir, you are a sucker for your daughter."_

_Everyone noticed how he was willing to do anything for her. Right now he was even helping her build a sand castle from various buckets just because she asked. Roy just gave him a look all the while continuing. Kelsey was bragging how she was gonna make a big castle. The summer was going great and Hughes was with his wife right now but he probably would have gone if he had notice and hadn't been told at the last minute._

_Eventually everyone was pitching in to help her make the 'biggest' sand castle ever. They were just about finished when Black Hayate crashed into it. Hawkeye sighed and the dog shook in fear seeing as how he knew that he did something bad again. Kelsey went over and pet him though. _

_"Doggy. I wuv doggy." She hugged the dog getting a big lick in the face and laughed in glee. "See. Doggy wuv me."_

_Roy just smiled. _

_He knew what he was getting for her third birthday that meant. He was a sucker for his daughter. Havoc was right. He hated how the sand was now sticking to his skin but decided it was well worth it to see Kelsey laughing like that. She did laugh a lot though but he loved hearing it each and every time._

_Kelsey stood up, petting the doggy, her ponytail starting to come out but all in all, she looked happy. Very happy and there was very little he wouldn't do to make sure it stayed that way. He turned to wipe the clump of sand on his arm when Kelsey saw a couple of kids playing nearby, a brother and sister most likely. She seemed curious for a moment before turning to him._

_"Daddy, for my birfday coud I hafe a sister or brofer?" _

_Everyone laughed as they learned another thing for the day. Roy had never been so red in the face in his life and it was amusing to see. Roy glared at them before picking his daughter up and tickling her. They needed a bath, both he and her both had sand all over them. Especially the wet clumps from where their wet skin was exposed to the dry sand. At least it didn't get inside his blue swimming trunks or Kelsey's little pink sparkling one piece bathing suit. She had saw Her 'Aunt Ri-Ri wearing a red bikini and wanted one although Roy laughed sardonically and told her to wait twenty years. She had just nodded at that. Another baby though? Was she serious? He didn't even know if he could since the experiment seemed to only last once._

_"We'll see. But if I got you a puppy would that suffice?" She looked deep in thought before smiling and nodding._

_She obviously loved the idea of a sibling but a dog wasn't far off from her mind it seemed._

_That last summer with her would always be on Roy's mind for years to come. Especially when he first got his memories back because that summer he remembered as being the best summer he ever remembered. And whenever he thought on it, he knew one thing._

_God he missed Kelsey so much that at times it hurt._

_He loved her way too much. More than life itself._


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

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><p><em>Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be just as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go.<em>

***~Chapter Fourteen~***

_Whenever Roy dated he never had to worry about how they would react to his daughter. They loved her as well. They even seemed to love taking her along since she was a really good girl and he didn't really mind either until one of his dates had gotten drunk and thrown up. Kelsey thought she was hurt and screamed in terror until he told her that the woman was fine and just a little sick._

_"Daddy who has beebees?"_

_Roy hated that question most of all but thanked heaven above that she chose to ask him at home without anybody else around. Of course then she had seen some woman having babies so she had to be confused because Roy did what not a lot of males were able to do. He had her and he never regretted it even all these years. Kelsey smiled whenever he told her that, telling her friend that, "daddy wuvs me and I wuv him wit all my heart."_

_"Usually the mommy has the baby," he told her. She still seemed confused so Roy sighed. "How about you wait until you are about eight and then I could tell you more. I know you are trying to understand but I can't tell you everything right now because you are so innocent and there's still so much you don't need to know."_

_"So some daddies hafe beebees but all mommies do. Does that mean I special?" Roy nodded and she beamed again hugging him around the neck. He thought after that the conversation was over for a while at least._

_It wasn't until one of his girlfriends, Brenda, had gotten the girl a swing just like she had promised that Kelsey asked him once again although in a different way. _

_"Why daddy do I need a mommy if I hafe ou? Ou had me so why do I need a mommy?" Roy thought about that and thought it didn't matter who it was as long as the person he loved, loved Kelsey as much as he did. He doubted he would find someone who loved Kelsey though quite as much as he did._

_"Let's test your new swing okay baby?" She nodded enthusiastically. She allowed him to help her into the swing and let out a shout of glee when he pushed the swing causing it to move. He smiled seeing as how she loved it so much only frowning when he spotted Hughes out of the corner of his eyes. "Practice pumping your feet so that you could keep on swinging okay? I have to talk to Hughes."_

_She nodded and he went off to talk to the man that for a while hadn't liked the idea of Kelsey not being adopted but he couldn't say anything against it now because Kelsey was two years and three months. She wasn't sick and she didn't have very many illnesses when she was younger. The occasional fever but all babies got them he learnt and Kelsey was no exception. He was curious now as to what he would want and waited with his arms cross while making sure he kept Kelsey in sight at all times. He turned back to see Hughes smiling at him._

_"She sure is getting big. She is kind of like Elysia in her enthusiasm except I haven't saw a child that asked so many questions at her age."_

_"Yeah Kelsey's one of a kind. She's already asking me why she would need a mommy if I was the one to have her. She also asked why mommies have the babies if I had her. I was stumped both times and I didn't know how to answer her."_

_Hughes just shook his head._

_"Your grandmother always said wait until you have a kid of your own and then you would see what I had to go through with you. I think you're starting to see how much your grandparents loved you."_

_Roy nodded._

_"Thanks Hughes." At Hughes odd stare Roy continued. "I know it wasn't meant to work and you weren't entirely for me keeping her but thank you if it means anything to you. You gave me something that I didn't think I would find in a million years and I love my girl to death and then some. I don't think I would ever be able to let her go either. How could you be able to stand letting your daughter go to daycare now that Gracia has that small job?"_

_Hughes laughed._

_"Elysia didn't want me to let her go either. She wanted me to stay with her but after a couple of days she told me it was alright and that she would be okay. My baby is growing up so fast." Looking over at Kelsey who was stopping the swing with her feet only to start again, he smiled. "Both my babies are getting too big for their own good."_

_Roy chose to give him a questioning look before going back to observing Kelsey. She really was a fast learner. He didn't think she would learn so fast how to stop or how to start. She was even pumping her feet all the while looking up in the sky with glee. She was a smart girl but he already knew that._

_"Maybe in the future we could let her know who helped to make her right? I know that it was your decision not to give her up and that I didn't want that but I love her too Roy maybe not as much as you because hell you came to love her as soon as you felt the first kick. Ha, you fell in love at first kick." He turned serious again though and continued. "I just want her to know and if it can't be for another year I'm okay with it because she's worth the time and effort. I think Gracia wouldn't be mad if she found out but she would be disappointed that I kept this from her. It doesn't matter though because I should have been for this in the beginning and I'm sorry Roy. I love her and I know that I love you, maybe not like I used to but you are my best friend and I'll always have a place for you in my heart."_

_Roy finally nodded._

_"Not right now though, maybe in a couple of months. Hell it would be a good third birthday present maybe if you'd like-"_

_"It would make her day because we all know she doesn't respond to physical gifts quite so much. Fuery took her to the fair the other day and he was goo in her tiny hands to bend at will. I think she has your subordinates willing to die for her if they need to. She is very important to every one of us but even though we know we'd be sad if anything were to happen you would die before you would think of anything like that-"_

_"And I choose not to now."_

_Hughes nodded._

_Before they could continue Kelsey came running back up to them barreling into her daddy and being picked up as Roy regained balance before he pummeled to the ground._

_"Hold up munchkin what are you so excited about?" Hughes asked._

_"I did it! I jump from swing!" She said excitedly. _

_Roy smiled and she gave him a hug around his neck. Seeing as how close he was to his girl and Hughes didn't have a relationship like that with Kelsey made Roy feel a little guilty. In the beginning he had told himself that it was Hughes choice and that it would be his fault that he never tried in the beginning but now he changed his mind. Hughes would love to have this type of relationship with his second daughter but the thing was, he doubt that he was so close to Elysia like Roy was to Kelsey. Elysia may have been a daddy's girl but she also related more to her mommy because she was the one to have carried her and gave birth to her. She felt her baby from the inside while Hughes could only feel her kicks from outside of the belly._

_"Yes you did. High five." As she returned it he told himself that he wasn't going to think about this now especially with his daughter right here._

_She turned to Hughes with her wide happy smile and put up her hand giving him a high five as well. He looked slightly happy and tickled her in Roy's arms making her laugh. Hughes gave a small look before Roy nodded without needing him to say a word. Smiling he picked her up, throwing her up in the air a little bit, making sure to catch her right in his arms._

_"We're going for ice cream munchkin and it's on me!"_

_Hughes never ever said anything about it but it must have hurt him deeply to say goodbye to the sweet innocent angel without having been able to tell her that he was her other daddy. Of course it didn't stop him from loving the girl crazy but the last thing he got to see of her before her broken and bruised body was the night before when he had given them the ride home. Nobody would know who was responsible for Kelsey's murder between the two that were in the apartment but it hurt not being able to tell her the things he had wanted to be able to say. _

_He would never be able to say them to her at all._

The cemetery had a sense of foreboding that it took all of Roy's will not to run off as soon as he had gotten here. He knew that Ed had promised that he would be with him today but there were just some things he wanted to say that he didn't want the other to overhear. His anguish was too much at times and he didn't need Ed being dragged down. He needed to fall in love and have a family. Roy couldn't give him one especially since his own was broken. He hadn't even recovered from his daughter's death yet and he doubt that a part of him ever would.

It was little Kelsey's birthday today and she would be six years old today had she never been killed. He fought away a stray tear before making his way to her grave. He saw the tiny balloons and the gifts already surrounding it. Words saying "I miss you" and "I wish you were here" made him think that if only it were possible but it wasn't and she couldn't come back to him no matter what he would try. He tried telling himself that maybe she was where she had told him they went when they died. He never believed in heaven before but if they kept his baby safe then he would be willing to believe that that was where she had gone to.

Going up to her grave, he saw the head stone and the little thing he had requested be put on that before he had tried to change his mind saying that Kelsey hadn't died and they were just wasting their times. He really didn't want to believe that Kelsey was dead back then and he still wish she wasn't, but that wouldn't bring her back. He read the tomb stone again seeing as how he never even been here before not being able to stand it at the time and then he lost his memory.

**KELSEY ANN MUSTANG**

**December 14th 1912-December 13th 1915**

**Fly high baby girl….  
>You are forever loved, forever missed,<br>AND FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS**

"Kelsey I miss you sweetie. You weren't supposed to leave, we had so much that we still had to do. There was so much I had forward to doing with you that it makes my head spin knowing that you died. Daddy is sorry. If I knew what would have happened that day I would have taken you to the office. Why didn't you say anything baby? I love you so much and I only want you here with me!" Falling to his knees, he placed a birthday card in the envelope complete with a small heart shaped sticker on the back.

"You told me that you wanted me to love you until my heart breaks but I can't do that. Because even with my heart in a hundred million pieces I still love you forever and always baby. You are forever in here. And I'm sorry I never told you about Hughes. I should have told you and it wouldn't have changed anything anyways because you already loved him. He's there with you now though so at least I know there's somebody watching you wherever you may be. I want to see you one last time Kels but I don't know how it would even happen. I love you baby and I will always miss you. I love you!"

Laying against it now, he felt as though he was finally closer to his child than he had been in years. Kelsey resided there, her soul didn't though and even though the one thing he wanted could never happen, he felt a warmth he thought he'd never feel again. The warmth of being as close to his daughter as much as he possibly could.

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><p>Ed hoped he found the man. He discharged himself the hospital without telling anyone. Really smart, he thought sarcastically. He quickly made his way over to the last place he thought he was going to be but felt like he should give it a try. Havoc was already searching elsewhere along with Hawkeye and the others. Sighing, he slowed down to clutch at the stitch in his side from running all the way across town looking for the man.<p>

He found him at Kelsey's grave passed out. He looked cold which was evident due to the shivers racking his body. Stupid he thought, it was chilly out here and here he was out here falling asleep without a coat. He shook him awake, throwing his coat over him to bring some warmth all the while rubbing his arms to warm them up as well.

"Ed what r you doing here?" he asked sleepily.

"Making sure you don't catch hypothermia. What did you think you were doing falling asleep out here?"

Roy looked at him as though searching his expressions before he sighed. Ed made sure not to look disappointed and sure enough he would get him to talk to him.

"I felt close to Kelsey Ed. I want my baby back but I can't have her." He paused looking up at the sky with a small smile. "See that one shining the brightest over us. That one is Kelsey but I think she is looking down disappointed in me because I can't be happy knowing that she is gone. Ed it's not fair! I want my baby!"

Ed rubbed his arms still trying to bring the warmth back while still listening to him without speaking. Hugging him close he knew that Roy was finally getting everything off his chest and he wanted to let him know that he would listen no matter what he said. He honestly couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child let alone a two year old so Roy had his permission to talk for as long as he wanted. He was quiet for a moment before he let out a small dry laugh before continuing.

"I don't know why I act like this. I got to love her right? I love her with all my heart no matter how broken it was to have her leave me and the sad thing is, I know a part of me should let her go. She's gone, she's in heaven and I know I will see her again someday, but I want to see her now. Can it be too much to ask for just once."

"If you got that you would never let her go." Ed finally spoke. "You would want to keep her here if you finally got to see her again."

"I don't know why because you said you would never do it in the beginning remember? You said you would never fall for me but I think I might like you. I don't know how bad that sounds but can you stand me liking you because I can't help it," he muttered before falling against his shoulder.

Ed sighed this time noticing that he was out. He was still a little cold but he was sure he wasn't going to be able to get him to his home and getting a taxi around here was almost impossible at this time of night. He was able to carry him on his back to the nearest hotel and get him into a warm blanket before getting ahold of Breda finally and updated him. He left out the conversation and only let the man knew he found Roy. After hanging up he made sure to shed his own boots and pants before climbing into the bed with him. He pulled Roy over to him and laid the man's head on his shoulder. Before he fell asleep himself though, he added a little talk of his own.

"I do like you Roy. Don't listen to what I said before, I was stupid. I most definitely like you too," he mumbled before finally letting the sleep take him. Just feeling the other's heartbeat lulled him into a deep sleep but with a small smile on his face.

_"Fee-ry" _

_Fuery had been trying to get the two year old since the beginning of time to say his name right but gave up seeing as it was hopeless. He loved her tiny voice anyhow and wondered if she would sound just as cute when she was in kindergarten. Man Roy would be heartbroken to see his daughter leave him for half a day but she would begin to make friends._

_She was busily playing with some blocks whilst Fuery was trying to fix one of the many walkie talkies in the building that got destroyed. They wouldn't mind him taking them home just as long as they were fixed and brought back the next day. Looking over she saw the walkie talkie and picked it up._

_"Wat it do?" she asked curiously._

_"When it works you can communicate in it like a phone only you don't need a phone number. It's how we know where to go when someone is getting hurt."_

_She looked at it and then back at him for several seconds before nodding like she understood. She played with the buttons and tried to see how it worked without actually pressing the button in to talk through it. Seeing the two year old do that had him amazed. So much for not having her parents' genes, Fuery thought. She was super smart since her parents were both intelligent people. He hadn't thought they should have played with experimentation on the body in the beginning but he was one of the first ones to think that the baby was so cute. He watched her when she was two months old before the others even thought that helping him would be a good idea. It did lessen the post-partum depression the man had been experiencing and he even smiled again soon after returning to work. Fuery found that out of all his family members, Kelsey may not be a blood relative but she was his favorite niece of all. _

_"Like wen they call cops?" Fuery nodded seeing that she really got this._

_She laughed and he looked at her in confusion._

_"These don' hafe battries Fee-ry," she told him with a giggle._

_Observing it, he wondered why he didn't pick up that observation. So they had. As soon as he had placed them in, they started to work again. He decided that they didn't need to mention that to certain individuals and Kelsey quite agreed. She thought that they would just feel stupid not realizing that Fuery kind of felt that way as well since he had been tinkering with them for about thirty minutes and he hadn't thought to check to see if there were batteries in there. It just went to prove that whenever they needed a simple solution to a difficult problem, they should start with something simple and work their way up._

_He was the first in the office to cry when he heard the news because Kelsey may not have been with him as often as the others but he liked to think of her like a very good niece and suddenly having her not here any longer created a void where he constantly heard her voice and had all the memories left behind without actually having her here. _

_She wasn't coming back and everything she left behind haunted them for many months to come._


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to<em>

***~Chapter Fifteen~***

_Roy decided to put a helmet on his daughter the day she learnt to walk. Every time she began, she usually fell and hit her head on something, going down with a dramatic bang that had her crying for half a second before trying again. He loved her determination but hated the fact that she was hurting. She had learnt to sit and then to stand but skipped crawling and went straight to learn how to walk. Fuery told him that that meant she was really smart and that she should be able to learn a lot of things early._

_She did though and he found that Fuery was right. She could already say more words than any other ten month olds put together. One thing she couldn't say was 'papa' and he tried to get her to say that every day. She was just too confused he guessed. There was time to learn that though._

_"Sir, you're letting her color with paints?" Havoc asked one evening whilst they all played cards._

_Roy gave him a look that successfully shut him up but Hawkeye sighed from where she was at. She and the girls decided that they could come as well even though the men were enjoying a small game of cards. Kelsey was indeed painting although it was on herself and not the paper. She smiled knowing that her daddy would have fun removing it later and she would laugh when he cursed because they warned him that she was painting trying to hint that Kelsey was making a mess. He just didn't want to take the hint at all._

_"You know sir, I think Kelsey looks so pretty being purple, pink, and blue," Fuery added._

_Finally seeing that he shot up and put the paints up, washing her as quickly as he could before it dried on her. Havoc was about to peak at his boss's cards knowing that he would be busy with the ten month old._

_"Havoc if you cheat I will wring your neck!" Havoc flinched but left the idea alone knowing that Mustang was probably not going to like it very much if he did cheat. Especially if he looked at the cards and the man found out._

_Roy was back with his daughter in his lap. Now having his cards back in his hands, he ignored the women's offer to watch Kelsey for him and instead had a secret smile on his face. Kelsey was way too into the game for the other guy's liking and when Roy pointed to one, she picked one of the cards from his hand and put it in the discard pile he pointed to before picking up another card and placing it in Roy's hand._

_"It's cheating using a child to help you win chief," Havoc whined. Breda concurred and Fuery laughed._

_"You do realize if we lose now we would be losing to an ten month old who isn't even out of diapers yet and just learned to walk. Does she still wear the helmet?"_

_Roy nodded saying, "Always. Once she stops hitting her head when she goes down, I'll stop the precautionary measures but since the helmet has padding on the inside I'm gonna keep having her wear it until then."_

_Fuery nodded whilst Havoc grinned._

_"Soon though sir she would be getting bigger and guess what then? You would lose her eventually to her boyfriends and then one day she would get married and have a girl of her own. You think she would still be such a daddy's girl? They do say it's the girls that break their father's hearts so in the future-"_

_"Havoc just for that, read this and weep."_

_Havoc had never been so angry at losing at poker that it wasn't even funny for him. It didn't stop the others from laughing their heads off though. Kelsey looked up from the one card she had been playing with before smiling._

_She melted their hearts with that smile although as she got older, her smile became smoother and sweeter. It was a smile they would come to miss, a smile that was absent for three years since the day she died. _

_It was one that would never leave their memories or their hearts._

Roy woke up having a small headache and feeling a bit cold. He felt arms tighten around him as though knowing that it was cold and trying to warm him up with his body heat. Confused and not really remembering much after seeing Ed in the cemetery, he finally remembered his confession. Did he know already and that was why he was here and hadn't run away? Why else would he still be here after all he had put Ed through? Another shiver racked his body and the arms pulled him closer.

Was it really Ed at all though?

"You still cold?" It most definitely was.

He laid his head on him and tried to pull himself even closer. Ed put a hand to his forehead and sighed with relief. Withdrawing it, he pulled him against him in an attempt to keep the man warm seeing as how he didn't have a fever and was cold. He couldn't blame him since the hotel they were at didn't have adequate heat and it was really cold outside. It was even snowing which made him ever the more happier that he had found him so soon. He didn't need to ask why he had done what he had because he knew he wanted to feel close to his daughter. What mattered was Ed being here and he wouldn't leave for anything in the world.

"So you really do like me?" He had turned Roy to look at him and kept the smirk from his own lips although a smile played there. Roy nodded not trusting himself to speak. He knew most likely that Ed wouldn't return the feelings. He had told him before that he would never love him and that once he was done 'babysitting him' he was leaving. He couldn't make him stay just like he couldn't make somebody like him.

He was shocked however when Ed put a kiss on his mouth. He felt butterflies in his stomach and his heart twinge at feeling that just possibly Ed may return his feelings. Ed tenderly kissed his lips again, wrapping his arms around Roy's middle and nibbled on his bottom lip much to the man's surprise, seeking entrance into his warm mouth. Roy allowed it and he explored every cavern with his tongue only withdrawing to catch his breath.

"Does that mean what I think it means." Roy certainly shouldn't have to ask that. Would Ed really stick his tongue in the man's mouth if he hated him?

"Silly, I don't like you, I love you," he told him making Roy think for a second before going forward for another kiss. Ed smirked realizing their positions and Roy became bright red just thinking about it. He had never actually been with a man like this before and the closest he had come to being in one was the kisses he would sneak from Hughes during the academy days when they had been 'experimenting'. Girls liked men that could kiss and they really couldn't be good if they didn't have experience.

"You okay brigadier general, you look a little under the weather," Ed said with a knowing smile. He knew from Havoc that any talk of a relationship with the same sex and he became as red as a tomato. Not because he was against it nor humiliated about it at all but because it was something he hadn't ever done before and just thinking about sex like that made him nervous quite a bit.

"Asshole," Roy muttered before pulling Ed done on him to capture his lips in another kiss. Ed smiled into it but knew that that was all they were going to do at the moment. If he did anything else, he felt he would be taking advantage of his weakened state since Roy had only hours ago, admitted his feelings. Hours ago he also had been at his daughter's grave finally allowing himself to grieve for the daughter that was just too young to die.

"That's usually my line," Ed told him before rolling off of him to sit up. Roy was obviously still a bit cold but it could be that he might be coming down with something. He still didn't have a fever but illnesses were known to suddenly come on when you were at your lowest. He drew a bath instead and had him take one to warm him up and left some warm clothes behind whilst having the time to finally think.

He had kissed the brigadier general and he hadn't hated it. It was ironic since back then if he was told that he would have come to even like him , he would have told them that they were being crazy. It wasn't true though since he did respect the man back then even. If he had known back then about the kid, he would have liked to meet her. From what everyone told him and not only Roy, he surmised that she was an innocent child that didn't have the horrors of having to see death like Ed and Al had to. But she had lost her life and she would always be remembered as the little girl that smiled even though she knew that she wouldn't be with her daddy for as long as she liked. She smiled to show him that it would be okay to let her go and that she would not be mad.

The phone rang and Ed hurriedly answered it. It was Hawkeye and after fifteen minutes of convincing her that Roy was fine and wasn't in any danger she sighed.

"I'm glad you're with him Ed. You're keeping him safe and making sure he doesn't hurt himself which is good. I told the president and she gave him some time off from his duties. Scar was a little harder to convince so I had to tell him more but he was astonished that anyone would do that to a child. Maybe the pictures we have of her helped. Just keep him with you until you're sure-"

"Hawkeye what is he? He's no one's keeper and he's fine. Well he's far from being who he used to be but that's quite understandable. He's fine in my book and you don't have anything to worry about anymore."

Roy was out by the time he was finished with the phone call. Laying back against the bed, he allowed Ed to sit beside him before giving the shorter male a fixed look. Ed just smiled and shook his head before laying down next to him and wrapping an arm around the man.

"If we ever did get that far in the relationship I wonder-"

"I top," Ed cut him off. Roy gave him a look and he snorted. "Have you ever even been with a man that way."

At Roy's face became a dark red, Ed laughed and said, "I rest my case. If you don't know what you're doing then you could really hurt the person instead of making love to them."

"Like you would know," Roy mumbled into his collar.

"I know because believe it or not, you're not my first," Ed admitted.

Roy paused for a moment before schooling him with a look that was halfway between a dazed what and an expression of surprise. He honestly didn't expect that one but what could he do? Ed saw other people too just like he saw other women in the past. It was the past that still haunted him though. He didn't think he would be able to entirely let that go yet.

"I'm surprised you don't like Hawkeye like I thought you did," Ed continued making Roy blink.

"I think of her like a sister. She had always been there for me and besides, isn't it obvious that she has feelings for Havoc? He's a blonde though so of course he wouldn't notice. In fact I'm not surprised that you didn't know," he added, a familiar smirk making its way on his lips.

Ed huffed.

"Asshole." Roy only continued to smirk.

"Well does that mean that you want this relationship Roy? I mean I love you and you admitted that you liked me so do you want it? I know that you are still going through a lot and I would be willing to wait for as long as it takes but don't make the assumption that I would wait for long because even though people die and people mourn, life goes on no matter how much you would hate it."

Roy nodded.

"You really want a relationship with me? Even if I killed your friend's parents and did so many unforgivable things?"

Ed bobbed his head.

"I love you and that means your imperfections make you perfect in my eyes. Roy everybody makes mistakes and I for one know it the most," Roy initiated the kiss this time and Ed held Roy's face with his palms as he deepened the kiss.

It may be true that their love wasn't perfect and that they wouldn't ever not argue because nobody fell in love with a perfect person nor did they ever get along the whole entire time either but he knew that they could make it work. He loved him enough and he didn't know if Roy would but he made it blatantly obvious that he more than liked him and quite possibly had for a while. Breaking apart to be able to catch their breath, Roy laid his head on his shoulder trying to fight back sleep.

Ed smiled because no matter how much he wanted the man to believe that he was going to be okay in the future, he knew that there would come a time where he would admit it himself and nothing made him happier than the thought of Roy being fine despite the little girl not being here. His girl was his world.

He would never be the same but he would eventually be okay.

_Elysia had come over seeing as how she was two and her Uncle Roy was trying to teach some baby how to ride a tricycle. It was an old one Elysia gave up so that the little one could have it. The little thirteen month old was cute too. She had brown soft baby hair tie into pigtails on the top of her head and a red checkered dress with white sandals on. It was so cute and yet what completed her look was the fact that she put on her daddy's old military cap as though to make her riding a tricycle official._

_"Dada, da baby is cute!" Hughes just nodded while Roy tried showing Kelsey how to ride it. The girl that was tiny compared to Elysia nodded as though she understood._

_"I don't know Roy, maybe we should do this in the park instead of in the living room. I mean this is the first time I've been here and the apartment has been immaculate. Having a kid sure changed everything hasn't it?" Seeing the look that Roy was giving her daddy, Elysia was led to believe it was a joke between them._

_Kelsey had already climbed onto the tricycle while they were talking and began to peddle. Towards the end of the living room, her dress got caught on the pedal and she crashed into the couch letting out a startled cry when she landed in a heap on the floor._

_By the time Roy got down there to check on her, she was no longer crying and just had him help her untangle herself from the big object. Roy did just that and seeing as how the girl was fine, Roy gave her a hug anyways before checking to see if she was fine. He spotted a cut on her knee and didn't make a big deal about it._

_Elysia did though and cooed while he put bacitracin and a band aid on. Kelsey blinked as though she thought all the attention was over rated and instead tried to toddle back towards the tricycle._

_"That's my Kelsey, never giving up," She pouted when he picked her up, thwarting her goal of reaching it so that she could try again. Kissing her on the nose he laughed. "No more riding with a dress on okay?"_

_She nodded with a smile that just kept getting more beautiful each time he saw it._

_"Me go?" Roy shook his head._

_"You change first okay," She shook her head._

_"M'kay. Me go?" Despite her limited vocabulary, she was still a smart little girl. Roy smiled back amusedly before seemingly thinking about it. The problem with her is unless it was something that hurt her really bad, she cried for a couple to thirty seconds before she allowed herself to get over it. She did not whine nor expected to be spoiled over a few minor scrapes and bruises._

_"Okay but you have to promise not to crash again. Do you need help?" Kelsey had always needed his help. To dress her, to feed her, and to keep her safe. The day she started to eat her for herself was when he realized that she was slowly growing independent and that one day she wouldn't need him anymore._

_"I do it." _

_His little baby girl was starting to do things for herself and soon, she would want him to let go so she could do things on her own. Stepping back, he watched how she succeeded this time in steering the tricycle and paused a moment to get her sunglasses. He let out a chuckle although he thought about the one thing people kept telling him he would eventually have to do even though he didn't want to do it at all._

_Someday he would have to let her go._


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people. But you never forget them. And sometimes, it's those memories that give us the strength to go on.<em>

***~Chapter Sixteen~***

_"Hi Uncie Ha-Ha, you doing kay?" _

_Havoc watched her playing in the sink and how her father kept doing things at the last all the while keeping an eye on the girl who seemed intent on doing the dishes so her daddy could go have fun. When all was said and done though, Havoc sighed knowing he was trying to get out of going on a date again. Honestly if Ed could see him now, he would be shocked to know how much this man wasn't the womanizing pervert he seemed to think half the times._

_"Sir just go to your date. I'll watch Kelsey like I did five hundred times before."_

_Roy stopped in the midst of yanking the rest of his shoe on as though to blink in surprise. Of course he knew that since Bridgett had her college classes. The eighteen year old was smart in her own way but she couldn't flunk another class or her parents were going to stop paying for it. He guessed that was the benefit of having such rich parents that did stuff for you._

_"I love you Kelsey. Give daddy a hug." She hugged him tightly and gave him a tiny kiss on the cheek too._

_"Daddy I hafe this dun k?" She smiled brightly as though she was doing him a favor by getting these done for him when in reality, he could get it done tomorrow just fine._

_"Okay baby just don't get hurt or fall out of the chair. Don't put anything with plugs in there and don't slip getting down. I love you baby and I want you safe-HEY I WASN'T FINISHED HAVOC!"_

_"Yes but by the way you went on and on, you would miss your date and you already missed months by changing your mind. Kelsey is your baby girl and that is never going to change but Kelsey I'm sure wants you to have fun too okay?"_

_Roy nodded and was about to say something before he slammed the door closed behind him. Talk about the psycho superior he thought. He wasn't really psycho but the way he went on about his daughter being safe and all was a rant he familiarized with Hughes. Sure he didn't rant about her to other people nor did he shove her photo in their face but he was sure soon Hughes would be doing the same with her. He kept quiet about it so far only because his wife didn't know about her yet. Just wait five months Kelsey and you will know you're other parent he thought with a smile._

_The door rang and Kelsey who was finished by that time, saw that he was answering the door._

_"Who that Ha-Ha?"_

_She soon found out when Fuery and Breda came through._

_"Paying cards?" She asked with excitement shining in her eyes._

_Even though they didn't like playing with her since four out of the five games she won, they still couldn't tell her no. Not to that pretty little face anyways. Fuery lifted her from the chair seeing as how the chair was wet from her doing dishes and he noticed she was too._

_"Well baby sitter she needs new clothes-"_

_"No worry I do it!"_

_She was back in no time with her purple pajamas. Moving her hair out of her face, she sat at the coffee table and the rest of them had to laugh. She couldn't be seen sitting there all alone like that. Havoc grabbed the cushion and lifted her onto it so she could reach the top without standing. She politely thanked him and then they settled on the card games. It was poker night and Havoc usually done this over at Breda's place but since he was babysitting Kelsey, he found it wasn't bad at all. _

_"She already ate but I could dish up some snacks-on paper plates," he added seeing as how Kelsey had just done the dishes and she wouldn't want them to get dirty again so soon._

_"Otay. We pay?" _

_"Of course Kay-Kay. You love how funny Ha-Ha is right?"_

_She nodded._

_She loved all her uncles especially her uncle Mae-Mae but she thought Ha-Ha was very funny especially. He keeps talking about how her daddy keeps stealing his girlfriends and she would love more than anything to see daddy's work again. Ri-Ri was always nice to her and she got to color. She was with Mae-Mae and she saw the big man with the muscle. He let her touch it although her uncle tried telling her it would only set him off. She wanted to see the big man again though._

_"Okay, you lose Kelsey, I have a full house," Breda taunted._

_Havoc had already folded and Fuery did as well seeing the humungous grin on Breda's face. Kelsey looked at him before placing her cards down making Breda's grin slowly fade. She didn't even know how the game worked and picked up cards at random intervals and discarded what seemed like the good cards at the time. Dropping his cards in frustration he held his head in annoyance ignoring Kelsey's growing concern._

_"Did I wose?" she asked worriedly._

_"She got the straight flush again, didn't she?" Havoc asked with a grin despite having folded earlier. He took the silence as a yes and laughed. He shared a high five with Kelsey which she did without hesitation although she didn't know what for. Fuery gave her a hug to which she hugged back as well._

_"Did I win?"_

_"Yes you won Kelsey," Havoc reassured her. _

_She laughed with glee and took a tumble off of the cushion making Havoc curse and wish he had padding there. He seemed to forget that once at a height greater than the ground floor, everything should be padded. She sat up and looked like she was going to cry for about thirty seconds before laughing again much to their relief._

_"I foo' ou," She told them with a laugh. "Ou fought I cwy but I din'."_

_One's thing for certain, they learnt not to give her pop tarts before bed nor play until midnight when Roy was supposed to be getting back. Of course she would be up anyways but it made a difference on how she greeted him at the door and it seemed a hyper Kelsey was different from a tired fussy one. Especially when she ran up to him and accidentally hit the door in the midst of repeating the words, "I win, I win!" If that wasn't bad enough she told him how they ate and ate until she 'winned'. Never again was the thought._

_Kelsey was never going to have sugar when they were watching her._

Roy made his way back to work a week later. He always thought it was bad enough having to look every place he went and remembered a memory in some form that he had done with Kelsey. He didn't know there would be anything worse until he came into work that morning. It did start out fine in the meeting. He didn't share anything although nobody really looked his way and he was surprised. They usually wanted his input but he welcomed the sudden silence on that part and instead listened the whole time. Afterwards, he was almost crushed to death by Armstrong though.

" OH HOW HORRIBLE BRIGADIER GENERAL TO NOT BEING ABLE TO CELEBRATE YOUR DAUGHTER'S SIXTH BIRTHDAY WITH HER BECAUSE SHE WENT OFF INTO HEAVEN! WE NEVER LOST A FAMILY MEMBER LIKE THAT IN ALL THE ARMSTRONG LINES OF GENERATIONS BUT IT IS SO HORRIBLE TO IMAGINE! YOU BRIGADIER GENERAL ARE STRONG!"

"I know that you respect him for that weirdly enough but can you please let go before he turns blue," Brosh quietly told him as though afraid he would strike against him next.

"And I haven't forgotten about you lieutenant Brosh. Don't you have a little two week old at home! PRECIOUS GENERATIONS OF THE ARMSTRONG LINE HAVE LEARNED THE ART OF PERFECT BREEDING! THAT IS WHY I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND THE NOTION OF BEATING A CUTE LITTLE TWO YEAR OLD GIRL WHO WAS DADDY'S LITTLE SOLDIER!"

When he was away Roy finally regained some breath and looked less blue.

"What is he talking about?" he wheezed. He didn't know how he knew something like that and if his subordinates thought that they would tell everyone so that he wouldn't have to, they were so wrong. He just didn't want the pity from people that suddenly thought they knew when in reality they hadn't even known the girl long enough to see how horrible it had been to live without her.

"Truth is brigadier general is that they learned it through the newspaper." At his blank expression, Brosh continued. "They published a paper saying that the one responsible for killing a State alchemist's baby girl is going to be free in just two months' time. Something about good behavior. It states in the laws that anyone with twenty four months or less of jail time could be released early on good behavior though so it's a common thing. I know you didn't want them knowing about Kelsey-"

"HOW DID THEY KNOW ALL THAT THOUGH! DON'T TELL ME THEY TOLD THEM EVERYTHING!"

"Maybe not everything but it did have Maria in tears. It just said that a colonel who was also a state Alchemist lost his baby three years ago due to child abuse and they talked in such detail of the injuries the child received and all-"

"HOW DID THEY KNOW IT WAS ME THEN!" Roy didn't mean to snap but this couldn't be happening. He didn't think he could deal with this. He had already lost Kelsey once but to lose her once again through the public eye would be horrible. Already he could see some women give him sympathetic glances. He didn't need that. What did they do?

"It was the pictures sir of you and of Kelsey. They put them up and not only did they see how she looked but they now know it was your kid because of the pictures."

Roy couldn't deal with this. No this wasn't happening! It couldn't possibly happen like this, they were going to exploit her and he didn't think he could stand that. She was a baby not some fucking law that would protect children! They didn't know her and how sad she would be to hear them talking about her. She wasn't the sad little girl that couldn't survive to be three to him. No at once she was a tiny baby that smiled whenever she saw his face.

"Sir are you okay?" Brosh didn't want to intrude on the brigadier general but it looked like he was crying and he was sure the man wouldn't want to do that in the opening. Before he could say anything else, he tore out of the area ignoring the sympathetic stares going his way.

He felt sorry for him already but not because of what the others were thinking. He lost his baby three years ago and they didn't do anything then so why were they doing it now? Why would they even bring that up just because the son of a bitch was going free now all of a sudden?

He was about to follow when Hawkeye came and was slightly out of breath.

"Did you see the article-"

"Yes I did. Maria saw it too. Hell the whole building saw it!" Hawkeye's face paled but before she could get the next question in, he continued. "Mustang knows about it too and he took off that way."

Hawkeye swore under her breath and took after the man knowing that if he attempted to take his life once, it wouldn't compare to what he could possibly do knowing this was out. She just hoped that she could get to him in time.

* * *

><p>Ed and Al was in the company of Gracia and Elysia when he read the newspaper. It was horrible and when Winry read it, it had her in tears since half the injuries on the girl she and Al had never been told of. What's more was the one responsible was getting out twenty four months early!<p>

"WHAT THE HELL! WHO WOULD POST SOMETHING LIKE THIS?" Ed wasn't worried about Kelsey's image because she had been the innocent victim in this all. No what he worried about was Roy. Oh God, he needed to go there and make sure he didn't do anything stupid.

"I will be a few minutes or maybe hours, I need to make sure he's okay!"

Al and Winry didn't even get the chance to tell him anything but assumed that telling him would be a big waste of time anyways. Looking at each other, they hoped that everything would be alright but decided to stay still in case he needed them.

Ed was in the building before he knew it. Trying to catch his breath, he came to an ironic thought that here he was running to get to Mustang again. He just thanked the heavens that he loved the man so much. He made his way into headquarters but was stopped at the front.

"You either need a state alchemist watch or a visitor's badge in order to come through!"

"I don't have time for your garbage lady, I need to find the brigadier general!" She pulled him back before he could say anything and he found himself ready to rip the woman to shreds. She continued by what she told him though and he wished he never had given Roy back his pocket watch. What was it that he had told him just a year ago? "I don't need this pocket watch any longer because I'm no longer an alchemist and besides I have my freedom back and won't have to be a chummy and get sent wherever you tell me to and expect me to listen anymore." That was it and he felt really dumb now that he thought about it.

"Hey okay how do you get a visitor's pass?" He asked and while her back was turned, he struck past her ignoring her calls for security so that he could get to the man before he did something stupid. He already knew about his attempted suicide so there was a whole lot more that he would probably do knowing how Roy got.

He ran to the office enter when he barreled into Havoc, Fuery, and Falman. Ed blinked and seeing them quickly tried to hide behind one so that the security guards wouldn't take him away. Blinking back the shock of seeing Ed there, Falman quickly led the guards out in amidst of their protests about the kid not having a visitors pass. They could deal with that later but right now Havoc and Fuery quickly filled him in as they raced to where Hawkeye was.

She had found him but she wasn't able to talk him out of the closet and the key was useless since there must've been something wedged there to keep anyone from getting in. Roy obviously wanted to be left alone. Ed knew it would be a bad day as soon as he laid eyes on that paper but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try to help him.

"Roy, please come on out. You know you want to. It's okay, you don't have to go back to work today and you could hang out with me, would you like that?" He thought he wasn't going to reply so he was about to try again when he hear a faint sound.

"I don't want you to see me like this so go away!"

Ed just sighed. He saw as much as he was going to get when Roy was recovering his memory and now that he had it, Ed finally saw what the others did. As well as to why they were happy that it had been repressed as well because it was different accepting the idea that his young daughter was dead but now everyone knew she was and there was no hiding it from anyone.

"I saw you a lot worse don't you remember? Please Roy just come out of there-"

"I can't lose her again and I won't do it! Don't you realize that once they put it on the newspapers her face would be all over the place? I don't want her exploited!"

Ed really felt sorry for Roy, he really did. He didn't even know that girl and he felt he would have loved her almost as much as Roy had. He kept himself from sighing and instead urged the others to leave. He didn't need them to stand around him whilst he was trying to get Roy to come out of there. If he wanted to be successful in coaxing him then they had better leave him alone and give him some space! He waited until they were all out of sight and then sighed in relief.

"Roy they aren't there anymore. Hawkeye took them away from here and your other subordinates are making sure that they don't do anything stupid. You may want to-"

Roy had opened it a crack and allowed Ed to slip through. Once it was closed again, he threw himself onto Ed trying to keep himself from crying. He couldn't cry now, but Ed started to rub his back soothingly and the damn of emotions broke finally. He let himself sob into his shirt while Ed said nothing. Nothing really needed to be said anyways and just by being there, the blonde knew he was going to help him more than any sympathy anyone ever gave him.

"Thank you Ed," he mumbled finally.

He could hear Ed's heart beating from where his head was and he was quite sure he liked the sound of that. He pulled himself tighter against the other body, this time trying to bring all his disarrayed thoughts in order.

"You are so welcome. Come on, let's take you home and get you into bed. Maybe you could sleep this off and-"

Roy grabbed onto Ed's arms before he could continue.

"Stay with me." He paused and seeing Ed's face mumbled a small, "Please."

Ed didn't know what would happen in the future. He didn't know what would happen when that man was finally let loose to the public but one thing was for certain, he never felt as close to Roy before as he felt now. Pulling him close again, Ed finally nodded. He may have been through hell losing his mom and almost his brother as well but Roy had been in hell for years just drifting and he couldn't seem to find the light in the darkness being that everybody else that knew were also in their own dark little fortress that surrounded them since the little girl's murder. Roy would find the light and nobody would permanently be left behind. Ed would make sure of that.

Because while someone so precious was lost to them, they still had quite a lot of memories to remind them of what they once had.

_She blew out the candles all by herself. Amidst all the clapping she held tightly onto her daddy's shirt with her left fist. She smiled and talked to the adults that wished her a happy birthday and even waved to the older kids who did the same but one thing she wouldn't allow was her daddy to leave out of her sight for very long. Hughes pinched her cheeks and tickled her before winking over at Roy and asking her why she wasn't playing with all the others. They wanted to play with the birthday girl and it would be only once that she would be two years old._

_"I wan daddy wit me." She told him with a small giggle._

_He laughed too and patted her on the head. Letting out a big laugh, Kelsey put her arms around her daddy's neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Roy would have been annoyed with the fact that Maes had taken a picture of him if Kelsey hadn't been so happy. She was delighted to have her picture taken. Anytime there was an opportunity to get one, she wasn't shy._

_Smiling Havoc went up to her and gave her the present he had brought along._

_"For a very special girl and her very special day. Now you have to tell us what you want to grow up to be okay? We want to know so that we know what type of future our special girl would have. You touch lives now so how are you gonna touch lives later?"_

_"I gonna be a sowdier wike daddy." She told them._

_Roy laughed although he didn't agree with that. Most definitely not. His little girl was going to stay far away from the army as long as he could persuade her. He wanted her to be sweet and to remain innocent and she couldn't do that if she was to join the army at all. Kelsey got down and went to play with the piñata that the other kids were gathered around whilst Roy took a seat and sighed._

_"What don't want your baby to be just like you?" Havoc asked with a smile. He learnt his lesson about putting even an unlit cigarette in his mouth with that girl around and instead was chewing on some gum. He complained sometimes but only when he wanted to be funny so that she could laugh again._

_"That's the exact problem I don't want her to lose her innocence," Roy said with a frown._

_Havoc nodded as though he understood._

_"She's not going to be innocent forever. She's gonna grow up…"_

_Roy didn't need to hear the rest because he already knew. After some time Kelsey was back and leaning on his knees giving him her beautiful smile. He smiled playfully back and she laughed before laying halfway across his lap._

_"My silly baby what are you doing?"_

_She smiled up at him._

_"Not siwy." His smile broadened._

_"Not silly. Then what is my little baby?"_

_She looked up at him from where she was laying on him and her green eyes lit up. Her golden brown hair was tied partially on the top of her head with a pink ribbon while the rest flowed down to the top of her shoulder._

_"I daddy's sowdier. Daddy's wittle sowdier." She told him with such confidence that Roy nodded giving her a few kisses on her forehead. A few moments later she was out like a light on her lap with the teddy bear her daddy had gotten for her when she was just a few days old. She was daddy's little soldier and nobody fought that claim because it was true._

_It hurt much later seeing that on the headlines it had read "At the third anniversary of the murder of daddy's little soldier her killer walks free in just two months' time" because even then, she would never stop being daddy's little soldier to her daddy._


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is!<em>

***~Chapter Seventeen~***

_Nine months was way too long!_

_Roy carried his baby for that long and now he was going nine months without his precious three year old girl. She should have been able to have turned three. She should have been able to blow out that number of candles on her birthday cake, to live past the age of two years and eleven months. _

_It hadn't gotten any easier at all and he imagined that it had been just a bad nightmare all the time before he woke up and realized the nightmare had been reality. There would be no more Kelsey sneaking into bed because she was scared of some monster, her terrified green eyes looking over in freight and then jumping underneath the covers when her daddy said yes. There would be no more kisses and no more hugs. No more secret smiles or mischievous looks. _

_Banging his head against the wall, he fought against the tears trying to get the thoughts out of his head. Kelsey wasn't here anymore, his baby was gone so why did these memories plague him so much? He didn't want this when he had allowed Hughes to let him help test out the experiment. He never thought though that he would come to love somebody more than life itself and now that was gone so what would he do? What was he going to do now that his world was gone? He heard about others who lost their children while they were away at war but they didn't sound any different and they came back to work after the war just fine. They had more kids and didn't seem to be in any way affected with the death of their child. He knew that one had been abducted and found in a river bank but the man wasn't even shedding a tear when he heard the news._

_So damn it why was it so different with him and Kelsey? He wanted that answer and he didn't think he wanted to think this way anymore. More thoughts of the two year old brought more anguish than he could handle. He couldn't sleep because when he did, he saw the little girl like she was really alive and in it she would talk to him and ask for things. In those dreams it was like she hadn't even died._

_Two months after her death both the babysitter and the boyfriend were arrested. One had gotten away with community service because of her rich parents and the other got five years and a bunch of sympathies for having gotten that. Roy didn't care, he didn't even go. He didn't want to think about the justice system and how it worked because the only justice he saw was Kelsey coming back to him but she couldn't. She couldn't just come back because nine months ago she couldn't survive the kick to her stomach. He couldn't blame her because he knew she tried, hell his baby tried to hang on for him but in the end she lost the fight._

_Falling into a light doze, he was afraid of having the dreams again. He didn't want them. No he couldn't stand to have them and then to come to reality and find out that she wasn't here anymore again. He just couldn't handle it. Hawkeye had come around yesterday and tried to get him to eat something, he refused and she seemed distraught. How would she know how he felt though? Sure Kelsey was there and called her a nickname only Kelsey would pick out but other than that she didn't carry Kelsey and felt the very first kick. Hughes was right. He was a sucker for Kelsey before he had even knew her because he had 'fallen in love at the first kick'. He loved Kelsey and he only wanted her back. Nothing else. They could have anything, they could take away everything and they could even take his heart he just wanted her back with him._

_The phone rang off the hook and Roy answered it shakily._

_"What do you want?"_

_"WHAT DO YOU THINK I WANT YOU COLONEL SHIT? I'M TRAPPED IN GOD'S NO WHERE AND BECAUSE YOUR LEAD LED ME OUT INTO THIS BACK WATER TRASH PLACE! I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHERE YOU GOT THE IDEA!"_

_"Ed?" Roy's eyes began to focus a little although his mind was still a little foggy. Then he remembered telling him about how his guy told him of a place that knew something about the stone. He had even told him there may not be anything at all._

_"OF COURSE IT'S ME, DID YOU THINK I WAS SOMEONE ELSE? DON'T YOU EVEN THINK OF CALLING ME A SHRIMP SO SMALL THAT A KITTEN COULD TRAMPLE ME!"_

_"I didn't say that at all," Roy managed. He still wasn't thinking straight and assumed it was because in the whole week he hadn't really eaten that much. He knew he lost some weight but how could he go on when she was no longer here?_

_"Are you okay Colonel, you seem sick? I hope you aren't dying because that would be very bad."_

_Roy managed to force on a fake smile while pinching the bridge of his nose. He hadn't moved from home since he got back from the hospital. Every so often he still looked down at his hand's remembering how he had cradled the girl in his arms and had hoped that for even one second she would open those pretty eyes for him. She didn't though and he would never forget how her face wasn't the smiling mischievous girl he had once knew. Instead there was the look of eternal sleep brought on by trauma, something she couldn't escape._

_"I'm just under the weather." Roy didn't really want to admit it but even if he sounded sick to Ed then it must be bad._

_"Okay. You're lucky I found a different lead. We're going to check it out alright. And colonel?"_

_Roy didn't know why Ed was pestering him so much. He gave in and asked what he wanted trying to make his voice sound as normal as he could possibly get. His tone flattened out at the end because he stopped caring how he sounded to the other. He lost all thought of caring for himself. The reason for that wasn't here anymore._

_"Yes?"_

_"Take better care of yourself. You sound awful, much more than being under the weather. If you don't commit to taking care of yourself then I will be forced to come down there and to keep you in bed for a week. I will force feed you and give you that chicken soup so that you stay hydrated. Just be safe and get better real soon okay?"_

_Roy felt an odd light feeling in his heart when he heard that. He never would have thought that Fullmetal would care so much about him like that. He scolded himself for feeling that. Why would he himself be happy when he lost all source of happiness? In the end I'm still alive while my daughter lost her life. It should have been me that had gone and died, not her._

_"I will Fullmetal. You keep safe too and keep that temper in check."_

_He heard Ed give his good byes and hung up the phone. He ignored the part of him that wanted to call Ed back because it was obvious that while everyone else was dancing around trying to bring up his daughter all the while trying to make sure he wasn't upset, he felt Ed wouldn't. He wanted to hear about Kelsey and about how good of a girl she was. They refused to bring her up though and it made him feel like he shouldn't either so he didn't. He kept everything he felt trapped because he didn't want them to see him cry either._

_He was giving himself too much credit though. The unstoppable flame alchemist was not as unbeatable as everyone had thought. If they had just known how much his own baby's death had dragged him down, he knew they wouldn't think twice after that. But really once he thought about it he realized those men had been cold hearted bastards. They could have lost their wives and not have given two shits one way or the other. But not Roy with Kelsey. She was his baby and he loved her too much._

_And that was why he couldn't go on now because he missed her just way too much._

Roy mumbled in his sleep.

Ed held onto him tighter hoping he would get a grip. The man was having a nightmare, nothing more. But after several repeats of Kelsey, Ed shook him awake. Roy held onto Ed tightly as though he was afraid to let go. He very well could be afraid that if he did, that Ed would go away too just like Hughes and Kelsey.

"Roy what's wrong babes?"

Roy sniffled and tried not to let what he saw in his dream affect him so much. Ed said that he should let her go and if he didn't, he would always be holding onto her and it would hurt so much worse than it did now. He couldn't help it. He started to ramble his dream away to Ed. He had dreamt about Kelsey and how she was crying for him but when he went to pick her up so that she wouldn't be sad anymore, all of a sudden he couldn't find her and then he realized there was no way he could have helped her because she was dead. Ed rubbed his back soothingly until Roy grew quiet.

"You're coming to realization in your dreams that Kelsey is gone as well. It just means you're coming to accept it and you won't have dreams like you had before. It won't make things any easier but you're coming to terms with it and you will be able to live knowing you love her so much and that you will always miss her. I'm not going to tell you not to talk about her because it helps when you remember the simple things you did and telling someone about it in turn helps you because you are telling of the better times and won't have to focus on only the worst day of your life."

Roy nodded leaning his forehead on Ed for a moment before looking up at him. Ed was surprised when Roy suddenly kissed him and deepened the kiss, throwing his arm around the man. They broke apart for air and Roy was frowning a little bit making Ed wonder what he was thinking.

"Would you be willing to make love with me?" Roy asked and that made Ed look at him in shock.

Normally he wouldn't mind and he wouldn't have to hesitate even a second but Roy was really vulnerable right now and to do this wouldn't be fair to either of them. He didn't want to take advantage of Roy but looking back, he knew that Roy wouldn't think of it as that. He ran a hand through Roy's soft hair wondering what he should tell him.

"Roy I-"

"I love you and I know that you love me so what's the problem," Roy continued before Ed could get anything out. Ed knew that he loved him but would he be willing to do all this and for what? Was Roy trying to set himself up for even more hurt?

"I do love you and I know you love me but I'd feel like I'm taking advantage of you when you are still going through all of this." Roy shook his head and gave a chaste kiss on Ed's lips.

"You aren't. I want you to make love to me because you love me and nothing else."

Ed nodded his understanding rolling over on top of him and kissed him deeply, nibbling on his bottom lip to seek entrance. His hand wandered all over Roy's body while he explored every warm cavern in his mouth. He was still worried about how would take it afterwards and Ed felt a little guilty but Roy wasn't going to let him change his mind. After their clothes were shed, Ed stopped just before starting anything to get reassurance from Roy that everything was fine.

"It's going to be your first time and it's going to hurt some. I'm not going to hide that and you still haven't recovered fully from-" Roy cut him off with a searing kiss to his mouth before groaning.

"I know what I feel and I want this. There's no gain without pain so get on with it. You act like I'm made of glass and for three whole years I had people making decisions for me instead of helping me just by letting me talk about her. I swear you're helping me and I really do want this."

Ed finally nodded.

Kissing him again, he just hoped that he wouldn't regret it later.

_"The itty bitty swider wen up the water spwout. Down come rain and-daddy wat come after that?"_

_Roy smiled and thought about it. She sure loved the children's songs. Of course he wasn't going to tell her that it was a book that Ed had thrown at him in the midst of a temper tantrum. That kid was sure funny when he got him angry. Of course he was the only one he would know though that wouldn't lie if he asked him something and expected an honest answer._

_"I don't remember baby. Is that page honestly ripped out. I'll have to the talk to the person I got it from and have them pay for a new one." He wasn't that cruel. He needed to find out where he got the book and get it himself. Kelsey obviously liked it enough._

_She shook her head though._

_"I can make up." She told him as though he understood._

_It took him a second and he realized she wanted to make some up after reading half the book. She still had trouble on some words but the simple ones she already knew. How could he have brought such a smart child into this world that she was beginning to read at the age of two years old?_

_"Okay. I can help you if you want-"_

_"I do it."_

_She really was a one of a kind miracle that was for certain. He remembered talking to the doctor again after her birth and he mentioned something about the experiment never working a second time. He also mentioned that once his levels went back to normal he might start going for making the girls pregnant because the doctor imagined that it would be the only way. He never really knew any male that had gotten pregnant successfully a second time and admitted that even though the prospect was out there, he shouldn't get pregnant again anyways since he would need bed rest and a C-section again._

_Roy had accused him of calling him lazy but the doctor reassured him that the reason he called him on the bed rest thing was that he didn't like it whatsoever and if that miracle ever happened a second time, the possibility of him having the baby earlier was increased. Plus unlike Kelsey that would have taken hours to come through natural birth being his first baby and all, the second and third usually came quicker and they would have to schedule the surgery and couldn't predict anything. Roy reassured him at the end that the only way he would get pregnant again was some miracle and that he was dating a girl and by just his luck she would end up pregnant._

_"I wan to visit gramma 'gain." Kelsey broke his train of thought and he nodded._

_He was so happy he had his girl and the thought of a second kid like Kelsey was way too appealing. The problem was that even with the most fertile woman out there and the incident with the condom breaking, it turned out it was not going to be happening. Maybe the experiment had led him to not being able to have any more children either way was his thought._

_"Of course baby and then we can see her roses again."_

_His grandmother was a real sweet lady although she wouldn't hesitate to discipline him no matter how old he was. She didn't act like his grandmother anyways and acted like the mom that had never wanted him. Her own son had been dead for years and in a way he realized that she had never gotten over it. Seeing as how he still had Kelsey and never had to experience the death of a child, he would never understand his grandma. She was a strong woman though because even during her saddest moments, she never let herself be bothered from raising Roy with the guidance he needed as a child. He respected the woman way too much and she loved his little girl the same way. When she had first saw the child in fact, she had told him that it was about time he realized how much she loved him throughout the years and that it took having a child of his own to see that._

_Years from now he wondered if had been what he said that ensured that Kelsey wouldn't be with him long. In the end it was Ed that had told him that that wasn't the case. Kelsey wasn't meant to be with them long because she was an innocent angel that was needed to do far greater things. It wasn't Roy's fault nor was it anyone else's that had loved the girl as well. It was fate and even though she was gone, he told Roy that she would always be his first and no matter how sad he got, he should remember the good times he had because those had to be undeniably the best moments of his life. Just because she was gone didn't erase those times and by focusing on the bad, he would never come to terms._

_The moments he had with Kelsey weren't all sad and with the help of Ed, he realized years later that he could look back without all the pain and see just how happy he was that she came into his life at all._


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Loving memories never die<em>

_As years roll on and days pass by_

_In our hearts a memory is kept_

_Of one we loved and will never forget._

***~Chapter Eighteen~***

_The first time he felt a kick, he was startled and could have sworn that somebody else had done it until it happened again. He wanted to panic but seeing as how he was at work and the Fullmetal brat was coming in an hour, he chose to try to remain calm. The feeling would go away, he just had to think about something else. It didn't help though since a roll caused him to drop his pen. Why the hell was this happening? He spent thirty minutes trying to calm his frayed nerves and then another thirty trying to convince himself that it would eventually go away._

_Hawkeye was starting to give him a concerned look which he did not need but before he could truly convince her that he was fine, Ed had bounded in with his usual greeting of, "Colonel shit". It was lovely that he had been promoted but did Ed have to call him that within vicinity every time?_

_"Great you're here Fullmetal. I thought you honestly got lost and/or purposely not shown up." Ed seethed making Roy smirk._

_Another kick however made Roy rethink what he said to the other and Ed seemed slightly alert. This wasn't something the brat was going to ignore so soon. Standing up, he tried to keep his nausea at bay while debating whether to give into his tremendous craving for Apple and kiwi juice. He had the most nastiest things nowadays but only gave himself the 'what the fuck' thought after the craving was taken care of. They got undeniably strong though lately and he could only know who he could blame. The one that put the thing in his belly was in his own office most likely cutting out pictures of his own girl to show the world today. _

_"You got chubby and you keep looking like you got ran over or caught doing something you shouldn't. You aren't hiding anything from me are you? I mean if you are gaining weight and worried you must be going through something." Ed didn't seem worried but Roy narrowed his eyes anyways before shrugging._

_"Just tidbits of things that prove you're never too old to start growing up. In fact I'm going to have a chat after we're through here about the misgivings of actions and how one should behave themselves-"_

_"Is it just me or have you grown smarter since the last time I saw you?" Ed interrupted making Roy pause in his explanation._

_He thought that was a real big insult. He hated how everyone kept saying that! Did he look like he was stupid before? Hell the only thing that changed was his diet and his weight. Just because Fullmetal never heard him say anything he thought of that was relatively smart to the young genius, didn't mean he never did. He glared at Havoc to get him to shut up and Havoc did, putting his hands up in surrender although he was rather amused._

_"Anyone else has something they want to input?" Roy asked, his eyebrows twitching in annoyance. When no one said anything he continued. "Just for that Fullmetal you can help Havoc with this little volunteer opportunity I wasn't going to force you into."_

_Ed groaned loudly before moaning how it wasn't fair that the colonel didn't have to do anything about it. Roy just glared before continuing where he left off as though taking what Ed complained about and just turning it around just to spite him._

_"I was looking for a perfect volunteer anyways and Fuery can thank you because it was about to be him."_

_"It should have been him," Ed mumbled before adding, "Wait why aren't you into this? I mean you make it a point to get promoted at every opportunity so why aren't you in this like the colonel shit I know you are?"_

_Roy glared._

_If he continued arguing with Fullmetal, he was going to develop an annoyingly permanent facial twitch so he decided it was time to get out of the office._

_"You are to report with Havoc to lieutenant colonel Anderson alright Fullmetal? No complaining and the only reason I'm not going is because I have a doctor's appointment."_

_He made one because of the thing in his stomach. He didn't think he needed one since Fuhrer Bradley had forced him to and had only kept in mind to keep the appointments that they forced him to go to but he didn't want to end up spazzing in the middle of the office making more than just Hawkeye and Hughes worried. He knew that Havoc would jump in as well if he found out there was something out of the ordinary going on and Roy didn't think he needed that._

_"Oh so it was your intelligence that didn't change it was your weight. Are they putting you on a diet so that you lose weight?"_

_Roy was so close to snapping at him but at the last minute he smirked the smirk he knew that Fullmetal hated so much._

_"No but you keep it up and I'll mention to certain people that you're missing your shots squirt."_

_Amidst all the banter about calling him short that Roy didn't bother listening to, he waved. The kid was just too easy to tease and what made it slightly better was the fact that he knew that it got Ed into line. Honestly though he thought he gained too much weight? Roy wasn't even showing enough yet to be considered fat. The only way someone could see it was if they lifted up his shirt and noticed the small bump. Being seventeen weeks really sucked though and now he was having weird sensations that freaked him out._

_With a final wave to Fullmetal, he made sure that he would be back in time so he could observe what Fullmetal was doing. The kid always kept him entertained._

"Well that isn't good Chief. You threw up five times yesterday and today you are going on three. Anything you want to tell us?"

Roy shook his head miserably from the bathroom but otherwise didn't say anything. He knew he should have because Havoc was just worried about him but if he opened his mouth he felt he would throw up again. Has it really been two months since people found out about the murder of his little girl? He knew to him it felt longer since they started taking the photos from the news and sticking them on signs demanding justice for her. It didn't stop them from releasing the man twenty four months early nor did it stop them from telling them how stupid they were for parading around like that. Roy agreed for the most part since it had been three years and nothing had changed since then. Kelsey was dead but the sky was still blue, it rained, and the sun still shined.

"Are you okay sir?" Hawkeye's voice rang through the bathroom and he told himself with a groan that Hawkeye didn't need to be in here.

"The stress is making me sick so quit fucking worrying about me!" Roy shouted enough for them to hear. Hear they did and Breda laughed from the entrance way having decided not to come in and face the man's wrath.

"Sir you are acting a little peculiar-" Falman told him much to sheer amusement.

Roy moaned before losing himself to vomit once again. Roy was sure it was more than three times today but he wasn't going to tell them that. Ed was with Al and Winry so he had been home alone at the time. It seemed every two hours he was vomiting and in between he still managed to get some water into his system at least. Roy finally stood up when he was sure that he wasn't going to vomit anytime soon. The room started to tilt as soon as he began walking towards them and he paused to try to clear his head.

"Sir are you okay?" Fuery asked more than a little concerned.

Havoc agreed with them and kept close in case the brigadier general made another nose dive. He had already gotten three stitches for it and they prolonged removing them because it was pretty deep too. He was going in a few short days to remove them and he didn't need another head injury on top of that. Roy just groaned, leaning on Havoc as the dizziness and lightheadedness feelings still hadn't ceased yet.

"Seriously chief if you need to lay down we'll take you to your office-"

"I'm gonna throw up again," he cut him off and Havoc raced so fast that he was sure if he had been a second faster, his leader would've banged his head on the toilet. Retching emitted a second later and Havoc turned away so he wouldn't have to see it. It looked like it was mostly bile anyways so it had to have been more than the three that they had seen previously that he had thrown up. He may be concerned about his superior but there were things he just didn't want to see. Throwing up was high up on his list along with child birth and he was glad he hadn't seen that yet.

"I'm done," Roy told him tiredly.

Seeing as he was too tired to even stand now, Havoc had Falman and Breda help him heft him onto his back. He carried him on a piggy bank all the way to the office and then allowed him to rest on the couch with a bucket whilst Hawkeye made some calls. They knew he was supposed to meet up with Scar today but if he was throwing up, they weren't sure that Scar would like being thrown up on or having the man pass out in the middle of whatever it was they were having to do.

Scar was very displeased but understood. He may not have been as sympathetic as everyone else had been when they heard the brigadier general had lost his baby girl but he did understand that death was always terrible and the murder of a little girl was a lot like the children slaughtered in Ishbal. It hurt just as much but nobody wanted sympathy for that. They scheduled a different time and Scar made it clear he needed his liaison to meet with him then. After hanging up with him, Hawkeye sighed as Havoc put a cold compress on Roy's forehead.

"I don' have a fever." Roy slurred but Havoc just shook his head.

"You're sweating though and you're dehydrated. You may want to visit the hospital if this keeps up." They knew he wasn't going to take him seriously though but if Ed came back to talk to him, he may go like they wanted him too.

"Don' wanna go," Roy mumbled before turning over and before long he was already snoozing. Havoc looked to Hawkeye with surprise but she seemed to be already on it.

He smiled realizing they really couldn't do much without her. She removed his boots and placed a blanket over his form before turning back to the stack of Roy's paperwork and sighing. She knew that every time he got his paperwork caught up, something like this happened. She just hoped that he really wasn't sick for the reason she had thought. She knew that even though he was getting a lot better than before, he still wasn't over Kelsey's death and would never be the same.

"I think we should call Ed now as well-"

Hawkeye just shook her head.

He was helping Roy really well and he had never even met the girl. It wasn't fair to have Ed help them with every little thing. Smoothing Roy's hair back, she hoped he was better in a couple of hours because then Ed would have returned by then and she didn't want Ed to worry about anything even if he already worried enough already.

He was good to the man and she hoped that sometime in the future they became something more if possible. It would be good for Roy as well since he wasn't up front about his feelings all the time and Ed hardly had to guess it seemed when dealing with him.

Hawkeye just hoped that they didn't get wind of the bets on when the wedding would be if they did end up together.

_"Are you sure?" Roy asked dubiously._

_The doctor smeared some ultrasound gel onto his belly and then looked into the screen and there was the baby kicking and wiggling with all its might it seemed. The doctor smiled although Roy looked even more confused. He saw the baby on the screen and he knew that the baby was bigger than before. It wasn't the worry he had had and he told the doctor this. _

_"You do know that the baby is kicking and it looks like you are finally feeling its movements right?"_

_Roy looked at him in question about that and the doctor just sighed again._

_"The tiny things you are feeling are the baby colonel Mustang. You are feeling the baby kick and move inside of you which is causing all these sensations you told me about."_

_Roy finally understood and indeed he felt another only this time he timidly placed his hand on the bump instead of freaking out totally this time. The doctor smiled and shook his head. Even if he was a man this was his first baby as well and everyone felt weirded out by feeling their first baby at first. He just needed to get used to the tiny movements after a little bit. He would be freaking out more if this was any indication of what was to come._

_"Baby is growing and that is why you can feel it now colonel. Soon the baby is going to run out of room and it's going to be a lot more noticeable soon. That would be when the others would be able to feel him or her kicking and moving. You don't have to be afraid and if you are it's okay. Carrying a child is new for you so you'll get the hang of it soon."_

_"Thanks, I never would've believed it I guess. A live baby kicking me from the inside and I freak out. I'm really not that different from many of the others that come here right?"_

_"Not really and if you want I could tell you possibly what it's going to be. I mean sometimes you could tell at seventeen weeks and wouldn't it be good to know what to get before the birth-"_

_"I'm giving it up for adoption though," Roy did seem really put out by it so the doctor nodded._

_"You don't have to you know? If you really don't want to give it up you could change your mind and nobody would hate you for your own decision. I mean it's your body and your baby too right? You probably love the baby already and now you felt the little kicks you're going to find it really hard to part with it right? Do you really want to say good bye after it is born?"_

_"Sorry I didn't catch your name doctor-"_

_"Doctor Edwards. Remember I'm going to be your primary doctor and if you have any questions or concerns just come on by and we'll make sure everything is okay alright? You don't have to think on that right now since you aren't even twenty eight weeks right now. Maybe you'll see when you do give birth but I can't change it, only you could think what is best for you and your baby."_

_Roy nodded before standing up. Shaking the doctor's hands he really felt better now that he knew what to expect. He also felt his heart lighten at the fact that he saw it. Would he really be able to give the baby up? No not if he saw more of the ultrasound than he already did and Hughes had already thought it was a good idea so why was he not into wanting to go along with it all of a sudden? For some reason he wanted this baby more than he could think. _

_Sighing, he stopped by the sight where Fullmetal and Havoc were helping the orphans and saw that despite saying it sucked, both of them were having fun with the children. Letting a hand fall to his belly, he wondered if he would be able to love his kid more than any of these parents had. They gave their son or daughter up to an orphanage and if they didn't get adopted right away, they stayed there until they turned of age. It was sad really and here he was thinking about giving his baby up but in the end he didn't really think he could make his baby happy in the end. _

_"Hey chief what are you doing all the way back there? We're playing with the kids and as far as I know you could use the practice!"_

_"What did you say Havoc?" Roy gritted out. He knew that he was giving his baby up so it wasn't fair._

_"Hey Havoc I think the colonel is afraid of children and that is why he handed off such a good opportunity-"_

_"What are you playing?" Roy asked hesitantly and Ed smiled._

_"We're playing anything and everything. Come on colonel, I know you're not that bad. One child is bound to love you." _

_As Roy nodded and continued towards them, he wondered idly if his own child would love him if he decided to go against all the advice and kept it. Would the baby grow to hate him or would it love him so much? Would the child die from a simple illness that the other miracle babies had or would they die later in life after having a family and being happy? He didn't want to think about it right now and Dr. Edwards was right. Better to think of it when the baby was born._

_Months later Dr. Edwards was right it seemed. He never really was going to give the child up, not after seeing the ultrasound and realizing that the baby was kicking him. He owed it to him for helping him see reason in the end. Thanks to him he got to love his baby for a good two years, eleven months and twenty seven days._

_He loved his baby with all his heart even then and he looked back at those years knowing if he had to go back and do it all over again he would still keep her even knowing her tragic ending because he loved her. He loved his baby and nothing was ever going to change that._

_Not even death itself._


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>I hope that all is well in heaven<em>

_Cause it's all shot to hell down here_

_I hope that I find you in heaven_

_Cause I'm so lost without you down here,_

_You won't be coming back and I didn't get to say goodbye_

_I really wish…I got to say goodbye._

***~Chapter Nineteen~***

_"Maes stop trying to shove pictures of your daughter in my girl's face before I make you!"_

_Kelsey didn't seem to mind though even though she continued to cough into her hands. Maes continuously helped her rid her hands of the yucky germs though and she didn't break from looking at the pictures. Tomorrow he had work and he knew that Maes had his own as well. The man was being a stupid idiot. He didn't know whether Kelsey was picking it up from the baby sitter who watched other kids at times or whether she had gotten it while they were walking home earlier this morning until Hughes had given them a ride but she got it and she already had a fever as well._

_"Come on, Kels likes them, don't you baby?"_

_She nodded although she coughed again in the middle of it and even Hughes frowned this time around. He knew when to call it quits and it looked like his darling baby girl needed one. She didn't stop looking at the pictures though to his amazement since he wasn't narrating and instead looked up happily despite her being sick._

_"I like dis one lots," she told him through her hoarse voice. _

_Roy sighed._

_"Baby, please don't talk. I told you that you are going to lose your voice if you don't give it a rest for tonight." She nodded and he placed a kiss on her warm forehead despite her being sick. She gave the rest of the pictures back to Hughes and clambered into her daddy's lap, taking her blanket with her. Roy even spread it over her, letting her snuggle up against him even though he barely fit in her bed. She turned to him and when he allowed her to speak, she threw up all over him, the blanket, and herself._

_"Sorry!" she cried and not being able to stand the cries, he picked her up rocking her against his chest as though telling her it was alright._

_"Don't worry baby. Don't cry. Daddy got more than vomit on him before. Heck you spit on daddy when you were a baby and I didn't get mad even then so it's okay. We'll give you a bath and you could wear one of daddy's shirts if you'd like."_

_He knew that she loved wearing his shirts because she claimed that it was the best to sleep in although he made no thought about it. Upon closer explanation, she told him she liked to be close to him and wearing his shirts were comfortable and kept her warm just like her daddy had. He quickly bathed her and let her put her underwear on herself while he handed her one of his white t-shirts. Afterwards Hughes gave her a hug good night hoping that he would get to see her tomorrow._

_"Guess what pumpkin? In two days is your birthday and it will be a very fun filled day. I'm gonna bring my wife and daughter to see you turn three so it is going to be a good day okay?"_

_She nodded with a smile lighting up her exhausted features._

_He just continued hoping to make her a little more like the energetic girl he knew before he left. He loved that about her. He could be as energetic as he wanted and Kelsey could usually handle him even on her worst days but once she ceased being energetic, he knew that something was wrong. She was always that way, it was part of her personality to be an energetic and bubbly little girl that loved everybody._

_"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow evening little boo." It was a nickname he called her since she was also a little mischievous cookie. She had her bouts of fun though and he knew that Roy didn't mind because it was never something to incredibly wrong or obsessive. _

_"Bye Maes, stay safe and don't forget to call once you make it back so that I know you're alright."_

_"Of course because you are my honey bunchkins." Roy turned a bright red and Kelsey laughed a little which turned it into a cough, which Roy covered with his hand this time. Kelsey beamed up to them and Roy found himself smiling back. She was his baby and his baby she would stay. "I will call, I promise you. Don't worry and make sure Kelsey is rested up for her birthday alright?"_

_"Yes daddy. Anything else you want me to do while you're at it?"_

_"I hope I'm not you're daddy Roy-" Roy cut him off with a quick goodbye and Hughes just smiled. "I was just kidding Roy. In fact, I'm quite jealous that you only give goodnight kisses to your daughter. I will forgive you if you give me one right here, right now."_

_Roy hesitated, bright red that he was having him do this but Kelsey didn't seem to think that anything was wrong with it so trying to get it over with so that he didn't have to deal with drawing out the embarrassment, he pushed his lips against Hughes, succeeding in surprising the man when he actually did it._

_"Good night Hughes."_

_Hughes was speechless but nonetheless let a foolish grin slip onto his face at that. He really could get used to this since in a way he did make a child with the man and he had had his baby. It may not have been perfect either but it was what it was and in a way he had a family with another person other than his wife. He sighed at the complicated emotions before heading out the door with a wave._

_He didn't think he would be seeing Kelsey for the last time after seeing them off but the next time he would see him would be when Roy was hysterically trying to tell everyone not to take Kelsey away and that she could not be dead. He understood to a certain point how hard it was for the man but it was only after the attempted suicide that he buried all the good memories behind him. It wasn't going to help Roy in the end and it wasn't going to help his increasingly broken heart at not being able to see another smile from Kelsey or see the little girl turn three. That was his baby too and he would never get to see her again._

_And while it was hard on him, it was hell for Roy for no one ever knew her best like her daddy had._

"Still throwing up sir?" Roy was exhausted and not only because he couldn't sleep well the night before. Ed had called in to check on him and he told him he was just tired when Ed had asked what the hell was wrong with his voice. And if that was bad, he was still throwing up and getting so dizzy he felt he was going to pass out. He got the stitches taken out finally and didn't want to chance getting more again when he was finally healed from the last head injury.

"So what if I am? I'm fine." Roy tried to reassure her. He picked up the newspaper only for it to be snatched away from Havoc just as quickly.

"Stay in the office please sir. There's going to be more drama I'm afraid until everything dies down and Scar is on the phone. I don't know what he wants but you better-"

"Hello this is brigadier general Mustang speaking."

He really didn't have time for the dramatics but he knew that it wasn't just going to go away on its own. Hell he saw the signs on his way into work and knew that they were still protesting it even though they hadn't gotten their way. To especially see signs even that said, 'every child deserves a life, why didn't this one' was lame. They should realize that his daughter was a person not a purpose that they could stick on a board and fight like that. Yes she was a child that should have been able to live but she didn't and he didn't see the purpose of dragging it to the government now.

"You saw the newspaper?"

Roy snapped his ungloved fingers at Havoc and pointed at the paper despite the man trying to prevent him from seeing it. He went to the page that Scar had him go to and saw for a start that they were considering making Kelsey's law public. He knew that a law was placed to make sure that background checks were mandatory and that anything that required prison time couldn't be kept out of a record for a period of ten to fifteen years but to name it Kelsey's law and make it public was just wrong. They should have been doing that from the start and not using that law as an opportunity to fix what they had messed up in the first place.

"Thanks Scar. I don't know why they are so stupid enough to do this but-"

"That's not it. A child had gone missing the other day and they are blaming the government for failing to keep their children safe. They are using Kelsey as a fine example and even if they find her alive the government is in for some tough times I'd say. It is really horrible that they are blaming things that hadn't been in their business in the beginning and they can't help but be nosy about it because it's a small child."

"I understand. What do you want me to do about it?"

"Maybe it's best if you take some leave and get far away from here at the moment. I'm sure the president would allow that knowing how you've been lately. I bet you are still trying to convince your subordinates you're fine when you aren't."

Roy finally sighed and decided he would at least agree with the man.

"Okay."

"Stay safe and don't do anything stupid."

Roy hung up the phone, deep in thought for a moment before turning to the rest of the newspaper. Kelsey's law was something he would never forget since they had made it shortly after his daughter's death. It didn't change anything in the long run and he knew that making it public was only a rouse to make the government look good after releasing the baby killer to the general public. He would have continued in his thoughts until the door opened and Ed walked through.

God, he realized just then how sick he must have been for him to suddenly have to vomit again. He tried to keep his rising nausea at bay suddenly having a déjà vu at having doing this before. Of course, he had tried to keep his nausea hidden during his pregnancy with Kelsey. His eyes widened when he remembered that and finally not being able to hold it, he upchucked in the trash can.

"Well that's something new." Ed was frowning though and by no way had he meant it as a joke.

Realizing that he was vomiting, he looked at the others wondering why they hadn't said anything about it yet. He would have liked to know when the Brigadier General was throwing up and why. It seemed not to long ago that he was helping him to deal with the reality of missing the small girl that was heaven sent. Now he seemed to be better about it. He rubbed his back soothingly until he was done before giving him a look.

"How long has this been going on huh?"

Roy returned that look, crossing his arms. Come to think of it, Roy felt as though he gained a few pounds despite all of the vomiting he had done for the past week. Did it mean anything? No it probably was a stomach bug because he couldn't get pregnant again. The doctors had told him there was no possibility of it ever happening again so he was safe to bet it had to be something viral.

"It has just been a week Ed so don't worry. Maybe it's just a stomach virus or-"

"Maybe you're worrying gave you pneumonia, ever thought of that?"

Ed had his arms crossed and Roy seemingly thought about that possibility. Hmm, either the stomach virus that had been going around or pneumonia, he thought while tapping his chin. It couldn't be pneumonia though because all he had was the nausea, vomiting, and weight gain. Maybe it was depression? He had depression right after Kelsey's death and he always felt sick to his stomach although he had to admit that he felt sort of different. He didn't want to visit a doctor because of this though. He would be fine and since he stuck to the cracker diet, he wasn't vomiting all that much.

"I'm pretty sure that I don't have that Edward-"

"Not even going to rule it out until we see a doctor! Damn it, why doesn't anybody tell me these things until the last minute. You, I called you to ask how you were doing! If you were throwing up you should have told me then because I was asking general health, not just emotionally!"

Roy sighed.

"I'm fine Ed. I really am and this is easing up so I'll be better after a few more days. See? I didn't even need to see a doctor to get better and instead let it run its own course. I'm not some hypochondriac that goes in for every little thing."

"No but you are a stubborn ass military man that seems to think he's made of steel when in reality every single person in the world is made out of glass. No one is untouchable and it is about time you learn that."

Roy frowned but didn't say anything to that. He got it that Ed was mad but he didn't have to continuously take out his frustrations here in the office. He was about to open his mouth to disagree with some of it until he thought better of it and closed it right back up. Ed looked triumphant before spotting the paper and after reading it, seemed mad about it as well.

"Wasn't there already a Kelsey's law?" he asked irritably.

Great, who's acting hormonal now Ed, Roy thought before nodding to Ed's question.

"Of course there was one; they're just making it public that such a law exists. It basically makes sure that if a kid is going to be watched by home baby sitters, which everyone that comes into contact with the child needs to have a background check and records of any jail time can't be left out of a person's record no matter how juvenile it seems. Failure to do so will lead to fines or even some time in jail. If that isn't bad enough the people agree that it will help the children."

"They found the girl by the way," Hawkeye told him just then. When he eyed her she continued. "She is okay and it turns out she just didn't want her mom telling her no. She ran off to do what her mom told her not to do."

Ed was at least happy for that. Just because a kid was bratty didn't mean he wanted harm to come to them. Roy seemed to share that belief although for the life of him, Ed could not understand why it was always the sweet and innocent ones that were taken away from them. In the end he realized just how much of a borrowed angel she must have been. She was placed here to help make a difference but not to stay a long time. In a way it made him sad that he couldn't meet her because he knew he would have liked her.

Roy stood up cautiously so that he wouldn't feel the room tilting again and felt a surprising feeling in his stomach. Arching his eye brows, he tried not to look freaked out by the sudden jolt inside of him. How long ago was it again that he let Ed make love to him again? If he remembered correctly it was ten weeks ago and just now he sat at his seat trying to hide the sudden panic at the sudden flutter. Great, he was sure he wouldn't feel anything like this again but then finally knew where he had felt it before. Sighing, he decided maybe it was phantom feelings since he missed Kelsey. Yes he really did miss her but no matter what he came to realize that she made his life worth living and no amount of pain would ever erase the happy memories he did have. He realized it with Ed thankfully and knew it couldn't have been that bad. No it wasn't bad at all he reasoned.

He did have Kelsey for the time he had and those who thought they were helping her didn't have the luck to have known her quite like he had.

_"Come on Roy, you always talk about how I never do anything for you so I'll do anything you ask. I'll even watch Kelsey-"_

_"Don't you have a three year old to bother?" Roy asked frustrated already with his antics._

_"But Roy, that doesn't change the fact that I owe you, right Kelsey?"_

_Kelsey bobbed her head in agreement before putting a thumb in her mouth. Roy would have told her not to but she seemed to realize she was doing it herself for she removed it before he had even begun to say anything. She smiled and Roy found his anger dissipate somewhat even though it was still lingering at Hughes reckless ways of telling people things._

_"Fine Hughes what do you want?" He turned to him, his eyebrow twitching at having to deal with the man when in reality he knew that Kelsey needed a nap and he would love to sleep himself._

_He didn't expect the kiss on his cheek and all but jumped away. Hughes didn't say anything but Roy felt as though he shouldn't have done that without even telling him first. He was going to cause him to have a heart attack one of these days and he didn't seem to care. Selfish bastard he thought but looking at Kelsey, he saw that she didn't seem to care and instead gave him a small smile as though telling him that Uncle Maes was being goofy._

_"Okay so you returned the debt and now you don't have to owe me anything. Is there anything you want from me?"_

_"But then I'd owe you again Roy!"_

_"This one is a freebie," he reassured and Hughes thought a second before grinning. Roy didn't think he liked that grin and wished he could take it back but then Hughes replied. "A kiss on the cheek would make my day Roy. You know, maybe Kelsey would like to see this as well. She could take a picture maybe-"_

_"Hughes that is not an option just let me-" he kissed him on the cheek hurriedly, his own cheeks burning and once he was away, Hughes finally seemed to have shut up for a millisecond before smiling again._

_"You know Roy maybe if you gave me kisses on the cheek more often, I'd be happier to come and see you all the time."_

_He ignored Roy's mutter of, "Of course you would but it isn't like you aren't happy seeing me all the time as it is."_

_Hughes ignored that though and instead gave Kelsey a kiss on the cheek as well. She giggled and stood up, letting her daddy pick her up. Smiling she held both her hands on each side of his face and gave him multiple kisses on the cheek. She ended with one on the lips before burying her head on his shoulder. Roy didn't seem upset about it at all and Hughes momentarily frowned before smiling again. _

_You punk, he thought happily. You don't mind if our daughter does all that but you turn the color of a tomato at just the thought of a kiss amongst friends. Roy you are a funny man and I don't think you realize how much of your own innocence is still there. You may act like you lost it all but there's the fact that you still have some that makes me happy to call you my friend. You will always be regardless anyways but sometimes I wonder why it is that I feel so happy having you kiss me like that. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't gotten over you as much as I thought. I still love you since the day I met you in the academy days and if only I told you then would you have been even happier to have Kelsey when she was only in the belly? Maybe or maybe not but the truth is, I can't take back the time that is past Roy and neither can you._

_We can only look forward to the future and be happy with what we had even if it doesn't carry with us to the here and now._


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Good-bye everyone I loved so dear,<em>

_I am not dead but sleeping here._

_I was not yours, but Christ's alone._

_He loved me best and he took me home_

***~Chapter Twenty~***

_Love._

_It was the one thing Roy never understood much in his academy days and now that he had it he didn't want to let it go or so he had to tell himself at two in the morning when Kelsey would cry for another diaper change and for another time to feed. Whenever he exhaustedly made his way into the room though and those green eyes would land on his face, she would immediately cease all tears as though she knew daddy was back and would take care of everything._

_That was the best feeling of all he thought. He knew he loved her and he knew he cared about her with all his might but the fact that he felt needed as well was pretty good too. He never felt like it was an obligation to take care of the sweet little girl and in turn it seemed that she never feared him just picking up and abandoning her. He came to realize during one of the night time strolls when she was really colicky and would cry no matter what he tried that trust was a two sided coin. He could get it but she should be able to receive it first. _

_He did have trust though. _

_His coworkers believed in him up until the point in which he had decided not to give up the little girl. They thought it was stupid that he made himself tired with a child when he was a single parent. His own biological mother that he hadn't seen since he was five had told him that he was better off giving her to a better family instead of letting her get messed up. He didn't want to believe that and instead chose to listen to what his heart told him. It had never led him wrong before and even though he knew that nobody liked his choices, in the future they would learn to accept the one he made._

_In fact, it was one of the reasons he blamed himself so much in the beginning when he couldn't understand why Kelsey had suddenly left off the face of the earth. His heart had told him that he would want to be with Kelsey that day because in his heart he had felt he wasn't going to see her again. He didn't know why either or what it had meant at the time. It had been a subtle heaviness in his heart that he had thought happened because he always missed his baby terribly._

_ It turned out that he wouldn't ever see her again. _

Roy woke up drenched in sweat. Turning to the still sleeping blonde beside him, he tried to snuggle up to him, all the while trying to make sense out of the weird dream he had. Kelsey loved him and he knew she did but that dream was far too real. He dreamt that Kelsey was in the middle of the street for some reason and it had been deserted. He found that part weird in itself but when he had gone to get her to tell her she shouldn't be playing in the street, she had stopped him. She told him that he hadn't loved her and if he did then she wouldn't have had stayed with Miss. Bridgett. He understood and yet he still tried to get her away. She shook her head and just told him that he failed her. Roy didn't want to believe that and still tried to save her now unless she wanted to get hit by an upcoming car. Before he could even react, she was struck and then that was when he woke up.

It was hurtful and scary, yet waking up and realizing it was a dream only made it a little better. Did she hate him? Did she really feel that it was his fault that he didn't save her when she was so vulnerable? I'm sorry baby, he thought willing the tears to stay at bay. I didn't want you to die. I only wanted you to stay here with me, but you're gone! He felt another flutter and jumped a little in fright until he was able to locate it. He had been having those more often than he could think and he gained more weight too. He didn't know what it was but told himself it would eventually go away but it didn't. What got to him was that it was more active at night and he was really going to start telling Ed if it didn't ease up.

"DAMN IT MUSTANG STOP PUSHING ME OFF THE BED! I LIKE TO SLEEP COMFORTABLE TOO AND IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS I'LL JUST SLEEP ON THE COUCH! DO YOU WANT THAT?"

Seeing Roy look sheepishly down at him, he sighed and got back up to make sure that Roy was okay since he realized that he must have been up for a little bit before accidentally pushing Ed off. It wasn't like he didn't like the man; he loved him but sometimes he got to be too much. Especially with those nightmares he has been having, he thought sadly. He was determined to make the man realize that it hadn't been his fault and that his daughter would never hate him despite what he thought. She loved him from what he had seen and he didn't even know the girl. If she was already trying to get people to take care of him knowing that she wouldn't be living for very long then she already saw something coming and knew that she would love him even when she had to go away.

"Sorry. Just another dream about Kelsey," he tried to keep his emotions at bay but it had been hard lately and even Ed seemed to notice this for he drew him close and held onto him tightly allowing him to put his head on Ed's shoulder. "I don't want her to hate me for anything and if she hates me I'd think I'd die!"

"Roy, she doesn't hate you we've been over this." Ed hated not being able to tell him what Hawkeye had said but knew that it would only cause more pain in the end and so far, had refrained from doing anything. Didn't Roy know himself that Kelsey loved him more than life itself? If they had to repeat it all over again, he was sure Kelsey would be happy that Roy was her daddy.

"It's okay Roy. It's okay to be afraid but in your heart you must know that she loves you with all her heart even after death."

Roy nodded hesitantly after a minute and Ed sighed, ruffling his hair affectionately. Roy seemed so emotional all of a sudden and so bloated that if he hadn't known better he would say that he was pregnant. That was impossible right? Because he told him that the doctor said even if he tried the experiment again and went with another woman, he wouldn't have even a chance of having another baby.

He paused when he realized one thing he hadn't taken into account. Didn't he say that they couldn't repeat the experiment and that he had too low of a sperm count to make a woman pregnant with a child? Even if he did, nowhere was it mentioned what would happen if he had intercourse with another man. Damn it Roy, he thought before he fought to lift Roy's shirt up over his head. He was really stupid these past months. He was probably in denial since he had once felt Kelsey there and thought that it was because he missed her that he was feeling her, but what he didn't understand was he would often feel tiny little kicks every once in a while and would wonder what Roy was playing at, even though he truthfully denied doing anything.

"Ed leave my shirt alone, I'm not going to have sex again with you right now!"

"I need to check something so I want to see the bump!"

Roy paused and frowned.

"It's just that Ed, a bump. Did you realize that it probably is bloated because of possible depression? I'm getting the hang of knowing Kelsey isn't coming back but I've been so depressed thinking she may hate me-"

"You haven't been depressed at all Mustang, you've been emotional and I have a feeling that even though you deny everything, I'm going to find something you don't want to admit. We had sex just only a little less than four months ago right?"

Roy nodded wondering what the big deal was. It hurt too but once he calmed down like Ed had told him to, it was enjoyable. He knew that he wouldn't like to do that again anytime soon though since every time the opportunity arose, he was tired and wanted to go to bed anyways.

"I think you're pregnant again." Ed finally told him.

Roy gaped for a moment before shaking his head. He couldn't be pregnant again because the doctor had told him that he couldn't be, but Ed just grabbed his head with both palms to get him to calm down enough to listen to him. Roy knew Ed had been helping a lot. He helped him even before he knew that Roy was suffering and way before the whole mess started during the episode of fugue state. He knew a couple of times he had been close to ending it when Ed had picked up the phone and made Roy momentarily forget about it because of his small concerns. But even after all that, he knew that Ed wasn't always right and there was no way he could be now. Roy couldn't be pregnant because if he had, he would've given Kelsey a younger sibling by now.

"I'm not. I'm not pregnant." Roy had said it with such clarity that Ed had to sigh before pulling him into a chaste kiss. Breaking it, he waited for him to recover from the small joy Roy always felt when he had Ed's lips over his.

"I know you don't want to believe it and I know that you don't want to even think of it as a possibility. I don't know why either when you do deserve to be happy again. Kelsey would want you to and having another child wouldn't make you forget Kelsey. Kelsey is your first child and she existed. Hell any other kid you have will be the second, third, and even fourth but there won't ever be another first alright?"

"But you'll have a first child-"Ed put a finger to his lips.

"Don't worry about me though okay? I love you Roy and I want what's best for you. As long as you become happy and stay that way, I'll always be alright. I want what is best for you and what is best for us as well. If you have a baby, it won't change that and Kelsey will still be happy because one day she'll get to meet her siblings."

Roy finally nodded and Ed gently rubbed his fingers through Roy's hair whilst rubbing his back. They still hadn't confirmed it yet but Ed was definite that that was the case. That and the fact that Roy didn't act so much depressed as he was going through the blues of pregnancy. Just because he didn't know didn't mean he wasn't going through them either. Placing a kiss on his forehead, he waited until Roy was back asleep before joining him in a slumber not too long afterwards.

* * *

><p>"I don't see why we have to go to the doctor's Ed! You already told me it must be it so why do we have to shout it to the world?"<p>

Ed sighed.

He really saw it now if he hadn't before. Especially since just this morning alone, he realized why Roy spent so many times vomiting in the toilet bowel in the morning. It was just their luck that the baby didn't agree with the idea of French toast and bacon. After rinsing his mouth three or four times, he was finally okay with having small bites of half a bagel but then downed the entire carton of orange juice.

"I hope this baby doesn't do any more unpredictable things like getting you to chug half a gallon of cold ice cream. I don't want to deal with you getting brain freeze! Come on, the doctor is this way."

Roy followed behind and after checking them in, Ed handed the paper for him to fill out, ignoring the glare that Roy sent his way. Oh yes, perfect, Roy thought scribbling everything down furiously. Let the one who doesn't want to be here fill everything out. He scrunched his eyebrows at some of the questions and even put N/A on some of them. Seriously why would they ask a time of the month if he never even gotten them. Sure he had a baby but that was just it. He didn't have another since apparently until now. They asked about his medical history, any surgeries he may have gotten, and even a family history. Next he saw that they asked if he felt homicidal and/or suicidal. Frowning he checked yes to the homicidal question and added a comment that he would like to kill his desk at work for having so much paperwork that he hated with a passion.

Ed caught him writing that though and made him change it. He was in an even sourer mood afterwards because Ed just ruined his fun. He sighed and gave it to Ed who shrugged before turning it in to the the front desk. He took a seat for a few more minutes before one of the attending nurses called him up to get his vital signs.

"Have you ever had a history of hypertension?"

"If you are asking about high blood pressure I put the answer on the sheet," Roy groused. Ed just smiled for him and shook his head, looking at Roy in askance who didn't say anything in the matter. It made Ed sigh.

"I apologize for his behavior. He's being a grizzly old bear today-"Roy cut Ed off fast although he didn't really care since he didn't want him to finish that statement.

"Does a doctor Edwards still come by this clinic?"

The nurse looked at him in question before she hurriedly shook her head. Ed was confused for a moment but realized that that must have been the attending doctor that took care of Roy's prenatal care before Kelsey had been born. That had to be it and after some thought the nurse answered his question.

"I know of a doctor Edwards sure but he died about a year ago from a sudden illness. It was such a tragedy because all our pregnant patients loved him so much. He didn't care who he was seeing and was so easy going with everyone. You knew him well?" she asked and even though Roy frowned at the answer he received, he nodded.

The nurse looked at the screen and gave a little nervous laugh before explaining that his blood pressure was okay but his pulse was a little high. She tried to take it manually before further telling him that it was something they usually saw in a pregnant patient. Roy let them although he knew it was going to be about the same. He always had such good blood pressure but his pulse was always in the early hundreds when he was pregnant with Kelsey so he didn't expect any difference especially if he truthfully was again.

After having them take a seat in the patient waiting room, Roy grumbled how it was a big waste of time before turning to Ed. Ed gave him a questioning look before taking out the alchemy book he had been reading. Roy huffed a little at thinking of why he had to put off everything else just to confirm something like this until one of the nurse's came up to them and while a little hesitant, refused to look him in the face.

"Brigadier General Mustang?" She finally looked his way and whilst he knew he just looked bored, he could tell that she was afraid of him. "The doctor wants you to go to the lab and get some tests done."

Roy nodded whilst Ed gave a thumb up without moving from his spot. Of course, Roy thought with frustration. Give the brat an alchemy book and he would spend hours reading it from cover to cover. He rolled his eyes before going to the lab just as the nurse had asked. Despite feeling the strange look behind his back once she noticed what the lab was that was being drawn, she didn't say anything either.

Back in the waiting area, Roy crossed his arms and glared at Ed until the blonde snapped his book shut and gave him a questioning look. Ed ought to have known that he didn't want to come here in the first place and yet he forced him to come here. He didn't want to but the blonde refused to hear all his whining and instead dragged him all the way here.

"Brigadier General Mustang."

Ed gave him a smug look before following after him to the exam room. Once in there, Roy rose his eyebrow at him but chose to remain indifferent until he found out more. It turned out he didn't have to wait long either since the doctor appeared not too long later with a nurse trailing behind her. Roy almost cursed realizing it was the same nervous looking one from earlier as well.

"Well I'd like to say congratulations Brigadier General but first I want to get a better history before we do any of that," she added in a tone of amusement at the ending. She continued though with such gusto that it was impossible to believe she was anything less than arrogant. "You had a baby six years ago in December, is that correct?"

Roy nodded.

"She was born healthy and was 2425 grams right after the birth."

"I saw that and it appeared that she was a breech baby as well. It appeared that the cause was a placenta being near the opening where she would have been born as well."

Roy once again nodded his agreement.

"She was an alchemical experiment and lived to be almost thirty six months. I didn't see the notes on how the first living child had died but-"

"Her death isn't due to anything that you're thinking doctor, child abuse at the hands of a trusting baby sitter did it." Ed didn't want Roy to have to say that since he was still bothered by it if only a little bit. He knew he would have to let her go but the pain in his heart every time someone asked how his first child died had to be painful no matter how many years went by.

"Of course, and my apologies at bringing up any feelings you probably are still dealing with but it was important to make sure it wasn't genetic."

"Doctor-"

She smiled and introduced herself saying, "Doctor Regina Martin."

Roy smiled a small smile before continuing.

"When I saw a specialist they said that this couldn't happen again, so," he paused pointing at his jutted belly. "How did this happen?"

She smiled sardonically before adjusting her glasses.

"My guess would be that they hadn't thought that intercourse with another male would cause anything. It never happened before since studies shown that after the first one, they had healthy relationships with their wives and adopted several children. You are the first to have had a second child after a first had been born from this method, it seems."

Roy nodded with a small frown.

"Well Brigadier General, it's time to see how the baby is."

He nodded and laid back, lifting up his shirt for her. She applied the cold gel on his lower abdomen and forgetting just how cold the gel had been, he gasped making Ed laugh out loud. He glared for a moment before turning to the screen to see a baby on the screen. It wasn't small either making him realize that he was in denial for far longer than he had thought. The baby looked like it had all ten fingers and ten toes though and even showed to have a heartbeat. He let a smile slip onto his face at seeing it and even Ed leant forward in his haste as well. He seemed in awe at seeing his own baby on the screen but Roy really couldn't blame him for the first time he saw Kelsey on one similar, he realized that he wouldn't have aborted her even if he had half a mind to do so before and he found he was glad even though her stay on earth was short.

"I'm going to measure the baby and see how far along you could be alright. I'm not even going to try to do it the other way since I know that it would be just about as accurate as this. Let's just hope that the baby quits wiggling enough for us to see."

She did finally succeed in getting three good pictures to measure and came out with the same amount of time each time. It was concluded that he was fifteen weeks and six days and his due date would be in early October, possibly the sixth. Roy allowed himself to calm down realizing that maybe it wouldn't be so bad but he still wondered what allowing him to carry another kid had meant.

Dr. Martin thought the same thing and smiled amusedly.

"When you did that experiment, it gave you not only a temporary room to carry you're daughter but it gave you a permanent one. That is why I think the experiment never worked after the second time was because you had everything and all you needed was the sperm. The reason you never got yourself pregnant is because of low sperm count which was the same reason you couldn't get any girl pregnant but after being with a man, it was what finally gave you another baby. I don't want you delivering naturally though and after thirty four weeks we'll come up with a good date to do the C-section." She allowed herself to smile again. "Any questions?"

Roy groaned when Ed grinned.

"If he has a uterus then why hasn't he gotten a period?"

She laughed.

"Maybe because he still is still a man. He may have the symptoms of PMS but of course he wouldn't actually have the bleeding."

Roy exhaled a breath at being told that and glared at Ed who just smiled back sheepishly. The doctor ignored that to measure the abdomen before handing the blonde the tissues so that he could clean Roy's stomach for him from the gel that she had spread earlier.

"Now Brigadier General I know that you must be sick and tired of everything now but after you give some more blood tests, you may go and schedule a follow up for your twenty week visit okay?"

Roy nodded before hopping down from the table with Ed not too far behind. Before going to the lab though like he was told to, he stopped in the hallway frowning. He turned to Ed who seemed to notice the change in his demeanor and became serious.

"You really think I could stand to have another baby after losing Kelsey? Tell me the truth Edward because I know I'm not going to kill it but if I carry it then I know I won't be able to give this one up either. I just don't want to be a screw up like I was with Kelsey-"

"Roy it's a lot different now. You were a single parent then and now you have me to lean on. I don't particularly care much for letting a baby sitter raise our children so sorry Roy our kid will be stuck with me while you're working. That's just how it goes and if you have any issues you should bring it up now because we have to meet half way so that the kid doesn't think that they could get what they want from getting yes out of one parent when the other tells them no."

Roy nodded feeling oddly happier, and moving a hand to his stomach just as he felt the kick, he asked one more question he was just dying to know.

"What would you want anyways if you could choose? A baby boy or a baby girl?"

Ed gave him a look before saying, "What do I care as long as they are happy and healthy. I know that they would be happy because this baby has us but what I want more than anything else is a healthy baby. I know you would want that too right?"

Roy silently agreed before following Ed who was now taking up the lead. Underneath all the eagerness at finding this out however, he found he really couldn't see anything wrong with having the baby any longer.

And Kelsey would have been so happy too he thought. She finally had a younger sibling and maybe just maybe she was watching from above and she would be able to be just as happy if not more, that she wouldn't be an only child anymore.

_Two months old and Kelsey still cried some nights. She only seemed to stop when she laid next to Roy, wrapped in one of his shirts and two pillows on either side to keep her from rolling off the bed. Fuery had oddly listened when he told him that she was a good girl and she was slowly gaining weight. She was definitely going to be a big baby soon although she still was at the line between below and average growth. Maybe it was that he forgave him for his decision? No matter what he was glad that Fuery was so happy and after finding out that he had a meeting one evening, he was glad that Fuery decided to baby sit. That meant that Fuery would be at his apartment making sure Kelsey was well taking care of._

_At that time Fuery was alone with Kelsey and she had yet to cry. He came to realize that she was a good baby and knew that it wouldn't be all night anyways and was always glad to help. When there was a knock at the door, he picked her up and went to answer it and found to his surprise that it had been Hughes, who had most likely wanted to catch his friend. It was the same friend, who also, oddly enough, hadn't told him that he wouldn't be here._

_"Uh, the colonel is at a meeting at the moment and asked me to babysit Kelsey for a short while-"_

_"Oh really? Maybe he just forgot to tell me," he seemed distracted but after a moment invited himself in despite Fuery telling him it was really okay. The man however was insistent and after a moment asked to hold the girl._

_Fuery quite understood what it was about and handed her over feeling justified since he deserved just as much as Mustang to be able to have time with the little angel. Holding her though, he noticed that Hughes really did seem to love her. He probably noticed how tiny she was though as well. She was definitely smaller than his girl had been at birth and a seven pounder had looked small enough. She was two months and weighed seven pounds even now!_

_"Are you okay Major?" he asked seeing as how he hadn't taken his eyes off of her yet. The man really seemed to love the little baby to death and he didn't know why he asked Mustang to take her for a little while and spend time with her._

_"Do you think it was really a good idea to agree to act as though I was her uncle?" he finally asked. Fuery was confused at first but Hughes continued. "I hated it so much the fact that he hadn't given her up at first, thinking only of how Gracia would react to see a girl that Roy had had that looked like me too, that I didn't think about this little girl. She is a good baby and she is so tiny but she looks very happy. I just wish I didn't get in that fight with him last month."_

_Fuery nodded and remained quiet while watching how he stroked her little head. Kelsey was surely going to be almost close if not as close as she was with Mustang. He could really see that now. He may not see what Fuery did, but he saw that the man loved her a lot despite her being the child that hadn't been brought about on purpose. The tiny baby opened her eyes allowing both Hughes and Fuery to see them for the first time since every other time they had been closed. They were green, almost exactly like Hughes own, maybe a tint darker, but it was definitely his. Sighing, he continued to stroke her hair, loving the feel of the baby fine jet black hair against his fingers._

_"I do love her don't get me wrong. I didn't realize how much until I saw her but at the time I was too busy shouting at Roy and calling him stupid. I told him it would be best because if she died he wouldn't take it well. He would die if anything happened to her and that he lied when he said that he would understand if she had to go. I know there isn't a guarantee that she would live very long and if she did, then she shouldn't be in Roy's care. He would hate that. He never dealt with death very well and Ishbal alone tore him up. But if she ends up being the best thing that ever happens to him and teaches him that not all love is bad then perhaps I can see her being a good thing and then I would really like that as well. I only want what's best for him after all."_

_Fuery smiled and nodded._

_"Did you think that maybe you partially didn't want to let go of her and that is why you agreed to be part of her life as an uncle? Maybe later in life when you are more comfortable with her, then you could admit that you helped father her? I mean it can't be that bad as long as you are part of her life but maybe he wouldn't mind after you are a part of her life more and he sees it as a good thing."_

_Hughes nodded a little happier before handing her back._

_"Take care of my baby when Mustang isn't here. I don't want even a hair on her little head touched. If it is I don't think I'd be able to forgive you."_

_He repeated the very same thing to the babysitter as well not because he didn't trust Mustang's decisions but because he wanted to make sure that she was fully cared for as well. He really came to love that girl almost as much as Mustang and that was saying something. He bragged and bragged about his wife and daughter but even then he knew that Kelsey and even Roy held a small place in his heart that he could never truly be rid of. A part of that heart would always be void after the day Kelsey was gone and it was all he could do to not tear up whenever he found himself thinking of her._

_For wasn't it said that even a short time with someone was better than going a lifetime without knowing them at all and if he had that choice, he'd rather know her for the time he had, for he loved his and Mustang's baby girl so much and wished that he could have told her so one last time._


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>When God gave you to me he never said that you were mine, that I <em>

_Could keep you always- only borrowed for a time. Now, He's called you _

_Home, I'm sad and I shed tears. Yet, I'm glad He loaned you to me and _

_We had these many years_

***~Chapter Twenty One~***

_Havoc didn't realize that everyone would be at the office but since he was already running late in the beginning, he wondered what it was about. The colonel had a meeting in a couple of hours and the way he understood it, Bridgett couldn't watch the girl at all so he was a bit curious as to how the little girl was going to be watched._

_He got his answer when he saw Kelsey sitting on her father's lap despite the fact that Roy was sleeping in his chair with his head leaning back. Kelsey had a permanent marker and was drawing on thin pieces of sticky paper, sticking it on his face when she was done with it. He looked over to Hawkeye and silently asked what the hell was going on. Hawkeye just smiled and returned to her work ignoring what Kelsey was doing._

_Before Havoc could even say anything, Hughes walked in followed by Armstrong. He was about to say something but paused, seeing Kelsey look up with a smile before continuing. She turned two four days ago and she seemed as happy as ever to be doing stuff like that. As long as she doesn't actually draw on his face, he thought with a generous smile. Armstrong must have seen it for he waved getting her smile to broaden and she waved back, dropping the marker on her daddy's face._

_"Sworry," She let out before noticing that she got some on his cheek. She tried washing it off by sticking two fingers in her mouth and wetting them but that didn't work at all. Her daddy wouldn't be happy with that at all._

_She looked over to Hawkeye who responded nicely as always, surprising Armstrong greatly. He turned to Hughes in question but the man waved him off just laughing it off before getting down to her height._

_"Hey Kelsey, why were you playing with the marker? Did he say you could?"_

_Kelsey nodded, grabbing onto his sleeve with her big green eyes watering at what she accidentally did. Sighing, he picked her up only to cause Roy to rouse from his deep sleep and to notice that Kelsey had been having fun again. He saw that she didn't look happy though and it was answered once Hawkeye spoke up._

_"She dropped the marker on your face and isn't happy that she accidentally marked you on the cheek sir. She knew you told her that was off limits so she is probably very sad that that had happened."_

_Kelsey nodded, looking very much close to tears._

_"Huh?" was his first reply to all that before gesturing for Kelsey to come to him. Once he did, he put a little bit of marker on her as well and when she looked like she was going to burst out in tears much to his coworker's chagrin, he smile and said, "We match now so don't cry. We both look silly now."_

_"Ou mean we awike?" he nodded and she put her arms over his neck and squeezed. She kissed him on the cheek where the black mark was thanks to the permanent marker. "Ima ou gurl."_

_Roy beamed surveying his face in the mirror and surmised they were going to have fun getting that off. The sticky papers he was okay with since she asked right when he was about to settle down for a nap if she could and he had said it was okay to do that. Adjusting her on his hip, he saw some more on the table that hadn't been marked and with a thought in mind; he sat down with her in his lap. _

_"How about you balance this out and I take thirty more minutes to sleep okay?"_

_Kelsey nodded._

_Turning around and seeing Armstrong with a look of surprise on his face, she smiled sweetly. She began to wear underwear since she had long since got used to going to the bathroom and asking if they weren't at home. Right now she was wearing light spring colored dress with solid flower designs on them and had her hair partially pulled up to the top of her head with a lavender ribbon. She was really cute and Armstrong had never even seen the colonel ever smile like that before. It was a rarity in itself and the fact that this little girl brought it out made him wish that she was here to stay for a long while._

_The next time Armstrong saw the little girl again, it wasn't a very good greeting. He had no idea who the girl had been that day and only knew that she made the colonel very happy. Now from where he was standing listening to the reverend, he longed for that smile once again; the very smile that warmed him by seeing her for the very first time then._

_It wasn't until the newspaper had released the article about the anniversary of a certain daddy's soldier's death that he realized just how much the Colonel had been hurting and the very reason he hadn't even shown up to her funeral._

_She had been his baby and he didn't want to believe that her life had ended way too short._

"You called madam?"

Roy didn't really like the president despite being able to conclude that she wasn't horrible. She was very strict and he knew that she was just dying to find a reason to get in a yelling or two. He hadn't been a very good liaison for Ishbal since becoming one and even though Scar didn't blame him for some reason, she very much didn't want him getting away with it.

"So you are going to explain why you are trying to submit a claim saying that you can't leave the country for a period of time?" She had an amused smirk playing on her lips as well, but Roy masked his irritation. He was more annoyed with the steady rolls that was coming from within his stomach and knew he should have ate before coming in. The brat was giving him a hard time as it was with the morning nausea still.

"I can't very much do that because around the months of September and October I'd be getting a surgery done," Roy answered hoping to spare as much details as possible. Everyone already knew about his daughter and no doubt the President ought to know by now if she didn't initially.

"I didn't approve of any surgeries," She replied with a frown. "In fact I would deny any surgery that you request because Ishbal is much more important at the moment-"

"Believe me if I could I would as well but it's not the matter of surgery but how to get this brat out once it's done stealing my nutrients and growing."

She looked over confused for a moment before seeing his belly. There was known experimentations to make males pregnant, she knew that but didn't he already do that for the first one? She didn't know but whatever it was, IT WAS DAMN FUNNY! She started to laugh a little ignoring Roy's look of distain.

"What? You are looking a little on the hefty side Mustang. Is it because you need to hit the gym that you don't want Ishbal? Don't look at me that way or I'll get you on defiance Mustang! Now do you at least have a note from you're doctor?"

Roy handed it over and she noticed that it explained everything down to a T. Apparently the first child had been a breech baby because of partial placenta previa, a medical condition that had the placenta over part of the opening and had been the main cause of the baby not being able to turn. Even if it had, it would have been born through C-section since having a baby through the condition was rather dangerous and by having it naturally could have caused a complete abruption of the placenta. Since the first child was delivered that way, it was easier to do so the same way as well as remain precautionary of the condition.

"Well I must say, you are not only a difficult person but you are a difficult patient as well. Don't worry, I imagine that you already told Scar about-"

"Actually he said I shouldn't be here anyways because of the fact that people are still trying to fight for the rights of a little girl they have never known. They think that fighting for a child they only just found out about helps their conscious when in reality, I think they should stop. She did deserve to live but the fact is she's gone. She's been gone for three years now and they are just only trying? Kelsey wouldn't like that and they are better off leaving it to the family-"

"Don't cut them short Mustang. They fight for what they believe in and the truth is, they may have never met her but they know that she was adored during life and that alone makes them happy enough to try to fight to protect innocent girls like her that could have been saved if some things were already there. I surmise that this one is going to be different."

Roy nodded.

"How do you know anyways that she was adored? I didn't tell them anything-"

She held out the newspaper to him and holding onto it, realized that his subordinates had decided without him to tell about how her life had been. He read over it and realized that they had to have known about this for weeks. His mouth twisted into a frown reading one after the other wondering why they had to do that. There were pictures of her as well. That one had been of her with a spoon in her hand and beaming up at the camera. He remembered how she had continuously been telling him that day that she could do it and not wanting her to be upset, he allowed her to do just that.

"Can I take this with?"

The president nodded.

"However Mustang, I don't want you leaving far from Central. If you decide to go somewhere, inform me and then route up a chit like you normally do. As for when that little thing comes out, do the C-section but make sure you are on bed rest about a couple of weeks before because with your second one, they could decide to come even earlier and it even states right here that you were on bed rest with the first one."

"BED REST!" Roy calmed down enough to nod.

He didn't like bed rest that much but decided to nod. He saluted her and made to leave, but just as soon as he started to twist the door knob, the president called his name again.

"Remember to be careful Mustang. I know you think your subordinates betrayed you but they were actually helping to make the general public understand. You know maybe they will realize what their marches are doing."

"Thanks president," he said.

He closed the door behind him ignoring her carefully concealed looks of worry and made it down one hallway before sliding down the wall in shock. Why would they do that? He thought that he was over crying for the loss of his daughter but the truth was, each time he remembered each and every one of them, it became hell. It was no fair that he couldn't have her close to him. She was gone and never coming back, though. He loved her so much but it didn't seem love was enough. Love could never keep someone here. If love was so great, why did people still die because of it?

Because baby, if love alone could have saved you, then you never would have died, he thought miserably. And it was true because he'd already tried everything he could think of that could bring her back and it hadn't worked. Beyond human transmutation, he would never see his baby girl again and after reading the article and being able to recall every single memory that they had shared, he realized he would never actually be able to say good bye. He loved her way too much and she was still his baby girl.

He was still there when Ed made his way through and wondering what had him so down, finally noticed the newspaper. He knew that it was something that would quite upset the brigadier general. Sighing, he put a hand on his shoulder and could see the look of surprise and smiled.

"Listen I know you're upset right now but you remembering her isn't supposed to be bad and there will be days that you miss her so much, you will wonder how you were ever able to let her go but even though it never gets easier, you get used to it after a while. Roy, concentrate on the things you haven't done before and be yourself but try different things-"

"Like what?" Roy honestly wondered how he had gone so many years in denial. He had some sort of feelings when he had first met the blonde but contributed it to the fact that he wanted to help them. But it became obvious now that he must have loved him for a while now. The blonde was helping him way too much and he owed it to him that he was able to smile these days.

"Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? You know to throw away all that worry and just you know play like you never played before, kiss like you've never kissed before, and just be yourself? I've never done it but I bet it has to be fun-"

"So you want to kiss in the rain? Have you forgotten that I hate getting wet?"

Ed smiled.

"Of course I haven't forgotten. Everyone called you colonel useless for a while after seeing your little demonstration with Scar, remember?"

Roy nodded although it wasn't a very good memory. He turned to Ed again though and pushed his lips against his. Ed put his arms around him and deepened the kiss, silently begging entrance into his mouth. With it being granted, he explored every warm cavern all the while resting his hands on the back of Roy's head. He loved the feel of his soft raven hair in his hands but even then, nothing ever compared to the way he kissed. Breaking it apart, he leant his forehead against Roy's trying to get his breath back.

"Listen Roy, I know you didn't like the articles very much but they thought that they deserved to know about Kelsey and you even said that they didn't know anything about her. Well, now they know some. They would never know her as well as her daddy though. Come on, I say we can't always meet like this alright."

Roy nodded before smiling at a thought.

"Since you have been so great, I'll let you name this kid so you better start thinking of names Eddie because if you think at the last minute, the child will be traumatized for life!"

Ed gaped until he called him Eddie and fought to keep up with him all the while claiming that he already had the best name picked out if it was a boy. Since Roy wasn't too concerned about finding out the sex of the baby at the moment and Ed wanted it to be a surprised, it would be really funny to find out if he had a good name for each. He guessed he would have to wait and see.

In the meantime, he had to owe it to Ed. Whenever he was down, Ed brought him right back up and he didn't know how he could ever repay him. Looking over, he realized he probably wouldn't have to since having his baby was probably enough to keep Ed happy.

And happy he was as well to be carrying his and Ed's child.

_"Twick 'r tweat."_

_Hughes laughed seeing her hold up the bag and smiled. She was just too cute. Putting a handful of candy in the bag, he wondered what her daddy would say if he knew that his subordinates were taking her to trick or treat. The little girl seemed to have something bothering her for she looked worried enough. Maes frowned wondering if it was because her daddy's very complicated pneumonia. Roy kept saying he was fine and they believed him up to the point to where he ended up falling over Fullmetal. And that kid was really freaked out as well. Edward called his name several times and even tried to smack his face a couple of times as well._

_It turned out that his illness required hospitalization and Ed was worried and/or guilty enough to be there with him now. Hughes thought it was just funny that Ed would do that now of all places and realized with a weird sense of justice that Ed must have feelings for his best friend. Roy did deserve happiness and if it took Ed to get that happiness well, Hughes figured once Ed was at least seventeen, Roy could return them as well. He really didn't agree with the fourteen years of age difference but love was love and if he hadn't tried what he had with Roy, they would have never had this little angel kid in front of them now._

_"Kelsey you seem worried. What is wrong baby?"_

_"Daddy hwurt. Ou saw daddy?"_

_Hughes nodded._

_"Don't worry about daddy, he'll be fine sweetie and I know that we don't have to worry because daddy's crush is watching over him."_

_"Daddy cwush a angel?"_

_She was so innocent that Hughes didn't want to destroy that but he smiled realizing he could at least teach her about crushes. He led her in the house thanking whatever power it was that had allowed Gracia to take Elysia trick or treating this year. He would do it next year but right now, he wanted to make sure that his little princess was happy and worry free. She would even know about crushes before this day was truly over. Havoc and Fuery followed claiming that they were watching her while the colonel was cooperating from his illness and that they were keeping him in there for another week so that his lungs were clear before he was discharged._

_"Listen baby when someone has a crush on someone, it means they really like them. Like how a mommy likes a daddy and so on."_

_Kelsey seemed to be thinking it over before smiling again. Havoc didn't really think it was a good idea to be telling her this but wisely shut up so they wouldn't get a picture of Elysia stuck in their faces. Besides she was techniqually Hughes's kid as well and he had just as much parental right as Mustang had. _

_"Me wike daddy. Is it same?"_

_Hughes laughed._

_"No baby. You love daddy like a daughter would. There are different types of love too. Like how you were made. It took a special type of love to make you."_

_"Oh, so daddy wikes some 'ne enouf to make a babee wike me?"_

_Hughes nodded although Havoc thought that she didn't really get it yet. She would but Hughes was giving her the wrong definition and it would lead to awkward questions with her daddy if the little girl remembered. Instead, Fuery handed her a chocolate bar, deciding that that was better than letting the little girl believed that. But she did and she turned to Hughes again questionably._

_"Daddy gonna hafe a babee that mean?"_

_Hughes looked kind of put out and didn't quite know how to answer that so he shook his head._

_"It just means that he likes the person enough to want a baby, my little girl. Don't worry about it Kelsey and go get some more candy."_

_She nodded._

_One thing for certain was there wasn't an innocent little girl quite like Kelsey and Hughes really hoped that she kept the innocence when she gotten older. Turns out he would never know how she would have been when she had because she lost the chance two months later when she was gone from the world forever._


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Sometimes the hardest part of letting go is not what you are giving up at the moment but what has already been gone for a long time… the sadness comes because you are just now realizing you were only holding onto a memory of what once was.<em>

***~Chapter Twenty Two~***

_"Baby, would you please help me get Elysia dressed for daycare?" Hughes nodded quickly picking out a plaid green and blue dress, fitting it over his daughter's head before she had time to argue. She was four years old and she was a feisty little girl. Fifty three months if he wanted to be technical and he remembered thinking that usually he was._

_"I have a meeting in a good thirty minutes and I don't know how I'm gonna miss this one but if you don't get dressed and go to daycare baby, then you won't meet my other little girl that is close to my heart," he told her._

_She thought for a second before giving him a look._

_"I already met Kelsey a lot of times daddy. Remember when she learnt to ride the tricycle? And the time that she had food poisoning from that one place? She has pretty hair and I think she is a pretty girl. I think of her as my younger sister and if mommy met her, she'd love her as well."_

_Hughes laughed out loud._

_He just hoped so. Elysia loved her Uncle Roy and loved it even more that he let her come over and play with Kelsey. That little girl would never argue about getting dressed in the morning though because Roy had her pick out what she wanted to wear the night before. Obviously, it was different with him because he never even thought about it and seeing that the last time he had been over with Elysia, the girl had turned to him with a frown._

_"Why don't you do that with me daddy? Kelsey picks out the prettiest things, don't cha think?"_

_Hughes learnt two things that day of course. One, Kelsey loved to dress in anything even when she hadn't gotten clothes the day before and her daddy hurriedly put her in anything he could find and number two, Elysia was jealous of the bond that Kelsey shared with Roy. He was quite jealous as well though and told Roy a couple of times which resulted in getting a couple of kisses from the otherwise embarrassed man. It was cute anyways how his face became red whenever he mentioned it._

_"Honey the phone is for you and I think you should take it."_

_Hughes looked at her questionably and saw that Gracia seemed worried._

_"It's Hawkeye on the phone and she said they are at South Bend hospital and that Roy's little girl is in serious condition down there. Supposedly Roy just got there and they don't know anything yet because Hawkeye is on the phone here now. Hold on, she says she knows but she thinks that you should go there right away since Roy isn't taking anything so well at the moment."_

_He motioned for her to give him the phone before putting it over his ear and listening to Hawkeye explain herself what was going on. From what he could understand from the distraught woman, he realized that something happened when she was with the babysitter and the girl was in serious condition like Gracia had told him. Even though she was confused at knowing that Roy even had a girl, he ignored that for now. He forgot that he was going to tell her about Kelsey tomorrow and instead wrote the directions to the hospital he had never visited while cursing softly. Kids only went there for one of two things, they were extremely hurt and in need of extensive care or the trauma was so bad that they needed the facilities that could handle such trauma._

_"I'll be there soon okay Hawkeye. Tell Roy that Kelsey will be fine."_

_He could hear the pause on the other end and for the life of him, he felt that his heart had died a little that day when he heard the next thing she had said._

_"Sir, Kelsey is dead."_

_He dropped the phone in shock and could fear the sting of tears coming. Not Kelsey! No, not the playful mischievous little girl that always looked forward to her Uncle Mae Mae time. Not her! He didn't know how the day could get any worse. Kelsey with the gentle smile and the green eyes that lit up could not be dead. She touched a person's life just by walking into a room! She could not be dead!_

_No matter how much he wished that it wasn't though, it couldn't stop the one fact that became a reality as soon as he reached the hospital thirty minutes later._

_Kelsey was gone and never coming back._

"Well how did it go sir? Did you find out the reason you gained weight?" Havoc asked with a smirk.

"And don't forget the morning nausea. That is the worse I think since it leaves you with the image of a room tilting for about fifteen minutes," Breda added in with a smirk of his own.

Roy convinced himself that he was going to torch his subordinates and get new ones. But no, once the president saw that he was indeed pregnant and not faking out of it just so he would get out of going to Ishbal, she said one incident and he would rue the day he became the flame alchemist. Ed had been inclined to agree it seemed for he snuck the gloves from him when Roy found himself making love with Ed again a couple of nights ago. Another reason he hated these emotions were the increased sex drive he found out. Ed loved it though and until his supposed bed rest, Ed told him he hadn't minded going at it like bunnies every night.

Roy smirked thinking about how Ed was now sleeping on the couch for now. Maybe after day two, he would allow him back because as much as he didn't want to admit it, he was horny for Ed these days. Winry and Al were staying over as well though and that was partially the reason he kept Ed on the couch. He couldn't very well control himself and he doubted that Al and Winry would like them going at it when they were trying to sleep.

"Roy, how's the thing about the Ishbal assignment going?" Hawkeye asked breaking his thoughts.

Roy frowned.

"The president told me it was delayed until January at the latest. Said that it wouldn't be so bad and that it didn't snow there at all anyways. She also laughed in my face for a good five minutes while I explained why I needed the delay but she understood and that what counts."

Hawkeye nodded.

"That's good sir so when were you going to let us know that you were pregnant again?"

Roy looked over at her in shock while the others' mouths dropped. How in the world did she know? He sighed realizing this was Hawkeye they were talking about and just like her name; there was little that escaped her. He decided now would be the best time to come clean anyways.

"I wasn't going to keep you in the dark but Ed wanted to tell his brother first so you can't blame me for it. I am still getting used to the idea of a second child anyways. Kelsey was my first and will always be my first so you see why I didn't tell you when I found out a month ago?"

He saw their looks when Kelsey was mentioned and realized why he never talked to them about it before. They were still upset about it and he hated bringing his daughter up in front of them because then he became guilty. They loved Kelsey as well and even though he had loved her a whole lot more, they remembered her all this time while his mind pushed her to his subconscious so that he would be able to heal enough so that he would be able to deal with the trauma of losing her. They remembered her all this time though and they missed her even now.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled before deciding it was best to take a walk and clear his head. Ignoring their calls, he left thinking it would be easier if he stopped talking about Kelsey around them. Part of him felt it had been unfair since Kelsey had been his and his alone but the more reasonable part realized that they deserved the right to mourn her as well since they tried to help him for the best part of three years that she was gone.

He stopped beside the water fountain and remembered the time that Kelsey had prayed for the babies that hadn't been able to be born at all and couldn't help but feel saddened by that. Kelsey had a big heart and she never did anything wrong. She loved each of his subordinates and loved her papa a lot as well. If only he hadn't been so selfish and told her before she had died that Hughes helped to father her. He would have changed a lot of things if he got a second chance with her and he couldn't be granted that as well. He sat beside it and felt the depths of the water wondering why it never seemed to rain that much. He felt like he wanted to cry and for once he wished that it would storm because it had to be a curse to be nice out when everything wasn't so great in his life.

He sat there just playing in the water for quite some time.

* * *

><p>"We should stop doing that," Hawkeye said with a sigh. "Ed did tell us that he's only getting better because he is being forced to deal with her death and that talking about her has helped a lot."<p>

"Well you forget that that's not why we are upset," Havoc told her, dropping the unlit cigarette from his mouth into the trash can. "We feel guilty because if we had even said something to him about his daughter she possibly wouldn't have ever died."

"I know that but we never told him that and he thinks he doesn't deserve to grieve seeing our reactions without knowing that. My guess would be, he's going to be outside near that fountain once again for thirty minutes until Ed goes by and breaks him from that. My guess would be that the baby he's carrying is Ed's anyways."

Fuery managed a weak smile.

"I wouldn't doubt that seeing as how Ed has been much closer to him these last months alone. He helped him more than we ever could. Thing is even though we try, I think not only the memories haunt us as well but then the fact that every time following right after her death that we brought it up, it hurt to see him go off saying that we were hallucinating and she was not dead. He was in denial up to the point he tried to end his life that I think that we got used to not bringing up."

"Yeah, I remember the one time it was nice out and I just said that it must be nicer up in heaven because they had Kelsey and he started saying that Kelsey was at daycare, with a look of confusion on his face. Each and every time Kelsey was mentioned, it seemed that Hughes had to do damage control and it usually ended with him trying to shake him out of it. Of course then he had those memories pushed back and it was the best thing that had happened for all of us at that point." Breda added looking at his hands.

"He was a hurt father but at least you weren't there when he had lost her in the hospital." Havoc nodded in agreement and the others had always wondered as well.

It didn't matter though because they wouldn't have wanted to see that.

"Look on the bright side," Havoc said getting another cigarette out.

Breda looked at him funny and even Fuery looked at him in askance before Havoc smirked, placing the cigarette in his mouth much to the other's displeasure without an answer. Finally he added.

"The bright side is I won the bet. Remember I did say I bet they had a lot of pent up energy and one of these days, one of them is going to take the other and fling them down and make sweet love to them. Well I was right, they are together and there is a baby on the way."

The others groaned. They didn't remember that but of course Havoc would. Now that they thought about it though, it was actually nice even though they lost some of their money because that meant that Roy was happy again for the first time in three years and finally Kelsey would be able to rest in peace without worrying what daddy was going to do. She loved her daddy more than life itself and now she would be able to smile down from heaven knowing that he was okay. Also was the fact that there was another baby. Daddy kept his promise to her as well and she would someday see her sibling as well.

They just hoped that Roy thought of it as that as well because Kelsey really did love him even now. She wanted him to be happy more than anything else.

Maybe one day Roy would realize that as well.

_Roy didn't know what was worse, the fact that he was holding onto his dead child or the fact that he was having a million thoughts run through his head and none of them had Kelsey in them. He wished she was sleeping and he was holding onto that fact because she could not be. She was still his baby and the fact that she wasn't waking up even when he was crying was harsh. So very harsh and he didn't know what he would do._

_"Kelsey baby? Kay Kay? Kels, I know you could hear me, so why don't you answer me?" he asked shakily._

_She was gray and her lips were blue. Shouldn't they be putting oxygen on her so that she could breathe? He wasn't paying attention anymore or else he would have remembered that for the last thirty minutes, she hadn't been breathing at all. He noticed blood stains on the sheets and couldn't tell where it was coming from. Maybe from the diaper? He hadn't remembered Kelsey wearing a diaper and hadn't kept one in the house since she turned two years old. It barely fit her little body and he was afraid to see what he would find if he took it off. He knew he had a change of her clothes here somewhere and realized that he had left it in the car. Kelsey wouldn't like it if she woke up with this on._

_"It's okay Kelsey; you're going to be okay." He didn't know why he was crying anymore but with each shaking breath, he found himself closer to tears again. Kelsey wasn't opening her eyes and nobody was going to come in and help his baby!_

_Finally, after what seemed like an hour, he looked up and noticed that Hughes had walked in. He could tell that that man had been crying as well but couldn't discern why. Kelsey was unconscious and she was fine. Sure she wasn't wearing what she had had been wearing earlier today but he could forgive that when he brought her home._

_"Hughes I don't have a brush and Kelsey's hair is a mess. She'll throw a fit when she wakes up and finds out that nobody brushed it so can you go-" He was cut off by Hughes choked sobs and before he could react, Hughes threw an arm around him. "Why are you crying Hughes? Kelsey will be fine, I need that brush though or we won't be."_

_"ROY STOP IT! PLEASE STOP!" Hughes held him by his shoulders and shook him wildly a couple of times hoping he would get it in his head that his daughter wasn't breathing anymore and hadn't for a good amount of time. She was dead for goodness sake and if he had gotten the call earlier then maybe Roy wouldn't be in denial like he was now. "SHE WON'T! ROY SHE WON'T BE UPSET BECAUSE SHE CAN'T WAKE UP-"_

_"She will though. She has to because she can't leave me all alone! I need Kelsey and Kelsey needs me. Don't you see that Hughes? She can't be gone because I would die without her!" Hughes stopped abruptly and tried to get him to let go of the girl. It was no use holding onto her anymore because she was dead and that was a fact that he didn't want to get used to either but it was right here! She wasn't breathing, she was gray, and the brain stopped working. She wasn't going to just wake up and fuss about anything because she was gone. Once again he wasn't here when Roy had needed him and he felt bad for it. He hadn't been there when Kelsey had been born either._

_"Give me Kelsey," Hughes groused but Roy refused, holding onto her tighter. He didn't want to let her go it seemed and he wouldn't listen to reason. Roy needed serious medical attention as well though and Hughes wanted to get the girl from him before he went into severe mental shock. "Roy, Kelsey is gone and she isn't going to be opening her eyes and talking to you anymore. She can't."_

_Roy shook his head and turned away so he wouldn't be able to get her from him. She was a person, and he was being mean! Kelsey wasn't dead and she could not be. He would die if she was. But try as he might, Hughes certainly couldn't take her away and sighed letting Roy have his way for now._

_"You want to brush her hair? Afterwards you have to promise that you'll let me hold her." Roy looked suspicious before nodding. He just wanted her to wake up without fussing and Hughes was being an asshole. Just as Hughes was about to look into his pocket, Hawkeye and Havoc came in and saw the girl as well._

_"Roy let her go, the doctor wants to perform an autopsy," Hawkeye told him._

_Roy shook his head. He wasn't going to and they couldn't make him. Hughes promised that nobody was going to take her from him, but three was better than one and they got the small body after a couple of minutes of struggling, making Roy quite angry._

_"You can't do an autopsy on a living person and I never gave them permission," he added, but Hughes refused to tell him that he signed the release. Roy was going through enough and he couldn't just look at this anymore._

_"It's okay Roy, it'll be okay," he tried telling him although he knew it wasn't going to be. Roy would have a huge way to go to recover and he could only thank the babysitter. What the hell was she thinking?_

_"Hughes, will they return Kelsey to me after they are done? She is starting daycare next week and she's very happy about making friends, so I don't want her to miss the chance."_

_Oh Roy, Hughes thought. He just held onto him tighter just thinking about how the next week would be. He was going to deny this as much as possible and the thing was Hughes couldn't blame him. But it had to stop and Roy's rants about Kelsey now was breaking his heart almost as much as Kelsey's death already was._

_He continued to hold onto Roy until sobs started to break out and his body shook but one thing was for certain, there would definitely be more tears in the future and they were far from done._


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same<em>

***~Chapter Twenty Three~***

_Even when he hadn't realized he was going to keep her he had wanted to get something special for her just so that she had something from him even when they would never meet. He would even come to say he loved the idea of his child and it was not even out of his stomach yet. He got a blue one that was checkered with green and pink with yellow outlining the whole thing. It was a girl's blanket but for some reason he felt drawn to it and was sure that if it wasn't, he would be able to get a new one._

_The blanket ended up being a keepsake especially after years to come but more importantly he held onto it during the times he woke up and found Kelsey absent from his bed. It helped him come out of denial quickly for she would go nowhere without her blanket. _

_It hurt but it hurt more when the babysitter stopped by two days after the supposed funeral and she seemed to be suffering enough so frowning, he let her inside. She thanked him several times before taking a seat and seemingly looked worse than he ever saw her. She didn't look bad that morning but he couldn't really remember much except for the fact that his daughter had been gone since that day._

_"You look worse for wear Bridgett. What's going on?"_

_She looked up at him and Roy could see that she looked like she had been crying. He wanted to ask her what was wrong and everything but he was kind of curious as to what had happened the day she had watched his little girl. She was in charge and he always held her responsible for everything. She was eying the medication on the table and seemed to choke back another sob making him realize he had left the antidepressants on the table. He picked it up and threw it in the bedroom. There was no reason to deny he had been taking them now. They refused to give him any more sedatives and wanted him to stay on it for a little while. It made his head clear and he remembered plainly that he wanted to kill himself just to be with Kelsey again. He wouldn't say anything though because they would take him back there and he didn't want that._

_"I wanted to apologize even though I know that I won't be able too. I'm going to see my day in court for the mistakes I made and what's worse is that Kelsey isn't going to be here anymore to make my day better. She was so funny Mr. Mustang and even when I was feeling down like I am now, she always made all my problems seem like they were a piece of cake. I know that it's too late though since nobody could save her now but I'm so sorry Mr. Mustang. I'm so sorry that I didn't ask for your permission and that I allowed Phillip to see Kelsey when I shouldn't have. He…He…..he hurt her bad and she never recovered from it. He said she just fell out of bed but half the injuries hadn't been there when you left and I feel really really bad. HOW COULD YOU FORGIVE ME FOR BEING THE REASON YOUR DAUGHTER IS DEAD?"_

_Roy looked at her for a moment before stating flatly, "If you're talking about Kelsey, she's in daycare. I don't know why people keep talking about her death like that because she isn't dead."_

_He cursed his mouth when he saw Bridgett's reaction to it. His heart knew she was gone and that she was never coming back but his head was still ignoring that and his mouth was agreeing with his brain. The only thing that the antidepressants seemed to be doing was keeping him from having severe mental shock like he kept having lately. Looking over at her, he sighed and stopped just before patting her head._

_"I'm sorry for saying that Bridgett. I didn't mean to make that statement when I should know..." He trailed off and Bridgett nodded, getting up and gathering her things._

_"It's my fault sir because if I had been a lot more careful then she would be here today and she would be at daycare instead of six feet under. I'm so, so sorry but whatever I do isn't going to be enough because like I said, the only thing that would make you better is having her here and I can't do that."_

_Roy didn't disagree but he hadn't said anything when Bridgett left slamming the door behind her. A week later in court, however, she changed her tune and tried claiming that he had a part in the neglect of his child when evidence didn't point to him at all. It didn't matter because she got community service and her boyfriend got five years in prison._

_No matter what happened before that though, it remained a fact that Bridgett didn't like telling the truth if it meant she was in trouble. Her lies may not have been valid but it certainly cast the doubt that she had done anything other than neglectfully let her boyfriend in the house. Years to come nobody would even think to consider that just maybe; she had had a hand in the child's death herself._

Roy had been at the fountain for about ten minutes lost in thought when he found himself almost slipping in. His whole head had been submerged, although he caught himself in time and turned around glaring at the mischievous blonde who had seemed to think it was funny for some unknown reason.

"Well don't be so depressed and I won't do things like that," Ed told him once he stopped laughing. He gave a crooked grin adding, "Well look on the bright side, at least you're not a hot head anymore."

Roy just continued to glare at the blonde until he seemed to think it was better to let it go for now. He did think clearer now that he had done that and he had let go of the previous thoughts in his head as well but Ed seemed to be able to do that and he owed him a lot.

"Fine, whatever you say Eddie."

Ed turned to glare at him at that and Roy found himself grinning from ear to ear. He couldn't make cracks at his height anymore since he was only about four, maybe five inches shorter than him now and he couldn't order him around because he no longer used alchemy but he was glad he found another thing that hyped him up as well.

"Stop calling me Eddie or I will make sure your bed rest is as torturous as possible," Ed warned. Roy held up his hands in surrender deciding to let that go for now as well. He smirked though and Ed gave him a suspicious glance until Roy was only a tiny distance away and closed the gap with a small kiss on the lips.

"I want to know the names that you came up with Eddie. Can't you do that for little ole me?" Ed would have glared at him but unfortunately he hadn't thought that Roy would want to hear them so soon. He gulped before backing away and taking off leaving Roy behind.

Ed slid underneath Havoc's desk and when the man looked up at him questionably, Ed put a finger to his lips.

"If he asks for me, I jumped out the window and ran off to Al and Winry's."

Havoc nodded and went back to doing his work ignoring the knowing wince remembering that Ed still had yet to tell his younger brother and his brother's girlfriend that he had gotten Roy pregnant in the first place. They would probably especially be mad with him since he had told them before that nothing was going on with him and the brigadier general. He didn't have time to ponder more on the thought before hearing Roy angrily make his way in and he began to towel dry his hair right away.

"Tell Ed if you see him that I'm gonna push him out of a window the next time I do." Hawkeye seemingly rolled her eyes at their similar personalities before becoming serious again.

"Sir we didn't mean to hurt your feelings, you know. It's not that we don't like to hear about Kelsey because we're happy to hear the happier times but…"

Havoc took over and Ed remained hidden since he realized that it was important for the others to get it out. Never would he have thought that they would be able to get the guilt off of their chest so fast because they may not look it, but they looked up to the brigadier general so much.

"Listen Roy we do care about you a lot and we have been happier just these last few months because you have been in such a good mood and you remember Kelsey. She loves you so much and that was all she wanted was for you to be happy."

Hawkeye took over again, after making sure she wasn't going to tear up. She knew they all cared about Kelsey a lot but not as much as Roy and even Hughes had. Hughes was gone though as well now and he was with the beautiful little angel they missed so much. One of these days they would see her again and that thought alone gave her strength along with her promise to Kelsey that she promised that daddy would be happy even when she was long gone.

"Truth is Kelsey made us promise that when she was gone that you wouldn't cry and you would be happy knowing that you had her the time you had. I didn't know what she was going on and on about but after her death I suddenly realized that she meant that she knew she wasn't going to live long and she was still trying to make sure you were well taken care of even after she wasn't here."

Roy turned around so that he could control himself. They had just made his day better by saying that, they had no idea how relieved he was to hear that as well. He had always felt that he failed Kelsey by not protecting her and that she would hate him because she had to die that day but hearing that now, he could finally see that that was not the case. She loved him much more than he could think and he realized that even after death both loved and missed the other just so much.

Before Hawkeye could say anything else, he wrapped his arms around her in a hug leaving her in shock by such display of emotions that weren't common from the brigadier general. She patted his back awkwardly wondering if he was going to start yelling at her for failing to tell him all this from before the death of his baby girl. He didn't say that, however, and even though the rest were half hoping he wouldn't blame them, they knew they would deserve it if he had.

"Thank you Hawkeye. I thought my baby hated me but now that I know, you put my mind at ease and I think for the first time, I won't have to think of her with the horrible thoughts of her hating me anymore but of a little girl who was always happy and brightened each and every day." Hawkeye's eyes went wide before she tightened the hold, rubbing his back soothingly as if to tell him that it was okay.

"You're welcome sir. We're glad you are happy and Kelsey is looking down now and knowing that you are, she is finally going to be able to rest in peace."

Roy shook his head though.

"The only real way she will be able to is when we find out who it was that hurt my baby girl." He frowned the rest of them looked at him in shock. "I know there was something fishy. First Bridgett had come to me and apologized and all of a sudden she changed her tune. The boyfriend hadn't said a thing and instead let himself get those years away so who was it? I know a part of me says it wouldn't matter because she's not coming back but Kelsey would want to prevent another little child like her from getting injured like that."

Havoc finally nodded in understanding and Breda replied, "If it helps sir the boyfriend possibly didn't do much and they got him on the neglect of not saying anything. He hadn't had a history of lying and he told his mom the day that he went home that the little girl fell out of bed for real and he really didn't know what was going on except she was having difficulty breathing and he wanted to call for an ambulance despite Bridgett yelling that it was his entire fault."

Roy nodded.

"One day we'll all get answers but right now Eddie, I want you out from under there. We have to go shopping anyways cause I can't fit in my clothes at home."

Ed snorted but Hawkeye stepped in helping to alleviate the damage control she halfheartedly expected wouldn't be half as bad as before with Roy being twenty weeks now.

"Don't forget to stop at my apartment at seven thirty and if you dare show up late, you'll see my wrath. Remember, don't even think about it."

Ed gulped before pulling Roy towards the door. Of course Hawkeye would do this of all times today because what she didn't understand was how much time they had on their hands nowadays and how little time they had before the baby would come into the world.

Hawkeye just smiled serenely when they were gone before turning to the rest with a knowing look. They had failed to save Kelsey in the end but with another baby coming into their lives, they realized they couldn't stay in the past. Kelsey would want them to be happy and having a new life would make things easier in the end as well. They had a second chance to do things right and they weren't going to spoil it, one single time.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe I'm now fitting into larges and extra-larges!" Roy was grumbling but then again, there wasn't a time that he wasn't nowadays and Ed would have been happier with his mood changes if he hadn't suddenly been forced to sleep on the couch. Something about the statement he made, he guessed, when Roy had claimed that he was being too horny nowadays and Ed had said that he didn't care if they went at it like bunnies all the time until his bed rest since it felt so good.<p>

He needed to learn to control his damn mouth. Turning to Roy, he put another outfit into his arms and ignored the groan that issued from the man as he looked through the racks. Of course Roy would hate it because he was always on the thin side. He had a high metabolism as well and even after Kelsey's birth, he lost all that baby fat by the time he had come back from one of his missions so he would have to say that two months' period was better than none.

"You'll lose it all after our baby is born so quit complaining. We should only get five to seven pairs anyways because the baby hasn't stopped growing yet." Roy nodded in distain before trying each of them on one by one. Soon he grudgingly picked out of the pile what he needed and they stopped long enough to look at the baby stuff.

"You know, Kelsey was born already when I did this before. I had thought before that I would have given her up and the only thing I did get before was a blanket that I thought she would have loved if I couldn't have been able to have her as my own." Ed looked thoughtful before picking up a bright blue blanket.

He added it to the pile, daring Roy to question why he decided on the bright blue but Roy honestly didn't. They paid for it fast enough, heeding what Hawkeye told them and raced towards the place. As soon as they parked in a spot within a short walking distance, they raced up the steps and to her apartment number. Roy stopped for a moment to catch his breath and Ed through him an amused glance.

"Maybe you should do those exercises more that the doctor told you to start doing."

"Like I'm actually going to deliver the baby or any future one," Roy replied waving the concerned thought away.

Ed glared at him.

"How much are we planning on having anyways? I want at least three so you better get used to the weight gain because after this I want two more-" Roy cut him off with a searing kiss that left Ed wanting more but pulled away before Ed could put his arms around his Ed with a sardonic grin.

"That is why you are on the couch Eddie poo because it seems you can't control your urges or your mouth."

He opened the door before Ed could reply and almost panicked at the shouts of surprise and the confetti thrown around. Ed came up behind him and led him to the couch so that if he got lightheaded from that little burst of surprise, he wouldn't hit his head or stomach on anything.

"What the hell is going on?" Roy had the decency to ask and Hawkeye had to smile at this.

"Well Roy, we're throwing a baby shower for you," She explained calmly although Roy threw his hands up in exasperation anyways.

"What do I look like a girl? We never threw one before Kelsey was born." He pointed out and Riza bowed her head.

"At that time we thought that you would have wanted to keep her more and you had been convinced at that time that you were going to give her up. We didn't want to throw one and make you think of it as an obligation to keep her so-"

"Thank you Riza for thinking enough to throw the party," Roy said cutting her off before he felt guilty for making her think like that. He hadn't blamed her and had only been looking for an excuse to get out of one in the beginning anyways.

Roy sank down and gave Ed the look that Ed only acquainted with getting him things because he was too lazy to get up. He sighed before nodding and leaving Roy's smug look of triumph behind, he went to go get his loveable but very moody boyfriend whatever food he could find for him. That meant though that he wouldn't be eating anything weird and nasty so Ed was actually okay with it.

He was stopped by Al and Winry on the way back and pulled into a room. He wondered what they were thinking realizing that he should have told them instead of hiding out like that. They loved the idea, he surmised because they kept telling him to quit his denial and jump the man's bones. Well he did but he also had left out the part where he had gotten him pregnant and they seemed a little disappointed at that.

"Ed, you should have told us first before anyone else found out." Winry looked more than disappointed but she definitely wasn't mad. What was it but he couldn't place before Al took over, leering over him in a way that had Ed wishing that he had made Roy get up and get his own food, he realized.

"Brother are you trying to become like dad? He wasn't married as well when he had children and he left them to be raised by a single parent that ended up dying from a broken heart. I'd say that you should marry him before the baby even comes out."

Winry nodded whilst Ed glared. WHERE THEY REHEARSING THIS? He didn't know what Mustang would say about marriage but one thing was for certain. His heartbeat picked up and his pulse became faster. What would be the difference between being married and only being engaged? He was sure that he could become involved a lot more with any legal decisions than if he was just his boyfriend. He nodded finally agreeing with his brother and Winry. Why hadn't he thought of it before? Maybe because he was helping him with Kelsey and he didn't think of anything after the baby that Roy was now carrying.

"I just hope you have a baby boy so you could see yourself how hard it is to raise one," Winry added making Ed glare.

"Please Spencer would be the best baby in the world-"His eyes went huge realizing that he gave a name to them first. Roy asked him all day and if he found out, he would be mad. Sighing, he changed the subject as they grinned. "I don't have a ring though."

Al clapped him on the back though and smiled broadly at him.

"Tell your loveable man that tomorrow you'll be hanging out with us but don't tell him that you're window shopping alright?"

Ed nodded before bringing the food over to Roy before the man had a fit over not eating anything in four hours already. The baby was making him have a huge appetite but he supposed that it was because he was eating for two that this was happening. Roy gave him a muttered thanks before digging in and didn't yell at him like he had half expected him to. Ed smiled thinking about how the baby would be really loved now that he thought about it. The baby would be just as important as Kelsey and no one child was going to be any bit better in his book.

"Hey sir, before the other presents were given we wanted to give you this because it would mean so much to each and every one of us. I know we didn't give her a baby shower and it was no one's fault but we decided to give you a gift for her as well so that you could have something to remember by as well as the photo album of a thousand and some odd photos." Roy accepted the medium sized picture frame and looked at it with Edward.

It was cute. Nearing the border of the frame was golden trims and before that was a lime green color. In the center was the darkest green. What got to wasn't the color though but the collage of pictures ranging from when Kelsey was a baby up to the last time she had her photo taken but it was so beautifully done that he knew that Hawkeye hadn't done it herself as well. In the center of it were words in gold bold letters;

"When God gave you to me he never said that you were mine, that I  
>could keep you always- only borrowed for a time. Now, He's called you<br>home, I'm sad and I shed tears. Yet, I'm glad He loaned you to me and  
>we had these many years."<p>

Roy held the tears at bay and Ed himself hid his face for a bit since even though he never met the girl, he could only know how sweet of a girl she had been and by hearing that, he knew that was true. She had been lent to her daddy and she brightened his days for those many years. Even when Roy had felt like crying or felt the pang in his heart during the time he lost memories of the special girl in the photos, he knew in his heart that she was there and she had never been erased from that special place. She wasn't there to stay but she taught Roy to love.

Roy hugged Hawkeye again and hid the fact he wasn't able to control his tears much after that. He got his control back though and smiled thinking of where he could keep it safe. After all the fun and games and the inevitable gift opening, Ed smiled to Roy in the car. They got it because of the fact that Ed didn't want Roy to be stuck in the middle of nowhere if his water broke before his scheduled due date. The doctor had assured them that the placenta wasn't in the opening at the time but it was very close and didn't want to risk that by natural childbirth still. She also warned them that any discharge or the bag of water breaking, that they bypass her and go straight to the ER. Roy knew this already but for Ed it was new so he was still panicking so the car eased his fear some and he was more satisfied then without it.

"Oh, Roy?"

Roy turned to him and Ed gulped.

"I wanta marry you." At Roy's look of surprise, he continued. "I may not have a ring and I may not have shown any indication but I do love you a lot and I would like to spend the rest of my life with you no matter how many tantrums you pull or how much we argue and fight because I know that those would only make us stronger in the end."

"I'd love to marry you but first let's survive the visit to my grandmother's. If she approves of you, I know that like you said, nothing could stand in the way of our love."

"And your grandma is like?" Ed cut himself off with a wince. Of course he had to mention only now that his grandmother was like a super over protective mom. He wondered vaguely what she was really like or if Roy was exaggerating. He couldn't know for sure until he went there and found out though.

"She's kind of like that teacher of yours," Roy answered with a small smile. When Ed continued to look dubious, Roy continued with a laugh. "My grandma and your teacher get along very well. Let's just say that my mom liked to fool around and-I'll stop there."

"Are you saying that the mom that walked out on you has a family again and that she had my teacher?" Roy nodded much to Ed's displeasure.

"Don't worry, they aren't really related because she's the grandparent on my dad's side remember? My maternal grandma hates me just as much as my mother does."

Ed nodded with a gulp.

There couldn't be any excuses though. He was going to win his grandmother's approval and then he was going to marry Roy.

There was nothing else to it.


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Time cannot steal the treasures that we carry in our hearts. Nor ever dim <em>

_The shining thoughts our cherished past imports for the memories of the _

_Ones we loved still cast a gentle glow, to grace our days and light our _

_Paths wherever we may go_

***~Chapter Twenty Four~***

_Roy knew when he had found out about the little baby growing inside him that his grandma was going to pull a fit. She liked to think she raised a child that would think on his head and by doing what he had done, he had not been thinking. Still, he was going to give it up to a better family so he knew she wouldn't be too disappointed. _

_He didn't abort him or her._

_His grandma took one look at him and laughed at first. She laughed her head off and Roy was about ready to cross into the dangerous way of thinking when she suddenly settled down and hugged him tightly enough. He thought he was beginning to lose oxygen when she released him and gave him a look that he didn't like. It meant that she knew more than she was letting on and he didn't like it._

_"You try to give that baby up Roy darling. If it is one thing I've learnt about me and about you especially is that we never really can give up on things that are closest to us." Roy scrunched his brows in confusion and she just chuckled, running her hand through her grandson's hair affectionately. He was not the little boy that she raised anymore. He was now a young man and he was going to learn that some things were best left to decide later. He was going to love the baby too much when he saw it to ever think of letting it go. When he was born, she knew that she would do her best to love him to the little boy's content and she hadn't backed out yet. "It means that you're bond with that unborn baby has already begun. It's going to be the closest bond you ever had and you won't want to give that up. You think about it now but a true parent loves their kids and hates letting them go."_

_Roy finally nodded although he knew she should be wrong._

_"I guess I haven't thought of it that way. Would you be mad if I really decided not to go through with the adoption?"_

_Sighing, she looked up to the sky before giving him a look that made Roy think that she was seeing through him. She knew too much on most days and he didn't like the hold she usually had on him. Sure she was his grandmother but she was uncannily knowing about everything he seemed to do and even when he didn't do something, she seemed to know beforehand._

_"Listen baby, if you take one look at that baby and find yourself loving it with all your heart, I would only be mad if you still gave that up anyways. You need to learn to make decisions for yourself and if you give me a grandbaby, at least give it to me so that you could still see her or him."_

_Roy nodded and felt a strong kick as though the baby was in agreement. He sighed knowing that the baby was going to be really close to its grandparent that way as well. He thought about it and then he tentatively nodded._

_"And if I end up keeping it?" he paused but she now sported an amused grin at that. Suddenly feeling conscientious, he turned around but the woman only doubled over in laughter. Finally he couldn't take that anymore. "Quit laughing at me! I don't like it! Besides what if I keep her and she hates me? What if she doesn't and I screw up? I would be the worst parent ever and I would fail to protect my baby from harm! What if I do decide to keep it and I don't even see the day she makes it to her fifth birthday? Hughes did say that the other babies made from this experiment died from an illness and even if I told him I could handle it, I don't think I could. Not if I love the baby with all my heart."_

_She just sighed._

_"Baby even if the child goes way too soon, treasure the time you have. You'll be a good parent if you decide to keep HER. SHE'LL be a good baby and your love will help you get through the pain even if you had to lose HER. Just think about it hun. I'm not saying to keep HER. You won't screw up because I'll be setting you straight when you visit me. Just remember to name HER something strong and I won't be mad. Tell me when SHE is born and even better yet, take HER here afterwards so I could see HER!"_

_Roy's eyebrows twitched and before he knew it he snapped._

_"Stop saying that like you know it's a girl!"_

_His grandma just glared at him and he quickly shut up much to his own dismay. He never could stay mad with the woman._

_"Listen it was you that called the baby she and her, I was only repeating it. Usually the parent knows best so I'm inclined to agree that it is a little girl you are carrying. I bet she'll be the prettiest little thing that ever came to be. You'll love her to death and if God chose to take her back way too soon, you'll remember all the times he allowed you to love that girl silly. There won't be a day that goes by that you would miss her, but you would be able to remember that you had her and not someone else. She was your gift and yours alone. Just do me a favor and if you decide to keep her, teach her manners so that she doesn't end up like the neighbors kids. They are scoundrels and I hear one of those girls got pregnant and she is only fifteen! What ludicrous ways to show your parents that you hate them."_

_Roy didn't tell her anything to that and instead placed a hand over his small bump. He may have been twenty weeks but the baby was kicking now more than ever. He craved mounds of sweet foods and even wanted ice cream much more often than he had before. Was his baby going to be sweet, he didn't know but his grandmother did have a valid point. He didn't even know if this baby would die like the others had. Giving his grandmother a playful smile, he chose not to think of it at the moment and instead listened to the customary things that happened around the neighborhood that he grew up in._

_It was no surprise that the woman came to love Kelsey just about as much as he did. It wasn't even a surprise how much she loved the girl's visits. She always went on and on about the proper manners she had without knowing that Roy hadn't taught them to her and she always had them from the start. Of course what was good always became bad and finding out Kelsey had died had been a big slap in the face for suddenly there wasn't that gracious smile and that little voice asking her to see her rose garden. His grandmother loved her almost as much as a mother loved her daughter and to hear that Kelsey died from a blow to the stomach made her heart die a little that day. _

_For how do you get used to losing your only granddaughter like that due to the violence of a rotten heart?_

"Are you sure that she isn't going to bite my head off?" Ed asked gulping for the thirtieth time it seemed. Roy cracked a grin, wondering vaguely why Al and Winry had suddenly decided to come too. He decided it wasn't last minute though and they were plotting something. He decided to let them get away with it for now and concentrated on the frequent rolls in his belly.

"More important question Eddie. How in the world am I going to sleep for the other half of my pregnancy?" Ed rolled his eyes, shoving Roy over without taking his eyes off of the road. Roy glared before turning back to the window and trying to go back to sleep.

It was a thirty minute ride anyways and they were ten minutes from arriving. He knew that his grandmother would be pleasantly surprised and he hadn't seen her the day somebody called her to tell her that her precious great great granddaughter wouldn't be by that day nor would she ever again. He knew she took it impossibly hard but maybe her religion helped her to heal. She always turned to her God when something happened and Roy had stopped believing twice in his lifetime. One was when he had gone to Ishbal and the other when Kelsey had died. But his grandmother always told him there was a reason for everything.

"Is the baby still kicking?" Ed didn't seem to be angry with his question from earlier so Roy decided not to be smart and answered the affirmative. The baby was too active and he was lucky if he was able to sleep at night. He told him that Kelsey was bad in her own way because all those sweets she made him crave when he wasn't even allowed to have any. Ed looked amused and even cracked a grin hearing that. "Well they say that little girls are made of everything sweet. Maybe one day we could have another little girl to love. Who knows what this one is."

Roy nodded although he didn't agree or disagree. He remained neutral and could only hope that the little girl they did have didn't have her innocent big green eyes. Al decided it was about as any time as any to interrupt their thoughts before anybody got depressed.

"So this grandmother of yours, how bad is she?"

Roy cracked a tired grin.

"She is a nice lady although she acts like my mother instead of my grandmother at times but you should know how that is." Smirking, he turned to face the window, laying his head on the glass. He was beyond exhausted and hadn't been lying when he told Ed that the baby had kept him up with its kicking and moving around. Ed looked up and seeing the house, he let out a whistle.

"She must have been living the dream Roy. Nice white house with a picket fence, a kid, and a dog. It must've been the whole nine yards for her."

His boyfriend just settled on giving him a glare before cracking another tired smile, yawning halfway through and decided suddenly that he needed to know this one thing.

"Oh and Ed, my grandmother doesn't believe in sex before marriage or sleeping with the person before they are so yeah, we'll be staying in separate beds until we are."

Ed had already pulled in before turning over to him and glaring until he got what he had said. His eyes went huge and he dropped his head onto the steering wheel with a bang. It was unfair! He had just left one house thinking Roy would finally let him back into the bedroom just to have this happen! It wasn't fair!

"Best of luck brother, but knowing you, you'd be sneaking in and pouncing him long before that."

It was the only time that Ed had thought of killing his brother and before he could even come to think of how he was going to go about to doing that, Roy pulled him into a hungry kiss, causing Ed to instantly place his arms around his neck. Roy didn't mind when Ed deepened the kiss, pushing him back into the car but he did moan in displeasure when Ed grabbed his butt. Smirking into the kiss, Ed kept his hands there and after a few moments, Roy ceased caring.

"ROY MATTHEW MUSTANG WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

* * *

><p>Roy grumbled sitting at the table and wondering why he got himself into jams such like this one. His grandpa glared at him and his grandma was across the table from him, waiting for him to explain what he was doing before they had interrupted. Roy didn't say a whole lot and Ed was sinking into his chair remembering that he had to convince those people that he loved Roy with all his heart and would gladly marry him. He also had to convince them that he would never leave and stay with Roy through thick and thin. After a moment, his grandpa sighed before running a hand through his mat of gray hair.<p>

"Roy Matthew Mustang, you should be ashamed of yourself! You act like a shameless teenager getting it on in front of the house and you are old enough to know better. Are you even married?"

Roy only turned lazily to Ed making the blonde gulp before turning to them nervously.

"I'd actually like to marry him but when I asked him he said that it would be wise to tell you first before anything else so-" he let it drop, flinching at the thought of what they were going to do. Him, Edward Elric, was wanting to marry their only grandson and he was sure they were going to put him through hell before they said yes.

He wasn't far off but the grandmother turned to Roy with a glare.

"You got knocked up again. Have you no shame? I was okay the first time because you really looked like you learned your lesson but really; do you want to go through with this? I know you would love it as well but just think Roy. I don't want to lose another one like the other had went. Don't you realize how much that hurt you? Hurt the family? She was a sweet sweet girl and I'm sure her memory lives on but don't go throwing everything away and getting into a relationship like this! Think first!"

Ed glared thinking that the woman was doing this on purpose. He saw that Roy didn't say anything and that made him even madder. Didn't they know that the time they had had wasn't gone and they could always turn back and remember her. She was still Roy's daughter. He still loved her and even though she died, she was far from forgotten.

"Can't you let him make those decisions on his own? I mean he's a grown ass man who already made it the first time. I know he valued your opinion and that's why he waited for the marriage proposal but you have nothing to worry about. I will smack him back into line when he gets too thick brained. I will love him gladly and I won't ever leave him. As far as I know we want to get married and not only because he's carrying my baby! I loved him for years and now that I know it in my head as well as my heart, I won't ever let him go!"

There was a little bit of an awkward silence and Ed gulped thinking he went too far. He didn't really want to make them hate him on his first day here but as much as he wanted to apologize, he knew he would have said the same thing if he had been in that situation once again. Before he could wrap his mind around what was happening however, the woman was suddenly hugging him tightly and he was in shock wondering what had happened.

"You are just so cute! Sorry but we always do the fifth degree whenever there's a person my grandson brings home and you even gotten him pregnant! At least I can say he upgraded from those mindless girls he used to bring here. So you want to get married? I'll gladly approve but where are you going to have it? I don't agree with unwed parents so it's best that we plan this month so that we can be done with it and the baby wouldn't have to feel unwanted or any of those unwanted feelings. I know let's have it here and we can invite many people."

Ed looked back at Roy wondering if this was really his grandmother. She talked a whole bunch and she was, and he flinched to say this, a lot like his teacher but without all the anger. Looking back though, he could see that his teacher did resemble Roy the tiniest bit. They had to because his mother had had her. Of course it didn't seem like his teacher was too proud of it or she simply didn't know. Because she didn't seem to hate him when they were taking on father, but he would have to ask and he didn't think he wanted to.

"That's nice. So I'm Edward Elric and you must tell me your names."

She laughed although Roy wasn't paying attention to the exchange. In fact he seemed to notice something and walked off leaving Ed all alone. He was so going to get him for that, Ed thought before turning back to listen. They weren't all bad after all.

"Well I'm Linda and this here is Mack. We have another child but she's too embarrassed of little ole us. She does bring the kids around and Roy does love his little cousins. The one is eleven years old and she's such a terror. I was surprised that Kelsey was sweet as she was with all the others I knew being brats and such."

Ed nodded.

"Maybe it is because Roy has always been caring and unselfish. He probably unknowingly carried those traits into his kid. When she was a baby, I was told that she learned at a faster rate than normal as well. Who knows, maybe the other parent played a part in it."

Linda nodded with a laugh.

"I know that. Kelsey did love the roses I grew though. She would constantly ask to see it and every time Christmas rolled around and she would come to visit with my too good to call grandson, I was always so surprised. She didn't want much and she was always the most difficult to shop for. I got her several bow ties and ribbons for her hair and she was always so polite but one thing I knew could make her instantly light up was flowers and mostly roses at that. She was tiny so those roses were always taller than her as well. So one time when I was sure she was coming to visit, it was the last Easter I believe. I took a couple of roses and tied them with ribbon and she was tickled pink. Later though, she ended up putting it at the memorial sight we went to visit and when I asked her why she replied like this. She said that she was happy and I was very kind but nobody liked to be lonely and flowers were meant to make people happy. She said that if one rose could make someone smile even a little bit then what I gave her would make them shine bright again if even for a day. Gods I miss her. I was always learning with her. She kept us on our toes."

Ed nodded.

"I could tell she was important. Even three years later and people are still dropping cards, balloons, flowers, and anything you could name onto her grave. Even people that hardly knew her would come and do that it seemed. I would have found it hard years ago that so many people could be brought together by one little girl but I've come to learn that anything is possible."

Linda smiled sadly.

"Yeah and the little kids still miss her here. They say that they want her to visit them so badly but they don't understand that little girls that go to heaven can't come back. They have to stay. We have this little girl we still watch named Susie. She told us that she was going to write a letter to God and wish Kelsey back because Kelsey couldn't stay in heaven and said it was mean to go away without a goodbye."

Ed never would have believed that either. Shaking his head, he turned towards Roy seeing that he was back into the kitchen. Leaning to the side, he opened his eyes to the sound and almost fell out of his chair. It looked like a rat and it was in Roy's hand. Laughing the man returned to his seat and continued to play with that vile thing. What the hell was it! He was going to gag Roy in his sleep or better yet he was going to put his mouth to better use, Ed promised silently.

Mack just laughed.

"Hey give Venice back here."

Roy dumped it on Mack's hand and the man cupped it in his shirt before letting out a tiny laugh.

"This here's the pet hamster. Been in the household for almost four years now. Getting to the point of age where he's too slow for anything. Don't worry though; he won't hurt you if you don't hurt him. In fact Kelsey named this little critter when it was a baby before she had died."

Roy nodded and Ed silently told himself that he was going to keep his promise. Roy was too arrogant sometimes but he brought out of his thought when Linda stood up and went around the table giving Roy a look. The man scowled before turning back to the hamster.

"Don't be a kid Roy, pull up the shirt. You should've known that we were going to look at it."

"I anticipated it but that still doesn't mean I like it." He did so however and Linda rubbed the smooth curve, smiling when she felt the many kicks the baby delivered within a short time span.

"This one is going to be a good kid. Maybe even a soccer player. Don't sell this kid short. Do you have a name picked out yet?"

Roy shook his head and Ed decided it was now than ever to tell him the name.

"I had a thought."

"Well share it with the group Eddie." Ed glared at him and Linda playfully smacked his head. When he scowled again she only laughed.

"Well don't do that baby poo or else you'll make the baby's daddy angry and I don't like that. This one's a keeper and you better not mess that up."

"No wouldn't want you angry. You still got mad that I agreed to an experiment."

"Forgave you didn't I though? Kelsey was the best thing that happened so quit you're whining. And if you think about it, this is the second best thing because she taught you love and now you snagged yourself a wonderful thing."

Roy nodded albeit groaning and Ed smiled finally seeing Roy get told off for once.

"Spencer."

Roy looked at him and Ed continued. "Spencer, if it's a boy and since you helped make it, you can come up with the middle name."

Roy thought for a moment before nodding.

"Spencer Edward it is then."

Ed glared.

"It's not an excuse to call our kid Eddie, is it?"

"Uh, no? I swear I won't. I'll call him Spencer or Spence but not Eddie. Why would you ever think I would call a kid your nickname? That would be taking away from you."

Ed sighed, giving up before deciding they had been up far too late. Al and Winry had went off to who knows where but he hadn't needed to worry. They would be back sometime at best and if worse came to worse; he still had his alchemy whilst Ed did not. He wondered if Roy was right and the Linda was going to separate them. It turned out that even though he would be, it wouldn't matter after they were and if he only had to wait a month then so be it. Didn't Roy say that they approved of two months anyways? What was the harm as long as they got to have some fun while they were at it?

He just hoped that things didn't get any crazier while they were visiting and that Roy would get the chance to be himself more. He smiled realizing he could already begin to see it. They may have been through a lot but the Mustangs were certainly a class of their own and Roy was in good hands. It's why he hadn't minded having to sleep in the spare room for now. Roy had kicked him out anyways weeks before for supposedly being a 'pervert'. Well that would show him in the end. He had all those hormones than he knew what to do with and he would want to get some soon. Closing his eyes, he smiled remembering how protective his own mother was of him and Linda really wasn't that bad once he got past her personality. Mack had to lighten up a little though. Just please, don't let anything crazy happen. It always does but please not here.

He was better off knocking on wood.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Will you look back on life and say, "I wish I had," or "I'm glad I did"?<em>

***~Chapter Twenty Five~***

_"Susie hi," Kelsey looked up as though to ask her daddy if it was okay to hang with the girl and at her daddy's nod, she went over. _

_In a way she was like her daddy in that aspect. She didn't know how to make friends as easily as other people but while she didn't have the words to say it, she always gave off the air of being either someone that should be watched or a force so harmless that you found yourself telling your whole life story to. Susie felt that Kelsey was going to be her bestest friend from day one not because of what she said but because of what she didn't._

_She didn't say let's be friends or stay for a while because I'm lonely. Instead she asked her what she wanted to play and even though Kelsey's vocabulary was far better than any normal two month old, Susie was okay with it because she liked her. _

_"You are my bestest friend, kay?" Kelsey tipped her head and Susie continued. "Bestest friend in the world!"_

_Kelsey nodded with a smile before looking over to make sure it was okay to continue to play. She still had nap time and she knew that both of them were going to be put down for a nap soon. She didn't hear anything so she went back to playing in the sand box with Susie. Susie was one year older than her and yet they didn't see the other as better and Susie didn't boss Kelsey around. In fact, Susie was content with just playing silently beside her. Looking over, Susie suddenly hyped up._

_"My mommy is back with de baby! You see I'm gonna be a big sister and it's the bestest feeling in the whole wide world!"_

_Kelsey watched Susie excitedly make her way into the house and paused. She knew that Susie was happy to meet her and that she didn't think of Kelsey as anything than just that but now she wondered. What would it be like to have a sister or brother as well? She was going to be three soon and it was only five months away in fact. Seeing her daddy talking to her grand poppy, she smiled knowing daddy was gonna throw the shovel soon and refuse to do anymore yard work._

_"Daddy, me help!" she yelled out. She silently decided she wanted to spend some time with him because what better friend was there than her own daddy anyways? She liked Susie well enough but she knew daddy first and foremost and she didn't want to leave him. She knew she didn't. She had the feeling in her little heart that she wouldn't ever get to say goodbye to him when she did though._

_Jumping in his arms, she made sure to hug him extra tight. She felt that he was laughing and straightened herself to give him a peck on the lips. Her grand poppy seemed not to find it as hilarious as daddy did but she only hugged daddy again as if to tell him it was okay._

_"Me help?"_

_Roy seemed to think about it. Seeing as how the lawn had to be mowed and she was able to reach it, he would let her help him. They would be very cautious though. Kelsey was beside herself with glee when she was allowed to help push the thing across the yard, laughing in amusement whenever she got to the other end. Daddy was there to make sure she didn't fall and the thing didn't hurt her. Other than that, he had her control the thing herself._

_"Daddy fank ou." Roy seemed to look at her in confusion and she stopped long enough to kiss his chin before continuing on. Daddy wouldn't know how much she truly did. She thought of him the most and she knew she would have to make friends and spend less time with him in the future, but she couldn't help thinking that she was his little girl and it was her that her daddy was proud of. He had her and kept her. He couldn't let her go and she found herself happy with that fact. She loved her daddy. "Fank ou daddy for wuving me."_

_Years later Roy would laugh thinking of all the fun things he did with Kelsey and could only say, "No, thank you baby for loving me and giving me the memories that I have."_

Ed woke up to the something near his face. He moaned thinking that Roy got awfully hairy. Cracking an eye open, he went to glare at the man only to let out a squeak and quickly jumped away from the furry rodent. Hearing laughter, he glared at Roy and was about to say as much when the man dropped a kiss onto Ed's lips. Smiling, he placed his arms around him trying to push Roy closer. The man broke apart before that happened, picking up the vile creature.

"Be careful with this thing Ed. This is grandma's form of peace with Kelsey. Kelsey named this critter so you should be extra nice to it okay? Don't do anything I wouldn't."

"Damn it, I want another kiss!"

"Yes of course you do, you really want to just get me into this bed although I already told you that they will disapprove. Once we're married though, you can push me into the mattress to your little heart's content. How's that?"

Ed wasn't sure he would want to wait that long but decided that he would have to be okay with it. At least he wasn't the hormonal one. Roy seemed to notice him being in thought and pecked him on the nose. Ed finally broke into a smile until he thought about what was going to be going on. Before he could voice it, Roy pulled him up and began to pull him out of the room.

"Come on, my grandma says we need to get going because at the beginning of next month she wants the wedding to happen. She is taking care of the guests, the decorations, the invitations and basically anything else that we could think of. We need the suits, the chit to be approved, and for you to tell the rest of your family."

Ed gulped.

"I don't want to tell my teacher though," he whined.

Roy favored him a look.

"You do know that my grandmother is pretty good friends with her. Of course she doesn't know that we share the same mom and we would like to keep it that way. It would mean she was an aunt for all of three years and she never even seen the girl. I know it's hard to lose a kid but she wouldn't get over it-"

"She lost her own kid Roy so you aren't so much different. The only difference is she didn't get the chance to know the child and would never know what he could have been. You got three years and you got to know that Kelsey was the sweetest baby there ever was. It's actually a possibility that she may know anyways thanks to the newspapers."

He didn't seem to like that one bit but remained quiet. Ed thought about the implications of telling Izumi that he was going to be a daddy and thought that it could only be worse. She would pulverize him and if she didn't, she would shout for a whole while until she was sure he understood what he did and either beat him up and hug him or hug him from the start. It was hard to tell with her."

He cast a glance to see that Roy was still deep in thought whilst rubbing at his stomach. The baby was definitely getting bigger. Ed knew that it was possibly because the muscles were already stretched once and it was why he possibly already looked like he had a cantaloupe or two stuffed into his shirt. Sighing, he decided to leave the comments be for now since he didn't want to spoil a good mood.

"So when are you going to route the chit?" Roy looked at him funny before suddenly laughing.

"I already did. I figured since you asked that you were serious and my grandmother was bound to like you so-"

"But you told me I had to gain her approval!"

"I knew you would. You do things with all odds stacked against you so I wasn't worried. Thanks to my quick actions, it is almost completed." He paused giving him a genuine smile that Ed knew he wanted to see a whole lot more. "The baby is antsy. Must be that he knows that something important is going to happen."

Ed nodded laying a hand on the swollen abdomen and felt the kick but not only that but he could actually tell now that it was a foot. A very tiny foot at that. He smiled broadly looking to have his hands where the baby was so he could feel it. He kissed the belly and then pulled Roy down for a breath taking kiss before continuing on. Roy smiled and was about to say something and then seemed to think better of it for he suddenly smiled and shook his head.

"I think I love the idea of being married to you. Back then though, I don't think either of us would have thought that but you gotta realize it could have been the denial. I knew I cared about you and I knew that I wanted to help you achieve your goal but the fact that I love you so much had escaped me for so long. Thanks to Kelsey I found a lot of things though. Number one being that I love you and always have."

It may have sounded a little cheesy but Ed couldn't stop himself anymore. He kissed him, pushing his back against the wall whilst he slipped a nice golden ring onto the ring finger. Roy broke from it to check it out and Ed let him. He even let him take it off momentarily to look at it and he was surprised to see the inscription. In thick silver cursive lettering, read the words, "I will love you forever through rain and shine."

"If you didn't know what the meaning was, then I'm gonna make you figure it out because I love you and I realized just now that I can't wait anymore. I've waited years and the earlier days was denial but mostly jealously brought on by your lady friends. I love you and I'll ask you one time and then leave you alone. Will you marry me?"

Roy pulled him over for a heartfelt kiss, deepening it until it left them breathless for a few moments and then throwing himself in Ed's arms, Roy nodded.

"Yes! Yes I'll marry you. I'll love you with all my heart as well. Forever and ever even if the sun is absent and the rain doesn't stop, I will love you with all my heart."

Ed pat him on the back thanking Roy silently for getting the meaning even when he hadn't said what it was. He could see that Roy wasn't usually this emotional but he had just popped the question out of nowhere making him surprised and very happy but he was also pregnant. Smiling, he wiped the last tears away and kissed him on the cheek.

"Let's see about what they're gonna do for the cake."

Roy finally nodded after a couple of moments. If there was a day he could certainly say that he was excusably happy, now would be the day. Oh Kelsey, I know that you didn't get to live so that you could see this but would you have been happy? You would have probably approved because like Ed you always had a big heart as well. Thank you baby. Thank you for helping me to find out what love is like.

Thinking that normally always left him so depressed but not today. No today he thought of her with love only. He refused to think of her violent end anymore because she wasn't gone, she was right in his heart and in the sky she was looking over him and one of these days he would see her again.

Giving him a knowing smile, Ed kissed him on the nose only to jump when a flash went off.

"Al! Winry! When did you guys get here! I thought you went home."

"And miss this brother? We're making a scrap book for years to come since it's been a long time that you have been happy and I say Winry agrees with me. By the way, Miss Izumi is coming and she wants in on the setting up of this wedding. Oh and something about kicking you into next Tuesday for not telling her about the pregnancy."

Ed could only cower in fear but Roy knew it wouldn't last. Izumi cared about them and she showed it already. She didn't hate them or else she would have pushed them out of her life already. And just like she must have been glad to have not pushed them out of her life, Roy was glad he kept Kelsey.

* * *

><p>"EXPLAIN! YOU HAVE TWO SECONDS EDWARD ELRIC!"<p>

Ed looked over to Roy who was on his side on the couch, seemingly trying to catch a few hours of sleep. It seemed that the baby was still being too active and Roy was coming down with smudges underneath his eyes. It had been Linda's idea once she saw that to send him for a nap. She gave him warm milk and had him camp out where she could keep an eye on him. It must've been the same with Kelsey later in the pregnancy with her as well and believing that made him feel less guilty.

"Well mam' I can't explain. I just fell in love and people do the silliest things when they are in love-"

"Really? So what are you going to do once you have married him? He works and you don't! Are you going to give up any career you could to just raise a kid at home? Come on Edward, you're smarter than this! You're really not ready for marriage-"

"I really am! I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows. I know there's gonna be fights and days where one or all of us are sick but I know that I can get past that with Roy and be happy. I wasn't lying when I told him I would love him forever and I need you to believe me!"

He cracked an eye opened and realized that she was taking out a stack of what looked like photos but before he could say anything about it, she thrust it in his hand. He gave her a look and she slapped him upon the head.

"I know you're happy but this wedding isn't going to go on by itself! Once the other brat wakes up, pick a cake you like and we'll make it. Once you get word from Central that the chit is routed, get the administrative side done and over with. Pick the type of flowers you would like and get the suits. Don't even worry about anything else! Oh and Ed, stress is bad for the baby so keep your man out of as much stress as possible, alright?"

Ed nodded and Izumi smacked him in the back making him tumble over.

"Good choice, now run along and get those objectives done. We are thinking three weeks from now alright?"

Ed nodded grumbling under his breath about his back. He sighed knowing that everything could wait until Roy woke up. He really did need his sleep. He was sleeping on his left side already as well. Smiling, he was content on watching him knowing that he had been a lot better now but he still had a much more peaceful expression in his sleep. He let go of everything when he wasn't conscious and he didn't know whether he liked it or not but he definitely liked the idea of being his husband in a few odd weeks. He still had went up a size in clothing, mostly larges though and yet hardly anybody could tell he was actually carrying a kid unless they really looked.

"I'm glad brother. One of these days you could look back and laugh. You may have only one kid or you may have three but whatever happens I know you won't forget this moment because this is the beginning and the end would only be-"

"I know and I don't want to think of it. I didn't even want to think about what would happen if I had a child that had to go through something like that. Al, I don't think I would have been as strong as him. He's actually getting better knowing that Kelsey was special and that he would never forget her."

"You're strong brother. You survived a bunch of things too. I think it's easier knowing that she didn't go alone. Hughes is now with her and keeping her safe from harm's way. I think though that if Gracia knew that Kelsey was also Hughes's kid, I don't know what she would say."

Ed nodded but he thought she really didn't need to know. The child was gone and she died before her third birthday, before they got the chance to tell her. There may have been a chance that Gracia would love her now but there was only 'what if's' and 'maybes'. No need dredging those up.

Turning to Izumi, Ed gave another smile.

"If anyone knows somewhat what it's like when you lost your baby, it would be him. He lost his two year old to child abuse and didn't have any warning-"

"I think it's actually worse. I know you think about the issue all day. He got to know her those years and it shouldn't be as bad but it is. Just think, they knew that she could be somebody Ed. There probably wasn't any doubt in their mind that she wouldn't be somebody good either but listen my baby died and was spared the pain. He didn't get kicked by a sicko who didn't care about anyone but themselves. In the end it doesn't matter who hurt her because the other is just as bad. I miss my baby but I know that just like I miss my baby, they want their girl back."

"You saw her before-"

"Once. Don't you remember, Linda is a good friend? You didn't forget, did you?"

Ed and Al nodded silently and thought about what she would say when she suddenly realized she was related to Mustang in more ways than one. That was another thing they were going to avoid because it would only cause more guilt in the end. Looking over and seeing Roy shift and mumble in his sleep, Ed went over and fixed the blanket over him. Kissing him tenderly on the cheek, he found he loved the man much more than he could put into words.

I love you Roy Mustang he thought with a tiny smile. The man grabbed his hand and Ed didn't break away. He was looking forward to the future for the first time without thinking about having to right any wrongs. Instead he was quite happy with what it entailed.

He would be married and he would have a family all within the next month.


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

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><p><em>A daughter is a bundle of firsts that excite and delight, giggles that come from deep inside and are always contagious, everything wonderful and precious and your love for her knows no bounds.<em>

***~Chapter Twenty Six~***

_"Oh hello Miss Izumi, how are things going? How are you holding up?"_

_Izumi just smiled and happened to look over, seeing the darling baby girl wobble and laughed. She happened to look over and her face brightened. What was it about that girl that just made her want to pinch the child's cheeks? She didn't know the child and yet she found herself smiling despite herself._

_"It's been years since I've had to deal with my baby and all but you know how I told you about Ed and Al? They are always getting into unforeseen trouble and their commanding officer is doing little to keep them from that. I'd guess that's the perks of being a state alchemist though is that you can't be told off that often."_

_Linda laughed._

_"They get told off plenty. My grandson is their commanding officer and I hear enough about the older blonde one thanks to him. I'd say one day, they are going to realize how much they care for each other."_

_Izumi just sighed watching the girl fall over again although this time when she went down, she bumped her head a little. She was amazed when the girl cried for half a second before pushing herself back up to get the shovel she had been playing with. She turned to Linda with a look of surprise._

_"Oh she does that. Not a crybaby by any means and my grandson tells me to have her wear a helmet. She took it off within the last hour though and has been putting dirt in it. She's fine though. She only hit her head a couple of times so far and each time, she hardly has cried."_

_"You are a tough girl," Izumi told her with a smile._

_Kelsey paused in the dirt she was digging to beam._

_"Tuf me," she said with a big smile._

_Izumi laughed before turning back to Linda who was wiping up the excess dirt from Kelsey's clothes. The woman laughed as well seeing as how the girl was getting dirty quickly and turning to Izumi, she laughed once again when Kelsey ended up putting dirt in her own shirt._

_"Kelsey, you're gonna need a bath sweetie. Your daddy did say that you were going to be making a mess if you were allowed but I never thought he was serious when he told me you put dirt EVERYWHERE!" Izumi joined in the laughter and Kelsey laughed with glee before turning back to the dirt._

_"She's cute. I can see though that she's going to get blonde hair oddly enough."_

_"Probably because the one that fathered her has the genes. That and my side has turned out some pretty blonde children. Her eyebrows are light so she's going to end up with that color indefinitely. The only question I want answered is when that is supposed to happen."_

_Izumi nodded._

_"She must be adored," she thought aloud._

_Linda nodded with a chuckle._

_"Kelsey does get people loving her no matter how they are. Gets me happy that my grandson didn't give her up for adoption after all." At Izumi's look she continued. "My grandson is a single parent and he first thought of adoption but from what I hear, one look at her after the birth and he couldn't do it no matter what everybody else thought. He even named her right then and there. I love the name though. Kelsey Ann. I told him to name her something strong though so I'm happy."_

_Izumi nodded._

_"Kelsey is going to be a handful when she's older. Just think when she gets married and has a daughter of her own."_

_That wasn't something even Linda wanted to think about at the moment._

_"She is great but I don't want to concentrate that far into the future until I have to get used to the other fact. She is my great granddaughter and I always want to think of her as the youngster that caused my grandson to throw up several times a day or the sweet girl that never gets into trouble first."_

_Izumi nodded, not being able to blame her._

_The next time she would hear about that little child would be the day she heard the news. Kelsey was dead and somebody killed the sweet baby. No longer was there thoughts of what she would do when she was older because somebody took that chance from her. Izumi seethed to think that they took the chance from her even turning three. How could somebody be a monster like that? It was then when Linda tearfully told Izumi that the girl was actually her blood niece and that her grandson's mother was hers as well. If that hadn't been worse, the woman had never cared much for her son nor the granddaughter she would have had had she let herself be. It was horrible to think about but the fact that Izumi cared about the little girl without knowing in the beginning made her appalled. _

_She came to love that girl and didn't even know she was related, but one thing was for certain. She would never forget the innocent look of the child that never did anything wrong._

_Kelsey was just that innocent._

"Hey Ed, we heard today is the big day!"

Ed turned and saw that Havoc and Breda were here. He turned back around and groaned wishing it wasn't so but then what could he do? He was so nervous when all of this was going to go down in only about an hour in half from now. They had gotten everything ready and Izumi had went outside to take a walk, saying she would be back within the next hour. He really really wanted to marry Roy and he wished the day would come sooner but he was a wreck. Not only would he be considered married afterwards, but he'd have a whole entire family to look after. What if he failed? What if he couldn't keep them together and something happened to Roy? What if his unborn baby got hurt? He couldn't take that sort of pressure and was at wits end just thinking about it.

His brother kept him from pulling at his hair though and grabbed a brush to put it in its usual braid. Ed didn't say anything to him which on any other circumstance would have been surprising except for the fact that Al knew how much Ed was going through at the moment. It was the big day for him and he had to have been feeling the jitters. Roy was fine though. Of course, he had been told to take a small nap since the baby didn't want to give him a chance to sleep at all. Al knew that it would be better after today though because he was either A going to be forced on bed rest or B he was going to be forced to see a doctor and find out his options to get some sleep. He was twenty four weeks and five days. In two days he would be another week closer to the due date.

"Ed it's okay to admit you're scared. I get scared too you know? I may not admit it all the time but I do like it when I get to talk about my fears or worries I have and I know you told Roy to do the same thing. Can you tell me what's bugging you now?"

Ed looked up for a moment until Al had him look forward again so he could finish up with the braid. He loved his brother but he wanted this to come out more than a half assed job. Ed sat there deep in thought for a moment before quietly agreeing with his brother.

"I want to marry Roy and I love him so much Al, the problem is the worry I have that I may either lose him and the baby or I will end up failing him. I know it's silly but I can't help thinking about that. They are going to be a part of the family and I only want him to stay safe and-"

"Look boss but you may not have realized back then, you helped him a tremendous amount without even thinking. You helped him to see that he could remember Kelsey and he doesn't have to be sad when he does anymore. You have been keeping him safe and making sure that he hasn't been getting hurt. Hell, you kept him from a potentially bad case of hypothermia and you love him to bits and I know you both will love that baby. Just don't do anything stupid thinking that you aren't good enough because I know you are good, he knows it, and so does your brother. If you can't see it now, then I suggest you reanalyze everything in your head."

Ed looked thoughtfully at Havoc before quickly nodding. Of course that was true. He did help him and everything but he didn't do it to achieve anything. It was then that he realized just how much he loved him and really wanted to be with him for eternity. He made a silent promise then that he would always be there for him no matter what it was. He would fight anything and everything to be with him and he would not miss a single thing.

"Thank you Havoc and thank you Al. I do see it and now that I do, I feel a little silly."

Al just laughed and Havoc put a hand on Ed's head, forgetting that Al had been working on it for a reason. At Al's glare, Havoc suddenly thought better of it and decided to get out of there as fast as he could to go see how Roy was doing.

Someone over there was bound not to want to kill him when this day was through.

* * *

><p>Roy was busily trying to remain inconspicuous whilst checking himself out in the full length mirror. His stomach oddly stood out even in the suit and he found an increasing amount of anxiety the closest it came to the wedding. Looking down, he tried to remember what the baby usually was if it was pointing out like this. He knew that they said that it wasn't true and the most accurate way to tell was the ultra sound but he had a feeling like he had with Kelsey and then he had been wider not out in the front like this.<p>

"Hey, the baby isn't causing some trouble or anything?"

Roy looked up spotting Izumi and shook his head.

She looked almost nervous and he could tell that she had something on her mind. Closing the gap, she looked down and smiled a little, seeing the bump. He didn't say anything even though he had wanted to because even though he was going to, it died in his throat seeing her worry about something.

"I saw Kelsey when she was about a year and two months old. She was with Linda and playing in the dirt with an old cushioned helmet that she had taken off. She was a tough cookie though and smart. Even though she didn't know how to crawl, she was walking so well and I thought she was so cute. But the next time I thought I'd see her again, it turned out that she had died. I got pictures of her often and smiled at her obvious cuteness but it wasn't the same as seeing her and when people think to put things out there like that, they don't realize what I did. They saw pictures and heard her story but they didn't know her nor did they watch her. Don't ever get down about talking about Kelsey because it was you that gave her life and a good one at that for all those years. I also know that you are my half- brother. She told me that too but it doesn't change many things. I still hate state alchemists and I don't like the military. But of course I'm always going to be there for you if you need a hand alright."

Roy nodded and pulled her into a hug. She was probably waiting to be able to say that for a long time now and it was so imbedded along with the last memory of the sweet innocent girl that she had to share it now. He was glad though. She was really good with kids and helped with Ed and Al when he wasn't there so he supposed it was just as good if not better.

She continued though, and he was pushed out of his thoughts.

"You are getting married to my former student so don't hurt him. Be good and don't miss the chances to love him with all your heart, mind, and soul. Don't you die on him either because I know that you know what happens when someone leaves and I don't want you leaving in any way, shape, or form. I care about him equally as I do with you and I don't want either of you two to be hurt alright? You are my older half-brother and I already told you that I understand but that won't keep me from kicking your butt."

Roy finally nodded with a smile.

"I won't leave him nor will I make him sad. Don't worry about me Izumi and the fact that you're in fact, my half-sister only means you could kick my butt to keep me in line." He winked and she nodded before turning back to the baby bump.

Whistling she gave him a small smirk.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were carrying a boy."

"That's not exactly true you know. I heard a bunch of people who were like this when they were pregnant with their daughters." She only looked more smug when he finished however.

"I was this way when I was pregnant with my son and if I wasn't mistaken, you were definitely wide when you were pregnant with Kelsey. You aren't wide now so ignoring the fact that there's people who have been exceptions, I'm going to bet it's a boy. Oh and even if you already had a baby shower, you're gonna be having another one soon. My husband and I are gonna plan it and you may not like it but it'll be good for you two."

Roy nodded, not bothering to complain. He was already big enough without hearing comments that he soon enough was gonna look like he would pop. Izumi soon enough decided that they should be prepared for the wedding which was going to be going on in about thirty more minutes.

"Don't fret, just get ready while I make sure Ed doesn't try and get cold feet. You know what weddings make people do," She gave him a playful smirk which he returned and then headed out leaving him alone once again.

I wonder if Hughes would be happy knowing I'm finally going to be married and have a family of my own, he thought. He always did brag about his wife and daughter although in this case, I don't think any of us are the wife of the relationship. He paused thinking that it was him carrying the baby and hoped nobody made a comment about that at all. He shook his head as though to forget ever thinking that and went back to looking at the mirror for the moment. He was definitely bigger although not as big as he knew he was going to be.

"Hey sir, looks like you have finally gotten ready."

"Havoc of course I am but you had better bet that I am going to shamelessly murder you if even think about running anything through my hair. Oh and you can blame the baby for the earlier mishap."

Havoc groaned.

Of course the baby had to pick the perfect timing to make Roy sick. He was okay though and happily considered calling the baby evil although he would have to face Roy's wrath with all those pregnancy hormones and thought better of it. He would wait until it was born and then do it. Until then, he just laughed and shook it off like it was no big deal.

"Have you and Grace finally decided to get together?"

He groaned only louder this time at the mention.

"She said it's best if we see other people. I don't get it though. You are getting married and you obviously see more action then I do!"

"Just be quiet Havoc, the baby finally settled down and stopped moving so much. I think he or she is sleeping." He trailed off to place a hand on his stomach and Havoc grinned.

"I think it's more of a he sir."

Roy glared and Havoc thought better of continuing his thought. With a gulp and a tiny laugh, he quickly decided to leave before Roy finally discovered that he could still use alchemy without a circle.

* * *

><p>Ed nervously stood at the altar and waited for the time where he would finally be married. He tried to appear not to be but he could see Al giving him a look to calm down. He nodded and turned to face the front again only to see Roy coming towards him. He froze realizing that the pregnancy had made him definitely hotter. Roy may not think so because he was the one carrying the weight equal to that of a twelve pound bowling ball at the moment but it didn't make it any less true. Once Roy was on the opposite side of him, he couldn't help but let a silly grin grace his lips.<p>

The preacher cleared his throat once the music died down and began.

"To all present I say: We are gathered here, not to witness the beginning of what will be, but rather what already is! We do not create this marriage, because we cannot. We can and do, however, celebrate with Edward Elric and Roy Mustang the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has already taken place in their lives, and the commitment they make today."

People in the stands were silent but hanging on to every word. Roy watched how Ed seemed to twitch a little in his anxiety and quietly took his hand, giving him a small smile of encouragement when he finally looked his way. Ed found himself smile as well, before going back to staring at the preacher who was marrying them.

"Ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. Commitment may well be a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, such that as we come together in marriage, we become a new creature."

Ed silently agreed. He would risk anything to keep Roy with him and he knew that they didn't always know how much they cared and loved each other, it was always there. It grew and over this last year alone was when he realized how much he couldn't live without the other. The preacher continued in his speech and Ed realized with a silent grin that Linda and even Izumi even, had a sense of humor and irony he hadn't even imagined. They picked the perfect passages that really seemed to fit them.

"The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides."

Ed realized how true that was as well. Looking back in what was nostalgia for a daughter that had died had left Roy very unhappy for years but only now that he was starting to let her go was he finally feeling better. Now that he wasn't looking back in nostalgia and only of the happy memories he had been able to make with the young child, he was very happy.

The priest turned to them and had them repeat their vows.

"I take you to be my spouse, in equal love, as a mirror for my true self, as a partner on my path, to honor and to cherish, in sorrow and in joy, till death do us part," Ed said giving Roy a nervous smile that became more once he neared the ending.

"I acknowledge my love and respect for you and invite you to share my life as I hope to share yours. I promise always to recognize you as an equal individual and always to be conscious of your development as well as my own. I shall seek through kindness and understanding to achieve with you the life we have envisioned." Roy smiled back genuinely and Ed couldn't help but return it, feeling his nervousness finally ease. He could do it. He loved Roy with all his heart.

Next came the rings and Ed was more than happy with this part.

"I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you, for as long as I live." He placed the wedding ring on Roy's finger as he said this, smiling broader and seeing that Roy was certainly glowing today.

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you. Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side and that I will always be a faithful partner to you."

The preacher came forward again and this time said, "You may now kiss".

Ed was sure he mumbled, "Finally," before he crashed his lips upon Roy's, holding him around the middle and laughing when their over joyous unborn child kicked in excitement. This was a day he would be unable to forget. He loved Roy and he knew that Roy loved him. They were married now and joined through not only this marriage but also through their love for each other. Why he would ever want to forget something like this would be a thought he would never consider because it would be the day never forgotten along with the memory of when he first laid eyes on Roy. He smiled and kissed him again as if to remind him that he was and always will be there for him.

It seemed that the baby was equally happy for that promise.

* * *

><p>After the small reception and everything, Ed never thought he was so happy. Roy was asleep in his arms and seemed to be out like a light. Kissing him lightly, he laid his hand on his belly and felt the small kicks with a small grateful smile. He smiled remembering how Linda had said earlier that she was happy that they were together and everything but didn't want to hear anything when she was trying to sleep.<p>

Roy seemed more embarrassed about that than him and grinned realizing why. Roy was definitely a screamer and it would be normal that he was embarrassed during that. Ed frowned realizing that he was a little pale tonight. If he was that way in the morning, he was going to be seeing the doctor. Ed didn't care what excuses he gave either.

Laying back down, he wrapped his arms around Roy's waist tightly. Smiling, he finally allowed himself to fall asleep to the rhythmic breathing of his spouse and the constant heart beating in his ear.


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>From the day you walked into my life, your all I think about. You're the reason I breathe. You are the stars in my sky. I wouldn't want this any other way. You're the love of my life 3<em>

***~Chapter Twenty Seven**

_Kelsey smiled when she saw the car pull up into the driveway. When her daddy got her out of the car, she instantly ran and jumped up into the woman's arms with a tight hug and kiss on the cheek. The woman was tickled pink seeing her and turned to give a cool glance to Roy. Kelsey laughed, covering her mouth at seeing how much they fought. They still loved each other though._

_"Mamaw, hi," she greeted laying her head on her great grandma's shoulder. The woman laughed and held onto her tighter._

"_Hi little angel, what are you planning to do for your third Christmas?" _

_She looked over to daddy and seemed to be pondering on it. Glancing up, she looked down again as though thinking it over more. Her mamaw just laughed and handed her to Roy as he joined them. She threw her arms around her daddy's neck, hugging him closely making the woman laugh more._

_"Looks like the only girl that you can keep and give to you such affection is your daughter Mr. player."_

_Roy just laughed and Kelsey kissed him on the cheek._

_"I sometimes wished I had that kind of bond with my own children but it seems your kid learnt manners a lot better than mine did. My own grandson at least shows a decent amount half the time."_

_Kelsey laughed._

_Roy showed that he wasn't bothered by it and set Kelsey down letting her know he was bringing the bags from the car. Kelsey nodded and waited until he left before turning to her mamaw._

_"Nex cwistmas I be in heafen mamaw." Linda frowned hearing that from the girl and would have asked more but Roy had come up with a nice sized bag and Kelsey's backpack of things. She smiled and took it to help her daddy although he only laughed and let her know he was fine. She pouted though and all it took were the words, "I help daddy," and he was once again putty in her hands. Linda would have laughed if she hadn't heard what she thought she had._

_If she was really expecting to be in heaven for the holidays, then what the hell was she gonna do? She loved the baby way too much and seeing how Roy was with the girl, she knew he would be heartbroken. She knew she should have mentioned it to him. He should have known but she didn't and instead acted like she normally had. On Christmas day, however, the snow had fallen and it was the nice Christmassy feel but there was still one thing missing from the equation that made for a happy season like the previous year. _

_Kelsey was in heaven and unable to celebrate this year with them because she had been kicked so hard in the stomach that it had killed her._

Ed woke up to vomit on the sheets and realized more than ever that Roy should be in the hospital and not waiting until they returned back to see the doctor. Waiting five minutes for the vomiting in the bathroom to stop, he told him exactly that and was surprised when he hadn't argued. Linda and Izumi came with, Mack being left behind to look after the house and the kids that were going to be there later. Ed vaguely remembered hearing that Linda's other child was coming to visit.

Once at the hospital, the nurse took one look at him and the doctor was called to check him out right away. It seemed that with pregnant patients, they weren't playing around with anything. First, he had him lift his shirt and applied enough of the gel and found the baby's heartbeat. It was normal so there was no worries there.

"So have you been taking anything?"

Roy shook his head and the doctor frowned as though he misheard. Realizing that he hadn't, he turned to the ultra sound and applied even more gel, pushing the probe around to visualize the baby. Smiling, he turned to the group.

"Here's the head of the baby, the position right now is considered to be breech so I hope you do realize that this needs more appointments to make sure the baby's flipped since then. There's the arms and legs around here." He pushed it to the right side of the stomach and Ed looked at it happily. His baby had all ten fingers and ten toes it looked like. "That there is the heart and it looks as though you can see the beating. It's beating at 135 beats per minute as far as I calculate and it may look like it's a lot but an unborn baby's heartbeat beats that fast."

Ed nodded and Izumi patted Roy's arm giving him a knowing look which he ignored. So far, according to the myths he heard, it was pointing to a boy and it seemed Izumi wasn't going to let him forget about it any time soon.

"We're going to give you an I.V. though since you seem dehydrated and you have been throwing up some. Have you been able to keep anything down?"

Roy nodded.

"I kept the food from dinner down last night but this morning," he left it hanging and the doctor nodded.

"I'm Doctor Anthony Reed. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. I'm prescribing some medications to help you out. Is there anything I need to know first before I continue?"

"The first baby was breech so this one is going to be a C-section as well when we get back to Central," Ed managed to say.

Reed nodded.

"Okay I'm prescribing you Zofran, some ferrous sulfate for your iron, and then some prenatal vitamins so that your baby could get all the vitamins that it needs. You need it too because with the baby being inside you, it increases your cardiac output and needs more because of that. Okay, you're blood type is?"

"I'm B positive and Ed is?" he looked at Ed who confirmed that he was A negative making Roy glare. He glared back as if daring him to say anything. The doctor didn't get in between the fight but did start an I.V. on him much to both of their displeasures. "I've been in hospitals too many times."

Ed silently agreed that they both have before the doctor continued.

"Well we'll have to monitor the baby it looks like and make sure that the baby is not in any distress. If it were the other way around, we would use the Rhogam shot at twenty eight weeks but since it's not, the shot isn't necessary. Baby is healthy though. One last thing, have you had any cramps, abdominal pain, or any discomfort at all?"

Roy shook his head and the doctor continued. "Any bleeding, gush of fluids, or discharge?"

Again Roy shook his head to the doctor's pleasure. He made sure the line was fastened before giving a light pat to the hand. Ed sat right next to the bed and took Roy's hand in his. Before the doctor left however, he added in a serious voice as though he expected them to take what he said just as seriously.

"I know you are only twenty five weeks but it looks like but you should be expecting to be on bed rest soon. Say about twenty six. Stay close to your doctor in case you have to be admitted for anything unexpected."

Roy glared at Ed when he was gone for a moment before sighing and laying on his side. The baby was big enough that he wasn't able to lay on his back for long periods anymore without feeling breathless. Laying on his left side, he was still able to kiss Ed on the lips. Ed smiled and got in with him, allowing Linda to laugh.

"Don't do anything I would in there."

Ed groaned and it was Roy's turn to chuckle.

"No grandma, he isn't you."

That got her to smack him lightly on the head before placing a kiss there herself. She smiled, playing with his hair, realizing just how big he had grown within the last week. The little boy she had raised was now married and having a second child. The first one was pure and innocent. There was no telling what this one would be but she hoped that whatever he had was just as innocent if not more and most importantly she hoped that they had manners. Kelsey had them well so she knew that Roy had it in him to teach it.

"I think you should go back to Central soon," she said softly. "I love you and would really like to have you over but the nearest hospital here is fifteen minutes away and that is without traffic. Besides I'd think that the doctor of yours would like to remain close and she knows your case a lot better than others."

Ed finally nodded.

"Sure I understand. I'll take care of him, I promise."

Linda smiled and Izumi began.

"Ed you two stay safe and make sure that if any complications occur, you get him to the hospital first and then call us. We want to know if the water breaks or if there is anything no matter how small it is. I'll be here for a while so you can reach us at Linda's."

Ed smiled seeing as how Roy closed his eyes and sleep was beginning to take him. Bringing his hair back, he kissed him on the forehead and snuggled closer to him. He remained watchful of the needle, knowing no matter how much he hated them, it was helping Roy. He started to drift off as usual by listening to Roy's even breathing and his heartbeat. He felt the baby's kick and chuckled before laying a hand on his belly as well. He wouldn't ever leave the baby out of anything or abandon it.

He would surely promise it that.

* * *

><p>Being in Central again, he found it so boring and dull. He only showed up to work for one day and that was to get his chit approved so that he could go onto bed rest. The president signed it right away as though she understood and he only paused to see his subordinates. They weren't doing anything it seemed and seeing that Hawkeye was there talking with Scar, he noticed it must have seemed important.<p>

"What is going on?" he asked mildly confused. Scar cleared his throat and Hawkeye coughed into her hands before going over to him and sighing.

"Sir you should go home. They put you on bed rest remember?" She paused as if remembering the last time she said that and realized why only to sigh. "They couldn't locate Phillip; you know the one that was accused of child abuse enabling. They wondered where he was and his parents are worried. Nobody touched him so it's even more important that we find him. I don't want you to be going anywhere alone alright and I mean it, sir. You do things for other people, it makes you and Kelsey alike in the way you care for people but still, don't do it sir. We don't want you giving birth to a stillborn or miscarrying the baby."

Roy nodded.

"I won't Hawkeye, don't worry about me okay?"

Riza only smiled.

"I may only be a captain but you should still heed my warning sir."

Scar cut in to further make sure the point was delivered.

"You do realize that the baby you are carrying could die if you do anything reckless. You could end up doing a number of things including trauma and the baby would pay for it so whatever you do, listen to Hawkeye." Roy paused finally nodding when he realized that he was right.

He was twenty five and six days pregnant. He was over two thirds of the way there so why should he heedlessly risk his life to find the man that had a hand in his daughter's murder? He finally walked off to head for home, but one thing he realized on the way was that that man could give him the answers if he talked to him. He knew what went on then and he never really lied. He didn't deny that he didn't deserve prison but he also didn't say anything else either. It was Bridgett that had changed her story so many times.

He knew it wouldn't change the fact that his daughter was dead but he always had wanted to know that day what happened. Since the opportune moment, he didn't want to be told anything less either. He made in his mind to confront him one of these days too.

* * *

><p>If he thought it was bad before, he knew it he was going to continuously have trouble getting up once he hit thirty two weeks today. Sighing, he nudged Ed who was sleeping soundly beside him. The blonde just whined before turning over and snoring again. Damn it, he had to use the bathroom and then he had that appointment that Ed really wanted to be a part of as well!<p>

"ED WAKE UP!"

Ed sighed before sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Afterwards, he helped Roy to sit up and rubbed the belly with a small smile. Roy raced off to use the bathroom leaving Ed behind to wonder what that was about for a moment. The baby was growing bigger and that was for sure. He stood up and changed his clothes. He was buttoning his shirt when Roy exited the bathroom complaining about the extra large sizes being a little tight on him. He sighed knowing that that meant back to the store.

"So we going?"

Roy glared and Ed gave him a look. He didn't know why he was such a whiner now and then realized that all the hormones must be making Roy crazy. Smiling, he followed after him so they could be early for the appointment. They still didn't really want to know the sex of the baby yet since everybody saw and seemed to think it was a boy. They'd decided to leave the surprise on them when it turned out different and if it really was a boy, still it was their kid and Ed knew they would love it no matter what.

They waited in the waiting area whilst Roy angrily filled out the forms again, complaining about how it was complete nonsense to do it every visit. The lady besides them was ogling his stomach making Roy more conscientious then he was before. Grumbling, he had Ed help him to stand before handing it in. Just as he was about to sit back down, the lady called him back for vital signs. Supposedly the pulse was once again high so they did it manually whilst apologizing about it. When they got the weight they told him that he was gaining weight and asked if he had a parasite. They asked what his reason for visiting today was and being extremely irritated, Roy sarcastically told them it was the parasite and after another three weeks or so, they were going to remove it. The lady ogled it and asked why they would wait so long.

"They don't want it out so soon duh. Isn't that what they do with most parasites? They make sure it reaches a certain point, and then they take the sucker out and put it into clothes. Then there's those play dates with other parasites and they even get pictures of them. Are you finished yet?"

She nodded, looking shamelessly nervous which got on Roy's nerves. Getting back, he only managed to sit down when the nurse called him up. Glaring over there, he waited for Ed once again to help him up. God, if Ed got him pregnant soon again after this, he was going to slap him silly. This was torture and the only good part was going to be when the baby was out of him. Ed looked amused and didn't even seem upset that Roy was thinking about knocking him around.

"Hey honey, ever had postpartum depression?" Roy changed his mind about wanting to slap him around and then thought about roasting his ass. Ed didn't seem to be scared but made a point to hide the gloves a little longer for the very reason he asked him. He was most definitely going to have that.

"I see that the baby has been growing nicely. Is there any complications I should know about?" Martin looked up from the papers she was reading. Maybe it was the random glucose test that Roy did at the twenty seventh week or possibly the other labs he submitted as well. There were the one hour, two hour, and three hour glucose tests as well. Smiling she put the paper down and had him sit on the table.

"I want to know if the baby is still breech," Roy told her.

She nodded and had him lay back and pull up his shirt. She felt around and frowning, she knew that she definitely felt the head in the up position. The butt was on the bottom right side of the abdomen, which meant that the hands and feet were on the left side.

"You feel the baby moving a lot?"

Roy nodded and she seemed satisfied with the answer before applying gel onto his stomach without warning. She moved the probe over his stomach and sighed noticing that the placenta was almost near the opening.

"You are a difficult patient but then again, your kids must be stubborn. The placenta is resting on this side and here's the butt. The head is all the way up here and the arms and legs right now are playing over here above the placenta. I worry about that and want you to go straight to the hospital for any bleeding, light or heavy. There is no way you should risk anything at all okay?"

Roy nodded and she seemed satisfied.

"So the scheduled C-section is in about three weeks' time. Make sure you don't do anything stupid. That baby is going to be a preemie by one week as it is but I don't think you'll make it to thirty six weeks and I'm not even going to risk that. If you do that's your problem and your husband is going to disagree with you. He has the right to decide medically if you are unconscious anyways, thankfully."

Roy glared but Ed still thought that was worrisome. The baby was indeed stubborn but it was still nice to see the baby's heart moving in the ultrasound. The spine was along the right side and the baby was curled it looked like. It was extremely normal; Martin had assured them of it. What wasn't normal was the position of the placenta and Kelsey was the same way except her she wasn't in danger of kicking it like this one was.

"So if there's any other problems or concerns you have my number and you have the hospital's. I gave you it and the emergency room has a pager to page any obstetrician if there's an emergency."

Roy and Ed both nodded in understanding.

"Okay now we need to collect another test. You could either let me do it or you could. It evolves swishing this nice little swab in both places down there and then putting in this tube."

Roy turned beet red at that but assured her it wasn't a problem and he could do it. He didn't want to let anyone touch him until he had no choice anyways. Bringing the test back, she smiled and put on a glove before taking it and slapping a label onto it. She handed it to the nurse to take to the lab and smiled before explaining the need for that. Even if he was getting a C-section, it was important. She would collect the lab again at thirty five weeks if he hadn't already had a C-section yet. If he was it'd be thirty four.

"It's annoying but whatever," he replied in a no nonsense monotone. Ed smiled reassuringly as though telling her that it was nothing and he was in a mood.

"Well just so you know, if you still want to know the gender of the baby, I'd say it's still a fifty fifty chance of either."

Roy nodded having Ed help him up. It seemed like that was all that Ed had been doing lately and Roy felt a little bad about yelling at him when the blonde did mean well. Ed seemed to understand though for he gave him a supportive smile, leaving a hand on the small of his back as they left with instructions on what to do if they noticed big gush of fluids, bleeding, or any discharge.

Pausing before slipping his seatbelt on, he turned to Ed seeing him place his chart in between the seats to have on them at all times. Smiling a small smile, he wondered what he'd do without Ed. He didn't want to think about that at the moment though and it turned to him thinking about the man Phillip. He had been seventeen years old when Kelsey had died and now he was twenty years old. So that meant that he had been compliant enough to be compliant enough to be locked away for a good three years. Did it mean that he felt guilty about the girl dying himself? Roy didn't know though and looking back, he was oddly curious. Seeing as how Ed was now in and everything, he decided to chance the question.

"Ed what do you think about Phillip not being located?"

Ed blinked and sighed. "How did you know about that? We didn't want to tell you at first but I know you would have eventually had wanted to know. Just don't do anything stupid until the C-section alright? I want you safe and in order to do that, no funny business that involves alchemy alright?"

Roy didn't know about that but nodded.

Ed glared at him though as if knowing what he was thinking.

"I mean it Roy. I don't want you to involve yourself with him right now! He didn't have to murder the child to be considered a monster. Even if it was the babysitter, he didn't stop it at all!"

Roy finally relented and Ed smiled as though he won big.

"I told Izumi about it anyways. The C-section is scheduled at 35+3 weeks so Izumi wants to come over and do the baby shower. I'm gonna be helping her and the whole time you'll be on bed rest so don't think about anything, alright?"

Roy nodded once again with a sigh.

He hated to tell Edward this but sometimes he had to break rules in order to find out something that had been tearing him up since day one and he was going to find out. He needn't worry though because both him and the baby would be fine.

He made sure he was gonna be since he loved Ed with all his heart. He wasn't going to leave him until he forced him.


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Never forget yesterday,<em>

_But always live for today…_

_Cause you never know what tomorrow can bring,_

_Or what it can take away…_

***~Chapter Twenty Eight**

_Phillip stared as Bridgett came up to him. She was a real sweet girl and meeting her, he realized one thing. Her family was made of crazy people. They had something wrong with them and whenever something didn't happen their way, they either abandoned it or threw money down to get something into their favor. Bridgett didn't seem like that though but seeing that he was given the option of turning himself in or getting an arrest warrant, he wondered what it was that went wrong._

_"Are you ever going to explain why you wanted to meet me Bri? I don't think you realize why I broke up with you. I can't stand to see you right now and to know that that baby girl is dead because you didn't call the first time something happened, I wonder if I should be in jail as well. I should have told the little girl's father when you pulled her hair and slammed her face into the fridge. Did you make that up? What did you tell her dad and don't lie to me because if he knew the truth he wouldn't have let you babysit her. What? Were you jealous of their relationship since your own dad doesn't have that bond? I can't understand-"_

_"YOU DON'T NEED TO UNDERSTAND! I didn't kill her Phillip. I didn't. The little girl just started to get bad and I don't know what it was. Besides didn't you throw your future away by staying with me as long as you did too? I swear if I get another jail sentence, my daddy is going to disown me. He said I can't and they took it off the record the first time but this is going to be worse. I didn't do anything to that baby. If anything it was her own father who did it-"_

_"Listen, I think you should get some help. That baby wasn't hurt by her daddy and you should know that. I blame myself for not getting the help you needed but that will change. I promise it'll change. Don't do anything you'll regret Bri."_

_Crying, she attempted to throw herself in his arms but he wouldn't allow it. He felt for her under an extent but it stopped when it came to that toddler. That toddler wasn't turning three because he enabled this. Sighing, she brushed her tears away with a small smile._

_"I'm fine. I didn't kill her and I'm not getting help for something I didn't do. She had a fever that day and everyone knows that fevers are tricky so the day she was turning blue was because her daddy neglected her and didn't give her Tylenol. I didn't do a thing to her and nobody is going to get into trouble-"_

_"Bri, I'm going to get into trouble just by being associated with you. I have a baby on the way and I don't want to ruin that kid's life but I also know that they would understand if I had to spend some time away from them to make up for what I did. They know that I make mistakes and I'm glad. My mom doesn't even know so I plan on keeping it that way. I'm sorry that your dad isn't the same way and if he was, maybe then we wouldn't have this problem. I'm sorry but I'm turning myself in and telling nothing but the truth. Don't get into too much trouble with your lying because it's not going to get you out of it permanetly."_

_All he could think of though was the fact that while she was being selfish and placing blame on everyone but herself, there was one girl that didn't get the chance to live and they owed it to her to tell what happened._

Roy was laying on his side when the phone rang and he snatched it up in annoyance. Ed poked him in the back and took it from him before he could even get a word in. He thanked him silently but listened as Ed started the conversations with a greeting and kept saying no to whatever questions they were asking. Finally he said yes to one and before Roy could even ask, Ed said it out loud.

"You're coming here? That's good Izumi. Roy would like to be told that anyways. All he ever seems to be doing is complaining about the weight. Thanks Izumi."

Roy grunted to let him know that he heard and he didn't like what the other had said about him. Ed just laughed and rubbed his aching back much to his pleasure. Ed placed kisses along his spine whilst doing it, making Roy want to kill him for the teasing. Ed continued to rub the aching muscles in smooth circles until Roy was certain the baby was getting over excited and finally tried to sit up. Seriously, the baby was going to be a good aim. To miss the placenta and continuously get the bladder was nothing short of a miracle and the doctor even said that if he or she continuously did that at regular intervals, then there was less of a risk to the placenta.

Ed helped him sit upright and got up off the couch to get his medicine much to Roy's annoyance. He didn't like taking medication if he could help it and Ed made sure he took it every day. Sighing, he did just that and laid back down as if to go back to sleep but once again, his husband wasn't having any of that.

"Come on and let's get you to a real bed. It's a wonder that you keep straining your back babes."

Roy had him help him up and gave him a small kiss on the lips. Ed smiled just before going into the bedroom himself and throwing on some different clothes. It was still midafternoon but Ed didn't seem to mind spending the time in bed with him either.

Just as Roy was about to lay down, he ended up vomiting onto the sheets making Ed jump up and after he was finished, he got him back to the couch with a bucket. He placed a soft pillow under his back though and had him sit up.

"Damn, I hate the third trimester. It's a good thing that we only have one baby in there. I don't think I'd live if there were two or three."

Ed nodded with a sigh.

"Dr. Martin did say that because of the size, you'd be queasy and even throw up. She said it's normal though and if it happens to take Zofran once again. I don't think it's helping but we could put you back onto that brat diet if you think it'll help."

Roy moaned and nodded.

"I guess I have to if I want my baby to get the nutrients."

Ed sighed and knowing that Izumi was coming soon made him wonder if he should cancel the baby shower to do the C-section that day. The reason they were doing it then though instead of 35 on the dot was they wanted the baby to develop a little more. Jaundice was still a risk but hopefully it would not be a big one.

Roy waited until Ed was back and sitting underneath his legs before he began talking again.

"Do we really have to have the second baby shower? We could have one big party for the baby when it's here instead. I don't know why they insist that."

Ed smiled although it was strained. He didn't really see things either way but if it was a fight between Izumi and his husband, he was going to stay out of it so neither of them killed him for trying to play mediator. He just hoped that they didn't try to get him into it.

He may agree with him but there was no way in hell he would say that outloud. So instead he let out a sigh.

"Just eat your toast."

* * *

><p>Ed was at the store with Izumi and Roy was sure that everyone else were doing the general setup over at Gracia's place. Roy didn't realize why but was too tired to argue. He was going to be getting the kid out of him in three days' time anyways so he wasn't going to be complaining. He was told at the most the kid would be around five pounds but there was a slight chance he or she could be a bit smaller. He sighed and pushed his feet off the side and righted himself to stand. The telephone had been ringing off the hook today and since he was getting good at getting himself up from anything that wasn't the floor, he made sure to get it every time. It was usually Ed checking in but this time he was surprised that it wasn't.<p>

"Hello?"

"Hey this is Bridgett remember me?"

Roy did and he could honestly say that he didn't expect her to be like this. She sounded whiny, nothing she had ever done before. Sighing, he tried to find a way to gently tell her he didn't have the time to talk but then she interrupted him.

"I know you don't want to talk but remember, I know what happened that day and I could fill in all the blanks if you want."

Roy was silent and it seemed like she understood for she gave him the address and hung up before he could reply. Sighing, he really did want the answers but it seemed like he would be getting them from the wrong person. He really did though and he could always determine when she was lying so looking up the address, he realized that it was at the old warehouse district.

He went there against his better knowledge and seemingly wondered if he should. Ed was going to kick his ass if he ever found out and he knew that by then he would deserve it. He couldn't help it though and Ed should know that anything that involved his baby was important. Seeing the entrance, he quickly paid the cab money but just before leaving the cab huffed.

"You really shouldn't be out at this part of town. Especially at this time of night and looking like that. If I had to hazard a guess I'd say you look like your pregnant. My ex-wife looked that way when she had been pregnant with my Sophie."

Roy nodded and the cab driver drove off grumbling something about evil ex-wives and how he missed his Sophie. He exhaled and held his stomach for a minute at feeling the big kick and sighed. The kid was stronger than before and he had been breathing easier since last night. According to Izumi when she had been around, he had dropped during that time.

"Bridgett, what did you exactly want?" he didn't know where she was and decided to chance of going into the old rickety warehouse. There was hardly anything there except boxes making him sigh in relief. Maybe he heard it wrong was his guess. Turning around, he finally saw the girl and she looked a mess. Not anything like the girl from the early years when she would play with Kelsey. The girl had almost seemed fond of his daughter but now that he knew that people could put on disguises, he wasn't so inclined to tell if she ever really liked Kelsey or not. If he wasn't so stupid, his daughter would have still been alive and he wouldn't have had to miss anything. He also knew that Kelsey would have loved Ed just as much as he did.

"Well I was thinking about three years ago, you know. That day ruined my life. I may have only gotten off with stupid charity work but the publicity of the trial made my dad embarrassed of me. He disowned me and since then I thought of nothing else but what happened to start this. I didn't kill that baby though! I told Phillip when he came to talk even though he broke up with me. I mean, you should have taken better care of your girl and that wouldn't have happened now would it. It was the fever that killed her-"

"That's a lie Bridgett and you know it. The autopsy revealed something different and even I was shocked by the cruelty one person could do. You can't say it was the fever when the cause of death was a kick to the stomach. How could someone do that to a two year old and then say they weren't a monster?"

"EASY! YOU THINK YOU ARE SO GOOD? YES, LITTLE BABY KELSEY HAD THE LIFE! SHE LOVED HER DADDY AND HER DADDY REALLY LOVED HER! WHAT A BOND! My dad says that bonds like that are fake and that brat was too smart for her own good. She could talk and that's a scary thought. Do you know what a child would be able to tell if they were allowed to come to an understanding? I may be a monster but at least I wasn't like a pathetic do wisher that worshipped the ground I walked on until they were told to turn themselves in." Roy flinched when she started talking instead of yelling. What she was saying was complete and utter craziness. What did she hope to impress by saying all that?

"Are you saying my Kelsey was going to soon be talking and that's why you had her killed?"

Bridgett shook her head and just laughed. Roy backed up and silently cursed when he found himself against the wall. She seemed not to have noticed because she stopped once again. He hoped that Ed found the map by the phone when he came home. He would see the circle and know where he was. He'd be cursing Roy to high heavens but at least he would be away from this crazy woman.

"I told you I didn't kill her. My boyfriend did-"

Roy was about to scream but the hand covering his mouth kept him quiet and he was quickly helped over the boxes onto the other side. Sighing, he still heard her psychotic ramblings but he was a safe distance away that she couldn't find him. He turned to the person who saved him and saw that it was Phillip, the one that spent a jail sentence.

"You," he paused seeing as how the man had his back turned for the moment. If he was trusting him that much then Roy found he had no problems with him.

"It's gonna be okay. She'll leave and I'll show you another way out. Until then I don't want her hearing us because she tends to go more psycho when she thinks no one is listening."

Roy nodded and went to sit down. Phillip quickly helped him down and nodded his thanks when Roy shot a grateful look.

Phillip heard her ramblings getting more louder and sighed before sitting opposite of Roy.

"Listen about the news of my disappearance." He whispered that and Roy had to lean in to hear him. "I have a family my mom doesn't know about and they had waited until the day I would get out of jail. They understood why I had to go and waited all this time. Wish I would have found them before I met Bri but I would say it was because of her that I found love."

Roy blinked before giving a small smile.

"At least she was good for something." Phillip noticed the tone and nodded.

They stayed silent for a moment and Roy couldn't help but think it was really dark. This part of town was known for poor structures as well so he wondered why they hadn't tore anything down and destroyed it. These warehouses had a basement as well and he was hoping that the structure was good. He didn't want to experience anything else while he was here either.

"You'd think that she would shut up but she likes hearing herself talk," Phillip told him and Roy nodded realizing that that much was true.

He went to wiggle into a more comfortable position when he felt a shake on the ground. He heard Phillip groan and Roy froze, trying to stay still. Bridgett kept moving as though ignoring everything that was going on around her.

"STOP MOVING UNLESS YOU WANT TO END UP FALLING DOWN ONE FLOOR!"

Bridgett paused and they let out a sigh of relief. It was bad enough that the structure was extremely poor but this was getting ridiculous. Bridgett seemed to have stopped walking now so at least they could count that small miracle. Of course all things didn't always end well and Bridgett suddenly screamed out in anger.

"WHERE ARE YOU, YOU STUPID PANSY! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE PHILLIP AND ONCE I FIND YOU, I HOPE YOU DIE A PAINFUL DEATH FOR EVEN BEING HERE! I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET KELSEY'S FATHER ALONE AND YOU RUINED THIS CHANCE FOR ME!"

"LISTEN YOU STUPID GIRL! I DON'T CARE WHO YOU WANTED TO MEET BUT KELSEY'S FATHER ISN'T DUMB AND HE KNOWS YOU NEED HELP TOO. JUST BE A GOOD GIRL AND STAY STILL SO THIS LEVEL DOESN'T DROP-"

Letting out a horrible scream, she started running making Roy push against the side as though hoping it wouldn't move with him pressed against the wall. It began shaking like crazy though and it had to be the worst time to be in here. He saw that Phillip was trying to move the boxes out of the way quickly and rose his eyebrows even though he knew the other man wouldn't be able to see it.

"We have to get you out of here fast. There's no way I'm risking the life of an unborn kid!"

Before he could clear all the boxes, the ground crumbled giving in and the next thing Roy remembered was that everything was dark. He blinked trying to find anything and everything to hold onto but it was no use.


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>Your love was always pure;<em>

_Your time seemed all too short and_

_I feel so alone._

_What can I take from this?_

_My heart is completely crushed._

_But nothing loved is ever lost -_

_And you are loved so much._

***~Chapter Twenty Nine**

_Phillip allowed himself in the house and saw that Bridgett was making breakfast. The daddy must have had a meeting again because he was already out of the house and Bridgett seemed a little jittery today. She wasn't always like that but he wondered what was making her so anxious today. Before he could ponder on that, she asked him to please check on Kelsey. _

_He liked the little girl so he didn't mind. She was perfect practice anyways for when he had children. He didn't want Bridgett knowing now but he was so sure he found the person of his dreams to spend his life with. She was pretty but that didn't matter. He liked the woman's personality and she was so sweet. Her father was a coal miner and although they didn't have much, they always welcomed him with a warm heart and it made him feel special. _

_Kelsey was another sweet child. She was going to grow up to be really sweet and everyone was still going to adore her. He wondered how her father left the house sometimes with such a daughter like Kelsey and sighed, seeing the child buried under the blankets. The times he had come over, she had never done that. He knew because she sometimes asked him to stay and take a nap with her to ward off all the monsters. Nap time with Kelsey was always such a blast and she didn't realize it all the time but she sometimes sucked her thumb when she was out._

_Smiling, he called her name softly and frowned when she didn't respond to her name. She usually replied by then. He peeled off the mountain of blankets and saw that Kelsey's lip was tinged with blue. He worriedly peeled the blankets off the rest of the way and saw that she was in a diaper but there was also some blood on the bed. What the hell, he thought. Kelsey didn't wear diapers. He felt her forehead and she was only a little warm so he didn't worry about the temperature. First off, she was barely breathing and most of all, where the hell did the blood come from!_

_"BRIDGETT I WANT YOU TO CALL 911! GET THE AMBULANCE HERE! KELSEY'S TURNING BLUE!"_

_Bridgett came in and shook her head, trying to shake Kelsey awake and Phillip quickly pushed her away and repeated what he just told her basically. Kelsey was going downhill fast and seeing as how Bridgett was just there not doing anything, he grabbed the phone off the dresser and called himself. She seemed to be overly stressed today and he just wondered what the hell she had done to Kelsey. He thought it was weird when there was no Kelsey here to greet him. What the hell did she do though? _

_"Come on Bridgett; tell me what you did to the little girl! You have to know why she isn't properly breathing and I want to know now! Why isn't she breathing?"_

_Bridgett seemed like she was going to cry but he ignored her. Who could do that to the precious two year old? And the day before she turned three? The ambulance was on the way and he made sure to stay on the line in case he needed advice on what to do. Kelsey suddenly stopped breathing and throwing the phone to Bridgett, he began CPR. He knew when the ambulance got here and they began working on her that the cracked ribs from the CPR wasn't at fault. She was extremely tiny and therefore she was going to have a couple from the attempt alone. _

_It was what she was revealed to have suffered from that angered him so much. Bridgett knew to come to him before she did anything and yet she did all that to a little kid that couldn't fight back and tried to place the blame onto other people._

_He could only say he deserved the jail sentence when the time came and he was sentenced. Even if he hadn't and had gotten community service like Bridgett, he knew he wouldn't be able to not blame himself ever for what happened to that baby._

_He felt as though he actually did it because he wasn't able to stop it._

"Hey, Mr. Mustang are you awake!"

Roy groaned coming to and realizing just how much his head hurt him. He was afraid to move and felt a couple of kicks right off the bat, making him happy at least that the kid was doing alright. He gulped, realizing that they had fallen and attempted to look around to locate the others.

"Where, *cough* are you?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about me! Is the baby fine?"

Roy thought so although the baby didn't seem to be moving around like it had before. Still, he hurt his head and although it was killing him, he couldn't locate anywhere else he may be hurt. He let out a moan when he tried to move and pain laced up his spine telling him to stay still. It hurt to move and he realized that even if it didn't seem bad, he could have some internal problems as well.

"Baby has been moving," he reassured.

He paused though, now pretty worried. He hoped Ed realized where he was soon. His eyes widened when he realized that he hadn't heard Bridgett recently. She may be crazy but she didn't really deserve death and attempted to turn his head to look in the last direction he saw her last. He almost blacked out and thought better of it. He felt a nice patch of blood on the back of his head and knew he most likely had a concussion.

"Where's Bridgett?"

"It seems that she has been buried beneath the boxes. Even if I could go over there to help, I don't think we could do much for her anyways. She may just be unconscious. By the way, what way are you laying?"

Roy had to snap himself awake. He was feeling lightheaded enough and the room seemed to be spinning. Sighing, he breathed out of his nose until he was sure he wasn't going to pass out again and then looked over at his direction.

"I'm on my back."

He heard cursing as if from far away and could almost feel the dizziness coming back to him. It was extremely warm down here and he knew that it wasn't just the atmosphere. He quickly shook himself, only stopping when he felt his head throb painfully. Sighing, he laid his head back and exhaled deeply.

"Listen Mr. Mustang, it's important. Laying on your back prevents blood flow to the baby that you desperately need. That's why even at the second trimester, they want you to lay on your left side and not the right because then the blood flow to the heart is occluded. Is there any way of doing so?"

Roy grunted, pushing himself onto his left side despite the pain. He didn't want to hurt the baby. Hell, he hurt all over and finally when he was able to finish the roll onto his left side, he paused from the pain and let out a sigh. He noticed a beam and shivered realizing that if it hadn't been there, he would have been covered with all the heavy debris.

"I'm on my side now." He managed. He was finding more difficult to communicate and even to think and the other seemed to sense that for he began talking himself.

"I know some of what happened that day Mr. Mustang. I should have been more straight forward before then. Your baby was a very sweet girl and I knew she must have been adored by a lot of people. The day I came over she was already in bed and there were blankets piled over her. I don't know what she did to this day but I always regretted not finding a way to save her. That was one precious kid you had. Can't say I was surprised by how many people still adore her."

"Why'd you go to jail if you didn't kill her?"

It seemed like an innocent enough question and he didn't seem bothered by it in the least for he answered.

"I was still guilty even if I didn't hurt her. Mr. Mustang, I thought your daughter deserved better than she had that day. Honestly you two shared such a bond that I think that Bridgett had been jealous of for a very long time. Don't know what it was about that day that got her to hurt her but I don't think we'll ever know."

Roy had been silent up until now and pausing, he heard a low moan and wanting to make sure he didn't go unconscious while he was talking, called out to him.

"I'm still here," Roy mumbled annoyed.

"Feel your belly. Is anything wet? I want to make sure the baby is fine!"

Roy did as he asked and to his own relief as well as Phillip's, he didn't feel anything suspiciously close to an open bleed. He stopped suddenly at feeling a small trickle and groaned. The placenta was low and if the baby had kicked it in its distress or something happened to remove it partially or all the way, he knew why he was suddenly feeling the sudden wetness. What happened if the bag of water broke even? He didn't think he would know the difference especially if it was coming out in a slow trickle.

"I think the baby is in trouble," he mumbled.

Phillip silently cursed and attempted to remove the lower part of his leg from the debris it was caught in. He silently was thankful that the other at least wasn't covered in debris but no matter how much he tugged, he couldn't remove it and gave up with a sigh.

"Just hold in there okay Mustang. I know it's hard and I'm waiting for a miracle but don't do anything alright?"

He didn't hear anything though and shouting, he really hoped someone indeed found them soon.

And it had to be before the other ran out of time.

* * *

><p>"Weird, the last two times he hasn't been answering and no matter what mood he is in, he usually always does."<p>

Ed was real worried now despite Linda and Izumi telling him he'd eventually pick up. They seemed to be getting worried as well. Sighing, they decided they had enough at the moment and ran into Al and Winry who were more than happy to take the stuff to Gracia's for them so they could check on the irate husband.

"I know he's a bit worried about the upcoming C-section. He doesn't want to fail the baby like he thinks he failed Kelsey." Ed knew this from one of the talks he had had with him a couple of days ago. He never wanted to feel that he was unfit but what could he do to reassure Roy that he had always been indeed a good parent? Especially with all those hormones running around in the man's body.

"He'll be fine, look we're here."

Ed ran into the house and called for Roy, trying to make sure that the man was here. Seeing as how he wasn't responding, he saw that the bed was empty and he wasn't on the couch. Shit, he thought. He ran around looking through everywhere he thought he'd be but now he realized the cold truth and began shaking. The man was simply not in the house anymore and he didn't know what to do.

"IZUMI HE'S NOT HERE!"

Izumi came racing over and gritted her teeth. Linda picked up the phone to call Gracia and ask if he somehow conveniently wen over there. Sighing, she listened as Gracia explained that the only people were here were his subordinates and they haven't seen Roy all day. Hawkeye even mentioned something about him wanting to talk to Phillip but she had thought she talked him out of that since Scar was such a big help in convincing him that he should at least wait until he was not pregnant anymore.

"Well if he's not here and if he's not there, where could he be Gracia? You know him almost as well as Hughes does. Would he go do what we told him not to if he thought he would find out about his daughter's death?"

Gracia seemed to hesitate and before Linda could repeat the question, Gracia finally started.

"Of course he would. Knowing that stubborn side of him, he would do anything to find out what happened even if it meant that he would be in danger. He would want to know that the death of the child was not his fault and that she really didn't hate him. He wants that closure so in fact I believe that he would in fact go over there to close up those knots even when everyone told him no."

Linda nodded and sighed.

That was so her grandson alright. He wouldn't back down just because someone told him no and she was hesitant to think what had happened to her only grandchild from her only son. Why did her son and grandson have to share the same stubbornness? Kenneth used to be a good child but ever since he became rebellious, he turned to alcohol, drugs, and partying. He got his girl pregnant and stopped, doing the right thing and at least marrying the woman. After she left him with Roy though, she thought he would do the right thing then too. No instead he went back to his partying until one day when he got to the point where all the things in the past just wasn't enough anymore. He died when Roy was five and thanks to that, she didn't think Roy ever forgot either.

"Where could he be," she thought aloud.

Ed picked up the piece of paper he found on the floor and saw that it was the old warehouse district. Those were supposed to be closed off due to unsafe structures of the buildings. They didn't have the money to sustain them any longer either so they should have been destroyed already. His heart sank feeling that if Roy indeed went there, he would definitely be in trouble of being caved in with debris and take in a lot of the dust there. He hoped he was okay.

"I'm going there to see if he's okay. If there's a slight chance that he needs an ambulance-"he left his words hanging, too afraid to admit anything just yet. Linda seemed to understand.

"Hey there sonny, Linda is going with you and I'll be here if you should call," They turned to see Mack and Linda nodded, allowing a small smile to grace her lips.

"I knew you would get here this evening but showing up early does have its benefits. Okay but make sure that you keep Gracia updated. Her number is on the fridge along with Roy's OB doctor. Call her if you feel the need arises."

He nodded and they raced off, Ed pausing at the circle on there. That made things easier. He wondered why he would disobey his bed rest to go do something he told him he hadn't wanted him to do. After an extremely long pause, he ran off to the car.

Roy was going to be okay he told himself. He had to be.

* * *

><p>It was really white and if Roy didn't know better, he would say he was back to the gate like he had been when they had forced him into the human transmutation back then. It was really ironic how he refused it then despite the endless heartache he had had at the time and then realized all those pangs in the heart had been him feeling Kelsey in his heart before he remembered her. Sighing, he noticed that he was thin again and that the baby wasn't with him. He seemingly panicked and decided for a second that he shouldn't be afraid. The gate would surely eat that up if that was indeed where he was. He was lost though and that remained true.<p>

"Where am I," he thought aloud.

He didn't see the gate anywhere and noticed that there was no color here whatsoever. It was bland of all life and he vaguely wondered if he was already dead. If he was, he gulped to think of what his baby was doing but since it wasn't here in his stomach, did that meant that he passed on and the baby hadn't?

He was about to give up though really. He was walking for miles and this was no tunnel like he thought it would be. Wasn't that how someone knew they had died? There was a tunnel and one side was dark whilst the other was white and then there was this feeling of having someone's life flash before their eyes before they died? He didn't have that so maybe he wasn't dead like he thought but still it seemed like the gate eerily enough and he hoped that he wasn't dreaming.

He heard a noise though and paused, lifting up his fingers. He wasn't with the baby so alchemy wasn't bad right now. He may not have his gloves but he suddenly remembered that he didn't need them to do so since he visited the gate the first time.

Seeing movement out of the corner of his eyes, he quickly turned around and raised his hands to clap when he noticed something that had him freeze in his step. His eyes became huge with surprise and he blinked trying to dislodge what he was seeing. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't real but try as he might try to believe it was a dream, he was still here and he was still seeing this.

"Hi daddy."

He showed the utmost shock at those words and the only thing he could think of saying was;

"K-Ke-Kel-KELSEY!"


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a MAJOR hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>I thought that I would miss you so,<em>

_And never find my way._

_And then I heard the angel say,_

_"They're with you every day."_

_"The sun, the wind, the moon, the stars,_

_Will forever be around,_

_reminding you of the love you shared,_

_and the peace they've finally found."_

***~Chapter Thirty**

"Kelsey? I'm dreaming, I have to be cause you're dead and I'm not or am I dead now too?"

Kelsey didn't look the same as she did though and that wasn't right. When she had gone away, her hair wasn't exactly blonde and she wasn't this big. It was as if she had grown before his eyes. She should have still been two; the age she had been still when she had been taken away from him.

"Daddy why are you surprised? I'm not your little two year old daughter anymore, I grew up too." She beamed as if it was something to be proud of and yet he did find himself happy at that. She had pretty blonde hair that went all the way to her mid back and her big green eyes were still as pretty as ever. He remembered wanting her to open them at a time when she could not and it had brought him pain at that time of his life.

"You are my cute adorable little six year old daughter now. Daddy is so proud of you baby."

He hugged her hesitantly as though afraid that she would disappear like in his dreams. She however remained solid and didn't leave like he half thought she would. Setting her down, he hugged her tightly afraid what letting go of her would do. She laughed and he looked up in confusion but she seemed to know what it was so he was going through.

"Am I dead sweetheart?"

Kelsey shook her head.

"You're not dead daddy. You're very much alive right now."

Roy picked himself up right now and gave her a look at that. So that meant he was simply unconscious right now but he knew that it could take turns from the worse. He always had wanted to see her and he was glad he had her now but he couldn't really find anything to say that didn't start with I miss you or why'd you have to go away.

"I really wanted to see you daddy." He looked up in surprise but she continued. "I wanted to right after I was gone and you were crying. I wanted to assure you I was okay and that I loved you still with all my heart but they wouldn't let me. They said it would only hurt you a lot more when I had to go away again."

Roy blinked.

"Why?" he couldn't manage anything else and saw that she really didn't hate her. It made him happier thinking that alone. His baby never hated him.

"Daddy they said that you couldn't let me go and that's why I couldn't see you but thanks to dada, you have and they said it was okay. They said you really wanted to say good bye and never gotten the chance to so here I am."

Roy didn't want to say good bye to her though. He knew he let her go but seeing her again and how she would have been had she not died, he didn't think he could handle it now. He would have still had an innocent blonde haired green eyed daughter had she not been murdered.

"Baby you can't go away now, you can stay."

"They won't let me daddy, I'm already gone but you can go back. You're baby needs you and so does dada. I'm here with papa and he's watching me for you so you know I'm in good hands."

Roy nodded for a moment.

"I'm sorry baby that I didn't tell you. I was going to the day you turned three and yet I should have told you before that. Daddy made a lot of mistakes he wished he didn't make and I'm sorry."

Kelsey made a face though.

"I know daddy and I forgave you a long time ago. I know you didn't mean anything even when I was being bad over the shots. You knew I hated them and yet we always would wrestle over them." She smiled sweetly at that memory and Roy nodded with a sweet smile of his own.

He noticed that she was still his little girl no matter what and quickly frowned realizing she hadn't belonged to him at all and that she had always been God's child from the very beginning. He had just lent her for a while.

"You know Kelsey; I once had this crazy dream."

She looked up and her eyes held curiosity at what it might be.

"Yup, I had this dream that I had this one wish that could give me anything I wanted."

Kelsey smiled a crooked smile at that, and asked, "What was it daddy?"

"Well I definitely didn't dream of money nor anything else that anyone could have. I simply thought that if I had a wish like that I'd use it to wish for one more day with you baby."

Kelsey's eyes lit up at that and he had to fight back the tears. He really did miss that look on her. She always was a happy little girl and he was happy to see that being in heaven hadn't changed her much. She was still lively like she had been way before her death. She gotten bigger though and that was for sure.

"You wished for one more day with me?" she repeated in askance, tilting her head but looking very much happy.

"Yup, and I knew then what I would do with it if I had the chance too. I would unplug the telephone and not go into work even though I know you would greatly disapprove. With one more day I'd hold you tight and tell you how much I love you over and over again. I thought it was dumb in the ending though."

Kelsey almost looked like she was going to cry at that outburst and Roy silently cursed.

"I thought it was dumb because I wouldn't be able to settle for one more day with you. I'd want even more and I know I wouldn't be able to have that. All the time in the world isn't enough to tell you how much I love you sweetheart and one more day isn't enough with you. I'd still be missing you for a whole lifetime baby."

Kelsey nodded.

"I missed you too daddy. I missed the others too but I missed you the most. I wished a lot that I would be able to see you once more and to give you hugs and kisses that were solid, that you could feel too. I always wanted one more day to tell mamaw that I was sorry that I couldn't spend my third Christmas with her, Uncle Ha Ha that I'm sorry I didn't get to play with him again, Uncle Fuery that I learnt to say his name right, and Uncle Breda that I know what heaven is like now. I wanted to tell Falman that it's not a place to fear and Elysia that I loved that I got to know her as my sister. I wanted to let Aunt Ri-Ri that she is my favorite auntie. Will you tell them for me daddy? Will you tell dada thank you for me too? Tell Aunt Ri-Ri thank you for me. Can you do that daddy?"

Roy nodded and held her tightly in his arms, placing a couple of kisses on her cheek. He couldn't let her go, not now that they had let her come back for even a second. Didn't they know that by sending her back like this, they were losing an angel? He didn't want to let her go anymore. Kelsey looked up with a frown though and Roy brought her bangs back to give a reassuring kiss on the forehead.

"It's okay Kels, daddy loves you and I'll take you with me. You will get to tell them all that yourself, wouldn't you be happy?"

"Daddy I can't go though. I'm dead and you aren't. Don't say that you want to come too because you have a baby that loves you before even knowing what love is and will be out of your belly soon enough. Don't you want to be there for your baby? You already let me go daddy so don't do this. Don't hold me down or try to leave when you became happy again daddy. Please!"

Roy felt a pang in his heart and this time it wasn't the feeling that something was missing. He knew what it was and he couldn't just tell Kelsey that he would promise to forget her. He couldn't do that. He couldn't leave his baby either no matter who was looking after her but at her glare he paused.

"Daddy, remember the baby. The one that is in trouble. Do you want the baby to die? If you go then the baby will too and you will make dada sad. Do you want him to go through the same thing you went with me?"

Roy really paused at that. He loved his husband. He loved him dearly and he didn't want him to think he gave up on him and he wouldn't forgive him for dying like that. He sighed knowing that the only way would be to bring Kelsey back with him but he clearly couldn't do that at all. It wasn't fair and he knew that by letting her go for the second time and saying good bye would be final. The next time he would see her would be when he died. He didn't know if he could stand that.

"I won't make your dada cry. I'm glad you accept him though-"

"About time too daddy! You only used to be happy for me and because of me but now you have dada to make you equally happy. You have a family too. There's you and dada and together you have the baby. I love how dada thinks of me as the first kid too. You think if I were alive that he would love me so?"

Roy found tears in his eyes and refused to let them fall. That innocent question often made him stop to think. Why was it so hard to answer things his daughter asked? She always had such questions that brought tears to his eyes. The very first time she had done it was when she asked if he would cry if she had to die and now it was this.

"Baby, if you were alive today and you weren't killed that very day, I know for certain that dada would love you. He loves me and he certainly thought you were a cute two years old. He would think you were cute now as well. I love you baby and I know that just as much as I love you, he would come to love you that much as well."

Kelsey beamed once again before turning slightly to the right and turning back she frowned. Roy didn't realize why until he saw himself flickering a few times before going back to solid form. He was at a lost at what that exactly was but seeing her frown, he looked at her in askance.

"What was that baby?"

"Daddy I hope they find you before you slip away."

Roy nodded although he didn't know what he thought about that.

* * *

><p>"Hey! Roy! Roy! Can you hear me?"<p>

Phillip sighed and tried again to get his foot out from where it was caught. He sighed and knew that he must have torn something for he still felt the pain. Sighing, he hoped someone would come soon. Roy didn't look too good from what he could see and he knew he was breathing funny. If he was telling him what he thought he was earlier, he was hemorrhaging internally and putting both him and the baby in danger. He sighed and could have sworn that he heard somebody. Hell it had been only fifteen minutes and he could see that the way things were moving; he hoped that help was brought here soon.

He paused, hoping that even Bridgett wasn't dead but it was doubtful. She had been buried under the debris. She was probably crushed as well.

"ROY! BUDDY CAN YOU HEAR ME!"

Roy wasn't answering him anymore and he knew more than anything else how bad it was. What if he had sustained another injury that he hadn't known about? It would be even worse. Sighing, he knew the only way to help him would be to get unstuck and to see what he could do right here and right now. If it was a slow bleed though, they still had some time. He couldn't see himself wasting that time.

Pulling on his leg again, he bit back a scream. He felt it loosen up and tugged again until it gave a little. He was almost out and even though it hurt like a bitch, he found himself pulling at it still. Once more he tugged until the debris fell once again but his leg was finally free. Letting go of the breath he was holding, he crawled over to Roy and felt his head in the dark, not liking the blood he found on the back of his head.

"Okay so you probably have a concussion on top of anything else you have," he muttered to himself. It was making things harder. He went down to Roy's arms and found no breaks that he could see. There were no broken shoulders and he was breathing equally on both sides. At the belly, he couldn't feel anything out of the ordinary and the baby was kicking every now and then. He didn't know how often the baby usually kicked though.

Sighing, he wished that Roy was still awake. His breathing was funny. He wouldn't have much time so he knew even though he it was hard, he had to get out of here and get help for him. He couldn't lift him on his own and he could barely support himself at the moment. But what if he got worse or the structure totally caved in?

Sighing, he took off his own jacket and placed it over Roy. He also felt a little cold. It could be that he was hemorrhaging somewhere like he thought, but in this darkness he couldn't see anything. Never again was he going to go someplace like this. He hoped that they both learnt a thing or two about meeting with Bridgett. Hopefully it ended tonight.

* * *

><p>Ed was really worried when he noticed that the structure seemingly collapsed. Linda and Izumi nodded towards each other and Linda got out but smiled when Ed gave her a look.<p>

"Don't worry. Someone has to call the fire department and the ambulance. How in the hell do you think we could get in there and get them out if they are in there? We don't want more of the old building falling on them do we?"

Ed could see what she meant though and gave her a small smile. Once Linda was away from the vehicle, they continued on, the closer they got though, the more Ed began to truly panic. Once they were stopped in front, he was pretty sure he was at the right one. For one, this was the only one that had collapsed so far and for another, it was the one circled on the map that Roy had had at home. He just hoped he was okay.

"I'm going down there to check it out," he told Izumi.

She nodded.

"Shout if you find him."

He reassured her that he would.

He carefully climbed downward, being wary that it could fall at any time and bury him in here. Once he was at the bottom, he turned on the lantern and saw Phillip. Before he could demand what was going on, he saw Roy as well and ran to him, placing the lantern to the side to check if he was okay.

"What the hell happened to my husband Phillip?"

"This place collapsed on us. Bridgett basically wanted to pay him back for thinking he gave her hell after the loss of his daughter because her own father abandoned her. To cut the long story short, she didn't get her revenge but now I think he has a concussion and a bleed somewhere-"

"A bleed? Where the hell would it be-"he stopped though and could feel his breath catch in his throat. There was no way in hell he was seeing this. "Roy…No, Roy you have to wake up and we have to get you to the hospital right away!"

Moaning at seeing it, he wondered why he hadn't seen it when he first entered. Standing up, he cupped his hands and yelled to Izumi who was still up there.

"I hope the ambulance gets here fast Izumi! Roy has a concussion and he's bleeding internally from the stomach!"

Sitting back down, he knew it had to be the lower stomach and felt bile rise in his throat. Was it the placenta? It had to be because the doctor had told them that it was situated in the lower left quadrant and that was where the big purplish spot was. It looked like it was slow so if it was an abruption, it had to be semi to partial at the moment. Hesitantly putting his hand on Roy's stomach, he felt a couple of kicks and found himself letting out a couple tears of relief.

"Baby you'll be okay and papa will be too," he told it reassuringly.

He turned back to Phillip who was watching Roy and sighed.

"Thank you for watching him. I know it probably gotten crazy with Bridgett-Where is she anyways?"

Phillip pointed towards the way farthest from them but closest to the entrance and Ed got what he had meant. The likelihood of Bridgett being uncovered was nil to none. He did feel sorry for her under one level though. She was probably always reminded of the little girl that died often and even though he had the idea that she had done more than just babysit that day, he knew that her conscience had only allowed her to think of how the world screwed her over instead of the little girl's life that was taken because of her selfishness.

He smiled in relief when he heard the ambulance and turned to Phillip.

"Well, helps here."

Phillip nodded and grimaced when he moved his ankle. Ed saw that even though the man tried to hide it and helped him to stand. They had to get Roy the hell out of there first and then they could help Phillip but once the man was supporting himself, he made Ed let him go.

"Don't worry about me; I'm going to be fine. Go be there with your husband."

Ed didn't have to be told twice.


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a MAJOR hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>When I look at the world and there's so much pain and anger, mistakes and failures, I just look at the sky and think God's still good cause he gave me someone like you that tells me, "Angels are still around."<em>

***~Chapter Thirty One**

"Kelsey, why are you fading?"

Kelsey looked over and smiled sadly.

"Daddy, you are gonna be okay. I know you are because dada is making sure of it. I know you won't ever forget me but be happy with the new baby too, okay?"

Roy nodded.

He hugged her again, not being able to help it. How many times had he been able to hug her in the past three years? He got used to the feeling of never being able to see her again and never getting the chance to say good bye but now that he got that very chance, he wasn't sure if he liked it so much. He loved her with all his heart and whilst he didn't want to see her go, he knew that he had to let her go. She was okay like she had said and she was doing alright. It just hurt to have to do so but he knew that she was also safe where she was. She was definitely in a better place where her papa was watching her and she wouldn't ever be hurt again.

"I love you daddy."

He smiled sadly.

"Baby daddy loves you too. I will love you forever and always. Past space and time. I will love you until my heart breaks completely and I cannot breathe. Until the world has ended and my heart shatters into a billion pieces, I will always have a place for you in my heart. I will always love you so much."

Kelsey nodded with a beaming smile.

"I love you too daddy. I could never do anything else but love you more. I know you had been sad for years and you had to forget me in order to be okay for a little bit of time. But now you are okay and you remember me."

Roy didn't like hearing that though.

"I never intentionally forgot you baby. Even when my head was forced to, my heart always remembered you."

She looked over and Roy turned her way wondering why she was gazing in that direction. It was dark over there and he got the feeling that that wasn't the place to be for some reason. Kelsey further let him know how bad it seemingly was by drawing closer to him and placing her arms around him. He smiled. He already knew she was bigger than the last time he saw her but he couldn't help surveying the differences. His little girl was gone or so he had always thought. It had made his life a living hell but looking back now, he realized she had never really been because she had been in his heart all this time. True he hadn't been able to see her and the next time he does, it would be in heaven but knowing how she was gave him something he didn't have before. He had peace, a closure in his mind he hadn't gotten when she had first went away.

"Why do you continuously fade in and out like that baby?" He was frowning at that but Kelsey smiled up sadly at him.

"It means that I'm gonna be called back soon. I'm only here to say good bye to you. I love you so very much and I don't want to ever say good bye but I know I have to because I can't come with you."

Roy nodded and pulled her closer into a reassuring hug.

"We don't have to per se say good bye baby. We could just say see you later or something on those lines because in retrospect, the next time I will see you would be in heaven."

Kelsey bobbed her head before kissing him on the cheek.

"I have to go now daddy but I'll always love you and I will see you again. Good bye for now daddy."

Roy nodded and hugged her tightly.

"Good bye baby, daddy will meet up with you again someday and when I do, I'll be so very happy because I'll have my first baby back."

Kelsey smiled brightly and with one last kiss, she was gone once again. This time though, Roy knew it was not going to be forever and the day he saw her again would definitely be worth it. In the meantime though, he also knew he had another baby that needed him as much as Kelsey had.

He just hoped that nothing bad happened to his other child.

* * *

><p>"When we get there, he will need an emergency C-section." Ed heard the one paramedic telling the other that and sighed.<p>

He held onto Roy's hands tightly, knowing they were cutting things way too close. Instead of a baby shower though, he knew that it was going to be a welcome to the baby who was going to be coming out early. He sighed and was reassured by Roy's strong breathing and the baby's kicks.

"Kelsey."

Ed didn't know what it was that Roy was going through in his unconscious state but to say that name made him realize how much she should have been involved in the baby's birth. He put a hand on the stomach feeling the small kicks and was relieved when they pulled up to the hospital. They wheeled Roy right into the operating room and Dr. Martin tugged at her gloves before giving him a look that said they were definitely not playing around with this. Not when there was bleeding going on in the stomach and was exiting the opening in slow steady drips.

He signed the form authorizing the surgery. Handing it back with the clipboard, he sat back and sighed.

"Roy you better be okay," he mumbled under his breath.

He knew that Roy had to be fine because he promised him he wouldn't die. He promised that they would both welcome the new one into their life and if Roy left, how could he do anything? He couldn't bear to remember that just moments ago, Roy was found with internal bleeding in his abdominal area and while he hoped that they caught it early enough, he knew there was still the risk to the baby and Roy could possibly bleed to death. There was that chance and he hoped that both would be fine.

"Kelsey may be dead but she's been looking over you since her death and if there is one thing I know, she's not going to let you leave either."

"ED!"

Ed turned to the sound of the voice and saw that Linda finally got here with Izumi behind her. They haven't called the others yet and Ed went to stand up realizing that they had the right to know. Linda kept him in his seat, however, and took a seat beside him. It was the first time Ed ever noticed her losing her cool but she didn't look like the confident woman that he knew from before. He also knew though that it was most likely because her own grandson was fighting for his life.

"Is Bridget okay?"

Linda sighed.

"They are digging through it now that they have enough people to hold it through but I don't think it is good news. Maybe she got away or maybe she didn't make it but it shouldn't matter at the moment. All I know is the man that was with him made sure that Roy wasn't hurt worse than he was and that he was cleared of actually having a hand in Kelsey's murder. The jail time reflects his original sentencing and that was enabling child abuse. He has his own kid to raise so don't worry about him either. Roy has got to be okay-"

"He will be though. I know so because something in my heart tells me so-"

Once again, he was happy he didn't have to get up and call anyone because he doubted he would have had been able to get up. His nerves were frayed and he could only hope that Roy and the baby were okay. Hawkeye was being reassured by Havoc and the other two were sitting down as well to make sure everything was fine. Falman was still at Headquarters taking all phone calls and watching the office. Mack made his appearance about fifteen minutes later and Ed was scared that something may be happening and that is why they were taking so long. It had already been an hour since he had been in there.

He gulped when the doors opened and he heard the small cry of a baby. Standing right up, he ran over to see what was going on. The doctor smiled warmly and Ed was a little reassured especially since the baby was crying but he still didn't know about Roy.

"How's my husband?" He didn't like that the baby seemed so small. What if the baby got dropped?

"He's in recovery. I don't think losing blood like that agrees with anyone so he's also getting a transfusion to replenish what he lost. Your son is fine too as you can see and it's a good thing he got in when he did. There was a partial placenta abruption and if it continued for more than it had, Roy and your son wouldn't be with us today."

Ed smiled serenely and accepted the baby from the doctor. The baby stopped crying and Ed could see that whilst the baby had his eyes, the hair was unmistakingly Roy's. The newborn let out a soft cry and he rocked the infant a little all the while realizing that after all the teasing they received throughout the pregnancy, they now had a baby boy.

"Spencer is a little on the small side." He mentioned.

Dr. Martin just shook her head.

"He was born at thirty five weeks so it's understandable. Normally we try to make sure babies are born at or after thirty six weeks but he looks fine. He's five pounds and three point five ounces so he is a little small but he'll make the weight. Just remember to wait at least a year before getting him pregnant again. No intercourse until two months after the birth like I told you before and make sure that you both come back in seven days for the stich removal."

He handed the baby back reluctantly knowing that Spencer had to go back to the nursery so they could get the hand and foot prints. They were also going to monitor him for a little bit for any lasting effects. He didn't know what the doctor meant by the stitches but before he got the chance to ask her, the nurse beckoned him so that he could be with Roy.

Roy seemed to be asleep now which was different from when he had found him. Sighing in relief, he took a seat by his bed and took his hand. He really lost the weight that he had had when he had been carrying Spencer and Ed smiled knowingly seeing as how someone would have to swing by their house and pick up some clothes. He wouldn't be fitting in a size large or extra-large now.

"You never would realize just how much you worry me."

He smiled a little seeing that Roy subconsciously tightened the hold in his sleep. He loved this man and he thanked the world that nobody took him away from him. Closing his eyes, he prepared for a nap so that when Roy woke up, he wouldn't be as tired as he was now.

* * *

><p>"Dada?"<p>

Ed wondered for a second where he was but seeing the small girl with the long blonde hair, he knew he wasn't imagining this. She had the same green eyes as those in the picture and she was wearing a smile. She sure was cute as well.

"You must be Kelsey. I heard so many things about you and am I right in saying that you protected your daddy until we were able to help him?"

Kelsey nodded.

"We said our good byes thanks to you. Because of you, daddy was able to let me go and say his good bye. The next time we'll see each other will be in heaven. But I couldn't do all this without you," she added and Ed looked confused.

Tipping his head he said, "I didn't do anything Kelsey. He loved you and always will love you with all his heart. The only thing I did was to help him see that even though you aren't physically here anymore, you are never really gone. You lived such a good life and even though you were called back way too soon, you haven't stopped being his baby girl. You will always be his baby."

Kelsey beamed.

"I actually wanted to thank you dada. You are the reason he let me go. He refused and his head had to forget me because of his pain but you made him realize that he could let me go and be happy. That he didn't have to feel guilty anymore. You made him realize that I would never hate him."

"I love him too Kelsey with all my heart." Ed really did care for the man.

Kelsey nodded but frowned a bit and tipped her head.

"If I was still alive would you love me as your daughter too?"

"Kelsey, I feel as if I already knew you. Of course I'd love you as a daughter. I care about you now and I hardly know you. What I do know is that you are a great little girl with a big heart who could have been somebody."

Kelsey beamed again before hugging him tightly around the neck. Ed smiled sadly seeing more definitely what they had meant before. He would have loved to get to know this girl who was really special in both his view and his husband's but he couldn't and that hurt. He also knew however that she couldn't stay and she belonged to no one on earth right now.

"Thank you Kelsey. Thank you." Kelsey smiled knowing just what he had to be thinking. Her smile lit up her whole face and Ed had to keep a tight control on his emotions then because it was the same smile he saw in the pictures and on the newspaper. It was the smile of girl who should have had a future and one that should have been bright. It shouldn't have been taken from her like this.

"I love you dada."

Ed paused finally noticing that she was calling him 'dada'. He didn't mind though because what else would he be? He married her daddy and he believed that papa was already taken up by Hughes. Besides that, the fact that she believed that made him smile a little more. Nobody was ever going to believe this and yet he knew that Kelsey was here right now and that she had kept his husband safe.

"I love you too sweetheart. I'll see you again someday alright?"

She nodded enthusiastically and Ed laughed a little although it was strained. Oh god, he thought. How could somebody have lived with themselves beating this poor innocent girl? He didn't know but he did know that she touched his heart just by meeting here with him.

"Don't worry dada. Take care of daddy k?"

Ed kissed her on the cheek before nodding.

"I promise."

With a flash of light, he woke up and saw himself still in the room with Roy. Roy was still snoozing, his mouth hanging open like he normally did at night. That made Ed smile. He knew Roy was going to be okay and even if he was hurt a little bit, he had a guardian angel looking after him and he loved that little girl with all his heart. Even though he couldn't see her didn't mean she wasn't there either. She was everywhere. In the air, the blow of a wind, and most of all in his heart, Kelsey was there to stay and nobody could ever complain about that.

Laying his head against the bed again, he closed his eyes finally getting the sleep he needed with thoughts on how to tell Roy he wasn't crazy after seeing his six year old daughter in a dream that was real beyond doubt.

The same six years old that he missed for the last three years.


	32. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

**Warning: May be a MAJOR hanky alert in this chapter for some.**

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>I miss my angel<em>

_Daddy's sunshine is now heaven's brightest star_

***~Epilogue~***

"Spencer!"

Ed sighed.

It had been a good eight months, almost nine since the incident and he knew that he loved Spencer with all his heart. He loved him more than he could ever dream of but there were times where he wished that their child wasn't so mischievous. It was one thing to do the little things like hiding things from his parents but this child went way too overboard. Not only did he play with the things they tried to keep him away from him but he often went missing for a few odd moments and it scared the wits out of him some days.

"Spencer Edward Elric! Get your butt down here now!"

Roy appeared with the child in his arms and Ed gave a sigh of relief. He didn't know how or why the little child done what he done but it appeared that it was different now than how it was before. Roy looked tired though and it was obvious that the kid had been keeping him up at night to play again. He put his hand through his son's dark blonde hair and smiled before giving Roy a small kiss which the man gladly returned.

Even though they became intimate a few times again, Ed knew they weren't ready to even think about the possibility of a child anytime soon. Besides, they had Spencer and he was enough of a handful already as it was.

"Why are you yelling at seven in the morning Ed?"

Ed sighed again before giving a tiny smile, observing Spencer's innocent looking gold eyes. He knew that the boy wasn't stupid. He was very smart in fact and he had to wonder what it was that the kid was doing when they couldn't find them. Once they had been in the store and they went ten minutes panicking and he just had to wonder how he appeared right after with Hawkeye like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was a real mystery to him.

"Sorry it's just that sometimes this kid does not act normal at all. I could have sworn he was in his crib last night." Even though he had muttered it, he knew that Roy heard him for the man just rose an eyebrow all the while giving that smirk that he had often grown to love unless was in situations such as 'I told you so'.

"It couldn't have been because Spencer can't climb at all yet. He may have started walking a little but he's hopeless when it comes to that. He can barely say twenty words let alone know how to trick his parents into thinking all this could really happen. Am I right?"

Ed seethed.

"Excuse me Mr. Sarcasm but did you or did you not take Spence out of the crib?"

Roy instantly frowned.

"I did not take him from anywhere. I thought you actually picked him up because when I came to from your screaming, he was right there with a smile on his face."

Ed sighed whilst Spencer clapped his hands and laughed.

"See he's mocking me Roy. I think he knows something I don't."

Roy just laughed.

"When you solve the mystery to what he's been saying all this time and how he ends up tricking you so much, you let me know okay? I mean, there's no way that he would have done all of these things you said."

Ed sighed and nodded.

He knew that Spencer really couldn't do any of the things he accused his son of doing. He took Spencer from Roy and adjusted him on his hip before giving him a kiss. Spencer just looked at them with a cross look as though saying, 'I don't like it when you do that in front of me'. Ed rolled his eyes before strapping him to the highchair. Roy joined him at the table, tiredly laying his head on the table. Ed could understand though since the man really couldn't get a good night sleep what with Spencer's attachment to him and all. He knew it was going to be tough when Roy went back to work and all but that had to be done too.

"You should take a nap afterwards and-"

"Grandma's coming to see him though and I should really be up. I think if I tire him out during the day, then he won't be such a monster at night."

Ed silently seconded that motion before turning back to the bagels. He couldn't help but smile a little bit though at the thought. Years ago if anyone ever told him he would be with Roy and they would have a son who he would come to love so much, he would have told them to go eat a nail or something but now he couldn't help but wonder sometimes. If he had never had this then this great thing wouldn't have come to be and he wouldn't have realized what he was missing. Al had always been right. Suddenly realizing what he thought, he silently groaned, especially when Roy pointed out that he burnt the bagel.

Shit, when did his mind start agreeing with him that his brother was always right?

* * *

><p>"Here's Spencer!"<p>

Linda didn't hesitate to play with the boy once she had come over and Izumi tried to determine how the habit was of each and every thing the boy did. She even tried to find out his sleeping habits. Glowering silently, Ed swore he would have elbowed Roy hard enough to wake him if he wasn't so glad that he was finally getting the much earned sleep. The man desperately needed it and since Spencer was busy with his great grandma, Ed knew he wouldn't bother Roy's sleep all too soon.

"Well?"

Ed blinked and suddenly stared back nervously at Izumi hoping she didn't kill him. He hesitantly asked that she repeat what she last said and could hear the woman sigh. Instead of yelling though, she smiled over at the child and Ed was confused for a moment before he too noticed something that he hadn't thought he would see. Izumi was so happy at the prospect of the baby and he saw that Linda was beaming, which was something she hadn't done much either.

"I see you're happy," Ed mumbled although Izumi heard him.

She gave him a glance before turning back to watch Spencer. "He's a miracle baby I would say. What was it that happened that could have caused this baby to be conceived and then when Mustang got hurt, what kept him from dying? Ed I often blamed myself for my baby's death but now I've realized that he hadn't been meant to live all along. I've been living in my own guilt for so long but seeing as how Kelsey didn't live a full and happy life like she should have made me realize something. We all have our own destinies we have to fulfill. Sometimes we have already done that before we even get to see the world and it's decided that we don't get to stay. It may hurt like hell but by remembering what we had helps outweigh the bad that we had to see. Do you get what I mean?"

Ed nodded. He did.

"I know and I'm happy that in the end I got rewarded even after all the stuff they put me through. It's almost like it was a test of faith or something but I do love Spencer and I love Roy. I love them both and I'm glad. Roy is alright and even though Kelsey's death changed him, he is now much stronger than he was before."

Izumi didn't say anything after that and Ed knew she really didn't want to discuss a child's death in front of the other kid. Spencer giggled and out of the blue the almost nine month old disappeared in a blind of light. The ones remaining had their jaws opened in shock wondering what the hell happened. That was the explanation for all the times that he couldn't find Spencer. Ed knew there was a problem all along. His anxiety lessened when Spencer once again appeared much to Linda's shock.

"G'ma."

Roy was wide awake when he heard that and turning to the boy, he gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Linda smiled and ruffled the little boy's hair before turning to Ed in shock, realizing the same thing that Izumi did; Ed wasn't as shocked as they were.

Roy looked at them and shook his head.

"What's this all about now?"

Ed didn't really want to tell him without finding out what it was himself. He couldn't be too sure because it wasn't like any alchemy he knew. Alchemy was equivalent exchange and you had to give something up in order to gain something. But it still had to have the same properties so how could his son do that?

"I think I know what this is." Roy looked over to Izumi in confusion now. Sighing she continued, ignoring the curious looks and the still confused expression on Roy's face for he was the only one to miss that. "You two did open the gate even though one was involuntarily. It gave you the power to ignore the laws of equivalent exchange first of all. Second of all, there is the fact that he wasn't born from normal parents either. He has a fire alchemist papa and a basically metal alchemist for a daddy. Two powerful alchemists of course but it still goes to wonder how he could disappear and reform like that. It's odd-"

"It's not possible," Roy finally said with a frown.

"I think you guys misjudge everything you see. I know there's a method of apparition but it's what wizards do and there has been no cases of an eight month old ever knowing how to do that."

The rest stared at him oddly until Izumi seemed to have realized what he meant by that.

"But even if you guys had wizardry in your blood, it wasn't the same-"

"Really then how do you explain-"

"He can't but I can."

Turning around, they finally noticed the old man sitting there. This wasn't supposed to happen. Roy had told himself he would never open up the old wounds he had received from seeing that man once again after all these years. He knew that it wasn't fair to the guy who had helped him out throughout the way and looked after his wellbeing but he was sure if he hadn't had his guidance in the past, he wouldn't have been so happy before to put the things into the past. It was really ironic since with Kelsey he had wanted to do anything but forget her but he now assumed that it was because it wasn't the same.

"What do you want Dumbledore? Are you here because you need help with the wizarding world again? I'm not going to help you-"

"I'm afraid that we need to help each other this time around." Dumbledore looked very grief stricken if that was even the word for it and yet Roy was curious as to why he was here. Ed often held contempt for anyone who couldn't tell him outright what it was they wanted and instantly started to explode onto the man his frustrations. The other two kept silent whilst Spencer looked over with uncertainty covering his face. Ed knew that that was too young for a baby to look that way but he was too busy trying to get the old man to just spit it out.

"He has a branch of magic I've never seen before so I don't know if it's genetic or not but rest assured that if Voldemort were to find out, he would be after that kind of power before you could shout."

"Wait I thought he was dead," It had been the first words out of Roy's mouth when he could speak again and noticing the twinkle absent in Dumbledore's eyes, he resigned himself to listen.

Dumbledore sighed before looking at each and every one of them. He had to impend on them the serious situation they were in and could only hope that they would listen to what he had to tell them. He was hoping they would understand and take his proposal .There was only one way thought that he was sure they would do that though and he resigned himself to do it.

"I will tell you everything."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I brought Dumbledore in the ending because the sequel is going to be a crossover. It will explain more about Dumbledore's wizarding type magic and how his differs from Alchemy even though all magic is a form of Alchemy. Also we'll find out why Spencer is so different with his kind of magic and then there's a bunch of things that will leave you in suspense.**


	33. Alternate Epilogue

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

* * *

><p><em>I miss my angel<em>

_Daddy's sunshine is now heaven's brightest star_

***~Epilogue~***

"Spencer!"

Ed sighed.

It had been a good eight months, almost nine since the incident and he knew that he loved Spencer with all his heart. He loved him more than he could ever dream of but there were times where he wished that their child wasn't so mischievous. It was one thing to do the little things like hiding things from his parents but this child went way too overboard. Not only did he play with the things they tried to keep him away from him but he often went missing for a few odd moments and it scared the wits out of him some days.

"Spencer Edward Elric! Get your butt down here now!"

Roy appeared with the child in his arms and Ed gave a sigh of relief. He didn't know how or why the little child done what he done but it appeared that it was different now than how it was before. Roy looked tired though and it was obvious that the kid had been keeping him up at night to play again. He put his hand through his son's dark blonde hair and smiled before giving Roy a small kiss which the man gladly returned.

Even though they became intimate a few times again, Ed knew they weren't ready to even think about the possibility of a child anytime soon. Besides, they had Spencer and he was enough of a handful already as it was.

"Why are you yelling at seven in the morning Ed?"

Ed sighed again before giving a tiny smile, observing Spencer's innocent looking gold eyes. He knew that the boy wasn't stupid. He was very smart in fact and he had to wonder what it was that the kid was doing when they couldn't find them. Once they had been in the store and they went ten minutes panicking and he just had to wonder how he appeared right after with Hawkeye like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was a real mystery to him.

"Sorry it's just that sometimes this kid does not act normal at all. I could have sworn he was in his crib last night." Even though he had muttered it, he knew that Roy heard him for the man just rose an eyebrow all the while giving that smirk that he had often grown to love unless was in situations such as 'I told you so'.

"It couldn't have been because Spencer can't climb at all yet. He may have started walking a little but he's hopeless when it comes to that. He can barely say twenty words let alone know how to trick his parents into thinking all this could really happen. Am I right?"

Ed seethed.

"Excuse me Mr. Sarcasm but did you or did you not take Spence out of the crib?"

Roy instantly frowned.

"I did not take him from anywhere. I thought you actually picked him up because when I came to from your screaming, he was right there with a smile on his face."

Ed sighed whilst Spencer clapped his hands and laughed.

"See he's mocking me Roy. I think he knows something I don't."

Roy just laughed.

"When you solve the mystery to what he's been saying all this time and how he ends up tricking you so much, you let me know okay? I mean, there's no way that he would have done all of these things you said."

Ed sighed and nodded.

He knew that Spencer really couldn't do any of the things he accused his son of doing. He took Spencer from Roy and adjusted him on his hip before giving him a kiss. Spencer just looked at them with a cross look as though saying, 'I don't like it when you do that in front of me'. Ed rolled his eyes before strapping him to the highchair. Roy joined him at the table, tiredly laying his head on the table. Ed could understand though since the man really couldn't get a good night sleep what with Spencer's attachment to him and all. He knew it was going to be tough when Roy went back to work and all but that had to be done too.

"You should take a nap afterwards and-"

"Grandma's coming to see him though and I should really be up. I think if I tire him out during the day, then he won't be such a monster at night."

Ed silently seconded that motion before turning back to the bagels. He couldn't help but smile a little bit though at the thought. Years ago if anyone ever told him he would be with Roy and they would have a son who he would come to love so much, he would have told them to go eat a nail or something but now he couldn't help but wonder sometimes. If he had never had this then this great thing wouldn't have come to be and he wouldn't have realized what he was missing. Al had always been right. Suddenly realizing what he thought, he silently groaned, especially when Roy pointed out that he burnt the bagel.

Shit, when did his mind start agreeing with him that his brother was always right?

* * *

><p>"Here's Spencer!"<p>

Linda didn't hesitate to play with the boy once she had come over and Izumi tried to determine how the habit was of each and every thing the boy did. She even tried to find out his sleeping habits. Glowering silently, Ed swore he would have elbowed Roy hard enough to wake him if he wasn't so glad that he was finally getting the much earned sleep. The man desperately needed it and since Spencer was busy with his great grandma, Ed knew he wouldn't bother Roy's sleep all too soon.

"Well?"

Ed blinked and suddenly stared back nervously at Izumi hoping she didn't kill him. He hesitantly asked that she repeat what she last said and could hear the woman sigh. Instead of yelling though, she smiled over at the child and Ed was confused for a moment before he too noticed something that he hadn't thought he would see. Izumi was so happy at the prospect of the baby and he saw that Linda was beaming, which was something she hadn't done much either.

"I see you're happy," Ed mumbled although Izumi heard him.

She gave him a glance before turning back to watch Spencer. "He's a miracle baby I would say. What was it that happened that could have caused this baby to be conceived and then when Mustang got hurt, what kept him from dying? Ed I often blamed myself for my baby's death but now I've realized that he hadn't been meant to live all along. I've been living in my own guilt for so long but seeing as how Kelsey didn't live a full and happy life like she should have made me realize something. We all have our own destinies we have to fulfill. Sometimes we have already done that before we even get to see the world and it's decided that we don't get to stay. It may hurt like hell but by remembering what we had helps outweigh the bad that we had to see. Do you get what I mean?"

Ed nodded. He did.

"I know and I'm happy that in the end I got rewarded even after all the stuff they put me through. It's almost like it was a test of faith or something but I do love Spencer and I love Roy. I love them both and I'm glad. Roy is alright and even though Kelsey's death changed him, he is now much stronger than he was before."

Izumi didn't say anything after that and Ed knew she really didn't want to discuss a child's death in front of the other kid. Spencer giggled and out of the blue the almost nine month old disappeared in a blind of light. The ones remaining had their jaws opened in shock wondering what the hell happened. That was the explanation for all the times that he couldn't find Spencer. Ed knew there was a problem all along. His anxiety lessened when Spencer once again appeared much to Linda's shock.

"G'ma."

Roy was wide awake when he heard that and turning to the boy, he gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Linda smiled and ruffled the little boy's hair before turning to Ed in shock, realizing the same thing that Izumi did; Ed wasn't as shocked as they were.

Roy looked at them and shook his head.

"What's this all about now?"

Ed didn't really want to tell him without finding out what it was himself. He couldn't be too sure because it wasn't like any alchemy he knew. Alchemy was equivalent exchange and you had to give something up in order to gain something. But it still had to have the same properties so how could his son do that?

"I think I know what this is." Roy looked over to Izumi in confusion now. Sighing she continued, ignoring the curious looks and the still confused expression on Roy's face for he was the only one to miss that. "You two did open the gate even though one was involuntarily. It gave you the power to ignore the laws of equivalent exchange first of all. Second of all, there is the fact that he wasn't born from normal parents either. He has a fire alchemist papa and a basically metal alchemist for a daddy. Two powerful alchemists of course but it still goes to wonder how he could disappear and reform like that. It's odd-"

"It's not possible," Roy finally said with a frown.

"I think you guys misjudge everything you see. There's more than just Alchemy out there but the real reason that we have all these versions of magic was because Alchemy is the root of it all. I don't know how we could get a child this powerful though. I mean there's things known as sages, mages, wiccans, wizards, and a whole bunch of branches that haven't even been studied yet. Many have forbid the practices of some of them but if I would have to guess, Spencer has one of those branches of magic and it'll be pretty hard to conceal."

Ed nodded whilst Roy looked mad.

"But my baby isn't some sort of magic tool. He shouldn't even have this! Are you saying that he somehow got a stronger version of alchemy that allows him to just skip the whole equivalent exchange? I don't like it at all!"

Ed didn't either but he knew that it was nothing he could do. Glancing down at Spencer, he knew that the boy was more than enough to handle. He knew that but he still loved the boy. Nothing would ever change that and he suspected that maybe he had those in the beginning because Ed and Roy probably had them themselves although they were dormant in them. Did that mean that Kelsey had had the ability herself but hadn't come into it yet? Would all their children become this way? He knew he shouldn't be asking himself this but it was just weird. Finally he turned to Roy with a grin.

"Don't be sad Roy. It's a good thing because now we don't need a car- if we keep it hidden," he hastily added seeing Izumi's glare. "But he's still our son and we all love him here so don't fret. It'll be okay. Besides whose to say any of our other kids do that?"

Roy understood finally and let out a tiny sigh. It was true after all and he knew any other kid that ended up being born as well would have all their love. He couldn't see himself having another one so soon but he also knew that he wouldn't mind when he did. Letting out a small smile, he took Spencer into his arms again. He had been happier than he had had been in years and he knew that even though Kelsey was dead, she was living on. Was this why he had seen her though? He frowned thinking of how he had saw her when he had almost died and had to wonder if it was her doing or if it was soley Spencer's now that he knew about a power that they had never in their wildest dreams imagined before.

"I think this is really weird," he mumbled but it didn't matter anyways because he loved him. Loved Spencer the same way he loved Kelsey.

He would love them both until his heart broke.

* * *

><p>AN: Alternate ending to the other one. I'm not going to do the crossover but I am going to make a sequel. The sequel will be about Spencer growing up, seeing Kelsey again, and a mysterious person who knows more about them than they do with of course a surprise bombshell.


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